My 12 year old found out that his father is not his father, but his adopted father. His sperm donor (biological) wants nothing to do with him, to this day. How do I help him understand that the sperm did not ditch him personally, but did not want a pregnant girlfriend at the bar with him and never wanted to be a parent? To this day approaching 40, he still does not want children, even his own technical.
My son is crushed and is taking it as a very personal insult, as anyone would. My husband is a good man who took him in as his own, when he could of passed me up as most guys did. Eight years later we are now shook to the core and fear what will happen when he does find out who his sperm donor really is- an almost 40 unemployed bum who is an alcoholic and meth lover.

Thank you for your time and suggestions.
Christine- Thank you for your suggestions. In a way B always knew that my husband was not his biological father, but never questioned it. That is all he knows, or knew. I wish there was a way to tell him sooner though I knew that it would cause him harm. As a kid my Dad skipped out when I was 9 and though my Mum told me to leave it alone I did not. Today as an almost 40 year old Mum, I wished I listened. He is exactly how she described and left due to his own issues. Maybe I was trying to protect him they way I needed.

It is not as if his biological donor is remotely involved in our life, as we live on opposite coasts. From old friends he still does not even have the child’s name right- but how do you screw up Bobby. I know I screwed up, but it does not make it any easier.