Why do teanagers and children in their 20′s so disrespectful to their parents and elders?

22/08/2011 admin 3 comments

I have recently divorced. My children 22 (daughter, married) and son 18 (lives with his sister) are so disrespectful to me. Especially my daughter. She calls me for advice and when I give it to her she lashes out at me making me feel inadequate. You see, I am financially challenged to say the least and have been since my divorce. My credit was wrecked by my prev. alcoholic husband and I am struggling to keep my head above water and to re-establish my credit. The reason I am telling you this is because my 18 year old is trying to get a car and they are both making me feel guilty that I can not help. My daughter did this also with her wedding. I feel so badly about this but can do nothing. My father tries to help them but on his terms. They want him to help them on their terms. They are disrespectful to him as well. All they care about is material things. I must not have been a very good mom. What should I do to gain their respect???

ALCOHOLISM TREATMENT 20's, children, disrespectful, elders, parents, teanagers, their

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Written by mom25 about 9 months ago.

I am sorry to hear about your predicament. However, take a deep breath and repeat to yourself, “I am/was not a bad mom.” Being the parent of 5 children myself, I have noticed that today’s kids want instant gratification. If they don’t get it, they pout and throw a fit. They aren’t being taught respect as well as generations before them which, surprisingly enough, is not completely the fault of the parent. As parents, we tend to want to indulge our children and give them “everything we never had”. This doesn’t make us bad parents but it does tend to make us complacent.

My sister has found herself in a similar situation to which her response was to charge up 10′s of thousands of dollars in credit card debt. Guess what? Her kids are no closer to respecting her and she is up to her eyeballs in debt. Who did this help? No one! Part of the problem is kids need to not be “given” everything. They need to learn a good work ethic and the value of a dollar. It needs to not be laughed at when they are disrespectful. It needs to be handled firmly but with love. Once they stop associating material possessions with love, they will start learning respect.

My suggestion to you is to quit trying to be their friend and be their mom instead. They don’t need you to glorify their ego’s. That’s what they have friends for. They need you to teach them right from wrong and respect from disrespect. My children are young so I probably have a bit of an advantage over you in that I still have mine to shape. Your’s are old enough, for the most part, to make their own decisions. At this point, you aren’t able to instill your values and morals by pointing out situations you find inappropriate. That time has passed for you. Now you must not give into their whims and wants. If their “needs” are met, consider your job done. Quit beating yourself up over this. If they don’t appreciate you for who you are and what you can give them, wait a while (this can take years). My guess is, eventually they will thank you.
Written by ::U.DoNt.KnOw.JaCk:: about 9 months ago.

I feel that when kids are disrespectful, be it to their own parents (horrible) or just elders in general its cuz they missed that respect lesson in being raised. Im sorry. I feel badly for your situation, your kids sound like freaking ungrateful brats! my mom just now is able to start re-establishing her credit, I had to co-sign on her car (smile) we were always poor growing up, and rarely i do say rude things to her (in passion, never intentionally to hurt), but I love and respect her more than anything or anyone! that was instilled in me as a child. i cuss in front of her but never ever ever at her.

all i can say is its too late for you to teach them respect. If however you raised them with any kind of decency, they will come to their senses as they get older. thats what happened to me, i was mad that i had to work my own way thru college, my mom wasnt able to help out with my first car, or basically anything financially and for awhile i blamed her that things werent easier for me but i realized on my own that all i need to be grateful for is that she LOVES me so much, and i can honestly say that she TRIED, which is more than alot of my friends can say about their moms! if finance is what will gain your childrens respect, then they are on the wrong path of thinking and i suggest you dont indulge that with your own feelings of guilt! love is all that matters.
Written by Thumbs ^ Up about 9 months ago.

I was raised in a very strict household. My parents never hit me either. The word respect was a huge issue when I was growing up. If I was ever caught disrespecting anyone who was older than me. I would have gotten my head chopped off. No, only kidding about that one. I would have gotten reprimanded, as I would expect to have been. My folks came from the old school, had a tough life while they were growing up. They taught me well and I applied what they taught me to my sons. I raised my sons alone since they were 1 and 3 years old. Again, respect was a huge issue in my household. Neither one of my sons would ever talk to me the way yours does to you. You don’t have to respect them. They have to respect you. So you made mistakes in your life. Everyone does at some point of time, no one is perfect.

They have to get their act together and start acting like adults instead of kids. They have to learn responsibility and start doing for them selves instead of depending on everyone else. So you can’t help them. Big deal, let them get over it. They shouldn’t be going to anyone for any kind of help. They should be on their own, totally.

Don’t let them do this to you. You don’t deserve it at all. Get your dander up and give them a piece of your mind. Demand from them the respect that you should be getting from them. And, scratch the respecting them, until they can respect you. It goes both ways……

Good luck!

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Why do teanagers and children in their 20′s so disrespectful to their parents and elders?

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