I would have told him right from the beginning, as best as he could have understood that this wonderful man wants to be your dad. Tell him a dad is privilege that must be earned. You may also have to tell him what biological father means as well….be prepared for the shock and anger that may come after

I don`t know why it should be hidden? He has a right to know his bio ties, even if it hurts you to tell him. Like I`ve just said, should have told him from the start. Where was he in the adoption process? Was he a part of it? This is the same issue my sister is going to face when my nephew is older…He is not be raised by his father, he doesn`t know that his dad isn`t his father.He`s 11, and she`s never told him. Although he`s starting to question the differences in physical appearances and surname.

This is really hard. One of my friends was in a similar situation. She finally told her son when he was 13 and now he has huge trust issues with her. Personally, (and I am by no means an expert at this) I think that it’s best to tell them in a very gentle manner as soon as you think they are emotionally ready to handle it. I strongly feel that the truth is always the way, and lying to him year after year is going to make things worse. You don’t have to involve the birth father, just level with your son and say that the birth father has big problems in his life and is incapable of being a father at this time. Let your son know that his adoptive father loves him and will ALWAYS be his daddy. Make sure that he has access to a counselor if he needs it.

I know it’s a tough situation, and I applaud you for even thinking about addressing it since it’s so much easier to keep the secret from him. But continuing to keep this secret could seriously backfire and jeopardize your relationship with him in the future.

Good luck

I would wait until he is through his teen years. There is no reason to break the bond he feels with his dad. It wouldn’t serve any purpose. The teen years are hard enough without feeling like he wasn’t good enough for his bio-dad to want to be a part of his life. We both know it was about bio-dad’s weak character, but as a teen your son will take it personally. Also, he will want to try to find bio-dad and feel like you are keeping him them apart for your own selfishness. When kids go through the rebellion years, they need a strong, intact family. If he feels like there is someone out there who would love him more (i.e. – let him have his way, not say no to him or give him a lot of rules he doesn’t like) then he will try to find bio-dad to make his life perfect. I can almost guarantee that if you tell him now, you will regret it when he turns to the man who has always been his dad and tells him “you aren’t my dad anyway, you don’t love me as much as he would, who do you think you are to give me rules. Unfortunately, those words are almost sure to be said at some point.
Don’t put your son through the inner turmoil or your family through that.

Why does he need to know that? if he’s gettin love he needs from his not biological father that’s all he needs! remember
“father is not who made you is the one who raised you”.
It dosnt take much knowlege to make a baby!
and if you still want him to know, wait untill he’s at least 15… 8 is too early. he’s just gonna feel pain from been ignored by his real dad

since your husband loves him and also adopted as his son why you bother to tell your son about a alcoholic sperm donor,that he has a biological father? why you want your life,your husband’ life and specially your son’s life miserable?.just keep this secret till your son ask about the biological father,so you tell him the truth and the reason that,he refused to be in your life and what ever reason you left that man.i was raised exactly just like your son,and very glad that my step dad cared to all three children,because my biological father hide that he is married and have one son from first marriage,my mother was only 14 and was beautiful and has a very abusive step father so she got the scape to marry a married man unknowingly,and grand mother Knowing the abusive situation at home prefer to let the girl out .so my mom lived happy,have three kids and eventually financial situation + first wife family and the child make a big problem to end in divorce with the custody of all three children,my mother married to my step dad,have two more kids,and we were very happy till one day one of my cousin might heard the secret conversation about what happened,and told me that your father is not real he is step dad.i will never forget how much i cried,that why i am not my step dad’s real child,at that time i was 9 years old,but i kept that secret of knowing every thing i never showed any feelings to my mom and step dad,and was very happy that my mom kept the secret not to disturb the kids relationship with step father because he was really step if she will not step down for her husband who was unconditionally not taking care of his own kids ,was also taking care of three of us.i do not know when and how my two brother found all about the real and step,and how they secretly got the relationship with their biological father,step mother and four more siblings,and when i was 18 my step father came to see me and wanted a relationship,i was very angry and told him on his face that you are nothing,i do not know you and will never want to do any thing with you,i love my dad what ever people say but he is the best who cared for us.
in short keep the secret till you can and you have a reason for not to tell about step or biological things,trust me your son will Adore you and your husband for what he is doing to your child and let him grow in tranquility and peace.do not tell just for the sake to let him know that he has a real dad.it will upset the boy and hurt his feelings and he will never be the same person for you and for your husband.he will resent both of you,because he is enjoying the life with both of you as parent.good luck

So why tell him? I don’t think you should it would be opening up a can of worms. Your husband was man enough to love him and accept him as his own then I don’t think you should tell him until he’s an adult. It may also hurt your husband.