up smoking pot. He has not wanted me to work for some time. I work two days a week every other week. I have had enough he was drunk on Christmas when we had family here and had to keep running to go get high. He even let his son drink here. I blew up. This man is 47 years old and he acts like he is 16. He goes to work and performs his job. He just can not be a father or a husband. He goes out every free moment he has from work. He dose not do one thing around the house. With the house or car and truck. He has two boys they are 16 & 18 he dose not spend any real time with them. I have a daughter she is 22 and pregnant and she said she will not come here again after the baby is born. She said she just won’t take the risk. I can’t blame her. I just don’t know how things have gotten so bad. I can not stand living this way I feel all alone. I have asked him to go get counseling for himself and us. He said he has no problem. I don’t fit into his plan in life. I don’t want to spend every night in the bar. I am waiting for my daughter to have the baby and then I plan on getting two jobs and get out of here. Am I wrong to do this? I just can’t take it anymore. Someone please help me what should I do?
My daughter lives in NY with her boyfriend. I live in PA. My daughter dose not want to take the chance of loosing her child while she is here because of his drug use and him involving all of us with him serving his oldest son drinks.My daughters boyfriend all so feels the same way he is fed up.
-
Written by Beverly M about 1 year ago.
go to councling
-
Written by Boggle about 1 year ago.
If you have low self-esteem and/or like being a loser then stick with him. Otherwise, leave without warning, hire a lawyer immediately and let the divorce proceedings begin. By the way, eventually he will not be able to hold his job.
-
Written by Chickybabe about 1 year ago.
No you are totally right…get the jobs save the money and get out of there…I know you want to see that grandbaby of yours and dont let him take that away from you. Sounds like he is in denial about his drinking problem and shows no interest in getting help. He had dragged himself down…dont let him bring you down too. You sound strong and you know you can do it_
-
Written by mike_d_pgh about 1 year ago.
You had better get out of there…..if you stay, you’re only hurting yourself and your daughter. The fact that you said that he doesn’t think he has a problem is definitely TROUBLE. If he doesn’t think he has a problem, he won’t change. Don’t waste your life and harm your relationship with your daughter. Start packing up now.
-
Written by zacklee3000 about 1 year ago.
He doesn’t deserve you, since he isn’t showing you more respect than what you described! Have the courage and realization that you don’t deserve this kind of treatment and move forward.
-
Written by freeman3905@sbcglobal.net about 1 year ago.
well you did ask him to get help. so let him go hes not doing you any good. he may wake up after you leave. then its up to you. good luck
-
Written by kris55a about 1 year ago.
i feel so bad for you. you just told my story.
you don’t have to wait…. don’t wait like i did. move now, do what ever it is that you have to do, but do it now!
he is not going to change, you are the one that has to change for yourself.
you need to be made whole. it will be hard and it will take time but when you do it you will feel so dam# much better i can’t tell you.
my life has changed 100%. i feel usefull and complete in myself!!!!!
good luck to you. if you want to let me know how you are doing.
kris55a@yahoo.com -
Written by mom of 06 about 1 year ago.
no you are not wrong . you have to think about whats best for you and your kid. if he isn’t willing to change then you have to change.
-
Written by spils about 1 year ago.
As a husband and father I sometimes do the same thing and it does really piss my wife off. Maybe he is feeling left out due to the fact you are looking after your daughter whist she is pregnant and you are going through all the hormone and mood swings associated with her pregnancy. Is the father to your daughters baby helping out the situation or are you her only support.?? Your daughter is over reacting if she says she will not come around all this is doing is putting a wedge between you and your husband. Just chill out things will get better.
-
Written by Avon Lady about 1 year ago.
Honey, your husband has a PROBLEM and he needs to address it for HIMSELF. It won’t help you to try to force him (trust me, I’ve been there)
Go to http://www.aa.com or http://www.aa.org, I can’t remember which it is, to find a list of meetings for HIM.
If he’s not ready to quit you need to go to AL-ANON, you can find them online too, they are for the family.- YOU DO NOT AND SHOULD NOT LIVE THIS WAY………… I’m not sure if you can email me personally from this, but please do so if you can, as I have been there and I GET IT……………..YOUR HUSBAND NEEDS AA but he may not be willing to accept that. YOU FOR SURE need Al-Anon. Please stay in touch. Marciesavon@aol.com -
Written by SweetTxMom about 1 year ago.
If he says he dosnt have a problem then hes in denial. He really needs to go to a drug and alcohol rehab but if he refuses counceling then the best thing you can do is leave. Hes putting you at risk with the drugs because IF he was to ever get busted while with you or at home then you could end up going down with him. Before you make the decision to go you need to see if you can help him. The first step is for him to admit he has a problem. If he cant do that then its a lost cause and you need to get out
-
Written by zether about 1 year ago.
enroll him in AA
-
Written by letsgetagripalready about 1 year ago.
You need to leave. He’s drinking and smoking pot, so chances are it won’t be long before he becomes physically abusive, on top of the mental abuse he’s inflictng on you right now. Call your local mental health center, and ask if there is a women’s shelter in the area, or if you have relatives you can move in with, do that. He won’t go to counseling, so he’s not willing to change. You need counseling to help you deal with what he’s put you through, and you can get it free of charge at the mental health clinic. The women’s shelter will help you find a job and any training you need to get back on your own two feet. Don’t waste any more time, get out while you still can.
-
Written by misstreeted about 1 year ago.
When a man prefers to be drunk on Christmas day rather than spending time with the family on Christmas day and says that he does not have a problem…… It means that he is in “DENIAL” and it will get a lot WORSE b4 it gets any better. I do not think that you are in the wrong in any way. You have to do what is best for you. You won’t be able to see your grandchild as long as you are living with this guy. He does not want you to work because he is a “CONTROL FREAK”. He knows that if you get a good job you can save some money and get away from the crap that he is putting you through. Go for it woman. Save money and get to where you need to be in life.
-
Written by Country girl about 1 year ago.
Call a local hotline for abused women and they will help you contact a shelter. You can usually stay in them for up to 3 months while searching for a job and a place to live. You need to get out of this situation NOW not in a few weeks. While he is at work make the calls and leave. Take only what you will need for a few days.
-
Written by rdhead500 about 1 year ago.
Immediately start going to Al-Anon meetings for yourself. Al-anon are open meetings (kinda like AA meetings) but are instead for the FAMILY members of alcoholics and drug addicts. Here is where you will find support from people who are going through exactly what you are going through and living it day to day. Getting advice from people who have not lived through exactly what you are going through is well intentioned, but useless. There are many, many al-anon meetings all over the country and I’m sure if you google it or look in the yellow pages you will find some without any problems. You will hear stories of others going through what you are experiencing right now and you will receive great counsel from all of them. I guarantee that if you look this up you will find something that is meeting close to your home sometime tomorrow or if not by the very next day. You cannot possibly get through this without the support of “experienced” people and this won’t cost you a cent. Good luck my friend……been there, done that.
-
Written by shihtuzlover about 1 year ago.
You may not beleive this but its true. I was married to someone JUST LIKE THAT. Its like he now is your spouse. Whats his name? HAHAHA
Seriously…………this is a bad sign. Mine got to this point too. It wont work. You will never change him now. He has a disease that he must admit and he wont until he hits bottom and you dont want to be there for that.
MY husband chose the booze and drugs and bars over me. It killed me……….I felt helpless………..he was soo young.
Work and get out and get on with your life………..He is just like mine who drank himself to death at the age of 40.
GET OUT, I KNOW from experience……………….its like you wrote my story.
Best Wishes-DONT LOOK BACK!!!!
-
Written by Trese about 1 year ago.
I have been there, and I know. Although I have 2 children whom are younger than yours. I was married to an alcoholic and a pot smoker. It just got worse after we were married then I told him the consequenses of what would happen…..lose jobs, lose license, loose family……It happened….He lost it all, and his marriage.
You cannot force him to do anything he don’t want to, but I do highly strongly recommend that he gets help. He needs to take it upon himself to admit there is a problem and do something about it before he loses everything.
I sympathize with you and I have tried all I can to salvage my marriage, but it was up to him to get the help to take care of the problem.
You have to do what you have to do…Your daughter is an adult and if she chooses not to bring her newborn into that lifestyle, then it’s her right as a parent. If your husband cannot admit there is a problem, then he don’t want to get help and honestly don’t care until he loses everything. You have the right to leave the situation if there is nothing more for you to do.Best wishes, and good luck.
-
Written by brown sugar about 1 year ago.
Your husband don’t see his problem-he think that he is doing fine-but he has got to want to get help and nothing that you say or do will change that-you can see the problem-because you are on the outside looking in-you need to get out before it is to late-your children don’t need to be in that type of environment-and your daughter have good sense she don’t want her baby in that type of environment and I glory in her spunk-she got good sense take a l.lesson from your child-no man is worth your life are your children’s life-you feel alone because you are alone-he have something in his life that don’t include you are the children-get out now and start living your life without him-you can do it.remember love hurt-but some people don’t know that you don’t hurt someone that you love and if your love for him is blinding you get you some eye glasses preferable bifocal so that you can see that love is a two way street
-
Written by THUMPER about 1 year ago.
I feel for you.you are right to say that you dont fit into this whole thing. i admire your courage for taking control of the situation and taking on the work it will take to get you out of the house for good. i gaurantee you that it will only get worse and no better so long as he does not even believe he has a problem. you wont be able to change him. in the meantime , if you have the time, you can attend alanon meetings. i dont know where you live but you can start looking for “al-anon.org” on line and then go from there. these meetings will bring you around a support system of people that are in the same situation as you and they share their ways of coping . alcoholism is self centered behaviour and you deserve to be a part of life that is normal if not beautiful to experience.
-
Written by Ret68 about 1 year ago.
Check your local phone directory for a chapter of Al-anon in your area. It is made up of people some of whom are in your exact situation and are there to help you. Find out when and where they meet and attend one of their meetings. I’m sure you will find the information and guidance to help you get through this. I wish you the best…
-
Written by srasaenz3406 about 1 year ago.
Sadly, your situation is not unusual for a woman who is married to an alcoholic. But you are asking the wrong people, and the advice you’ve been given by a number of people, while well-meaning, is not particularly useful. As a few others have suggested, your best bet is to go to Al-Anon. It’s free and the people you will meet there are or have been in your shoes. Please check into it without delay! Here is their website:
http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/
Good luck.
Recent Posts
- How do i tell my partner i want to split up?
- My son cheated on his girlfriend and I caught him!?
- Senior week for 18 yr. old son?
- My mom is drunk, upset my son.. do you think she needs help?
- How do i get it through my son’s head that if he keeps up what he is doing he could hurt himself and lose…?
- Should my son be punished?
- Is it normal for a 24 year old to be friends with a 16 year old?
- Alcohol free, Perfume free, dye free Moisturizers?
- Alcohol Carding at grocery store?
- is my son a sociopath?
- Should I let my step son see his biological mom?
- Son left blue pen in a pocket and it ended up in the dryer, damaging a favourite sweater with ink?
- Mother trying to get her son back…HELP!!?
- Family issues with husband,son and myself?
- Should I let my step son see his biological mother?
Comments