What should I do about my significant other’s ultimatum regarding my drinking?

11/09/2010 admin 15 comments

I had a period in my life when I was going through some really rough times with an ex. At this time, I started dating my current significant other. He saw me binge drink to the point of blacking out on a few occasions. I even said some suicidal things while drinking which scared him. This was all due to the fact that I was going through a huge financial loss with my ex boyfriend, whom I gave my inheritance to so he could start a business. The business failed and I lost about 100K in the deal.

Suffice it to say, I was feeling out of control and using alcohol to bury my sorrows. My life has changed since that period. I got pregnant and my drinking was zero for 9 months and since the birth of my son in November I’ve only had a few drinks here and there. I have moved on from my past relationship and am trying to work on the present one.

My current significant other is however giving me an ultimatum. I have to give up drinking totally or he is leaving me. I have a son with him. He says he won’t buy me a ring unless I give up drinking. I was never a big drinker before the bad period in my life. This guy just won’t bend.

What do I do? I don’t want to spend the rest of my life not being able to socialize with alcohol (ie. have a beer with friends, etc.). I went through the partying phase and am over it! I’ve pleaded with my S.O. , but he isn’t budging.

HELP!!

ALCOHOLISM TREATMENT about, drinking, other's, regarding, should, significant, ultimatum

Comments

Written by ftw about 2 years ago.

I would say fuck you men come and go but alcohol will always be there for you. He met you as a drinker so why is he trying to change you now.
Written by sheloves_dablues about 2 years ago.

Are you sure you are only a social drinker? Obviously, he’s seeing something you aren’t…
Written by Nehru about 2 years ago.

Alcohol is bad. It does not help anybody.
Written by Knowitall about 2 years ago.

Once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic. Many people enjoy a full, fun life without alcohol. Only you can decide which is more important to you – your child and possibly a husband or booze.
Written by chevellss1966 about 2 years ago.

You keep going back and forth…you don’t have to have booze to party, or drugs for that matter. You want to drink and in the same breath you say it doesn’t matter. For someone to give you an ultimatem you must have a see-able problem with alcohol. You have a lot of excuses in there.
Written by Ryde-0n about 2 years ago.

I haven’t had a drink in over 20 years and my life is better because of it and no one had to give me an ultimatum

If drinking is more important to you than they are , that’s your choice to make.
Written by Josh about 2 years ago.

Giving up alcohol can only do you good. If I were him, because of your past, I’d be a little nervous about you maybe relapsing.
It sounds like you have done well to fix any problems you had with alcohol, so why not go a little further to ease his worries and give him a peace of mind so that he will marry you?
Written by say it all... about 2 years ago.

If he was following the program (Al-Anon) he would know that an ultimatum given to anyone (alcoholic or not) is pointless. I recommend that you offer him a compromise – premarital therapy. By the end of it you should both have a clear understanding of where the relationship is going.
Written by Nick about 2 years ago.

Try this:

Go a month (just one month) without the alcohol. Next time you socialize with friends and they’re drinking, order a club soda or sparkling beverage that’s bubbly like champagne.

I am curious, when you say you only have a few drinks here and there, how many is that? I’m not trying to get down on you, but considering you were a binge drinker (due to emotional instability at the time), your definition of “a few here and there” might be way more than what others consider that to be.

Also, if you have to stop drinking then you must ask him to stop drinking as well. If he wants you to live a 100% completely sober life he must be willing to do the same. Propose the month-long solution to him, both of you go one month with zero alcohol … you may like how you feel. It also may give you a different perspective on your definition of “a few here and there.”

Having a beer or two once a week with your girlfriends is a lot different than going out and drinking heavily on the weekends.
Written by Ocimom about 2 years ago.

Sometimes people we love see things that we don’t see. You may think you don’t have a problem, and maybe you don’t – but you could have and he’s worried about you and the child. I would suggest you get some alcohol treatement and counseling to really see if you do or don’t have a problem.

When you say “I don’t want to spend my life not being able to socialize with alcohol….” then you just may have a problem. Hubby and I have drank in the past (first marriages, etc) with not good results (my ex abused me when drinking; hubby did have a alcoholic step parent who abused him). We don’t drink period and we can socialize with others that do and don’t feel we need to join in.
Written by ouragon about 2 years ago.

You haven’t seen things from his position. My husband drank too much and I suffered the consequences. I kept encouraging him to quit and finally, he did. You can’t imagine what it feels like to watch someone destroy themselves with alcohol. Your excuses are ridiculous. I don’t drink, and I am the life of the party.
Written by Vacuum Scam about 2 years ago.

If you’re not an alcoholic, prove to him you’re not…And if you are, be honest with yourself and quit, then go seek some professional help. Set a timeline, and if you slip up within it, you’ll quit…AND Love surpasses all addictions, and self wants, so, if he’s worth keeping, and not over reacting about the drinking, just quit, or else you’ll regret it later.
Written by Aamina about 2 years ago.

i guess you’re just going to lose your SO.
obviously he cares about you enough to try to put an end to this.
it now only depends on what YOU care about more… losing your SO or ending your drinking habits?

oh and FYI you CAN “socialize” without alcohol. I had to stop drinking cold turkey and did so for 6 years. I only starting drinking again last year, and I will only have a glass of wine.

When I was a teenager i used to do a lot of drugs, i too had a lot of problems, more than what you’ve mentioned, and i too turned to drugs and alcohol. when i was 20 i had a mental breakdown and i realized by myself that i needed to stop what i was doing – it was only self destructive. so i immediately cut everything out – drugs and alcohol! i went cold turkey. i couldn’t be around friends who were drinking or doing drugs.. i avoided everyone and all scenarios that reminded me of that for 5 years. the 6th year it started to get easy and i no longer associated friends or scenarios with drugs or alcohol anymore so i started to see my old friends again, go out with them and i was fine… last year i even started to allow myself to have a glass of red wine (i’ll never drink anything else because it’ll remind me of my teenaged years).

but yeah.. long story short.. i did it. i’m fine.

if you choose alcohol over your SO then you deserve to lose him. sorry if i sound harsh but i’m really tired of hearing people’s excuses…..
Written by ablex about 2 years ago.

Has he seen you drink responsibly and socially? Or has he only seen the binge drinking?
If he is a social drinker and he has seen you drink in moderation, it could be a control issue. Next he may be telling you what to wear and who to socialize with.
If the only time he’s seen you drink is when you’ve been wasted and falling down drunk, he may have a point. Talk it out with him and let him express exactly what his concerns are.
Written by Quat about 2 years ago.

What a control freak. Dump his azz. Your drinking is none of his business. If he gives you ultimatums before you’re married just think how much he’ll try controlling you when you’re his wife.

How Do I Get My Son Off Drugs?

What should I do about my significant other’s ultimatum regarding my drinking?

Comments

Recent Posts

Categories

Tags