my older sister is 20 years old. she has been manipulative, and a liar as long as i can remember. she will lie to get herself out of things, or even lie to make a good conversation. she lives with my mom and i, and her boyfriend and 7 week old baby live with us as well. she won’t do dishes, or even wash her son’s bottles, my mother has to do it. it’s not that she outright refuses to do it, she just leaves the things next to the sink for my mom to deal with, or just asks my mom as sweet as possible to do it for her. she is a part-time student, and she takes care of her baby, and that’s about all she does. but she tells my mom and i that we’re lazy, because of something simple like the trash can being full. my mom had 2 young kids at the same time, kept her house clean, cooked for all of us, took care of us and our dad, washed the dishes, and had a full-time job as well. she is by no means lazy, and she did twice as much work as my sister does, and didn’t have complaints, or three other adults in the house to help take care of her kids.

i am only slightly worried for my nephew, because i don’t know if his parents will stay together, or what his mother will make him think about us. she loves him unconditionally. she has always loved kids, and she’s really great with him. but it’s scary to think of how a kid will be able to understand how his mother can be completely fine with her family one day, and the next day, degrading us and telling us we’re worthless.

it’s hard to live with her, because if we don’t give her what she wants, she yells at us and starts a fight. the smallest thing can make her yell. i’m not sure if it’s because she’s actually angry, or if it is because she wants to hurt us. just an example of how she can be: tonight the baby was crying, and she was obviously frustrated and tired. she didn’t know why he was crying, so she sent me downstairs for a bottle. when i came back, i handed the bottle to her. a few minutes later she yelled at me for bringing the bottle, because she found that he’s not hungry. and that i’m a “fat piece of ****” because i didn’t get the mail today. all my mom said to her was “tara, that’s ridiculous, she didn’t do anything. you’re tired, let me have the baby” and she continued to give my mom an attitude. my mom told her “you have a problem” and she said, “you two are the ones with the problem, i’m leaving.” and went downstairs.

to summarize (i should have done this in the beginning, lol.)
– my sister lies constantly, sometimes for no reason.
– she manipulates (for instance, getting my mom to cosign her truck loan, and refusing to get rid of the truck after she lost her job and couldn’t afford it)
– she doesn’t seem to appreciate people close to her.
– she has a short temper.
– she is insecure about her boyfriend being loyal, and i don’t think she has a reason to.
– she uses terrible language constantly, which is embarassing, and it makes it seem like she was raised in a house that used bad language.
– she doesn’t have a problem degrading her family members.
– she asks for favors from her family, even after she fights with them.
– she doesn’t think she has a problem.
– she confides in her boyfriend’s aunt like a mother, and i’ve heard her tell lies to her, so we seem like terrible people.
– she is NOT an alcoholic, or drug addict.
– she is very stubborn.
– she would never shoplift, but she takes things from my mom and i because she can, not because she needs it (such as an entire week’s pay from me when she had a better job than i did)

my mom has researched narcissism, and thinks that is my sister’s problem. however, my sister refuses to think there is anything wrong with her, so she won’t get help. living with her is taking its toll, and if i were a weaker person, i would have broken years ago.

what can i do about this? does anyone know what might be wrong with her? i know that in a lot of cases, people like this won’t get help so what can we do about living with her? i seriously can’t take it anymore, we need help.