What do you do when you have a son and a husband that don’t seem to really appreciate anything you do?

24/10/2010 admin 13 comments

My husband is an alcoholic, and my son has ADD, he’s 20 years old living on his own. I try and do things for my husband and my son and all I get from them is cussed out. Tonight, I got
stranded at the grocery store, alone. I had called a cab, and waited an hour in howling freezing winds. There was no place to get out of the wind because the store closed and locked up. I was the only soul standing in the parking lot and waiting. I even was so distressed
I called the police (business line) and requested that an officer come over and help me as I felt like I was getting frostbite and no cab in site. My husband doesn’t have a trac phone or just doesn’t give a damn to get one (he’s “afraid to talk on the phone”??). So I called my son. My son said “WTF What do you expect me to do about it?? I don’t have a car! But his girlfriend does. He cussed me out and hung up on me. It
hurt so bad. When I came home I told my husband I was going to send a letter to the town editor about the lousy cab service we have, and he said don’t do that and I asked why? Was he
afraid of people’s opinions. I told him that maybe if he had been with me, it would have been better as I could have been mugged or raped, etc. or dying of “exposure” even though I was bundled up. Why do they treat me like this?
I’m 55 years old and have been married to my husband for 33 years but I’m getting to the point where I wonder if I’ve made a terrible mistake. Also I think he was mad because I didn’t bring his beer home. What should I do. I have always
felt that I’m not pretty or attractive although I try to be for my husband, but my husband doesn’t want to look good for me. He lets his beard and hair grow long, doesn”t take care of his hygiene
anymore, I’ve begged him to get help but he won’t. I’ve threatened to leave him, but I’m scared of living alone. What do I do???

QUESTIONS ABOUT SON'S ALCOHOLISM Anything, appreciate, don't, husband, really, seem

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Written by Aria about 2 years ago.

Quit being scared of living alone. I’ve done it, it’s not that bad,
Quit being a door-mat.
Written by free_angel about 2 years ago.

Get rid of the losers and leave them out in the cold.
Written by Wise about 2 years ago.

“My husband is an alcoholic.” That is your answer for why your husband doesn’t appreciate you. He’s an alcoholic. I would leave tomorrow if I were you. It is never, ever going to get any better unless your husband gets clean and sober. I don’t know what your son’s problem is but I can tell you that the majority of it comes from having an alcoholic father and watching his mother stick around and take the abuse. If you take it from your husband, that shows your son that he may as well dish it out too. Get yourself to some 12 step meetings for support and get out now.
Written by DShyGirl34 about 2 years ago.

you care too much. if they don’t care than you shouldn’t either. leave your son be, he’s an adult he can fend for himself and as for your husband he made his bed and now he can lie in it. you need to figure out how to take care of you and make your life happier. it’s not going to happen over night. you should creat a 1yr, 2yr, and 5yr plan of where you want to be, save every dime nickel and penny and get new living arrangements. whan you can afford a divorce get one. you also need therapy, you need to heal on the inside in order to move forward. don’t worry about having all the answers now just START. that is the most important thing. in life we don’t always know the answers but if you begin the motions you find the answers along the way as long as you keep searching. Good Luck.

Don’t hate yourself, be positive , its not worth it to let the mistakes of others ruin your life. you have one, make it the best.
Written by Gold Digger about 2 years ago.

leave that lousy worthless drunk slob of a husbend…. an cut all ties with that selfish gud for nothing son of urs… thats no way for any man to treat his wife.. an defnetly no way to treat ur mother….
Written by lions about 2 years ago.

your son grew up seeing his dad treat you badly so now he does, that’s terrible, he’ll treat women that way too. as for him tell him off, your husband too, don’t you dare buy him anymore beer or food unless he drives you. and don’t forget our taxes buy those cop’s cars–& the gas.
Written by Shiphrah K about 2 years ago.

Have you considered all the advantages of living alone?

The peace and quiet, complete control of the remote, inviting friends over for coffee/drinks/dinner, no one snoring next to you, and (possibly best of all) none of the emotional cr*p that alcoholics dish out on a daily basis…

You could do something fun in your spare time. Take a college course, take up painting, sew ballet costumes, play golf – whatever you’ve always wanted to do. It may be hard to believe it at the moment, but you are a talented and capable woman: you’ve survived life with an alcoholic for many years. That takes strength and determination. You just need a little work on your self esteem, so that you recognize what you can do when you put your mind to it.

Don’t be scared to leave your husband. You only have one life. Make the most of it!
Written by bman3333394 about 2 years ago.

Leave him he sounds like a classic “make me a sandwich woman” kind of guy, theres people out there that would care for you and treat you decently
Written by badboater1 about 2 years ago.

Let your son & husband know how you feel and, if they need to, let them rant and rave about it. If that is their reaction then let them know that it is over and leave. It will be difficult but with counseling or support groups or a network of good friends & family you can make it. You do not deserve to be trampled over and made into a servant. You need to begin taking care of yourself mentally and physically and to begin the process of finding positive and supportive people in your life. So go do it.
Written by miraclehand2020 about 2 years ago.

Please remember that you are 55 years young.You have got 20 more good years in you.You can continue to waste it on dysfunction or let God’s light shine on you.Remember that when people are miserable they don’t miss an opportunity to let you feel worse than they do.Stop threatening and move out.If your husband continues to drink he will die soon anyway.
Written by curlies55 about 2 years ago.

What do you do? Get the hell out and don’t look back. My husband died in 2003 when I was 47 yrs. old. I have two special needs children and after a few yrs. I wanted to start dating. Who would want an older woman with 2 special needs children? I went to get my hair done and asked for an up to date style and asked them to put my make up on too. It was all good for my age. Before I knew it I had dates left and right. The men said they were interested in me because I had good morals and values but most of all I knew how to enjoy life. We think at our age we won’t meet anyone but if you really think about it, at our age there are many divorced men and men that are widows. There are many really good men out there that want companionship and would give anything to treat us like the queens we are. I met a wonderful younger man and he treats my children as his own. We are married now and I have never, ever been happier. The reason they treat you like this is because you let them. Go for counseling and start living!
Written by Rx4u about 2 years ago.

I am so sorry for you. Don’t worry about anybody else anymore but you.You have already served your time. You don’t have any moral support there from your husband and he probably was never much help with your son’s ADD.

Just because your husband is a louse and doesn’t care about anything, don’t let it end your life.

Start over, but inside Maybe divorce isn’t just the answer now. Make this your year to make a new start. Start exploring around for something you can do to take care of yourself and lift yourself up.
Check your local community center and see if they can get you involved. If you have access, maybe you could take an online course, etc ..start calling around and see what you can stir up just for YOU.

Best of luck to you, bet there are others pulling for you too!
Written by LogicalReason about 2 years ago.

I would go visit a friend or family for awhile, a month at least. And don’t answer the phone for them–let them leave messages—unless it’s a real emergency…People usually take others for granted until they have time away to appreciate someone. If your husband resists, tell him why. Maybe you even need time away to decide do YOU want to deal with THEM anymore? Maybe getting away will give you the strength to make that choice, if that’s what you want. There’s a great website with lots of articles and message boards for baby boomer women—perhaps it could help you, it’s http://www.thirdage.com
I too feel unhappy and trapped, my kids are grown, but one still has issues and is living at home–so you’re lucky in that your son is out of the house, at least! Hurry up before he breaks up with his girlfriend and wants to move in, LOL!
My grandmother divorced my alcoholic grandfather when she was 65 after 45 years of marriage—living with an alcoholic is a bondage you never get too old to break free from, when you finally have enough of the misery….and a mean drunk is the worst of them all….she lived 15 years after that, and I think she was happier in that last 15 years on her own than she was in the whole 45 years before!
Other ideas–get in touch with long-lost friends or family, I’ve found a few on classmates.com. You could try finding a job if you’re not working or volunteer your time, there are many worthy causes, just pick something you believe in–or there are many single working mothers in this economy that if you don’t need the money perhaps you could babysit for and help–at least your kindness would be appreciated!
Peace, and good luck!

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What do you do when you have a son and a husband that don’t seem to really appreciate anything you do?

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