I’m eighteen almost nineteen years old and my life is such a mess, all my life i have been raised by my gran due to my mums drug addiction and from a very young child i seen everything to do with drugs and alcoholism and understood all the ins and outs to it ..reality to me has been very clear all my childhood. My dad walked out on me and hasn’t returned as his new wife doesn’t accept me as family and so he didn’t even send me a card for my 18th or a xmas present last year… so i have been living with my gran .. and also in the household lives my uncle who is a binge drinker and gambler .. we had an argument a few days ago and he attacked me .. their was a riot in the house however i didn’t phone the police as my gran didn’t want to go to court against her own son and i respect my gran and didn’t want to put her in an awkward position so i decided to leave .. after a few hours i got so worried leaving her with my uncle that i returned to the house .. however she wouldn’t throw him out as he didn’t have any were to go. Through out all this for the last 2 years i have been seeing this guy and ive been really close to him .. we practically love one another however i have been keeping him a secret from the family as he is 40 ..i know its wrong but u cant help who you fall in love with ..he found out and says i was either to get out the house and stay with him for a while or hes phoning the police . .at a point he even said he was coming to speak with my gran about the situation. I tried explaining to him that i would prefer it if we broke all contact as im too stressed out and our situation isnt helping and he says he has my house number and friends numbers .. he could phone at any time but i need to learn to trust him.. however .. im constantly on edge every day. He bought me xmas presents and says i was to get a train to his house to collect them and he would drive me back with them.. but then i have the stress of explaining to my gran where i will be for 5 hours and how im going to get a sack full of presents from a secret lover into the house! i was so under stress with keeping secrets and trying to keep the peace and make everything ok with the family .. to make matters worse .. my so called ”best friends” havnt phoned or texted me in 4 weeks.. they found out about what my uncle done and didnt even bother to come and see if i was ok.. plus they all drive and one lives downstairs from me .. when i text them i get no reply .. also its my birthday 4 days after xmas and none of them have contacted me when i asked them if they would like to go for a meal for my birthday .. im paying .. im on the verge of having a breakdown .. im in such a mess and so confused .. i feel depressed and betrayed by everyone .. i don’t know what to do or who to turn to.