I have been with my partner going on 7 years in October.
We have two boy’s together. But i find myself very unattracted to him. and just generally feel nothing anymore!

In the past he was a bit of a loose canon! He would go out and drink himself silly with a bunch of his so called friend’s!
He is not very good with alchohol. and would be very unreasonable!

When i was pregnant with our first child. he disapeared for 2 days while he drank himself stupid! Mind you. he was only supposed to be going out for a little while. Then i would call. and straight away i could tell he had far too much to drink!
I would continue to call worried sick! He would answer and say something completely ridiculous. then hang up!
Or say he will be home soon. and never show up!
Anyway’s long story short. This happend HEAPS!!

The day’s after his drinking binges. He would be so appoligetic & say he would never do it again blah blah. Then offcourse it happend again and again ANNNND again!
I would be at home balling my eyes out. eating my dinner alone!
He would be out with his wreckless friends and driving around blind drunk!
The cop’s picked him up one night completely naked and ridiculously drunk!
To think i was stupid enough to go and pick him up from the cop shop! He wasnt there offcourse. They let him go off by himself, blind drunk and not even in the town where we lived?
So i had another sleepless night! He stumbles through the door the next day looking like he had been dragged through the dirt! Lost his phone blah blah….

Every time this happend, I lost more and more trust & respect for him!
And became quite angry alot of the time because these little binges of his would come out of the blue!
A trip to bunnings would turn into another night of worrying and pain for me
I just had no idea when it was going to happen next! So it sent me nut’s!

I threatend to leave many times. I really wanted to. but we had a baby togehter and i had nowhere to go!
All my family live far away and have their own lives to worry about!

Things settled down after he may have finally realised he would loose me if he kept this behaviour up!
But those hurtful and horrible times still stuck in my head! And haven’t left!
I guess this has gone on too long and has ended in me feeling nothing for him!
He can be so hurtful towards me!
He throws things at me when he is angry! And MAN he has an anger problem too! Holes in the walls will prove that!!

He drinks everyday now! And is over the driving limit by the time he gets home from work! We have two kids. So that is very irresponsible in my eyes!

He say’s the most hurtful thing’s to me. And then when i am brought to absolute tears. He will say “Are you crying” and laugh or call me a child!
He can just be so evil!

I admit he has done alot for me over the years!
And can be great alot of the time. But i can’t get over everything he has put me through!
Just the other day he wen’t over to an old friends to simply take a couple of pictures for them to sell something on ebay! He took our eldest son and said he would be a couple of hours!
Offcourse he started drinking and rang me asking if i could pick him up later when he wanted to come home? Whattt??
Evertime he get’s around that group of people he turns into an irresponsible idiot!
I told him No because i had had two glasses of wine that afternoon and not able to drive. Plus our youngest boy was sick and resting at home.
Boy did i want to go down there and bring my little boy home!
I hattte it when he pulls a stunt like that.
He ended up saying he could get his mum to pick them up and bring them home!
I didnt talk to him for hours after that!
I then got a call from him & he was at mcdonalds and wanted to know if i wanted some dinner!
I told him a fillet o fish meal please. I was being nice!
Well he came home with 4 cheese burgers! Euurgghhh
It’s that ridiculous behaviour that makes me want scream!

He doesn’t realise or care how that behaviour affects me and the kid’s!
And i could have killed him for taking our little boy out and getting that drunk!
Why does he do this??

If i can also add that. a couple of years back we were looking at engagement rings!
after being together for nearly 5 years. I was hoping to take the next step! (thinking back now. i don’t know why?) Anyway’s. I chose a ring, the lady wrote all my details in a book. My size ect!
Then i left it up to him!
Well, i waited and waited and waited!
Then there was talk of him wanting a dirt bike worth more than a ring!
He would say,”Don’t worry. you will get a ring before i get a bike!”..
OK! Well he wen’t through THREE bikes. and still no ring!

Which brings us to now!
I found a ring i liked and put the subject by him again! Whyyyyyy?
It was lay-by’d on the 4th April on a 3 month loan!
He paid 20% of the price ( all that he had to pay at that time!) It’s now the 18th of July and he hasn’t been back there to put any money
on it. and i’m pretty sure the lay-by has finished by now!
He came out the other day with ” Oh i was gonna go in a pay $300 dollars of it. This was after the 3 months had just been up!
I was thinking. “Gosh you don’t usually wait until a lay-by is finished annnd THEN start paying dribs and drabs off it!!

I admit he has had a few money troubles lately. But i don’t see why he would take that on if he couldnt follow through with it!
To me it seem’s he couldn’t care less!
I know i am silly for even bringing up the subject of engagement this time around to try and fix things!

Geesh, I have so much more to add to the story!
But i think i have said enough.
I hope somebody can help me to see what should be done!?
Or any single parents out there have any advice for me on taking that first step to move on!

We had a fight tonight. and have been talking very seriously about splitting up for good!
I have really wanted to do this in the past!
But i just have nowhere to go!!
Cont again….
And if i even mention that i would go to live with a family memeber if they would have me and the kid’s!
He say’s that i need to grow up and stand on my own two feet??
Did he ever think for a minute that i might not want to be alone at a hard time like that. And might need support?

To conclude this pickle that i am having.
I am basically after some serious help! I just want some advice.
He want’s out eldest boy to stay with him. But i don’t want that! Everytime i think about not having him with me like i have for his whole life. It breaks my heart!