What could be wrong with my 8 yr old step son?

17/09/2010 admin 12 comments

2 yrs ago my husbands son came to live with us full time cause his mother is a alcoholic & the social took him off her due 2 her neglecting him. his mother wud get drunk & rather pick him up from school drunk & embarrass him or forget 2 pick him up completely. She is a very violent woman, hence y my husband left her in the first place & she often got in2 fights or arguments where the police wud b called, she wud wee on the floor or the chairs in her house & obviously my step son wud b witnessing all this.So eventually she agreed 2 sign liam over 2 us. We always saw liam every 2 weeks & iv known him since he was 1 so he was very familiar with us. His mum was never violent 2 him, infact i think they were quite close. The problem is we r having trouble with him now, & i dont no wether his past has done some damage. hes in constant need of attention, no matter how much u give him, he rarely does as he is asked, he grumps constantly over the most stupid things, always looking 4 sympathy.

ALCOHOLISM TREATMENT could, step, wrong

Comments

Written by puppies.sunshine about 2 years ago.

Definitely, that he’s been damaged by his mother’s alcoholism. You should adress this question in a family councelling session. Seriously, now’s the time to put this boy’s psyche on a healthy track for the future.
Written by Sandy M about 2 years ago.

Sounds like a pretty typical 8-year-old to me, but you might consider therapy, if it seems beyond the pale.

Sandy
Written by Máiréad about 2 years ago.

Alcoholics damage more than themselves, they usually end up damaging those around them. You really need to go to an AA meeting and talk to a counselor. All the relatives of an alcoholic need to follow the 12 step program even if they are not alcoholics themselves, it just has to be done so you guys can move on. My mom is an alcoholic and we had to follow the 12 step program in order to get rid of the hate, the anger, the humilliation, the guilt, the impotent feeling you get when you see a grownup you love destroying himself and you with him. I guess he will better understand her problem and eventually grow out of it and be well on the way to a happier outlook on life, which after all, is a child’s right.

The kid is sort of mentally and spiritually crippled at the moment, he needs all the love and support you can give. Be patient and seek help. Also, never belittle his mother or speak ill of her, after all it’s his mom and he loves her, warped as she is, attacking her is not going to help at all.

Good Luck
Written by Glenn Forever about 2 years ago.

first thing…..yes the child will be psychologically damaged.
this can go away

**for this to happen you need to spend TIME with your step son…… you and your s.son and husband should go out to 2gether

**be a little strict with him and have discipline…or else there are great chances of him turning a wreck loose when he becomes a teenager…(this is due to him child history)

**You need to act completely like his mother…no half stuff….you need to take full control

**his father needs to also act completely like the father figure.

this will help surely
thank you for reading
Written by chipmunk about 2 years ago.

He’s going to have a long road ahead. Show some compassion for the boy. His mother may not be the best person. But, he loves her deeply. And, he’s had to deal with far more than a boy his age should have to. Imagine the way you would feel if you couldn’t count on your mom. Or how scary things may have gotten for him. Alcoholics are no fun to deal with as a kid or an adult. Take him in as your own child. Love him as your own. He needs your husband and you to step up and over the call of duty. Give him a good life.
Written by jms62394 about 2 years ago.

Children are more aware than you think. Think about this… Your husband could not take her, so he filed for a divorce. Children cannot do this. They are stuck where they are until someone finds out. Children know what is going on from when they are very young and they adapt to their conditions. Since he ws 6 when he came to live with you, I am wondering why Dad didnt try to get custody beforehand…but he had experienced a lot for a child. Children are constantly learning at this age. They are like little sponges. If this is what he knew from birth, it may take awhile to learn different behaviors. From what you said above, that is more than an adult needs to witness. I would definitely start him in some counseling immediately. I would also continue trying to be patient. Remember he has been through a lot but that does not mean that hes allowed to be rude or disrepectful. Everyone gets grumpy and if he chooses to be grumpy so be it. You can encourage positive behavior by rewarding when he is happy and doing what he is supposed to be doing…. You will have to start slowly and really be encouraging. Children are usually quite resiliant but it takes time.
Written by kim about 2 years ago.

I agree completely with jms62394. Very well said! I would only add one thing. This child had probably been on his own for sooo long, not able to count on anyone to help him with much. Being in a caring family now may be overwhelming. If there are other kids in the house, that could be strange for him too. It would be like one of us moving to a new country, nice but lots to learn!! Language, food, traditions and expectations would be different. I can personally say, when I left my first husband, I started dating my new husband 2 years later. 2 years seems like a long time to be out and in a safe environment, even for an adult (I was 25). But I pushed my new husband away every time he did anything nice because the 1st husband was only nice when something bad was about to happen or had just happened. My learned behavior was to RUN if he was being nice. I couldn’t help it even as an adult. Luckily we made it through and we’ve been married 11 years now. He’s a prince! Point is…this child may be reacting the same way. His mother may have done alot to him while she was drinking, then apologized after, fully expecting that would make everything ok. He has a learned reaction to some situations and you may not even know what they are.
Good luck, and hug that little boy for me. He has been through too much at such a young age.
Written by Beautifulbrunette123 about 2 years ago.

no doubt the past has screwed him up. so give him the attention that he needs and let him be how he is and eventually he will grow out of it. after being around normal ( you are normal right?) parents he will turn out more normal.
Written by Brian B about 2 years ago.

of course he’s been affected. You should try to fix this yourself but it takes a particular effort. What you DONT want to do in this case is give in to his quest for sympathy. That’s not the way the world works for an adult, so it makes no sense to make it work for him as a kid. Not doing as he is asked is not acceptable, you either believe that or you don’t. You have to get FIRM with him. Not mean, firm. Tell him what to do, don’t ask, and expect compliance or he should know he loses something. What he needs more than anything is something he cannot impose upon himself, and that is order and control and discipline. He’s lacked this completely in his life so far. He wants it, but he can’t give it to himself nor could he even express or understand that he wants it. Get firm, don’t do the passive parenting thing. You will be amazed how he shapes up if YOU mean what you say and say what you mean.

Mistake: Johnny are you ready to go?
Correct: Johnny, come with me.
Written by songsong about 2 years ago.

i ever had a stepmother who mistreated me , but my father divorced her . i really appreciated what my father had done.
Written by deadra m about 2 years ago.

I really feel bad for your situation. Children are Innocent and it is our jobs as parents to protect them from everything. Although I’m certain his mother inflicted great harm to him emotionally and yes probably mentally and physically. I believe he may be grumping about and whining because you all are giving him the extra attention he did not get. He may be trying to see just how far it will go. Which is fine, this little man has gone through allot. But you still have to have rules and guidelines that he has to follow. And yes consequences for not doing what he is asked. The best thing to do is set your rules stick to them no matter how reacts eventually he will realize it works much better when he does as he is asked. And always spend lots of time with him. Let him know he is very important to you and your husband. He has a new mother now and you really need to be there for him.
Written by Seattle Mom about 2 years ago.

Please find a qualified therapist for him. If your insurance doesn’t cover it, or you can’t afford it, talk to his school or a local mental health agency. This child has been through a lot, and likely has many issues to be dealt with. He has got to be very conflicted about his feelings for his mom, and therapy can help him with that. Good luck and bless you for caring.

How Do I Get My Son Off Drugs?

What could be wrong with my 8 yr old step son?

Comments

Recent Posts

Categories

Tags