Just wondering if I am in the wrong here. My husband and I are expecting a baby, I am due in three months. Well I’m feeling concerned about how his mother is going to be once the baby is born. We need to set some serious boundaries, but I want to know if I am going too far?

To give you a little background, my MIL has a serious problem with alcohol, she has been an alcoholic since my husband was a baby. When my husband was young she was verbally abusive and he was even taken away from her to live in foster care for a period of time. And now, she is drunk every single night. She has come to our house completely unannounced when she is drunk, and every time it has happened it is always late at night, around 10-11 pm. Completely unacceptable. My husband and I have been together for 8 years and have been married for 3. This entire time she has either acted like I don’t exist when I am in the same room with her, or has said horrible things about me behind my back. But now that we have a baby on the way, she is finally wanting to get to know me. The problem is, I would rather just have a polite relationship where we are civil when we do see each other, but I really don’t want to get close to her because I have seen how she treats her son and other members of their family. She is very manipulative and delusional about reality (I am guessing due to her little drinking problem) and throws a fit if she can’t have her way. I have no idea how my husband turned out so normal.

These are the guidelines I am going to put in place when my son is born.. do these seem reasonable?

1. She will not be allowed to watch our son alone when he is at least a baby/toddler because I do not trust that she will keep him safe or that she will stay sober while he is with her.

2. She can come over to our house and visit my son as much as she wants DURING THE DAYTIME if she calls ahead and checks that we are able to have company. There will be no barging in unannounced, especially late at night.

3. We will not bring our son over to her house, even if we will be there with him, because it REEKS of smoke and is completely filthy (we are talking cat poop smashed into the carpets that she never cleans up and a thick layer of cat fur covering EVERYTHING).