Hello everyone I’m asking a question for my friend and was wondering if anyone could help?
My friend Lina has two sons the younger one is 20 and the older one is 23. They both have a problem avoiding trouble. They get in fights, smoke weed and drink alcohol. Lina’s sons have refused to enroll in school or better their ways. Her husband and her don’t have an idea of what to do. Can anyone help?
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My 12 year old found out that his father is not his father, but his adopted father. His sperm donor (biological) wants nothing to do with him, to this day. How do I help him understand that the sperm did not ditch him personally, but did not want a pregnant girlfriend at the bar with him and never wanted to be a parent? To this day approaching 40, he still does not want children, even his own technical.
My son is crushed and is taking it as a very personal insult, as anyone would. My husband is a good man who took him in as his own, when he could of passed me up as most guys did. Eight years later we are now shook to the core and fear what will happen when he does find out who his sperm donor really is- an almost 40 unemployed bum who is an alcoholic and meth lover. 
Thank you for your time and suggestions.
Christine- Thank you for your suggestions. In a way B always knew that my husband was not his biological father, but never questioned it. That is all he knows, or knew. I wish there was a way to tell him sooner though I knew that it would cause him harm. As a kid my Dad skipped out when I was 9 and though my Mum told me to leave it alone I did not. Today as an almost 40 year old Mum, I wished I listened. He is exactly how she described and left due to his own issues. Maybe I was trying to protect him they way I needed.
It is not as if his biological donor is remotely involved in our life, as we live on opposite coasts. From old friends he still does not even have the child’s name right- but how do you screw up Bobby. I know I screwed up, but it does not make it any easier.
This is a very long story and I will try to make it as short as possible. Please note, this will be longer than 1000 characters allowed, so please be patient as I keep adding details below.
I was a widow at 35. I was married to a man with severe bipolar and he was also an alcoholic, his name was Jamie. Jamie had a huge heart and would do anything for anyone when he was mentally healthy and not drinking. The problem was the mental illness was present a majority of the time and so were the alcohol issues. We were married for 5 year’s and had one son who is my late husbands namesake but we call my son James, he’s is now 7, was 4 when his dad died. So now let me get to the story, just had to give a little info so this could be followed easily.
I met Jamie at a bar. He was on the dance floor being goofy with some coworkers. I was sitting with my friend Mary Jo watching Jamie dance because it was funny.
He noticed me watching him and we talked & exchanged phone numbers. A relationship developed quite quickly.
I found out I was pregnant and was very upset considering we were using protection. I knew I could not have a baby with this man because he drank too much. Well he was very excited that I was pregnant and promised to quit drinking. So we were married and were keeping the baby. well as time went by, I realized his drinking would not stop and that he had bigger issues with it than I thought. he agreed to get help and thats when he was diagnosed with bipolar. he was put on many different types of medications, most did not work for him and his scripts would be changed. Finally he was put on the right combination of prescriptions and all was okay, until he mixed the alcohol which he did a lot. This all took place over a few year’s time.
I finally realized I could not live like this for the rest of my life, allowing my 4 son’s (3 from a previous marriage) to be exposed to the nonsense involved with the alcohol & the mental illness. I gave Jamie a warning to change his ways concerning the alcohol or I would divorce him, I gave him more than a reasonable amount of time to do this, he did nothing but continue to drink and lie about it. So just before our 5th. anniversary, I asked him to move out and he did. I had planned to file for a divorce the following year after we filed our income taxes so we would have some cash available for the kid’s & I to move and I would let him keep the place we lived in together, which by the way I bought because he had no income because he could not keep a job because he’d go to work drunk. I did realize though that he was self medicating for so many years prior to me that him stopping drinking would be difficult and this was why I put up with it for so long.
So anyway, I did allow Jamie to come back home at his request & promises to get his poop in a group a few weeks later and it all started all over again, so he left once again at my request and I knew I’d never let him come back, and so did he.
Well 3 days later, he committed suicide by prescription drug overdose, he was living at his brothers home when he did this.
Well it’s been going on 3 year’s now since his death. I have made contact with the oldest brother in an attempt to try to fix the broken relationship with the family for the sake of my son James because James has been asking a lot about his dads family. The oldest brother Ricky is the family “leader”, so my late husband called him. Well Ricky refuses to take my calls. I then did talk t Ricky’s wife and she told me that he did not want to talk to me because he feels his brothers death is my fault because I did not take Jamie’s calls the night prior and had I taken the calls, Jamie may still be alive.
I had to work in the morning and was not taking his calls for that reason and because I was burned out on all the nonsense involved with this man. I was not with him, I had not control of his choice to die, which, by the way, was NOT his first attempt at death. He had an attempt 9 months prior and was in ICU for almost a month. WE did not know if he would live or die then.
So now that you have the story, my question is, how do I get this family to take my calls? I need them to allow my son to still know his dads family for the sake of his own mental health. How horrible it would be for me to have to tell my 7 year old son that his dads family has no interest in him. I need creative suggestions to get them to open the doors back up for my son.
PS-
To those that refused to wait to read the whole story and tell me to meet a man in church. We can’t decide where we will meet a spouse, it just happens when it happens.
Continuation to my PS above-
Besides just because a person goes to church does not make that person better than someone else. When I was a teenager, my sister had a friend that had a friend that was one of the BIGGEST drug dealers in town dealing cocaine and he went to church each & every Sunday with his wife & kid’s. So because he went to church, was he perfect? Hmmmmm. How about not judging, I was just giving info so the story could be understood.
My brtoher, my only brother and sibling (no sisters), got married at 23 going on 24. so for him, kinda youngish. also he had just got out of college, it wasn’t the right time really. well a year later he developed a bad habit of binge drinking, which got him 3 dui’s in the same year, 4 emergency hospitalizations bc he drank rubbing alcohol after running out of regular alcohol, and several times in rehab. his wife got pregannt about 2 months b4 i did, and about 5 months into her pregnancy, he stopped his binge drinking and seemed to have changed. well 2 months after their daughter was born, he was back to it again. his daughter, now 6 months, has wound up getting hrut from it. the day afetr ym baby who si now 3 months was born, his wife claims that he had tried to kill their daughter by trying to choke her—she told my father this and I found out through the grapevine—in a drunken rage when she was crying. then, just a week ago, in one of his drunken states, he held her and she fell, with him, and had bruises on her body so she had to be examined. that was when his wife made him go to our aprents’ hosue and he stayed for an week. well hes back there again, and he got drunk again, with the baby with him alone. my sil went to work tonight, and she called my parents and said she was frantic that he was doing something to their daughter or neglecting her. I felt bad for her, but couldnt help but wonder why if she was worried about the very life of her daughter, she didn’t just leave work? she claims she would get fired bc she was the only one there 9it’s a store in the mall0 but is anything worth more than your daughter/ I told her this and got her to leave work. But I am still in a state of shock over my brother whom Ive never known to be a ‘bad’ or violent person. I am terribly worried about my niece and something happening to her, and also him, bc of his drinking. I also feel bad for his wife and my parents, bc his wife always calls them almost every time he “acts up” (b4 their daughter was born too), which in a way is not fair to my parents bc they’re older and hes a grown man, 28 years old. anyhow, how can I help my brother?
i have a 3-month-old myself and am afraid to even leave her in the same room alone with him for a min now. (when eh comes over and I’m there with her). I am also wondering if I should offer to watch their daughter for a few days/ (her parents already have their hands full with her siblings)?
also, I know this is babys ection, but I posted this in family as well, but I wanted to psot here bc it does involve some aspects of aprenting. also bc I’m stressed otu for ym brother, and terrified of soemthing happenign to him or my niece, and feeling bad for his wife, and also my parents, bc he is their only son, how can I not let this affect my parenting/ bc also my parents were partly my support system, and now I have almost no support system, bc they are now trying to focus their energy on helping him, which I think si what is necessary, but its also scary for me
is there any1 at all who can give me some advice? also, any1 else who has similar issues with their family that is also a new parent?
My troubled 22 year old nephew called me. He overdosed and is looking to leave Detroit and come to Cal. I won’t let him stay with me because he will steal from his own family and I can’t trust him. I also have kids to worry about. Any idea where someone in SoCal can go without a job and no money who is trying to get off drugs? Also I’ve helped him out with money before and he has used it to buy drugs so I can’t do that.
Our neighbor’s son, age 18, is scheduled to start boot camp (Army) in eight weeks. For the last eight weeks, since he graduated from high school, he has been out every night until the early morning drinking (and using drugs I suspect). He is not old enough to drink in our state, and he drives himself all over town. He comes home loud, runs all over the neighborhood on foot, and hangs out in his car too. This behavior is totally out of character for him, and the people who live next door are afraid of him. I went out to my car a few minutes ago to get something and I saw him walking in the street and talking to himself, and it’s nearly 11:00 p.m. Assuming he stays out of jail and the morgue for the next eight weeks, what will happen when he reports? Will they do a urine test, will they detox him, will they refuse him, or will they not care at all? Thanks.
