BQ: Would you let your son/daughter hang out with someone that’s of legal age and can purchase alcohol/cigarettes for them?

I will preface this with I have my hands FULL besides his issues of what seems to be a constant habit of messing up. I have a child who is three with a chronic condition which requires hospital stays several times a year, a baby, and two other children.

Long story short, I had to show a case of tough love and call the cops on him for bringing marijuana in the house thus endangering other family members. I almost, I repeat almost wish I turned a blind eye on it because I feel like not only is he on probation, but I am being treated like some kind of criminal by his probation officer.

I have complied with everything they asked, when I have issues or have reason to suspect anything of my son I call the po, and do the best I can to try to get him on the right path. However, when my son messes up (example, he was on house arrest all summer and unknown to me, after all I do have to sleep sometimes, he snuck out a couple of times during this summer) and his po yelled and me and asked if I encouraged it after it getting back to him that he did this!

Umm, no, I just want him to get through the program and I would never do anything like that but I can’t have control over him 24/7. I feel this man is out to get me and drag me under the bus. My son while on probation is in this program as well, called drug court, and we meet with a judge and panel including his po every two weeks. Well, last drug court meeting, his po surprised me with a rumor he had heard which was, in small words embellished. See, before all of this happenend, my son’s friends brought over this stuff they call legal bud. It’s supposed to be like a legal alternative to getting high and being over 18, I took a small puff of it out of curiousity (look, I don’t even drink alcohol let alone do anything illegal) and then felt REALLY stupid for it and proceeded to tell said friends to remove this stuff from my home, that while legal, it is not good to do. So, here it is, many, months after the fact and his po says he heard from some kids that I did “substances’ with my son, and I explained to him what happened, and he STILL told this to the judge! I explained my case to the judge and he seemed okay with it, but I was furious that this po seemed to throw me under the bus and for what? I said to the po I would willingly submit drug tests to prove my innocence and said you can search my home and find nothing and he was like ‘ I will do just that’. Like I said, I have nothing to hide, but I also feel very violated at the idea of having to pee in a cup in front of someone when I did nothing illegal and does he have the power to do this to me?

Other problems I have with him is that he will give me maybe an hour’s advance notice for a meeting, and say I have other issues like once he did this and I was about to take my sick child mentioned earlier to her neurologist (you have to book these appointments there 6 months in advance and she had just got out of the hospital so I HAD to get her there) and he gave me some sort of attitude about it.

Another part of this program that is required of my son is that he is to attend the YMCA twice a week. The court gives the whole family access to it, but me and the other kids don’t get to utilize it too much because we have so many other things going on in a day and besides, we are not the ones on probation. One time, the po raised his voice to me in MY dining room about the rest of the family not going enough. Like I said, it’s MY SON on probation, not the rest of us! And on the same visit, he asked my 15 year old daughter who has NEVER been in trouble in her life, who is very timid and a straight A student in a rather mean tone, ‘SO, are you doing legal bud too’?

I guess the bottom line is this; Should he be allowed to nag the rest of us like this? I am at my wits end with stress dealing with my son who doesn’t seem to want to follow rules, have him in counseling, drug treatment, and feel like I have to devote so much to him and not be able to divide my time properly with my other children.

Other things to note; My I remarried, and my husband works a lot, and tries to help when he can, but as far as his father goes, he lives in a different state and sees him once maybe twice a year and says he washed his hands of the situation and won’t even take him to live with him.
The only reason I “ratted’ him out was because his former po said that if I did not, and I knew he had it in the house, I could lose my other kids. If I knew the reprocutions it would bring to my whole family, including him, I would NEVER have done it.

Legal weed is something I tried ONE TIME only. That was the only sort of substance I think I have done in many years(since my own teen years) , including alcohol.
Sadly, he also didn’t just “smoke a little weed”. He got into prescription drugs and alcohol as well.
Pigdaddy: So I should have just “ignored’ and had them find out I let him have it in the house and then have DFS take my other kids away?

Before this, I was not as ‘experienced” in dealing with people in government and thought you did what they said or else.

I guess this is what I get for posting this on the internet.

She IS MOST DEFINITELY A TROUBLED WOMAN, with her drugs and alcohol problems. And now this ! Imagine how she feels, and what this may do to her. Her son’s death also sounds VERY SUSPICIOUS, like DRUG USE !

Do you visit Yahoo Message Boards and what do you think about them ?????????

Well last night i guess things were okay with everyone at home…but the dad gave her a glass of coco cola with coconut flavored rum in it and let her drink as much as she wanted and she got really tipsy and freaked out on my son and called him like screaming at him and cussing him out and stuff. I only witnessed this because we were watching a movie together when he answered the phone. He asked her if she was drunk and she said that her dad gave her some stuff and that she felt really weird. I think in the least to say, he told her to stop talking to him because she was saying very hateful things and deleted her off facebook. Well she just wrote on my facebook, “Hey Mrs. Robyn can you have Cole call me when you see this?” So she’s starting drama on my facebook now…

My question is…what parent just gives their kid alcohol and lets them get totally tipsy and out of control and doesn’t at least take their phone away so they don’t make total fools out of themselves? I let my son have a few sips of wine, he’s had a little bit of a wine cooler but no where enough to get him buzzed or tipsy. But i never have just let my son drink however much he wanted and get out of control.

What will be/are your rules on drinking? Will you allow your kids to drink at home?
What would you do if you were in my situation last night?
Note: I even had a glass of wine last night that made me VERY sleepy and batty. My husband was quick to shut down the computer and told me to go to bed. But i am 39 years old and i can control myself better than a 16 year old can. What parent does that…? It’s really just beyond me…

http://www.thosewhohost.org/TexasUnderageDrinkingLaws.htm

Read the drinking laws.
cath- i was too. but apparently it was just a little bit of coke and it was a FULL like beer glass…

Long story short, my son finally came home at 3 in the morning, stinking drunk and reeking of marijuana smoke. It was clear that he was high as well. I was thankful he hadn’t been hurt, but I was also quite angry that he has done this and gotten me this worried, so I said “I’m going to punish you like you’ve never been punished before! You’re grounded for a year!”. Then I sent him straight to bed.

This morning we had a discussion about his offense, and he admitted that he’d taken my sewing machine and sold it to get money for alcohol, drugs, and prostitutes. He also admitted that he’d taken my car, had been driving while drunk and high, and had picked up 2 friends of his, one of whom I had forbidden him to hang out with (this “friend” of his is 21 years old but still in high school, as he has repeatedly failed, uses drugs, abuses alcohol, and was physically violent toward his ex-girlfriend before they broke up a few months ago. He is now facing charges for sending her threatening phone calls since then. Needless to say, I do not want my son hanging out with him).

I reassured my son that I was thankful he was safe and that I loved him, but I told him that I am extremely disapointed in him. I also gave him the following grounding terms:

No going outside or leaving the house, except to go to school and for yardwork
No TV
No Computer
No Video games
No Phone (I took away his cell phone and he’s forbidden to use the home phone)
No Friends
No Desserts
No Bedroom door (I have removed it)
Plenty of extra chores
He also has to copy substance abuse books by hand
Early bedtime 8pm every night

I have talked this over with my husband, who is out of town (because of his job, he is usually gone for a few days to a week at a time, then he has a few days off). He agrees that this is a good punishment.
I can’t help but wonder, though. Am I being too harsh? I know this is a very severe punishment, but what he did was very serious and I don’t want to take it lightly. Please help. Any advice would be appreciated. My son has always been very responsible before now, and is generally well- behaved. I never thought he’d do something like this, and it really scared me.

Thanks.

What should I do?

Is it like this with most 14 year boys?

But he’s the type of person that would smoke and drink without caring about the consequences he is aware of them lately he seems to be living in a bubble, and thinks that these consequences don’t apply to him, I thought I raised him well everyone tells me I have…

He brilliant in school his teachers say hes a plesure to teach and he gets good grades…

Ive been made aware that his friends don’t drink or smoke…