It’s two girls … and I just feel the older (woman) would get the younger (teenager) into stuff that they don’t need to be into.
BQ: Would you let your son/daughter hang out with someone that’s of legal age and can purchase alcohol/cigarettes for them?
I am not sure where to begin. My 16 year old son, has been in and out of trouble for drug use.
I will preface this with I have my hands FULL besides his issues of what seems to be a constant habit of messing up. I have a child who is three with a chronic condition which requires hospital stays several times a year, a baby, and two other children.
Long story short, I had to show a case of tough love and call the cops on him for bringing marijuana in the house thus endangering other family members. I almost, I repeat almost wish I turned a blind eye on it because I feel like not only is he on probation, but I am being treated like some kind of criminal by his probation officer.
I have complied with everything they asked, when I have issues or have reason to suspect anything of my son I call the po, and do the best I can to try to get him on the right path. However, when my son messes up (example, he was on house arrest all summer and unknown to me, after all I do have to sleep sometimes, he snuck out a couple of times during this summer) and his po yelled and me and asked if I encouraged it after it getting back to him that he did this!
Umm, no, I just want him to get through the program and I would never do anything like that but I can’t have control over him 24/7. I feel this man is out to get me and drag me under the bus. My son while on probation is in this program as well, called drug court, and we meet with a judge and panel including his po every two weeks. Well, last drug court meeting, his po surprised me with a rumor he had heard which was, in small words embellished. See, before all of this happenend, my son’s friends brought over this stuff they call legal bud. It’s supposed to be like a legal alternative to getting high and being over 18, I took a small puff of it out of curiousity (look, I don’t even drink alcohol let alone do anything illegal) and then felt REALLY stupid for it and proceeded to tell said friends to remove this stuff from my home, that while legal, it is not good to do. So, here it is, many, months after the fact and his po says he heard from some kids that I did “substances’ with my son, and I explained to him what happened, and he STILL told this to the judge! I explained my case to the judge and he seemed okay with it, but I was furious that this po seemed to throw me under the bus and for what? I said to the po I would willingly submit drug tests to prove my innocence and said you can search my home and find nothing and he was like ‘ I will do just that’. Like I said, I have nothing to hide, but I also feel very violated at the idea of having to pee in a cup in front of someone when I did nothing illegal and does he have the power to do this to me?
Other problems I have with him is that he will give me maybe an hour’s advance notice for a meeting, and say I have other issues like once he did this and I was about to take my sick child mentioned earlier to her neurologist (you have to book these appointments there 6 months in advance and she had just got out of the hospital so I HAD to get her there) and he gave me some sort of attitude about it.
Another part of this program that is required of my son is that he is to attend the YMCA twice a week. The court gives the whole family access to it, but me and the other kids don’t get to utilize it too much because we have so many other things going on in a day and besides, we are not the ones on probation. One time, the po raised his voice to me in MY dining room about the rest of the family not going enough. Like I said, it’s MY SON on probation, not the rest of us! And on the same visit, he asked my 15 year old daughter who has NEVER been in trouble in her life, who is very timid and a straight A student in a rather mean tone, ‘SO, are you doing legal bud too’?
I guess the bottom line is this; Should he be allowed to nag the rest of us like this? I am at my wits end with stress dealing with my son who doesn’t seem to want to follow rules, have him in counseling, drug treatment, and feel like I have to devote so much to him and not be able to divide my time properly with my other children.
Other things to note; My I remarried, and my husband works a lot, and tries to help when he can, but as far as his father goes, he lives in a different state and sees him once maybe twice a year and says he washed his hands of the situation and won’t even take him to live with him.
The only reason I “ratted’ him out was because his former po said that if I did not, and I knew he had it in the house, I could lose my other kids. If I knew the reprocutions it would bring to my whole family, including him, I would NEVER have done it.
Legal weed is something I tried ONE TIME only. That was the only sort of substance I think I have done in many years(since my own teen years) , including alcohol.
Sadly, he also didn’t just “smoke a little weed”. He got into prescription drugs and alcohol as well.
Pigdaddy: So I should have just “ignored’ and had them find out I let him have it in the house and then have DFS take my other kids away?
Before this, I was not as ‘experienced” in dealing with people in government and thought you did what they said or else.
I guess this is what I get for posting this on the internet.
her, completely OBLIVIOUS to her pain.
She IS MOST DEFINITELY A TROUBLED WOMAN, with her drugs and alcohol problems. And now this ! Imagine how she feels, and what this may do to her. Her son’s death also sounds VERY SUSPICIOUS, like DRUG USE !
Do you visit Yahoo Message Boards and what do you think about them ?????????
My sons ex-girlfriend, who is 16, and lives down the street from us has a lot of family problems. We have taken her in tons of times, and she dated my 18 year old son for a while and they broke up and i think they’ve been having lots of problems lately. Whatever, that’s their business..
Well last night i guess things were okay with everyone at home…but the dad gave her a glass of coco cola with coconut flavored rum in it and let her drink as much as she wanted and she got really tipsy and freaked out on my son and called him like screaming at him and cussing him out and stuff. I only witnessed this because we were watching a movie together when he answered the phone. He asked her if she was drunk and she said that her dad gave her some stuff and that she felt really weird. I think in the least to say, he told her to stop talking to him because she was saying very hateful things and deleted her off facebook. Well she just wrote on my facebook, “Hey Mrs. Robyn can you have Cole call me when you see this?” So she’s starting drama on my facebook now…
My question is…what parent just gives their kid alcohol and lets them get totally tipsy and out of control and doesn’t at least take their phone away so they don’t make total fools out of themselves? I let my son have a few sips of wine, he’s had a little bit of a wine cooler but no where enough to get him buzzed or tipsy. But i never have just let my son drink however much he wanted and get out of control.
What will be/are your rules on drinking? Will you allow your kids to drink at home?
What would you do if you were in my situation last night?
Note: I even had a glass of wine last night that made me VERY sleepy and batty. My husband was quick to shut down the computer and told me to go to bed. But i am 39 years old and i can control myself better than a 16 year old can. What parent does that…? It’s really just beyond me…
http://www.thosewhohost.org/TexasUnderageDrinkingLaws.htm
Read the drinking laws.
cath- i was too. but apparently it was just a little bit of coke and it was a FULL like beer glass…
We found our son has been drinking ,by having to go pick him up at his friends house after he was spending the night and he had got sick all over his friends room.The boys mom which just got out of nursing school came to the car and said that they had been drinking .I guess she doesn’t check in on them .
He has just got a insulin pump and the dr. is still making adjustments to it. Im scared for his life and don’t want him dead. What affect does the alcohol have on type 1 diabetes
and what can I do to make him see this is and was a bad decision . I don’t think grounding him will do any good,They need to get scared , maybe a tour of the jail might work.He is not driving right now but has been wanting to , but now I don’t trust him. His friend is driving , the one that had got the alcohol and they are both sixteen. They had to have someone older buy it for them .What can I do?…The diabetes is hard enough to handle as is.Please help.
My 15 year old son lives with his Dad. We found out last week that he is smoking pot with one of his friend and possibly a few others (not sure who they are). The problem is that since he lives with his father, I am finding it difficult to control his actions. His Dad has got a laid back and soft approach ” one step at a time, it won’t happen in one night”. He still gives him pocket money, allows him to be out of the house from morning 11 am until 9.30 am (its holidays). I have been monitoring my son’s texts and find that he is meeting the dealer (looks like a small time dealer who supplies to school kids), buying weed from him and then asks for more again. I confronted my son and made it very clear that this should stop otherwise I will contact the police ( by the way, I have already informed the police the number of the dealer and haven’t heard anything back yet). I have repeatedly asked my Ex to put a curfew to his time outside, limit the pocket money to maybe £2 a day and divert him towards some hobbies.My son doesn’t want to talk to me because I impose the restrictions in his life and tells me that he like his Dad because he gives him space and freedom. He is denying the use of pot or any contact with the dealer. I am having sleepless nights in this situation. How do I control this child who seems to have made the wrong choice in his life. The Ex says that if he puts a stop of everything like time out, pocket money, phone usage etc then the boy will rebel and do something dangerous. I differ in the opinion and have suggested that he should drug test him randomly and the soft approach is not going to work. For eg, I was shocked to find today that the Ex gave an ATM card to my son to go clothes shopping and he took an extra £10 out. When questioned, he said that it was spent on food. I cannot let my son slip into this. By the way, please don’t tell me that weed is better than alcohol and that all teenagers ‘experiment’. This is going too far since he also talks about ‘ticking’ on the texts which means taking it from the dealer and selling it to others. The father is out of the house busy working until 8 pm along with his girlfriend and my son has all the free time to do what he wants! He doesn’t want to come around to my house (I live 10 minutes walking distance) because he feels that I nag him too much. Whenever I go around at Ex’s house to meet my son, I am greeted by a grumpy boy who has no interest in seeing me and questions why am I even there at this fathers house. I would do ANYTHING to bring my son out of this but need support which am clearly lacking. Any advice would be appreciated.
My son is very lonely, no friends, leaves apart, no drugs, no alcohol. He can’t hold a job for more than 3 months I don’t know why. He always broke I have help him sometimes with rent but I can’t do this any more. I want to stop but I’m so scared that he loose his place I’m always worried about him. What to do? let him alone to be responsible no mattjer wjat? He dosn’t tell
me what’s going on. is like he try to do the right things and then sometnings happen.I want my some happy.
My 16-year-old son stole my 1855 antique Singer sewing machine (which has been in the family for 6 generations), sold it to an antique dealer for $1,500, and used the money to buy vodka, marijuana, and methamphetamine, and for he and 2 friends of his to hire prostitutes. He also took my car without permission to go do all this. I work in the evenings and don’t get home until after 10pm, and he did this while I was at work. I was worried sick when I got home last night and he wasn’t there, no note or anything. I called him on his cell phone but he didn’t answer. When I tried again, it was turned off. I tried again and again, but he still had his phone turned off. I decided to go looking for him, when I realized the car was gone (I work about 3 blocks from home, so I always walk to work).
Long story short, my son finally came home at 3 in the morning, stinking drunk and reeking of marijuana smoke. It was clear that he was high as well. I was thankful he hadn’t been hurt, but I was also quite angry that he has done this and gotten me this worried, so I said “I’m going to punish you like you’ve never been punished before! You’re grounded for a year!”. Then I sent him straight to bed.
This morning we had a discussion about his offense, and he admitted that he’d taken my sewing machine and sold it to get money for alcohol, drugs, and prostitutes. He also admitted that he’d taken my car, had been driving while drunk and high, and had picked up 2 friends of his, one of whom I had forbidden him to hang out with (this “friend” of his is 21 years old but still in high school, as he has repeatedly failed, uses drugs, abuses alcohol, and was physically violent toward his ex-girlfriend before they broke up a few months ago. He is now facing charges for sending her threatening phone calls since then. Needless to say, I do not want my son hanging out with him).
I reassured my son that I was thankful he was safe and that I loved him, but I told him that I am extremely disapointed in him. I also gave him the following grounding terms:
No going outside or leaving the house, except to go to school and for yardwork
No TV
No Computer
No Video games
No Phone (I took away his cell phone and he’s forbidden to use the home phone)
No Friends
No Desserts
No Bedroom door (I have removed it)
Plenty of extra chores
He also has to copy substance abuse books by hand
Early bedtime 8pm every night
I have talked this over with my husband, who is out of town (because of his job, he is usually gone for a few days to a week at a time, then he has a few days off). He agrees that this is a good punishment.
I can’t help but wonder, though. Am I being too harsh? I know this is a very severe punishment, but what he did was very serious and I don’t want to take it lightly. Please help. Any advice would be appreciated. My son has always been very responsible before now, and is generally well- behaved. I never thought he’d do something like this, and it really scared me.
Thanks.
I feel real sad my son is taking all kinds of drugs. Salvia, Ritalin, Weed and Alcohol to name a few. It really snuck up on me and my wife. I suspected for a while but not to this extent. He use to be so loving, caring and friendly. Now everything is the opposite. We are going to be taking him to Drug Counselor next week. I wish it was today but no counselor was able to see him until next week. I always thought we had such a good son. I am really sad for him. He really does not understand how this is effecting his family. I am writing because I really am unsure how to handle this whole mess.
My 14 year old son came home very drunk last night and he stank of alcohol and even smoke. Last year he said he would never smoke or drink! I really really believed he wouldn’t.
What should I do?
Is it like this with most 14 year boys?
But he’s the type of person that would smoke and drink without caring about the consequences he is aware of them lately he seems to be living in a bubble, and thinks that these consequences don’t apply to him, I thought I raised him well everyone tells me I have…
He brilliant in school his teachers say hes a plesure to teach and he gets good grades…
Ive been made aware that his friends don’t drink or smoke…
Our 6 year old son has stolen 7 times within the last month from his father, little brother & myself (Mommy)! The first time he got a spanking and we sat down and talked to him and said we’d give him another chance. Second time he got spanked and put in the corner and a talk and something taken away that he likes third time corner and everything taken away. 3rd time and kept stealing we kept all his toys away from him no tv no play time no talking. I don’t know what to do. This last time I was very mad and had to walk down the street so I didn’t knock him out! Besides, this he is a good kid! He’s great in school good listener and also there to help someone out. Recently, he’s been really SNEAKY and LYING all the time about EVERYTHING and STEALING constantly! Also, when i went to talk to him. He told me he doesn’t love me & his father and he steals cause he gets what he wants when he wants it. I even tried counseling but that’s not even working. What do we do cause my husband wants to send our son to boot camp but I don’t know if that’s best. All this started about a month ago. He doesn’t have anyone negative in his life. there are no drugs or alcohol or cussing aloud in this house or around our son. We also keep all grown folk business between my husband and myself. Please someone help my family and I.
I already asked this question…but I need more opinions…from kids & parents.
-My son has gone to school high 3 times this week
-He brought alcohol onto school gronds and given it to his friends
-He has also skipped school after lunch everyday this week.
The principal just told me about all of this today and he told me my son would be suspended for 7 days.
I’m going to be working everyday in the next 7 days except Sunday.
How can I make sure he stays out of drugs, alcohol, etc while I’m gone.
KIDS & PARENTS: If you were in this situation (kids) how would you be punnished? and (parents) how would you punnish your child?
Mental illness and alcohol are factors; also last contact included some violence. Children are not allowed by father to discuss it openly, except to demonize mother. Counseling currently not an option. Looking for an age appropriate book, perhaps, that deals with loss – specifically loss by choice. A parent resource would be good also. I am aunt of children; concerned about possible feelings of misplaced guilt, anger, loneliness, love.
very Bizarre problem here: I have a 15 year old step son who has head problems. He has stolen 60 pairs of m undies in the past 4 years! he wears them, destroys, rips, and defecates in them. then he hides them. yikes! a history on him: divorce, anger issues, 2 alcoholic parents.. He steals alot. iq 88. I have 2 small bos and am afraid he will hurt them. this kid is waked!
His father hasn’t exercised his visitation in 2 years. (I am divorced from his dad). My son was very hurt. I found out he used pot and alcohol to deal with it. I took him for help. He’s always been a good kid and a good student. Never got in trouble ever in school either. I caught him using after that and continued to take him. So far as I know, he hasn’t been using.
(drug testing, etc).
His father physically and emotionally abused me. (reason for divorce). He has the typical abuser characteristics, (carrot dangler, master manipulator, etc).
I found out that my son visited him recently, and got $ from him;
My son lied and told him he used that money to pay his car insurance. He lied to me and told me he found $20 and gave it to me and he kept the other $140. He also emailed his father and told him I was “up in arms” that he moved back to our area, and that I would make his life “hell” if I knew he was seeing him. I was devasted by this. I always told my son it was his decision.
I am annoyed and hurt that he lied to his father about the money and me. Why would he do this? I stood by his side helping him for the 2 years he was neglected. I made him come clean with his father and tell him that the money wasn’t used for the insurance. Now my son tells me that he had a plan to use his father and hurt him. What do I believe?
I think my son is backpeddling. Why would he diss me with lies? To look good for his father ? He also told me his father ignored him when he walked in the house. My son was sitting on the couch with his grandmother when my ex walked in. My son said he just looked over and said”Look who it is” and walked upstairs. No hugs, nothing.
Isn’t ignoring your child for 2 years for no good reason abuse? Last comment kind of irritated me.
My nephew is 21 and won’t look for a job. When his mother tells him to, he makes her life hell. His father left to live with someone else and is no help. In fact he is the reason why he is worthless. His father’s father was a worthless alcoholic who only worked occasionally. And ended being taken care of by the mother until he died. In fact all of the uncles from that side of the family are or were worthless. The father was abusive and always relied on his mother or my parents to help him and my sister out of being in trouble. He smokes pot all the time so you know that the kids do to. My sister is so neurotic from being in an abusive relationship for 26 years that she can’t or won’t do anything about this now abusive self proclaimed drug addict. She can’t throw him out because she is afraid that he will do something bad to himself. Also he won’t go anyway. Plus he starts trashing everything in the house and then leaves before the cops show up. And even when they do show up, there is nothing that they will do. Plus I don’t think that my sister will really follow therough with anything either.I told my mother that I need to sit that little bastard down and talk to him man to man. But she says don’t rock the boat. All I want to tell him is that it is time to be a man and get a job and start contributing. But the women (my mom and my sister) say all that will do is make things worse. I tell them that I will not be his victim like they are. But sinse I take care of my mother now, one way or the other, I am now. I say that it is time for a man to deal with this and set things straight no matter what anyone thinks. Especially since its my life and my mother’s life that is also being effected here. Sooner or later they will probably end up moving in with me and I won’t have that crap in my house. He says that he is addicted to pot so he can’t work. And he won’t get help. I say that its just an excuse and its time to tell him how it is. But if I do then all hell will break loose. I say let it break. Let him go and experiance the real America. Has anyone else had to put up with this garbage? There was a time when get the hell out! used to work. Now the women say don’t rock the boat and now I’m the bad guy. Sooner or later there comes a time when a man has to step in and clean house. What say you????
i’m just wondering, my son in law has been buying beer which my daughter has been consuming, can either of them get into trouble for it?
he’s 23 and she’s 19, they’re married and live in WA
After a 20 year marriage where drinking was an issue at times but the last year was drowned in crystal meth I left my then husband to protect my children. They are now young adults. I never went through the final chapter because he threatened to take my then teenage son away. I was stupid enough to believe that could happen. I know the answer already.
and my beautiful 21 year old daughter is dating a drug attack. I just do not want to continue with my life. I do not want to see the after math. I have tried for almost a year to hold things together. My husband is an alcoholic and is of no help. just abusive and degrading to me.
My 18 year old son was recently arrested with his buddies in public for under the influence of alcohol. While at the police station they also drew blood for a blood test. What are they looking for and what will the fine most likely be?
