How Do I Get My Son Off Drugs?

i know we’re both young and neither of us has any money, but my home is much more secure and her home is full of alcoholics. plus i’ve graduated and it looks like she’s going to drop out. If i can prove her anger issues and that she never did anything with our son, can i win? it will be hard to prove any of that though.. but do you really think i have a chance? and Believe me, I never planned to do anything outside of marriage, and I never will again. I’ve grown since all of this. thanks everyone

I met him 35 years ago. I was 19 he was 22, We drifted apart and had other relationships,we ran into each other and resumed our relationship. We were marred for 13 years, He was a good provider,hard worker. But he has a sexual addiction to porn and prostitutes. We went through threapy.but it did not help him so we divorced. He remarried,but we continued to see each other. She was a good woman ,but she passed away from cancer in july. Now, he continues to see me, but I also found that he is seeing a crack addict. hestays at my apartment sometimes and I,m falling in love with him again. But, I,m afraid for his safty. He has been showing risky behaviors, such as allowing this crack addict to stay at his home. I will not stay there out of respect for his deceased wife. He has valuables and documents lying around indicating what his finances are. I.m afraid for him. But he doesn’t seem to care for himself anymore. He drinks,smokes ,uses crack. I’ve told his 35 year old son,what to

My wife and i had a fight earlier today because she thinks i am over protective of my son like possessively protective but i disagree. My wife is my 2nd wife because my 1st wife became an alcoholic shortly after our son was born so i divorced her and got custody of my son well when she had our son over for one of her visitation she got drunk and sent our three year old son to the hospital for a week. So yes needless to say i am very protective of my son and my wife is pregnant with a baby boy and today she just i guess noticed or decided to bring it up and it caused a fight. She thinks i need to let her adopt my son and she thinks i need to be less protective of him but i do not agree. Advice? I wont let her punish him i wont let her take hi places i wont let him play around a lot

I met him 35 years ago. I was 19 he was 22, We drifted apart and had other relationships,we ran into each other and resumed our relationship. We were marred for 13 years, He was a good provider,hard worker. But he has a sexual addiction to porn and prostitutes. We went through threapy.but it did not help him so we divorced. He remarried,but we continued to see each other. She was a good woman ,but she passed away from cancer in july. Now, he continues to see me, but I also found that he is seeing a crack addict. hestays at my apartment sometimes and I,m falling in love with him again. But, I,m afraid for his safty. He has been showing risky behaviors, such as allowing this crack addict to stay at his home. I will not stay there out of respect for his deceased wife. He has valuables and documents lying around indicating what his finances are. I.m afraid for him. But he doesn’t seem to care for himself anymore. He drinks,smokes ,uses crack. I’ve told his 35 year old son,what to

my wife is an alcoholic and doesn’t see that she is – so we’ve grown apart and don’t have much of a relationship now. Our son is now grown up and out of the house. If you have any experience with getting or trying to get a divorce in this situation I’d like your advice. My wife and I each have our own careers.

Here’s the story. I went with my wife’s wishes every step of the way, even though I never got back what I put in. My younger son is handicapped, my older one (18) recently diagnosed with frontal lobe epilepsy. The kids need both of us for now, and i am willing to physically and financially care for them both, but here is where it needs to end…
My wife, eight years ago, having lost a bunch of weight, had an affair behind my back, got hooked on cocaine, had several other drug/alcohol related sexual liaisons with men over the next two years, finally contracting an STD that forced her to tell me her secrets. Alcoholism/drug addiction/mental illness for eight years…hospitalizations like crazy…. last time she went back on the booze in spite of all I was doing for her, I told her that was it, that our marriage, in terms of love, was over. Now she has quit the alcohol 40 days, doing very well, and expects love again. Oh, and she has no desire for sex? A big NO, right?

my son was in prison 17 months of the time they say he was out makeing meth with someone I dont think they let you out of prison to make meth. His Mom has all of the evidence to prove him not guilty.

MY wife went to jail for crack possession and I am ready to divorce her. WE have been thru alot and its time to let her go. Is it possible to divorce her when she is in prison? She is an awful mother and would often smoke crack infront of my sons. After the abusive fights and the constant drinking I woke up and is now 13 days clean and Im ready to start over.

A perfect storm of disaster has just occurred in my marriage.

My wife is a bit younger than me (she’s 37), and is EASILY considered the more attractive one of us (and im not ugly by any stretch) – So I’ve always had these insecurities, but they had never even come close to coming true, and we have a 15 year old son. Pretty much a great marriage.

2 Days before this occurred I went off on a business trip meant to last 4 days.

The night before I was scheduled to come home, she tells me she was going to have a girl’s night out (our son and his friend who would spend the night). Which was fine by me, as that had always involved just watching a chick flick with her friends.

This time however unbeknown to me they had decided to go out drinking.

I’m still trying to gather everything that went on but here is so far what I’ve more or less confirmed:

-The group’s 25yr old grad student friend took them to a frat party.

-Binge drinking ensued, and she’s never EVER held her alcohol well.

-She suggested that the people there (30 or so) move the party to a local club 2 miles away, because they’d all get in without much hassle since (my) cousin and (my) close friend both co-own the club.

-When at the club, (supposedly) even heavier drinking continued.

- the bar screen has a the Yankee-Redsox game in extra innings. The guys were all sox fans and decided to propose that if the yankees won, the guys would all strip down, but if the redsox won, the girls would all go topless. The girls agreed.

-The Redsox won the game (4/24/09′s game), and that’s when things really got crazy. Most of the girls out right refused and never meant it seriously anyway. One girl went down to her bra. – My wife was last to go, again making things worse as now more and more of the hundreds (maybe thousands, as its a REALLY big place and the only one near our town)- And she apparently didn’t hesistate to take her shirt off while dancing.

-Apparently everyone then started prodding her to go further and started commenting on the size of her breasts (they are very large, and before this incident used to be on of my favorite features of her), this apparently made her loss all her inhibition and she started dancing like some stripper and threw her bra clean off.

-As insane as this all was, apparently that was just the start, as guys tried to put money in her and get close to her and grope her, she apparently fed off the attention and went all the way down down to her thong, and then completely naked while dancing on a table infront of everyone!

She was eventually told to get off the table. She put her underwear back on (no bra at this point as apparently she flung it too far into the mob) and was apparently very heavily gropped throughout all of this by what my estimate was at least 40 different guys, many of which it turns out are actually loose acquaintances of us or our families.

She continued to drink and do all she was dared to do by some of the frat guys, such as hook up with her girlfriends, or take bodyshots.

Eventually she got beyond drunk (guys kept buying her drinks), and told her friends she was going to go to the bathroom. Her friends finally noticed something was wrong when she hadn’t come back in over 20 minutes.

They looked and she wasn’t in the bathroom, but they did notice a strange amount of guys going to a side room. When they got in, she was passed out on the floor, spread out completely naked. The room was filled with at least 8 girls and 20 guys, 3 of which were bouncers, who ALL KNOW OUR SON. 2 of them are older brothers (that she used to babysit) to 2 of his best friends, and the third one is his phys ed teacher and wrestling coach.

She was being groped and fondled all over by several of them and one of them was preparing a condom. Her friends immediately bailed her out (though without any clothing whatsoever, it was all lost), and it remains unclear what occured before they got there. I’ve heard some very disturbing things that i suspect may be true.

One of her friends threw her into a cab and took her home. Apparently she woke up briefly around this time as she got out of the cab infront of our house, – and while still completely naked started making a seen which caused several of the neighbors entire families (2 of which are coworkers, that were some of the people that first informed me what went down) to look out side and see her standing nude. Several of the highschool and college kids that walk around at that time also saw her.

THANKFULLY our son was asleep, and my secretary that was babysitting my son and his friend let my drunken wife in.

She immediately rushed her to the bed and put a sheet on her while she went back to the kitchen to fetch alka seltzer and a bucket.

When she got back 5 minutes later, the nightmare gets worse. My son’s friend had gotten out of bed to go to the bathroom and has was staring at her full bore. The sheet was off my wife (it’s n
The character limit cut off my question.

I still love her dearly, but I am humiliated and embarrassed and angry.

Part of me wants to leave her. Part of me wants to save our marriage even if this involves moving.

I dont know what to do. My heart is in conflict with my mind.
-edit # 2

I am most scared for my son, as I know how cruel highschool kids can be should they decide to reveal what they saw.

Ive already gotten an email with some pictures that are captioned with her full name and the town.

She has never done something like this before, and to my knowledge has always been faithful to the max.

Im getting more and more paranoid that something else happened though.

Thank you to those of you who are giving actual advice.
3rd edit-

When she was confronted she first tried out right denial, but the reason I know so many details is because many people unfortunately took pictures. Hence the email i received. She then tried to say that she didn’t remember, and she is ofcourse using the liquor as an excuse, but she is very apologetic.

I have set up marriage counseling but at this point I’m not even sure If im going to go.

Im again– afraid that no matter what happens our son will get hurt.

And finally, regarding what one very helpful reply said- Yes I am scared something like that did happen. If not penetration, then orally.

I can’t explain how much I love her and how good she’s always been, but I really don’t know anymore guys. Your advice so far has been very helpful though. – thank you.
edit-4

After reading some of the harsher remarks, I guess another thing that is bothering me is this:

I was basically the only person she was ever intimate with. Some people thought she was just a trophy wife at first but we’ve always been so close for such a long time.

I feel as if now that is cheapened with what these others men got to see and do. She was never even remotely like this even when we were dating. Always took it slow, so I feel like she isn’t as exclusive now.

Do you guys think that if I decide to stay with her that I have to move? we’ll be bumping into some of these people a lot. Thanks for the feedback guys. I’m still heart broken.

It’s complicated so please bear with me. My wife agrees her dad is an alcoholic. She knows he was absent in her life growing up, and caused a lot of hurt and pain for her because she knew the drinking always came first – not her.

He pretty much always has a beer in hand, never completely trashed (around us at least). Her dads girlfriend recently made a comment about making this year more about family.

This concerned me, I found myself thinking some pretty negative thoughts about how they want to leech into our lives and onto our hard work (we’ve got our lives together) and that I would just not rather have them in our life. I don’t like the fact that I think this, because I’m usually a pretty caring person, and I find myself second guessing my “hard line in the sand” because I know its her DAD and after all he is part of the family.

Up until now, our relationship has been getting a little closer than it was (her and her dad didn’t speak or even send cards for many years). This is clearly because we had a son, and I think he realizes he messed up with her and wants to makeup for it. So he has been buying our grandson gifts, and took us out to dinner a few times, had Easter at their house (which I was out of town for).To me, I would kind of like to limit it to that, and even that is pushing it. I don’t want to be unreasonable here, and I know I need to take my wifes wants/ needs into this as well but now we are running into a situation where she arranged for them to babysit for us and the whole thing is making me REALLY uncomfortable – like my wife is allowing a serpent to sneak up on our child! I know thats a horrible image, but when she told me that is seriously what I thought. His girlfriend musta been surprised my wife allowed it too, because my wife told me she made the comment “dont worry, I REALLY AM A GOOD GRANDMOTHER”. I guess my view is if you need to say something like that, then you probably aren’t! (though perhaps she is just saying that she isn’t the perpetrator of the bad behavior and trying to distancing herself from him).

My wife’s dad also recently lost his wife (to alcoholism), which may have played a part in his change, but maybe I’m just cold person but I don’t think so. I should mention that my wife seems to fool herself into believing the problems between her and her dad were caused by his wife (the one who died). So I can see how she might want to try again with him with her not there, but I think we both know deep down that, while his late wife may have been very mean to her (my wife) as a child, HER DAD was the one who made the choice to not put a priority on his daughter (my wife).

I am torn, because it would be nice if they wanted to be in our life, but I do not want them in our life on THEIR terms of current lifestyle. And I DON’T want for my son to be negatively impacted by this – in any way shape or form AT ALL. My wife and I also agree that these is little to zero chance that her dad will change. I wish my wife were stronger, But I KNOW that she will not confront him about his drinking problem, for whatever reason she is scared. I think its because she knows that if forced to pick between us (HER) and the bottle, he will choose the bottle – and that would open up deep wounds from childhood for her.

So she seems content to receive them with open arms, thinking any positive change they make is good. I agree, but where we differ is that I feel like we need to set some kind of boundaries and limit our relationship with them until they change. And even if they do change, I’ve been around alcohol long enough that I know once someone is an alcoholic they can easily fall back especially when they’ve been into that lifestyle for 40+ years.

PLEASE HELP!!

What should we do? Do I need to be the ****** in this situation? Part of me says “MAN UP” and protect your son and I know that I will do that if I need to, as of now I’ve let her take charge of matters concerning her family and so have been the a nice guy around her dad and his girlfriend. However, if I do exchange words with him, I know it will probably get heated and I will wind up issuing him an ultimatum and then my wife will be mad at ME!

If it were up to me, I’d say “drop em”. Don’t need that in my life. But then again, would I be like that to my dad or mom? Probably not. So I need to be careful, I wish my wife would get the strength to see this situation for what it is, but in the meantime – what boundaries can and should be set without totally driving them out of our life? This is hard.
>>You wrote to much so I refuse to answer…..

Well PISS OFF then mate. It’s my family we’re talking about here and this could make or break it if I allow him to go with grandpa who drives drunk and kills my boy. Sorry to inconvenience you with a few paragraphs.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

You have all sorts of issues and anger here which are unrelated to these people’s abilities to grandparent/influence on your son, who will not be harmed by Grandpa being a bit beer-y. Don’t let them drive, and find something else to worry about.
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K, I can see how you would think this regarding my response to Jacks lazy, unthoughtful, non-answer. Maybe I overreacted to him, but consider that alcohol has been a problem for our family, we have put years of work into figuring out how to live with it, after having it nearly destroy our relationship (before our son). My appeal to yahoo answers may have been random, but at least I put some thought into explaining the situation so people could get as good a read on the situation as possible. Yes, Jacks answer bothered me, but please don’t mistake that for “anger unrelated to these people”.
The way I see it, they made decisions in life. They CHOSE to put themselves first and made a priority out of having fun. Even when it hurt other people. I’m sorry, but thats not the kind of behavior that one should expect out of family. To me, family means you can COUNT on them. That wouldn’t apply here, and about drinking and driving, you try taking away a drunks keys. Some will let you, some won’t.
My wifes mothers boyfriend has been there from the beginning, and is 1000X better grandpa, not to mention two great grandpas on my side (my dad and step dad). I should make it clear that if my dad or stepdad with the alcohol problem, I would step in in a heartbeat and tell them they can be a part of our family on our terms. Why is it wrong to want to protect your family from a hazard?

which names will make our son smart and ,able to get jobs,girlfriends lots of friends ,sociable ,etc

they say its important to give your child a good name that he wont be picked on,he wont be made fun of ,he wont be gay,he wont be bullied, he wont be in a gang,or be hooked on drugs, etc

we narrowed it down to 4 unique names let me know which one is best they are all unique names

jaquez

jaquim

jean claude

vladimir

we want a name that will make our kid shine in school stand out from the rest be a straight a student be on the honor roll and graduate cumlaude

ive also heard it depends what month your child was born too if your into astrology signs.

The house was once used as a meth house and when it went up for auction I purchased it. Now my son and his wife have lived in it for 3 or 4 years now, but keep feeling run down, and sick. Could it be the meth is causing the problem, if so can we fix the problem?

and she is going to counseling to.She cheated on him with her boss out of state at a meeting. He is in AA for alcohol due to stress and them both losing a bussiness. He has never cheated in his marriage and she says he is a good husband and father and she forgives him. But today she told him she wants to stay seperated and may want to see other people. She wants him to come home Saturday night to stay overnight with his 2 young children while she stays with her mother and goes out with her girlfriend dancing and drinking. She says she needs time away from the kids and needs a night out. They have been married for 10 years and at the begining of their marriage took in her young sister and brother for 2 years because her mother had issues. In the last year her father had a stroke and now lives in their home with them. What do you guys think about this relationship and is there hope?
Thanks everyone for answering me I am staying out of it as much as possible but she put him on my door step. Things are so hard right now because his step mother whom he loves dearly just died at 4:30 this morning.