How Do I Get My Son Off Drugs?

My father and brother live together. They are both alcoholics and when they drink they fight. They are having thanksgiving dinner at their house along with my uncle and cousin who are also violent (they have all gotten into a bad fight with EACHOTHER just this week) and my aunt who is also a drunk. My husband and I have a son who is not even 2. and I don’t think he needs to be around all that.
There is no way to judge when the best time to go is because they are eating at 2 and they start drinking as soon as they wake up so by 2 the fighting will have already begun. How can I tell them we won’t be there without hurting feelings or causing an arguement?
We will be with my mom’s side of the family which is a sore spot for them anyway.
I have asked them not to dink when my son is around and they sneak it anyway.
my dad used to just blow us off as kids. say he was going to be there and then just not show up, and although it is tempting to do the same thing to him, I want to be the bigger person, I remember how disappointing that was.
they have all been in jail and rehab several times. none of them think they have a problem. If they don’t WANT help I CAN’T help them! After 20 years of this behavior I don’t owe them anything. I do love them and I don’t want to hurt their feelings but am willing to risk that not to have my son see the same things I saw as a child——This is for Shell!

My son is 17, 10 days ago we found out he has some bad things going on…We still can figure out if it is Alcohol alone or also weed smoking. He gets in and out of house w/o telling us, he comes some days at 2-3 am or some days 10-11 pm. Has very changing moods. We took him to a drug place for a meeting & the “no so smart woman” there said we needed to listen to him, in front of his face, and they said they didnt need to run a drug test on him…so in other words, they made the parents look like jerks in front of the teenager.
I just came bk f/buss. trip & found out he has a ticket for consumpt. by a minor not driving though-he already went to judge to handle it, but he was hiding it f/us. I called court to find out details and they advised me he has handled it & has some condit’s to meet and $ to pay.
A/o last year has GPA 4.0 & 0 absent days. Anyone pls. can give serious advise as to what to do next, actions to take to get him out of this problem and bk on trk.
Dad & Mom lv w/him

I’m trying to stay positive but…
please bear with me

I’ve gotten where I am today because of the decisions I’ve made as a person. I’m 21 years old and I falling behind in the race of life. I’m not the son of parents of responsible natures and any noticeable work ethic. No, I’m the bastard son of an alcoholic woman who brought another five children into the welfare life. Ask statisticians and those with common sense where I’m most likely to end up. Of course I’m not without blame. I hashed out against the circumstances for most of my life only to worsen my own. I’ve been through a lot of stuff because of it.

I called the authorities on my abusive lifestyle in the 6th grade, my family was dispersed into foster care. I excelled in foster care. But then I was given the opportunity to go back to my own family and I did. Eventually I was placed on probation in jr. high and violated the rules. I went to a juvenile facility a city. I excelled there as well. A year or so later I was released to my mother who managed to get all of her children back. Then as she started slipping into her old ways so did I and I ended up in jail. I was there four months keeping completely to myself. Then I got out and had no place to go so I moved in with a childhood friend I disowned for street rat associates.

I lived with him and his mom until I graduated high school two years behind my original class. By then things were going sour at the house between the three of us, partially because of the tension between the mom and I. We did some things we weren’t supposed to together. I graduated with flying colors if i may say so myself. I actually received a scholarship, lead a musical, and ended up in a great relationship with a teacher no less! But my life….what, who, why, how was I even here?! I hadn’t even thought of college, I didn’t know the way of the world, I had no idea how to be an adult.

My relationship with the girlfriend was adulterous and caused problems, I had no clear direction when I got to college and ended up flunking out. Spent that summer homeless most of the time and got back into the school only to get booted this time because I still had no idea what I was doing and got back into smoking and drinking! Now I have a little over 100$ in the bank and my rent is going to be due in a couple weeks along with utility bills and I have no job! On top of that 14k in debt for nothing! The relationship is rocky and she has two daughters, I always said to myself I’d become more than this for my own family and life and I intend to.

I am seriously F’d up right now!!! Someone please help me out?

He is alcoholic and needs help but refuses to get help himself . Is there any kind of law where I can force or have him committed before he hurts himself or someone else?

This is a very long story and I will try to make it as short as possible. Please note, this will be longer than 1000 characters allowed, so please be patient as I keep adding details below.

I was a widow at 35. I was married to a man with severe bipolar and he was also an alcoholic, his name was Jamie. Jamie had a huge heart and would do anything for anyone when he was mentally healthy and not drinking. The problem was the mental illness was present a majority of the time and so were the alcohol issues. We were married for 5 year’s and had one son who is my late husbands namesake but we call my son James, he’s is now 7, was 4 when his dad died. So now let me get to the story, just had to give a little info so this could be followed easily.

I met Jamie at a bar. He was on the dance floor being goofy with some coworkers. I was sitting with my friend Mary Jo watching Jamie dance because it was funny.
He noticed me watching him and we talked & exchanged phone numbers. A relationship developed quite quickly.

I found out I was pregnant and was very upset considering we were using protection. I knew I could not have a baby with this man because he drank too much. Well he was very excited that I was pregnant and promised to quit drinking. So we were married and were keeping the baby. well as time went by, I realized his drinking would not stop and that he had bigger issues with it than I thought. he agreed to get help and thats when he was diagnosed with bipolar. he was put on many different types of medications, most did not work for him and his scripts would be changed. Finally he was put on the right combination of prescriptions and all was okay, until he mixed the alcohol which he did a lot. This all took place over a few year’s time.
I finally realized I could not live like this for the rest of my life, allowing my 4 son’s (3 from a previous marriage) to be exposed to the nonsense involved with the alcohol & the mental illness. I gave Jamie a warning to change his ways concerning the alcohol or I would divorce him, I gave him more than a reasonable amount of time to do this, he did nothing but continue to drink and lie about it. So just before our 5th. anniversary, I asked him to move out and he did. I had planned to file for a divorce the following year after we filed our income taxes so we would have some cash available for the kid’s & I to move and I would let him keep the place we lived in together, which by the way I bought because he had no income because he could not keep a job because he’d go to work drunk. I did realize though that he was self medicating for so many years prior to me that him stopping drinking would be difficult and this was why I put up with it for so long.
So anyway, I did allow Jamie to come back home at his request & promises to get his poop in a group a few weeks later and it all started all over again, so he left once again at my request and I knew I’d never let him come back, and so did he.

Well 3 days later, he committed suicide by prescription drug overdose, he was living at his brothers home when he did this.

Well it’s been going on 3 year’s now since his death. I have made contact with the oldest brother in an attempt to try to fix the broken relationship with the family for the sake of my son James because James has been asking a lot about his dads family. The oldest brother Ricky is the family “leader”, so my late husband called him. Well Ricky refuses to take my calls. I then did talk t Ricky’s wife and she told me that he did not want to talk to me because he feels his brothers death is my fault because I did not take Jamie’s calls the night prior and had I taken the calls, Jamie may still be alive.
I had to work in the morning and was not taking his calls for that reason and because I was burned out on all the nonsense involved with this man. I was not with him, I had not control of his choice to die, which, by the way, was NOT his first attempt at death. He had an attempt 9 months prior and was in ICU for almost a month. WE did not know if he would live or die then.

So now that you have the story, my question is, how do I get this family to take my calls? I need them to allow my son to still know his dads family for the sake of his own mental health. How horrible it would be for me to have to tell my 7 year old son that his dads family has no interest in him. I need creative suggestions to get them to open the doors back up for my son.

PS-
To those that refused to wait to read the whole story and tell me to meet a man in church. We can’t decide where we will meet a spouse, it just happens when it happens.
Continuation to my PS above-
Besides just because a person goes to church does not make that person better than someone else. When I was a teenager, my sister had a friend that had a friend that was one of the BIGGEST drug dealers in town dealing cocaine and he went to church each & every Sunday with his wife & kid’s. So because he went to church, was he perfect? Hmmmmm. How about not judging, I was just giving info so the story could be understood.

My son’s father has a cocaine problem, it was never brought into my house or done around my son or me, I told him he had to stop or would lose his family. He seemed to really want to kick it, he left for work one day and I haven’t heard from him since. I don’t know if he is alive or in jail or if he decided to get clean and needed time away or what. I am confused as to what to do about it. If he is and has been in jail should I take him back if he is clean? Or should I just let it go…we have been together for 6 years so it is hard to just turn those feelings off. He was a good boyfriend and a good father. I know when you are addicted to something so bad that your judgement and priorities are all out of whack, but I am just wondering what to do…I love him more then he knows and want my son to have his father, but only if that is what he wants too, he doesn’t have to be in his life but my son loves his daddy…any advice would be good!

Just before the 4th of July he was arrested again because he had been drinking. CPS wants to take his parental rights away. He went to court last friday and was release on the condition that he starts on antabuce. . On monday at noon he went in for his UA. They said he failed for meth and sending it to the lab. He tells me that he didn’t do anything but had shared a pepsi with the neighbor..and took a sudafed or something for his cold. But tuesday he is worried? He asked me strang ? tonight like if I had certo or water pills? Will either one of those cover meth in a drug test today that he has? And will the antabuce have one of those false positive results I am hearing about.? The judge is not going to give him another chance which means I lose my rights with my grand kids. That is KILLING me to think about as they are 1 and 2 I have raised for a year now. If that test comes back pos. could it be the medication he said? Or am I not giving him a chance again.? Help worried granny!

Ok, so a couple a months ago (Sept) my aunt (who is not actually my blood relative but is my aunt by marriage sister) who originally lived in Fla lost her job. At the time she was seeing a man here in NY and upon losing her job, he told her that she could move with him. I dont know all the circumstances behind it because its a little unclear, but basically she left her apt and hopped on a plane and came here. Well when she got to the airport (I dont think he knew she was coming to be honest) he met her and told her that it wasnt going to work and that he was seeing someone else. Ok…1st…Jilted and Screwed.

In a panic, she called my Mom and my Mom is not the kinda person that likes or appreciates other ppl’s drama, but my mom agreed that since she was stranded she could come to her house temporarily til she figured out her mess. She stayed with my Mom for a week and my Mom bought her a ticket back to Fla and my aunt made arrangements to stay with a friend till she got on her feet.

Well, she really didnt want to return to Fla and figured she would do better finding a job and transportation here in NY and I told her that she could come and stay with me, but she needed to go back to Fla, apply for unemployment, settle her affairs and then return.

Well a week later, I hadnt heard from her ONE time until she called me one saturday and said that she was on a train from Fla to NY and that she couldnt stay with her friend because her friend was crazy and she had to get outta there….Great

So she’s here. Here’s my situation:
I am a newlywed, I have 2 sons of my own, my husband has 2 girls and even though we have enough room for her because we have a big house, she’s been here now 2 months with no serious job prospects (although she is furiously looking and has over 25 yrs experience in the legal field) she has no money and she has a drinking problem- we found this out because of empty liquor bottles and she went on a binge. I confronted her and she agreed to go to meetings, but its becoming too much and my husband’s getting aggravated.

She does her best to stay out of the house during the day looking for a job and spending her time at the library, and she’s the perfect house guest as far as cleanliness, but she has not contributed and runs the electricity in her room and eats for free.

I really need her to go, but I know she has no where. She does have a daughter in New Zealand who wants her to come out there, but I dont know if she wants to do that. Its driving me crazy and soon my marriage will be in shambles. We cant make love because she’s down the hall and were drifting apart. I dont have the means to help her financially, so giving her money is not an option.

Someone please give me some advice on what to do and its sensitive because I dont want to hurt her feelings. She’s bee through so much, Also, my aunt is 58, but she acts totally helpless and melodramatic.

Oh another thing, the jerk who screwed her over, is an atty with lots of money and promised to give her some seed money to start over. So far he’s only given her 300$ and she blew most of that on wine.
Sorry…I had to add one more thing. She’s staying in my sons room because it has cable and its more comfortable, but my son doesnt want to come here on the weekends, because he has to sleep on the couch and he says he wants his room back. He’s 11 so he’s kinda ‘at that age’
So many wonderful answers!!! Thank you all sooo much- Exactly what I needed to hear. I will be giving 10 BIG points to the best answer…it will be hard because all of your answers are intelligent and logical.

I am married to a meth addict. In another post, I confidently argued that he had relapsed but ONCE since he and I had been together (a year). Now, it has come to be painfully obvious that he uses every weekend. He is what is known as a “functioning” addict. He still goes to work, is home during the week, but binges on the weekend and I do not see him. This has been going on for the last 6 weeks. Moving on, I have decided that marrying him was a mistake and then becoming pregnant with his child was a mistake. I love my unborn son truly and deeply–he has a nursery set up in our home, and my family already talks about him and is excited to meet him. I now know that I have to divorce my addict husband. He is going to end up either back in prison or with a disease. I also know that I, alone, can not give my son the life he needs to be healthy, happy, and secure. I am 31 weeks pregnant and am wondering how I can begin the process of placing my son with a loving, healthy adoptive family during/before my subsequent divorce. Does my husband have to give consent? Should I divorce him first? What are my options?

It’s kind of a long story but i’ll reward the best answer 10 points for the help. It all started when I caught my son Spray and his friends who are 17 smoking crystal meth in our wine cellar a few weeks ago. After interrogating my son he told me that he got it from my neighbor Phil. After confronting my neighbor about the situation he told me that he saw the boys buying a medium sized ziploc bag that contained what he said looked like “crack” from a african-american man whose street name is Rolo who lives down the street in a rundown trailer. So I called the local police who said they do thier best to try and get to the bottom of the situation and a few days later they came to my door asking me some questions. I invited the two in and when I did they immediately asked if they could search our house, I obliged. Well when they got to my study they were looking through my desk and found a manilla envelope that was enclosed that I had never seen before. Being curious I asked them if I could open it and explained that I had never seen it before. Upon opening it a baggy dropped out of the envelope that one of the officers immediatly grabbed it and asked me if I knew anything about it. I of course said no and the officer asked me too put my hands behind my back and I asked what I was being arrested for and he said the baggy had cocaine in it and that I was under arrest for the possession for a Schedule 2 narcotic, read me my Miranda rights and led me to his cruiser. after arriving to the jail I was givin my phone call to make bail and I called my son who cussed me out for disturbing his XBOX time and hung up, I had to wait 3 days in a holding cell for my ex-wife to bail me out. Of course I was and still am furious and am tired of being treated this way from my drugabusing son. I know he planted the drugs in my house because of the arguement we had the week before. When I got home he sold my uke, my laptop, all my TV’s and just about everything in my house. I called his cell phone asking him what happend and he laughed and said that I’ll never get it back. I again called the police and they came over and told me they’ll “look into it” and just left. I am sick of this behaviour and would like to disown him and move in with my cousin Kholl who told me I can stay with him until I get back on my feet. My question is how do i go about disowning my deliquent son. SERIOUS ANSWERS ONLY PLEASE.
Please stop calling me a troll, i can’t help the nicknames people give others. This is a serious issue and I would like it to be treated so.

My husband of 29yrs. was sniffing cocaine occasionally when I first met him. The past two yrs. it escalated to a one hundred a dollar a day habit. It had caused a lot of pain and financial hardships. I also have two children; a daughter 19 and a son 16. I hid this problem from his family and my children all these years. For fear of how they would be hurt and affected form this knowledge. I am 49yrs. old and have had enough! I told my children & his family the truth and at this time seeking a long overdue divorce. He is the only person that can help himself. I almost destroyed myself trying to help him. In fear of me divorcing him he actually quit! Slowly weened himself off. I know it will be temporary unless he get professional help. He also drank of course all theses years along with the cocaine. He was never sick a day in his life. Now he had developed ulcerated colitis and has been hospitalized 3 times and needed 3 blood transfusions. He has to continually have his blood count checked and is on steroids to control the bleeding plus other medication. My question is; is it possible that by stopping the cocaine use this could have any connection with his recent illness? I finally reached a time in my life where I have to think of myself & felt that my children could understand the situation with me leaving their father…and they do. Now he gets this illness. Can anyone please give me any info or advise?? Thank You.

My sister has a serious drug addiction. I never know what drug she’s doing from week to week. One week its Loratabs, then it’s Cocaine, then it’s OxyCotton, etc. She and her drug addict boyfriend are both unemployed. My sister received welfare, food stamps, and child support. She has openly admitted that she is a drug addict and that she uses her child support and sells her food stamps to get she and her boyfriends fix. She spent her $2000 tax check on drugs . . . she admitted this. She always accuses my mother and stepdad of not loving her and not wanting her because they always have a lecture for her. She has a 4 year old son, and no matter how many times we have offered or threatened to take him until she got sober, she absolutely refuses to give him up. I understand she loves him, but what I can’t understand is how a parent wouldn’t want a better life for their child. My biggest fears are that she is going to end up dead and that my nephew is going to grow up just like her. How do I convince her that she needs help and until she decides to get it she needs to let somebody else care for her child? I want to call CPS but that department never fails to disappoint me.

Im 33 rs old and have been drinking 8 ounces of DM cough syrup pretty much daily since I was 19 yrs old. I cant seem to get through a day without it, for the last 3 yrs or so I have also been smoking crack pretty much whenever I can get money for it also. I know what I am doing is wrong but I just cant seem to get through a day without a buzz. The lonest Ive been without a buzz is 30 days since 1991 and that was because I was in jail. Ive been in several rehabs over the years but always left early. I am the father of three chrildren, 2 girls ages 13 and 11 and a boy age 3. In one sense I want to die to stop this abuse but also want to live to see my kids grow up. My girls already know Im an addict but my son is too young, how do I escape this madness?(I just cant imagine going a day without a buzz of some sort)

If you’re father in law was the one you were using to watch your son while the husband and the wife both worked, he is supposed to be an ex-crack head but went on a binge last night after getting last week. Now he is lying about it, but all the signs are there. We want to change babysitters and put our son in a daycare which would cost more and probably hurt his feelings, but he can’t be doing drugs and be taking care of our son, it’s just not right, and I’m not comfortable supporting his habit with our hard earned money, even if he has earned it as well. What would you do in this situation? Would you hurry up and put your son in a daycare? (The reason we haven’t is because we don’t have the money to right now.)

My fiance and I have lived together for 12 years and have a wedding date set for next July. Just recently I caught him smoking crack on the back porch of our apartment. We both come from middle class families in New York and until that point I had never known anyone or been around anyone who has smoked it before. We have a 4 year old son and both of my fiances parents died before my fiance turned 2. His granmother raised him and she passed away 4 years ago. I know most of you are probably going to say leave him. but you have to understand that besides this he is the man of my dreams and I have never heard him raise his voice at anyone in the 12 years we have been together. He does not abuse my son or I in any way and I am just at a loss of how to help him. I caught him in a slip with it last week. I do not want to throw him out when he really has noone we are his family. Please give me some advice on what to do? my family is aware of the situation and everyone is devastated by this.
just so everyone realizes he is the father of my son and he has been doing it for a year and started doing it at a job he does not work at anymore he is at a new job. And for those who think that I am not a good mother or intelligent I know you are not going through or have gone through something similar although I probably would think the same thing had it not been me in this situation. Circumstances always change when it affects you directly. My sons safety always come first and him and i have a way out I dont want to turn my back on my best friend and leave him for dead on the street.

the mother is a drug addict i have no kids but have been trying to get him and his sis for years. my nephew is not only physical but verbal w/ us. I want to help but do not know what to do. Do not get me wrong I love everything that I have I just want more for this child some advice would help. thank you

My brother got mixed up with this girl a few years back and they had a baby. He is now 2. They are no longer together but share custody equally. My brother told me on Friday that she told him she had snorted heroine a few times recently. I freaked out. I do not have any experience with drug addicts, no one i have ever known has had a problem. He says they are working out getting her help but do not believe he can do it on his own. He is not on drugs, he is a nice boy, just got mixed up with a girl from the wrong side of the tracks. Her mother was a druggie her entire life, in and out of rehab.
She is in the army reserves, should i call them. Would they be able to get her help. I do not trust that baby going back to her without her going to rehab. I do not believe that heroine is the type of drug you do only once or twice. Also, if the army tests her, how long does it stay in the body? What if she tests clean? So confused but need to do something to help my nephew. I am 26 and my brother is 23. Thanks
My brother was at my house next to me when talking to her about it. It is not 2nd hand information. This is a real situation.
Aime: cross my t’s and dot my i’s. Trying to ruin her life? ? Are you serious? I am trying to help her. I do not want to see her go down the same road her mother did. And i DO NOT want any harm to come to the baby; a defenseless little boy who lives with me every other week. I don’t know where you are from but in my book, people just to do heroine to ‘try it out’. She needs help. People die because people like you sit back and watch. Ruin her life, i think not.

hi, my name is sheri and i’m 22 yaers old. I ran away from home when i was 13 yaers old, and i got hooked on drugs. i’ve been to rehab twice. but this past time i relapsed, i did it on my own!!
i guess wanted it bad enough.well, all i know how to do are the old fashioned things that wemon are supposed to do.[cook, clean,and try and raise my son. (he's 20 months)] anyway’s, i got sober my 35 year old boyfriend hasn’t kicked the habbit yet.we live with his mother. she pays for every thing. i try to help out as much as i can, cooking and cleaning the house, i try to work for her and put in my part, well because i ran away so young, i became homeless addicted to crack cocaine, here in miami, fl. i say that because i havn’t seen nor even herd from any one in my family in almost 10 years. i have god, and the greatest gift i could ever recieve, my son. my boyfriend’s abusive to me. physically, emotionally, mentally. i want to face my fear and go out on my own. i’m scared.
what do you sugest