How Do I Get My Son Off Drugs?

Ok, there is a longer version but for now I will post the short version and interject more when I get back and have more time.

We just took in my stepson that is 10 by birth but 6-7 socially. He can be a very sweet child but also likes to do what he wants, when he wants even if told he was not to do whatever it is over and over again.

Today he decided he wanted to play with something that he knows he is not allowed to play with, and because he has been told before and we think he has been mis-dxed with adhd, instead of punishing him and being mad I asked him why he did it.

Bottom line, he knew he wasn’t suppose to mess with the item, much less with anything in my office area, yet took it anyways because he wanted to play with them, even though he understood he was not suppose to.

I asked if he thought he would get away with it (no one would find out), get in trouble for it but didn’t care or if he thought he just would not get punished for it. He chose the very latter…why?

Just a quick low-down:

Unwanted pregnancy, mother was on meth, she got an infection so he was born early at 6 months, was in hospital care for a month, then grandma took him home and raised him.

From what I have gathered, he has been on sugar all his life starting with sugar water. Grandma would let him have a whole cup of sugar on his cereal. No disipline for the most part, grandma is “socially retarded” for lack of a better word (I love her dearly, don’t get me wrong), let him always get his way then told the Dr she could no longer handle him when he was 4 and they put him on ritalin.

Today I had him drink coffee because I don’t think he has adhd and it made him hyper, just like the adhd drugs do. He talks to someone that talks back to him and all we can get out of him is that it is god (I did not capitalize as I am not sure who he is really talking to).

The mother’s other son that is older than my step son has a plethra of behavior problems and then some, yet she swears there is no “mental illness” in her family…weird, 2 boys both the exact same way by same mom, I don’t think so! I have 3 kids and they are each different, 1 being from the same dad my step son is from.

So, that is the short version…you may email me via my profile if you have questions or post them here and I will add more…THANKS!

Denise
To the first two responses – THANK YOU – for the great laugh!! We have done both (even the “abortion” by removing him from the home once before). He lived with us for 1 year but due to violence had to be removed from the home. We have him back only because his grandma is too sick from stress from him, so we had no choice. BUT, we also had more kids in the home at that time that are no longer in the home, so I have more one on one with him now.

I know that he does not have add nor adhd as he can concentrate with little help, he just knows how to play the system and is very, very manipulative!

I have wondered about PDD or some sort of personality disorder. I pray for him and his “whatever” everyday and I am also very patient.

I would love to beat him as I do my own kids, even before they do anything bad I will give them some “love” swats, as I call them. They love it though it hurts a bit, the sting of the hand

All his current Dr wants to do is medicate him
Plus, I just spoke with my ex who got a chance to be around him for a whole day, along with 3 other boys ranging in ages from 10 – 15.

He said that he is definitely VERY manipulative and that he now sees where the other boys are coming from (one of them lived with us during his previous violent episodes)!

He stated that he nagged and called them names just because they were busy doing other stuff and wouldn’t do what he wanted them to do…even after being told no by myself several times that he could not go on a bike ride (that was just one thing).

He said it was like an impish child throwing a temper but quietly so the adults couldn’t hear him. We have sometimes wondered if he really did always start stuff or if the other boys did.

Now I know who is the manipulative instigator and name caller. Then he called the other boys “pussies” and my oldest told him he had a big mouth for someone who couldn’t back it up!

He is delusional & grandoise (ms?) about himself.

see im a transexaul and its fake pubic hair . it might be from my sons meth lab. hes always spillin the shit on my bed .help please

I’m 28 and 5 years ago my bf of 6 months but best friend before, died suddenly in a horrific car accident he was only 23, it was such a shock for me i could just about cope, 6 months after that my auntie dies at the age of 50 of alcohol poisoning, then a month after that my nan dies they all were very close to me, i was very up set but smoke weed to block it out, any way 2 years after that a friend from school i hadn’t seen for 3 years died at the age of 21 from cancer, and iv just found out today that my best friends mums been fighting for her life in a coma threw banging her head died last nite, i feel like death is all around me, i cant understand that someone can be gone with in seconds, i worry for my son he is 10 I’m so worried some think will bad happen to him, as iv lost a few other friend along the way from getting murdered, i mean i just can get over this, how can i stay strong with out cracking up, thats what i feel like I’m heading,

My husband is an alcoholic, and my son has ADD, he’s 20 years old living on his own. I try and do things for my husband and my son and all I get from them is cussed out. Tonight, I got
stranded at the grocery store, alone. I had called a cab, and waited an hour in howling freezing winds. There was no place to get out of the wind because the store closed and locked up. I was the only soul standing in the parking lot and waiting. I even was so distressed
I called the police (business line) and requested that an officer come over and help me as I felt like I was getting frostbite and no cab in site. My husband doesn’t have a trac phone or just doesn’t give a damn to get one (he’s “afraid to talk on the phone”??). So I called my son. My son said “WTF What do you expect me to do about it?? I don’t have a car! But his girlfriend does. He cussed me out and hung up on me. It
hurt so bad. When I came home I told my husband I was going to send a letter to the town editor about the lousy cab service we have, and he said don’t do that and I asked why? Was he
afraid of people’s opinions. I told him that maybe if he had been with me, it would have been better as I could have been mugged or raped, etc. or dying of “exposure” even though I was bundled up. Why do they treat me like this?
I’m 55 years old and have been married to my husband for 33 years but I’m getting to the point where I wonder if I’ve made a terrible mistake. Also I think he was mad because I didn’t bring his beer home. What should I do. I have always
felt that I’m not pretty or attractive although I try to be for my husband, but my husband doesn’t want to look good for me. He lets his beard and hair grow long, doesn”t take care of his hygiene
anymore, I’ve begged him to get help but he won’t. I’ve threatened to leave him, but I’m scared of living alone. What do I do???

My husband is an alcoholic, and my son has ADD, he’s 20 years old living on his own. I try and do things for my husband and my son and all I get from them is cussed out. Tonight, I got
stranded at the grocery store, alone. I had called a cab, and waited an hour in howling freezing winds. There was no place to get out of the wind because the store closed and locked up. I was the only soul standing in the parking lot and waiting. I even was so distressed
I called the police (business line) and requested that an officer come over and help me as I felt like I was getting frostbite and no cab in site. My husband doesn’t have a trac phone or just doesn’t give a damn to get one (he’s “afraid to talk on the phone”??). So I called my son. My son said “WTF What do you expect me to do about it?? I don’t have a car! But his girlfriend does. He cussed me out and hung up on me. It
hurt so bad. When I came home I told my husband I was going to send a letter to the town editor about the lousy cab service we have, and he said don’t do that and I asked why? Was he
afraid of people’s opinions. I told him that maybe if he had been with me, it would have been better as I could have been mugged or raped, etc. or dying of “exposure” even though I was bundled up. Why do they treat me like this?
I’m 55 years old and have been married to my husband for 33 years but I’m getting to the point where I wonder if I’ve made a terrible mistake. Also I think he was mad because I didn’t bring his beer home. What should I do. I have always
felt that I’m not pretty or attractive although I try to be for my husband, but my husband doesn’t want to look good for me. He lets his beard and hair grow long, doesn”t take care of his hygiene
anymore, I’ve begged him to get help but he won’t. I’ve threatened to leave him, but I’m scared of living alone. What do I do???

We have tried to help out one of the family members, but he always has an exscuse or reason why he cant help, mainly about money. He thinks if he dont eat here are bath hear he dosnt have to give anything other than 60 dollers. I am tierd of the lies from him hes mom and my husband. Hes girlfriend got kicked out due to the fact that she lays around all day eats drinks watches tv, uses our cp, but she cant clean and cant remember the food she ate up when she buys grocireis. She takes all her money and food stamps to her mothers house. Oh, shes pregnant. She cant do anything. I was a high risk pregnancy to, but I went to college and raised a handicapped son with a drug addict husband. So babay got to do better then that. Now we are stuck with the nephew and a bag of lies about them getting a place to stay. I am at my wits end. I left drugs and lies and excuses alone when I divorced my husband 17 yrs ago. Cant handel any more. Someone please help me.

My husband is an alcoholic, and my son has ADD, he’s 20 years old living on his own. I try and do things for my husband and my son and all I get from them is cussed out. Tonight, I got
stranded at the grocery store, alone. I had called a cab, and waited an hour in howling freezing winds. There was no place to get out of the wind because the store closed and locked up. I was the only soul standing in the parking lot and waiting. I even was so distressed
I called the police (business line) and requested that an officer come over and help me as I felt like I was getting frostbite and no cab in site. My husband doesn’t have a trac phone or just doesn’t give a damn to get one (he’s “afraid to talk on the phone”??). So I called my son. My son said “WTF What do you expect me to do about it?? I don’t have a car! But his girlfriend does. He cussed me out and hung up on me. It
hurt so bad. When I came home I told my husband I was going to send a letter to the town editor about the lousy cab service we have, and he said don’t do that and I asked why? Was he
afraid of people’s opinions. I told him that maybe if he had been with me, it would have been better as I could have been mugged or raped, etc. or dying of “exposure” even though I was bundled up. Why do they treat me like this?
I’m 55 years old and have been married to my husband for 33 years but I’m getting to the point where I wonder if I’ve made a terrible mistake. Also I think he was mad because I didn’t bring his beer home. What should I do. I have always
felt that I’m not pretty or attractive although I try to be for my husband, but my husband doesn’t want to look good for me. He lets his beard and hair grow long, doesn”t take care of his hygiene
anymore, I’ve begged him to get help but he won’t. I’ve threatened to leave him, but I’m scared of living alone. What do I do???

Just wondering if I am in the wrong here. My husband and I are expecting a baby, I am due in three months. Well I’m feeling concerned about how his mother is going to be once the baby is born. We need to set some serious boundaries, but I want to know if I am going too far?

To give you a little background, my MIL has a serious problem with alcohol, she has been an alcoholic since my husband was a baby. When my husband was young she was verbally abusive and he was even taken away from her to live in foster care for a period of time. And now, she is drunk every single night. She has come to our house completely unannounced when she is drunk, and every time it has happened it is always late at night, around 10-11 pm. Completely unacceptable. My husband and I have been together for 8 years and have been married for 3. This entire time she has either acted like I don’t exist when I am in the same room with her, or has said horrible things about me behind my back. But now that we have a baby on the way, she is finally wanting to get to know me. The problem is, I would rather just have a polite relationship where we are civil when we do see each other, but I really don’t want to get close to her because I have seen how she treats her son and other members of their family. She is very manipulative and delusional about reality (I am guessing due to her little drinking problem) and throws a fit if she can’t have her way. I have no idea how my husband turned out so normal.

These are the guidelines I am going to put in place when my son is born.. do these seem reasonable?

1. She will not be allowed to watch our son alone when he is at least a baby/toddler because I do not trust that she will keep him safe or that she will stay sober while he is with her.

2. She can come over to our house and visit my son as much as she wants DURING THE DAYTIME if she calls ahead and checks that we are able to have company. There will be no barging in unannounced, especially late at night.

3. We will not bring our son over to her house, even if we will be there with him, because it REEKS of smoke and is completely filthy (we are talking cat poop smashed into the carpets that she never cleans up and a thick layer of cat fur covering EVERYTHING).