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ok, here’s the thing… We have a neighbor,”Dave.” and his mom,both on heavy-duty psych meds. I tolerate them, because in the complex I live in, I have to, in order to get along with everyone,and live peaceably.

Well,Dave is a nice guy,and his mom,well, let’s just say,she takes alot of getting used to.
She has this habit of barking,or cackling,when she laughs,and it hurts my ears.
At dinner,one night, we had treated them to an all you can eat buffet,that costed my hubby 60$,and we NEVER treat people out to eat,so this was a treat for us.
We were sitting in the restaraunt and she kept making comments on my kid’s weight. It was crowded,and made my kids upset.I glared at her and her son,Dave,asked her to stop. I didn’t say anything,as I was raised,that with “those kind” of people one does not make bad comments such as what I was going to make. I did, however,give her a dirty look,and she quit.
Her son,Dave, is an alcoholic. He is one that sneaks his booze,and on this night, had went into the store,under the guise of getting a prescription filled,and the pharmacy was closed. So,with the medicine money,he bought a 40 ounce bottle of beer.
I had told him,not once,but three times,that i do not allow alcohol in my van.This was on 3 seperate occasions.
He kept looking at my husband,as if he would intervene.
Hubby knows better than to do that,especially when it comes to alcohol. Not to mention,my kids were in that van,also.
Then next day,Sunday,his mom came over and gave us “gifts,and made comments about my hubby being shirtless.
in his own home!
It was hot and my husband has high blood pressure,so he likes to be cool.
She alwo went into my kids’s rooms without asking and kept playing with my cats,who really didn’t want her touching them.
Some of the “gifts” were broken ( a china tea set,she gave my 6 year old daughter),or old,( an “antique” doll) or torn ( this in the case of clothes), or a leather jacket, which was torn, but mendable.
Needless to say, my already-thinnming patience was gone,by the time we sat down to have lunch.
We are not a sociable family. We have our friends and we have our hobbies,and do not like interference with out routines,and weekends we like to have for family. I tried to convey this to “Linda” many times, but she didn’t pick up on the hint,till I had rudely taken a cat toy that had a bell in it,away from the cat and put it up.
Then,today,Dave had the gall, to knock on the door and ask if hubby can take him to the store,for “groceries”. I opened the door,and Dave didn’t even look at me,but ignored me and looked at hubby.
This was the final straw!
i have no patience with people who drink,and little patience for people who are doped up on psych meds,and can’t take a hint.
It wasn’t hubby who paid for that van,I did.
I went off,needless to say. I had told Dave,that we were not taking him anywhere,because for the last three times,he had alcohol in MY van,and I did not tolerate that.I had told him,three times, NO alcohol,and he said he “forgot.”
I then told him,that he would have to find another person to take him,that we were not taking him anywhere,because he ignored my rule,and I didn’t buy the “I forgot” BS.
I then told him,that i paid for that van,and that I said who rode in it, not hubby.
He asked if Eric would take him,and Hubby ignored him,kept on eating.
That man would not take “no” for an answer.
I went on to tell him to look at me when I spoke to him,and that Eric didn’t have any say-so,as to who rides in the van,that it was for our personal use,and that he would have to go elsewhere.
He stood in the door,and kept looking at me and Eric,and back again.
I told him,rather loudly,that we were just sitting down to eat lunch and he’d have to leave. Again,he stood there. By now,I was thoroughly furious.
Eric kept on eating and ignoring Dave.
I then began to shut the door,and he asked if we would take him shopping,since his food stamps came in on the first. i told him,that no, would would not take him,that I like my shopping to be for family,only,and that I load my van down.”
Again,he stood there,looking at Eric,as if he would respond. He didn’t,kept on eating.
I could tell i made hubby mad,as hubby hates to make anyone mad,and is a push-over. I am not.I am clearly not one to make mad,and have a very short fuse with people like Dave.
I take alot,but references to both of my daughter’s weight,in public, going into their rooms without asking and going into my Altar Room, ( i’m Wiccan) without asking and touching my altar,is a huuuuge offense)
and that I felt I had the right to go off on Dave,especially when he brought beer into my vehicle when he was told not to,is grounds for having his butt chewed.
Did I do the right thing, or could i have handleled it differently??

Ps,i’m still mad!

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My son is 19 years old and a college freshman. He had been the pride and joy of my life for all these years. He wasn’t the best student, but was still far above average, and was involved in lots of extracurricular activities. He was well-respected and liked by teachers and classmates, and always made us proud. But just a few weeks ago, I learned that he had been hiding some VERY disturbing facts about himself for a long time.

He came home for Thanksgiving break about a two months ago. Just a few days after Thanksgiving Day, he was going out to meet up with a few high school friends. I trusted his judgment fully, and let him go. Then around 2:30 am I was woken by a phone call that shattered all my preexisting impressions about my son. I learned that he had been driving to a fast-food restaurant with a Blood Alcohol Level of 0.14, and was doing 75 in a 30 zone. Further tests revealed heroin and cocaine in his bloodstream. He was detained by the police when he had crashed headlong into another car. He was ok physically, but the 4 people in the car he hit were all severely injured, and two of them will be in a wheelchair for life. I thank God that none of them were killed.

I was absolutely devastated when I found out what had happened, but that was only the beginning. I desperately did not want to believe that my son had done something so terrible, so I later asked him what had happened. He was hysterical, and broke down. He admitted that he had been going behind my back throughout high school abusing drugs and alcohol, and that he had driven under the influence “dozens of times.” I demanded to know where he had gotten the money, and he admitted to me, crying, that he had spent years manipulating his buddy Travis, who is extremely intelligent but extremely naive and kindhearted. I was absolutely shocked. The two of them had been best friends for as long as I remember. They went to elementary school together, played on the basketball team together in 5th grade, and were in the same Sunday School classes. Ever since his sophomore year of high school, he had been persistently lying to his friend about “my father losing his job,” “my aunt having cancer and not being able to afford hospital bills,” “my parents can’t afford my tuition,” and many many more, in order to get the money to buy drugs and alcohol. All this time, Travis had no idea that he was being deceived, and when it finally came out, he was heartbroken and inconsolable.

My son has taken about 8 or 9 thousand dollars altogether. Travis’ father is the owner of an enormous company, and has a salary of 12.5 million, so it somewhat eases my conscience that they would not have struggled to make ends meet. But NOTHING excuses my son lying and stealing from his best friend for so long, and NOTHING excuses the four innocent lives that he so needlessly ruined.

I was so angry to learn this, I immediately told him that he has 10 minutes to pack whatever he can and I screamed at him to get out. I threw him into the streets (and several feet of snow) with little more than the clothes on his back, and said that I never wanted to see him again. He had no car, no cell phone, no computer, and I immediately closed down his bank account and destroyed every item and photograph in the house that reminded me of him. He was due to make several court appearances due to the DUI crash, but I refused to hire a lawyer and planned on letting him suffer the consequences. He was sentenced to 5 years. I have not seen or spoken to him ever since that day two months ago, and have no knowledge of his whereabouts.

The whole situation still boggles my mind, and I still cannot comprehend what exactly went wrong. We live in a good neighborhood, he went to a good high school, he comes from a loving and supportive family, and he was very well-liked and respected by his peers and teachers. I know that most of his friends do not use drugs, and his best friend Travis is as clean as a whistle. Honestly, he has everything a teen could ask for. No family problems, no financial problems, no academic or social problems. I have zero clue as to what might have motivated this behavior. He never offered any explanation, and was still trying to defend his actions by saying that “everyone does drugs and alcohol,” and “He could afford to give me that money.”

There is nothing I can do right now since he has started carrying out his sentence of 5 years. Everyone in our neighborhood knows what happened, and several teens have finally decided to come forward to enlighten me about his history of drugs and alcohol and lies and theft. But it’s been two months since that tragic day, and as a parent, I have to wonder if I was right to disinherit my child for such a reason. Did I do the right thing?

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ADDING INSULT TO INSULT: HUGO CHAVEZ UNLEASHES NEW ATTACKS ON PRES. BUSH
Yesterday, he called President Bush the “devil.” Today, he made it clear he wasn’t finished with his red-hot rhetoric. Speaking in New York’s neighborhood of Harlem, Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez called President Bush “an ex-alcoholic” and “a sick man, full of complexes.” That was just the beginning. Using more derisive language, Mister Chavez said of President Bush: “He walks like this cowboy John Wayne.” “He doesn’t have the slightest idea of politics. He got where he is because he is the son of his father.” Chavez claims he was warned yesterday, after he described Bush as “the devil” before the annual meeting of the General Assembly, that “I should be very careful, because they could kill me. Well, I’m in God’s hands. I’m not afraid.” Mister Chavez alleged that an American thirst for oil prompted President Bush to lead an invasion of Iraq.
I have called Bush a lot worse names than that,I just wondered what other thought.
others thought (not other)

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I normally have my child on the weekends but this time my ex asked to take him with her and her husband to his parents 6 hours away for labor day weekend bash but at the last minute she gets sick and stays home by herself. My sons stepdad is a nice guy(what little I know about him) but he is not his dad and also is not very good at disciplining my child and making him “mind”. From what I have heard about these “shindigs” is there are lots of people and lots of alcohol and I am worried that my son(who is 9) will sneak away unsupervised and get to doing something he hadn’t oughta be doing.

I was not informed that she did not go until it was too late, otherwise I think my son should have stayed with me.

Is this wrong of my ex to allow this to happen? Should I jump her a$$ about this? Is this something I could use against her in court?

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I am re posting this and adding some information.
I normally have my child on the weekends but this time my ex asked to take him with her and her husband to his parents 6 hours away for labor day weekend bash but at the last minute she gets sick and stays home by herself. My sons step dad is a nice guy(what little I know about him) but he is not his dad and also is not very good at disciplining my child and making him “mind”(from what I am told he doesn’t do that with his own child who isn’t going on this trip). From what I have heard about these “shindigs” is there are lots of people and lots of alcohol and I am worried that my son(who is 9) will sneak away unsupervised and get to doing something he hadn’t oughta be doing since his mom has let him “taste” alcohol and mixed drinks at her house.

I was not informed that she did not go until it was too late, otherwise I think my son should have stayed with me.

Is this wrong of my ex to allow this to happen? Should I jump her *** about this? Is this something I could use against her in court?

Some info on my ex: she cheated on me for years and allowed my son to be involved with her boyfriends and their families during their outings and even(when asked about it) told the judge during our divorce she didnt see anything wrong with it. I know for a fact that she is cheating again now with my sons teacher because I saw her kiss him outside in public and my son told me beforehand she was doing this.
So I doubt she was sick and if she was it was very coincidental.

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I am re posting this and adding some information.
I normally have my child on the weekends but this time my ex asked to take him with her and her husband to his parents 6 hours away for labor day weekend bash but at the last minute she gets sick and stays home by herself. My sons step dad is a nice guy(what little I know about him) but he is not his dad and also is not very good at disciplining my child and making him “mind”(from what I am told he doesn’t do that with his own child who isn’t going on this trip). From what I have heard about these “shindigs” is there are lots of people and lots of alcohol and I am worried that my son(who is 9) will sneak away unsupervised and get to doing something he hadn’t oughta be doing since his mom has let him “taste” alcohol and mixed drinks at her house.

I was not informed that she did not go until it was too late, otherwise I think my son should have stayed with me.

Is this wrong of my ex to allow this to happen? Should I jump her *** about this? Is this something I could use against her in court?

Some info on my ex: she cheated on me for years and allowed my son to be involved with her boyfriends and their families during their outings and even(when asked about it) told the judge during our divorce she didnt see anything wrong with it. I know for a fact that she is cheating again now with my sons teacher because I saw her kiss him outside in public and my son told me beforehand she was doing this.
So I doubt she was sick and if she was it was very coincidental.

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Making things short as possible:

I have had full custody of my son since he was a year old. Father has not wanted much to do, has been abusive and neglectful in the past to both me and our son who is now 6. I had a restraining order against the father and then had him arrested again for violation of that restraining order. This was in the beginning of 2004. Father was then arrested twice in March 2004, once on cocaine charge and another for fleeing and eluding a police officer on a 1 ½ mile chase going 105 mph. He was arrested and charged, but was already on probation. Some how he only received house arrest for these things.

Anyway, even though the grandparents have always enabled their son, my sons father, they have always protected my son and put his best interest at heart. I agreed to let the supervised visitation be within the grandparents house under the supervision of the grandparents. Still his father didn’t want much to do with our son. Well, sometimes he did, sometimes he didn’t. He hasn’t ever gave him a bath, got him ready for bed, put him to bed or any of those things. Eventually, the order was changed allowing the father visitation rights without supervision from time to time as mutually agreed by me. He went on to sometimes spending time with him to all of a sudden spending time, then taking him to his girlfriends house to sleep over with her son behind my back. I didn’t make any issue out of it until my son told me that he wasn’t fed all day, daddy was bye bye and his girlfriend was sleeping. So, my son and this two year old were left unsupervised and unfed. I immediately contacted the grandparents and THEY told the father that my son would have to stay with them.

So, a long time went on now my son is six. Dad has all of a sudden been spending time with our son again. He has a new girlfriend again, so evey time he gets a new one, he tries to act like the all American dad. Anyway, I haven’t said anything to him. I have always encouraged a good healthy relationship. Well, the dad always seems to mess up. The past few times my son spent with his dad the following has happened:

My son has been saying the F word and a couple other swear words. He doesn’t hear it in our house. I think that I have respectfully done my best to raise him right so far and he is a great kid. My son informed me that his dad says those words all of the time and my son actually asked him if he would stop saying those bad words. Fathers response to that was, “I will say whatever the heck I want to” I don’t grill my son when he comes home. He and I have a wonderful relationship. A few other issues I have are: His dad told him that the cops have been following him and around eveywhere and my son has told me that a cop followed them to the store and daddy’s girlfriend yelled at the cop for harrassment. The last time my son was up there, I picked him up and he told me that daddy kicks girls. He said that his daddy and his girlfriend got into a huge fight and his girlfriend was crying and yelling not to kick her. This is not safe and not a happy environment that my son is used to. I hate to be mean, but no wonder my son calls me and says that he is home sick. I have always encouraged him to go up there but from now on I think I will let it up to my son and will tell the grandparents that dad is not to take my son by himself. Any suggestions??
Everything was always fine when the dad was not allowed to take him places, but then he wouldn’t spend time with him which I am starting to believe that is what’s best. I won’t leave it up to my son. I will do whats best. Thanks for the advice except for Spike. Yeah, very uncalled for. So, you blame the good parents instead of the bad parents that choose not to change? Sounds like my sons father. Yep, you are just like him. A LOSER!!!
Everything was always fine when the dad was not allowed to take him places, but then he wouldn’t spend time with him which I am starting to believe that is what’s best. I won’t leave it up to my son. I will do whats best. Thanks for the advice except for Spike. Yeah, very uncalled for. So, you blame the good parents instead of the bad parents that choose not to change? Sounds like my sons father. Yep, you are just like him. A LOSER!!!

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I am preparing (well in advance) for my son’s birthday party and today someone whom I had intended to invite (along with her 2 children that my son plays with) asked what kind of alcohol I would be serving. I said no alcohol, he’s two, for crissake’s.

Well, she goes and says that it’ll be a crappy party with no booze and she has booze at her kid’s birthdays.

Who does that? What if a child got into it?

Booze and children’s parties are declasse right?
Oh, and the party is going to be at 11 am. Most people are still drinking coffee at 11 am,. (and there will be coffee, and soda, and lemondae, and water bottles)

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I am preparing (well in advance) for my son’s birthday party and today someone whom I had intended to invite (along with her 2 children that my son plays with) asked what kind of alcohol I would be serving. I said no alcohol, he’s two, for crissake’s.

Well, she goes and says that it’ll be a crappy party with no booze and she has booze at her kid’s birthdays.

Who does that? What if a child got into it?

Booze and children’s parties are declasse right?
Oh, and the party is going to be at 11 am. Most people are still drinking coffee at 11 am,. (and there will be coffee, and soda, and lemondae, and water bottles)

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Hello..the mother of my son fell into trouble with meth and dcfs took my son and her other son out of her custody. I didn’t get custody because she argued in court that I haven’t had any parenting classes, and so my son is in foster care until I complete the classes. She has been found unfit. My question is what kind of rights does she have compared to me. The reason I ask is because she is giving the foster parent a rough time by demanding that things get ran her way at the foster home. The foster mother is a very nice older lady and has confessed to me that she is feeling bullied by her and the dcfs agents relay the demands to the foster parent as well. The mother of my son is now trying to get my son put into a different foster home. I think this is ludicris and I am curious if I have the power to stop this, what rights do I have, and does she even have a right to see the kids as an unfit parent?

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married 12 yrs. had a difficult yrs.but loved my son more than anybodyelse. he wants to be with his dad.my financial is not really secure. had few debts. But my hubby is alcoholic,illegal smoker. and he is lost affection, attention,appreciation towards me.

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What right does a judge have to decide what is in the “best interest of the child” when both parents are fit? I mean I can understand if a parent is really unfit, like very heavy into meth and such, but I have seen children sad and so upset because they wanted to live with one parent but the judge decides who they live with. Why don’t they let children speak up? I know teenage run aways because of this situation. In fact I know a kid right now who just ran away and went to live with his dad because some know it all judge decided it was “the best interest of the child” to live with his mother. Well, the mother ended her job after she got him and lived off a small settlement from workers comp and is now on welfare and getting child support and her son was just a meal ticket. She is now trying to figure out what she will do with this sudden income loss. Obviously this was not in the best interest of the child! His father has been great for him. Why won’t judges let children decide?
I have seen fathers get residential custody of a child and watched the child cringe when the father tried to hug them and and cry as the father pulled them away from mom to take them home. Yes, this children have feelings just like adults. When you were a child did you know what you wanted and what would have made you happy? All of you from divorced families, I am sure most of you did not have it perfect and one parent was cruel while the other was loving.

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My ex and I never married. He refused tp sign birth certificate so a paternity test was complete since I have state assistance. He has been paying child support only because he is forced to by the state. He has rarely seen our son over the past 4 years. He never calls or comes to visit him. We live 3 hours away from each other.
Recently he told me he’s going after custody of our son completely out of the blue. Obviously he won’t get custody but I don’t want him to have visitation because he is mentally, physically and emotionally abusive in addition to being an alcoholic. He has a domestic violence case on his record and 2 DUI’s. In addition to several reports documented by police but no action taken.
What are his rights to visitation?

The attorney I spoke to said he has to legally prove paternity through the court and the state issued paternity test was only for child support.

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I am preparing (well in advance) for my son’s birthday party and today someone whom I had intended to invite (along with her 2 children that my son plays with) asked what kind of alcohol I would be serving. I said no alcohol, he’s two, for crissake’s.

Well, she goes and says that it’ll be a crappy party with no booze and she has booze at her kid’s birthdays.

Who does that? What if a child got into it?

Booze and children’s parties are declasse right?

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My ex and I never married. He refused tp sign birth certificate so a paternity test was complete since I have state assistance. He has been paying child support only because he is forced to by the state. He has rarely seen our son over the past 4 years. He never calls or comes to visit him. We live 3 hours away from each other.
Recently he told me he’s going after custody of our son completely out of the blue. Obviously he won’t get custody but I don’t want him to have visitation because he is mentally, physically and emotionally abusive in addition to being an alcoholic. He has a domestic violence case on his record and 2 DUI’s. In addition to several reports documented by police but no action taken.
What are his rights to visitation?

The attorney I spoke to said he has to legally prove paternity through the court and the state issued paternity test was only for child support.

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My kids are 35 and 32. When their dad left they were 10 & 13. Soon after that ( I recently found out) they started drinking. As they grew up it got progressivly worse. These are people who have (at one time) have professional jobs, great relationships etc.. I have enabled them a lot over the years. Paying their bills, house payments, food, clothes cars, insurance payments, you name it, I’ve done it. All along, knowing it was wrong. I had so much guilt over their dad leaving. They have “both” lived with me at one time or another. They have destroyed my homes and my heart. I know you will all say, ” It was my fault” I moved from California to Washington, with my present husband of 20 years. Soon after we got here, my oldest son came here for 3 months. It drove me crazy, again my fault. One day while I was at work, my husband put him on a bus and shipped him to New Mexico. He was homless and had just the clothes on is back. Eventully, I mailed him his stuff. My question is. How do I sleep at night ? How can I get myself to realize I am powerless? I feel like one day I will get “the call” and one of my kids will be dead. I constantly live with this. I have stopped paying their ways, but I feel guilty that I live in a beautiful house, I am warm, I have a good job, good credit, nice cars, someone who loves me and a little money in the bank. I don’t know how to stop the insanity that I am causing myself over their screwed up lives. I have already done the Counseling thing. I could never follow the Counselor’s help because at that time, I couldn’t do the right thing and kick them to the curb. I love my kids, but hate that they are choosing this destructive path in life. I just want peace within myself and don’t know how to get it. Please give me some suggestions. Thanks!!

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I have a 7 yr old son from a deadbeat. He was court ordered to pay child support in 2000 and w/ the exception of a check here and there, he has never really paid. With very little if any help from him I still allowed him to see his son. However I stopped my son from visiting him because my son was learning negative things and taking it to school with him. I am teaching him right and his dad and his family is teaching him bad. My son has a slight learning disability, and Instead of his father helping him to do better in school he is subjected to an environment of dirty rap lyrics, bad language,drugs and alcohol which he shares with everyone at school.Though I never bad talk his father to him, his father and his family talk bad about ME to him, because I keep him away. I want the best for my son, and I know its hard to raise a little boy the right way, especially if his own father and family is the negative culprit. Am I wrong for keeping my son away from him? What can I do?

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he left me while i was 6 months pregnant to go back with his ex. but he came back after my son was 9months old. when he went to jail i visit him every month even missed a visiting day.when he got out everything was good. then he cheat on my don’t know how many times and the only reason i found out was because he give me a s.t.d i forgave him he cheated again i found out how?? he gave me another s.t.d last june and he said he cheated because i didn’t show he love. i forgive him again.

he hit me on many accounts one because i didn’t wanna got out or he took the car and disappeared for three days when im the only one work in the household. i forgave him!

his dealing with a meth and crack problem which he stole my washer and dry and stole money out my bank account his had some of his drug friend at my house while i was at work.

im i doing the right thing for me and my two kids my lil girls 7 and my sons 2?

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She is a severe alcoholic and severely abused and at times outright abandoned my husband and his 7 siblings. The only thing that has changed since then is her alcohol problem has gotten worse. I have a strong close family and don’t always feel okay with not allowing our son around her. The two times he has seen her have been extremely negative experiences for us. He is just a baby and she is so mean to him with her actions and language. She gave him her dog’s toy with slobber all over it for him to play with. Her house is covered in animal feces and pee. As far as allowing her in my home, its out of the question because of her drunken and sober lashings towards me. She has told the whole family my son isn’t my husband’s and its completely false. She doesn’t know we had to see a fertility specialist for a year just to have our son. Help anyone. I just need to know if we are being fair. I don’t want to enable her and her drinking.

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3 families are getting notices to move out, who are low-income, my son and I being one family. so recovering alcoholic, and drug addicts can live in our soon to be ex-homes, most of their rent paid for by the government. There are for liquor stores, one being about 10 feet away, and 3 schools for children about 300 to 500 yards away from this complex. Does any of this make sense to you? I am not asking about the rights of the owners, I am asking about morals, and doing the right thing. What is right in throwing out children? Also, there will be no one to monitor these so-called recoveries. The owner of the liquor stores I am sure won’t mind making a few bucks off of an alcy. What say you?

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