How Do I Get My Son Off Drugs?

My husband and I are young,I’ll admit. We’re both 21 and we got married at 18,right out of high school. I won’t say our relationship hasn’t had it’s ups and downs but there’s been more good than bad. We have a one year old son. We both love him very much but his birth wasn’t expected for a couple more years since my husband and I wanted to finish college before we had children. Now I can’t imagine a day without him. I still work and go to school, I never stopped except for the minimum time before and after the birth of my son as money for us was tight. My husband does the same. But since he’s 21 now he’s discovered the world of partying(clubbing) and the world of alcohol. Since turning 21 in November 2010 there hasn’t been a single weekend when he hasn’t had a hangover. It’s really getting on my nerves because he never spends time with our son or me anymore. He’s gone all day and when he gets home at night during the week,he’s tired and he just goes in our room and stays there until the next morning when he leaves for work. On weekends,he takes clothes to work/school and leaves them in his car so he can just change and go out with his friends while I stay home spending time with and taking care of our son. He even missed his sons first birthday party because he had a hangover and couldn’t get out of bed.
Have I tried talking to him? Yeah. Numerous times. Literally too many to count. Did it help? No. He still does it.

It’s driving me crazy but not because he’s not spending time with me,it’s our son I feel bad for most. He’s missing out on having a father because his dad is drinking away on his free time. I understand being tired but I put being a parent over being tired or other things I want to do,shouldn’t my husband do the same? I just can’t seem to get through to him. What do I do?

I’m throwing a party for my son’s birthday at my mom and dad’s, and they’re concerned about potential lawsuits. So I have 3 areas where legal insight would be greatly appreciated:

Alcohol: My husband and I would like to have a keg there for the adults. My parents are concerned that if we provide alcohol, they could be sued if someone drives from our property drunk. I thought that property owners could be sued no matter what, even if party guests brought their OWN alcohol. Does it really matter WHO purchases the alcohol if guests leave my mom and dad’s drunk? We don’t plan on letting people drive home intoxicated, but you can only control grown people to an extent. Are there any legal precautions/disclaimers that we can use to prevent a lawsuit involving alcohol?

My parents have a swimming pool. Can guests sue if they are injured in the pool? What precautions can be taken to prevent a lawsuit concerning the pool?

I have a friend whose husband gets into fights at practically every social event. Can the actions of an individual like him get my parents sued since they are the property owners where the event will be hosted?

Any advice would be appreciated. I am a nervous wreck about this. The state is Texas, by the way.
Covering the pool is not an option, because it is a party, and we want our guests to be able to go swimming and have a good time.

There is nothing abnormal about having alcohol present for a party at someone’s house, regardless of the occasion. Even if we don’t BUY any alcohol, what are we going to do, tell grown people that they can’t bring their own alcohol to drink? How ridiculous would that seem?
I agree about my friend’s husband not attending though. I don’t want that asshole coming anyway, I’m just not sure how I’m going to tell my friend who has always bent over backwards for me.
And “Senor Snarky” is right. It’s gonna be a hum-dinger! I guess my expectations are just too high by hoping that everyone will behave like adults.
Insurance for the party sounds like a great idea. How much does that usually cost?

For starters, my best friend, Jovi, well she’s having a problem with her parents. I am 16, she is 14. We all live in America. It’s really her parents, they fight, a lot. Basically every week actually, and then they are good again. And it really hurts her when they fight. Stuff they usually fight about is so dumb. It’s usually stuff about their son (who is an alcoholic), her accusing him of cheating on her (which he really never would do), and other stuff. I think it might be becuase when they were much younger (before Jovi was alive), her dad mistreated her mom when they lived in Venezuela (it’s unfortuntly common there). A lot of the problems occur when they drink, which they do a lot. Well tonight they got into a fight and Jovi’s mom told her that she was going to move back to Venezuela this December. Jovi is now saying she actually wants her parents to get a divorce (which they sometimes want), and it’s making me upset. It’s hard for me to watch her sit there and not try anything…
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…to help fix it. It almost makes me feel angry at her, like she doesn’t care about them. Now something you should know about Jovi, she’s really a selfish person, a good person, but unkowingly selfish. I think that’s part of why she wants them to split, because it hurts her when they fight and she’d feel better if that ended with divorce. Another thing about her, she doesn’t think about cause and effects, like what will happen in the future. And I am really really close to her whole family (they really are great people when they get along), but I just don’t see how any of her family could possibly benefit from a divorce. Her mom (unemployed), completely relys on her husband for money and she speaks no English. Jovi attends a really, really expensive private/catholic highschool (she has some financial aid for making great grades). Honestly, I think Jovanna has a really great future ahead of her. She will probably be the first of her family to go to college and the…
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…And just have a great life. I don’t know how this could affect it though. I don’t know what to do and I told her to talk to both her parents for real and tell them that what they are doing is hurting her. She told me she is going to do that. Well, basically that’s it. AND for anyone telling me to stay out of it, it’s not gunna happen becuase my best friend is asking me what she should do and I want to give her the best advice I can give her. I really don’t, and I know she really doesn’t want to see them break up. AND most of you say it’s usually for the better. This for sure wouldn’t be, as Jovi then might move to Venezuela where she can’t get anywhere near as good an education as she could here, and I really want her to have a great life. So please, help me out.

Thanks

I guess you could call my husband an alcohol. He drinks excessively a lot of the time and tends to give up spending time with me in order to drink alone. I know he has problems with alcohol and it has only gotten worse with the passing of his best friend. Understandably he is upset but it has been 2 years now since the accident and he still is so angry and upset, and when he drinks his moods are unpredictable: he could be super happy or so angry that he just yells about anything. We have a 7 month old son together and I don’t want him growing up with bad memories of his father. My husband’s father was actually an alcoholic and he barely talked to him for years because he was traumatized as a child by his father’s drunken behavior. Which is why I can’t really understand why he is acting this way! We have discussed it briefly before but he doesn’t feel he has a problem with alcohol, he feels he could stop any time but he just doesn’t want to. I don’t want to leave him and I know he won’t go to councelling. I am just wondering if there’s anything else I can do to maybe make him see how he is really acting?! So he can choose to change for himself to prevent our son from seeing his father as a drunk.

I am 28 years old and have been drinking since since a teenager. I drank throughout college and stopped when i had my son. I went through a hard time in my life and abused alcohol for about a year. I got myself together as well as the drinking. i still drink maybe once a week. I always end up feeling guilty after a night of drinking (even if its 2 or 3 drinks) and feel like i should quit. It doesn’t help that i have a boyfriend who does not drink at all. I feel like I’m punishing myself for days because of drinking and i started seeing a counselor who states drinking is normal/ok. i don’t know why i feel guilty and can’t decide if its best to quit altogether.

My 12 year old found out that his father is not his father, but his adopted father. His sperm donor (biological) wants nothing to do with him, to this day. How do I help him understand that the sperm did not ditch him personally, but did not want a pregnant girlfriend at the bar with him and never wanted to be a parent? To this day approaching 40, he still does not want children, even his own technical.
My son is crushed and is taking it as a very personal insult, as anyone would. My husband is a good man who took him in as his own, when he could of passed me up as most guys did. Eight years later we are now shook to the core and fear what will happen when he does find out who his sperm donor really is- an almost 40 unemployed bum who is an alcoholic and meth lover.

Thank you for your time and suggestions.
Christine- Thank you for your suggestions. In a way B always knew that my husband was not his biological father, but never questioned it. That is all he knows, or knew. I wish there was a way to tell him sooner though I knew that it would cause him harm. As a kid my Dad skipped out when I was 9 and though my Mum told me to leave it alone I did not. Today as an almost 40 year old Mum, I wished I listened. He is exactly how she described and left due to his own issues. Maybe I was trying to protect him they way I needed.

It is not as if his biological donor is remotely involved in our life, as we live on opposite coasts. From old friends he still does not even have the child’s name right- but how do you screw up Bobby. I know I screwed up, but it does not make it any easier.

Okay so I live with my mom and my brother, but recently my brother suggested to my mom to let his friend stay at our house for a LITTLE WHILE. When I say ‘little while’ I mean he said he would only be staying with us for about a week. My mom is a total pushover and thought she would get some brownie points into heaven by letting this guy live with us. Trust me… Bad mistake.

So he’s been in here since the end of October and things can’t get worse (hopefully) He’s been up to no good since he’s been here. Nobody wants him to live here, not me, my aunt, or even my brother – the person who invited him to stay with us. It all comes down to my mom’s decision…. However my mom won’t get it into her thick skull that he shouldn’t be here.

This guy that is staying with us a total pothead. I”ll list the things he does and doesn’t do.

1. He doesn’t pay rent.
2. He has sex with his girlfriend while my mom is asleep
3. He smokes drugs
4. He deals drugs
5. He doesn’t flush the toilet or wipe the seat when he ‘misses’
6. He doesn’t shower (Seriously)
7. He doesn’t wash his clothes
8. He doesn’t wash his dishes
9. He uses the phone all night and then when he’s done with the phone he leaves it off the hook while he goes to sleep.
10. He leaves the TV on all night.

My Aunt couldn’t take anymore so she called up the boy’s mom to tell her to pick up her son, but my mom went to talk to her today and my mom fell under her spell again – she isn’t going to kick him out.

My aunt and I told my mom all of these things that he does – but she refuses to do anything about them. She’s all talk, you know – she says she’s going to kick him out but she never does. She’s letting sympathy get in the way of common sense. She’s so thick skulled I don’t know how to convince her to kick this bum out of our house!

Please reply with suggestions on how I should convince my mom to kick this guy out of the house. Some other advice would be appreciated.

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Btw this bum is 19 years old and we live in a great community. It’s not like we live in the ghetto. We have a $300,000 house with an in ground pool.
I’m 14. I wish I could kick him out. My aunt wanted to throw his stuff out on the street but she left today because she was angry with my mom about letting him live with us.

He lives in a room in our basement, and the whole basement smells of something between weed and b/o

I’ve never smelled marijuana in my life until last week when he was smoking it and it was coming up the vents. >.<

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My mom works for the state, I don’t want to get her in trouble and for her to end up jobless. I’m afraid to call the authorities D:

My brtoher, my only brother and sibling (no sisters), got married at 23 going on 24. so for him, kinda youngish. also he had just got out of college, it wasn’t the right time really. well a year later he developed a bad habit of binge drinking, which got him 3 dui’s in the same year, 4 emergency hospitalizations bc he drank rubbing alcohol after running out of regular alcohol, and several times in rehab. his wife got pregannt about 2 months b4 i did, and about 5 months into her pregnancy, he stopped his binge drinking and seemed to have changed. well 2 months after their daughter was born, he was back to it again. his daughter, now 6 months, has wound up getting hrut from it. the day afetr ym baby who si now 3 months was born, his wife claims that he had tried to kill their daughter by trying to choke her—she told my father this and I found out through the grapevine—in a drunken rage when she was crying. then, just a week ago, in one of his drunken states, he held her and she fell, with him, and had bruises on her body so she had to be examined. that was when his wife made him go to our aprents’ hosue and he stayed for an week. well hes back there again, and he got drunk again, with the baby with him alone. my sil went to work tonight, and she called my parents and said she was frantic that he was doing something to their daughter or neglecting her. I felt bad for her, but couldnt help but wonder why if she was worried about the very life of her daughter, she didn’t just leave work? she claims she would get fired bc she was the only one there 9it’s a store in the mall0 but is anything worth more than your daughter/ I told her this and got her to leave work. But I am still in a state of shock over my brother whom Ive never known to be a ‘bad’ or violent person. I am terribly worried about my niece and something happening to her, and also him, bc of his drinking. I also feel bad for his wife and my parents, bc his wife always calls them almost every time he “acts up” (b4 their daughter was born too), which in a way is not fair to my parents bc they’re older and hes a grown man, 28 years old. anyhow, how can I help my brother?
i have a 3-month-old myself and am afraid to even leave her in the same room alone with him for a min now. (when eh comes over and I’m there with her). I am also wondering if I should offer to watch their daughter for a few days/ (her parents already have their hands full with her siblings)?
also, I know this is babys ection, but I posted this in family as well, but I wanted to psot here bc it does involve some aspects of aprenting. also bc I’m stressed otu for ym brother, and terrified of soemthing happenign to him or my niece, and feeling bad for his wife, and also my parents, bc he is their only son, how can I not let this affect my parenting/ bc also my parents were partly my support system, and now I have almost no support system, bc they are now trying to focus their energy on helping him, which I think si what is necessary, but its also scary for me
is there any1 at all who can give me some advice? also, any1 else who has similar issues with their family that is also a new parent?

Here is a little background. His Father is consistently in and out of his life, he is also a alcoholic. My son is aware of this because his father feels the need to tell him about his drinking. So anyways, he ( his father) just showed up again out of the blue. At the same time this happened my son started displaying lots of anger and frustration. Yelling and screaming using words like I Hate …. also throwing things and hitting. This has been going on for a couple of weeks and I am at my wits end. Any suggestions will help. I set up an appointment for him to start seeing a counselor but am unsure about that to because I don’t want him at a young age to perceive that there is something wrong with him. I am a single mom of 2 other kids beside him, They seem to be handling everything ok but then who knows whats really going on in there heads either. My son seems to be the one acting out. He is such a great kid, funny, smart and very imaginative. I just want my sweet little boy back , and am a little lost on how to do that. thank in advance to anyone that has any suggestions.

the mother is a drug addict i have no kids but have been trying to get him and his sis for years. my nephew is not only physical but verbal w/ us. I want to help but do not know what to do. Do not get me wrong I love everything that I have I just want more for this child some advice would help. thank you

i recently went to court to retain custody of my 2 yr old son, i went in front of the judge submitted a dna test police reports and such his order was mother is to complete 9 months of intensive impatient drug treatment, there was a no contact order issued he also made it pertantly clear that she can only see him at my approval under supervision after she completes 9 months of rehab

we recently moved to dobbs ferry from florida the order was issued in florida is there a law that protects me fro running into future problems seeing as the judges orders clearly state that i am the custodail parent and that she is to have no contact which means no calling me my wife my mother grandparents etc… weather it be her or anyonbe else doing it for her

my 2 year old son is very happy with the only woman he has ever called mommy he is very happy he is taken to the park he is given nothing but unconditional love and this women who the last time saw him in febuary of 09 he cried as soon as i put him in her arms which was @ a halfway house and she still went out and smoked cracked

i dont get it i know i have to tell my son about her and i cannot wait until he is to old but he cant be to youbg either i do want him to know about her i will not ever tell him about the bad things i want him to choose if he wants a relationship with her assuming at that time she has long term sobreity (meaning 2 plus years)

i do not want him to resent me because he one day finda a birth certificate or sees pictures etc… i am just concerned about my son he has a good life and she (his biological) is only that and he will know her by her first name she has other kids whom she has nothing to do with i am just confused as to how to handle this situtation i knopw i am protected by the law i also know when the biological is sober she is not a bad person but i also know she cant tay clean to save her ass longer then a few months and all i want is for her to get well so my son can decide if he wants her in his life once he is old enough meaning somewhere between 5 & 7 yrs of age if i can find a correct way to tell him without tramatizing him because he has a Mommy and doesnt need a person in his life that wnats him to call her mommy yet is only there once every few months for day or so he was a convenience she used to ask me to keep him awake so she could play with him @ 11 pm @ night when he was only a yr old if he wouldnt eat she would force feed him i one time had to take him out of her hands and tell her to get the f**k away from my kid another time i had to pick her sorry azz up off the floor as she was passed out on drugs (many times)n i just dont know what to do i want the best life for my son and if that means she is a part of it somehow some way ok as long as he knows that she is only the biological , not the mommy

my son has so much love given to him by my wife and her sister and brother in law and all her cusins and her parents and ofcourse my mother and grand parents and aunt and uncles and cousins and so on please anyone who has experienced such things pos on this,thanks,

May GOD as you understand him/her/it bless you and your family

My husband’s nephew is 19 years old, and addicted to drugs. He has done some pretty bad things up to this point, and will probably go to jail here soon for a felony. The nephew’s parents are in counseling as well, and they are being told that none of this is their fault. Do you agree that parents have no fault in the negative choices their adult children make?

My husband’s nephew is 19 years old, and addicted to drugs. He has done some pretty bad things up to this point, and will probably go to jail here soon for a felony. The nephew’s parents are in counseling as well, and they are being told that none of this is their fault. Do you agree that parents have no fault in the negative choices their adult children make?