How Do I Get My Son Off Drugs?

Hello,

My dad is/was an alcoholic for many years. He cheated on mom mother and divorce took place. He moved to MN with the lady he cheated with and there he stopped working since she had a good job and it was tough to find a job in the small town they lived in. So he sat at home all day and watched TV and drank while she worked.

A few years later she died of some weird throat bleeding (guess it is not all that uncommon). He was left unemployed and shattered. Since then he has been in a couple different recovery places that give you a place to stay, you have to be in by a certain time, no drinking etc etc. He got kicked out of the last recovery “clinic” he was staying at because he was caught with a pipe that he says was his friends pipe…whatever.

Anyways, his life has just become crap….he has no vehicle, no job and no one in our craptastic family seems to want to help him at all. He has just burned too many bridges in the past.

He keeps giving me signals that I am basically a bad son for not letting him stay with me. The reason I don’t is because first, my wife really does not know him and has only heard negative things about him and she said if he moves in she will go stay at her dads which will suck but she is willing to do that. I don’t want to make her do that. To her it is like some random person moving into her home.

I just don’t know what to do. My dad has literally burned every bridge I can think of. Do I owe it to my father to let him stay here? I believe I owe my wife the respect to realize this is her home as well and take her side on this even though she is willing to live at her dads. Second is that I have no idea when he would leave. When would he get a job? He has no car, he has not worked for 7 years or so now. It is just to uncertain to let him stay with me.

Please help me figure out what I should do. I have heard people say “don’t enable him to continue being the way he is by letting him stay with you or giving him money.” But seriously by not helping how is that gonna make him change when he has nothing to help him change?

Please help!
Well we live in a apartment so we don’t have anywhere he can stay so that’s not really an option.

Thanks to the first poster. I have heard that before as well. But honestly how is it helping him change by not helping him? He is walking the streets….I guess I dont understand how someone can improve their situation from that.

It all started a year and a half ago when he claimed he was laid off at his job at a small airport (he fueled airplanes). He had complained the job was too physical but he’s been a heavy smoker and drinker his entire life so quit the job. After that he spent a year and a half doing nothing. He used up all his savings, pawned everything of value he had except his house and his car. Six months ago he claimed he had lung cancer and only had months to live. He wrote a will and gave me the title to his truck. I first felt sorry for him and was giving him money and buying him groceries, etc. Listening to his drama about how he’s coughing up blood and has no energy. I soon learned this was all a ploy to suck money out of me. When I’d go visit him he’s been able to walk and talk and move around just fine. Not a cancer victim on death’s doorstep by no means. He’s been mooching off al l his neighbors, his utilities are now being disconnected and I think his house is being foreclosed on. A while back I told him he needed to apply for disability or welfare but he claims he can’t because he has no proof he’s dying! Duh. So he’s destitute. Last week he calls me asking for money (he sounded perfectly fine on the phone). I told him I had no money to lend him (I’m a single mom – I’m trying to survive myself). I know the money I lend him goes for cigarettes and beer. I told him I couldn’t support him financially so today he calls wanting the title back to his car. Which is fine – I didn’t want his car to begin with. I think he wanted me to put his car in my name so he could use that as a bargaining tool “I gave you my car – you now need to take care of me”. He’s been an alcoholic is entire life and has done nothing in the last year and a half but sit at home and tell everyone he’s dying of cancer. He’s made no attempts to find a job (said he can’t because he loses his energy after 15 minutes). He’s not dying, he’s not disabled, he’s just dug a hole he can’t get out of because he’s sat for over a year drinking and spending every last dime he has and feeling sorry for himself. I’ve been working my tail off to support me and my son, I’m unable to help him. He refused to help me back when my husband died and I lost my job – he asked me to move in his house with him then one night got drunk and kicked me and my son out on the street. He was abusive and vulgar towards me and my son. He’s been vulgar towards me even when he’s not drunk. He’s never been a brother. He’s a weak person who is self destructing quickly. I think the title to his car was a master manipulation to suck me in and now that I won’t give him money he wants it back. He needs to sell his car if he’s desperate for money. I don’t want anything from him. Why is he doing this to me? I’m his little sister – I went through hell when my husband died and left me with a baby. I’ve managed to get back on my feet and have a decent job and I am supporting me and my son but I cannot take on a 55 year old alcoholic abusive manipulative brother. It would be different if he was not faking cancer and has done absolutely nothing to help himself. Do I stand my ground?

My son is homeless, an alcoholic, street smart, no identification, owns nothing, and hasn’t contacted a family member in 2 years. I found an arrest record 1 yr ago in Texas, got no help calling them, I have filed with a missing persons website…what else can I do?
He did not join a gang…he is 47 years old, not a young man or teenager. He is a loner, have no idea even what state he is in…he gets around. I had a PI look for him too…nothing.

I found out from a friend of my son that my 29 year old homeless son used to be on Meth. My son has no job and is sleeping in his van for the past 7 months. My son says he is not on drugs. That he just has bad luck. His friend used to do it with him but got help and went through rehab and found GOD. What can I do to help my son? Please help!