How Do I Get My Son Off Drugs?

My friend is in her late 20′s she has 3 dui’s she has a parole violation. She is a bad person who only cares about her self. She has a major drinking problem too, her brother died from a drunk driver. She is currently dating a man who is pushing 40. He used to be an alcoholic he stoppted because he doesn’t want to lose his 10 year old son.

He is good and clean now he hates drinking and alcohol. My friend drinks behind his back. Because she is bored and she says needs to be bad once and a while. They live together the last time she got drunk. He told if she does it again it’s over. She said she won’t do it again but she has hit the bottle four times since then. She quit her job and is looking for a new one. So far she hasn’t been looking she just sitting around the house getting bored and wanting to drink. I told her to stop because he is a nice man. He is letting her live with him for free and he takes her out and everything. After all this she still drinks behind his back.

A while ago, I met a guy and I really started liking him because he was interesting and strong. He’s a soldier. He spent four years in the marine corps and just finished his service. He’s a patriotic hero that fought in Iraq and Afghanistan. He seems to have control over his goals. He accomplishes his goals which is great, but there’s one HUGE unfortunate problem. He drinks excessively. He drinks every single night. Sometimes he will just be drunk all day. He will wake up just thinking about when he’ll get drunk again that day. He’s an alcoholic. I feel so horrible because before he became an alcoholic, he was a son, best friend, brother, soldier, and he’ll always be a hero. Now, his best friend doesn’t even want to be best friends with him anymore. The other day his brother did something nice for him and he yelled at his brother in the nastiest way afterward. He’s told me many times before that he drinks to forget all of the things he saw and experienced. I don’t think he received any therapy, maybe 3 sessions or so, but would that ever help someone get over the atrocities they experienced? not even close.

I wanted things to work out between us so badly, but he doesn’t have his priorities straight with himself. It seems that when it comes to his goals, alcohol hasnt gotten in the way yet, but his relationships seem to be deteriorating rather quickly. He’s also become a pathological liar.

The other day he told me his liver was hurting which freaked me out. I know it seems rather crazy that I am attracted to this guy…..what i see is this:
I see a guy that has incredible potential. He’s intelligent. If he wouldn’t get drunk, he wouldn’t miss out on becoming even more intelligent or wise from personal experiences.
He can be so sweet. He has such a good heart.

bottom line though….
He doesn’t care about anybody else anymore. He’s become really self-centered. I know this is because he’s probably resentful of what he has to go through every night and maybe not many of his friends understand. He drinks excessively and has to avoid how other people feel about it;ergo, he probably forces himself not to care. He needs help and he is as stubborn as they come.

I don’t know what the hell to do about this. I’m not sure I can because I think he hates me now. He lied to me and hurt me. I spoke to his best friend about it and his best friend called him to yell at him about it. So, I’ve been told to just stay away. This is where it gets messy. I’m the type of person who can not control emotions. My whole routine gets screwed up when a guy hurts me. I don’t feel like doing anything. I’m not strong enough for this. Someone else should do it but I don’t know if anyone cares enough to do anything. We have hooked up, and i get excited everytime we do because i think oh maybe this time it will work out……it never does. he simply doesn’t give two craps about me. should you ever stop caring even if they dont care for you? at what point do i look out for myself? do i stay away? I’m scared he’s killing himself slowly. who says “my liver hurts?”

When im with him i see glimpses of who he really is. when i first met him he was a lot nicer…now that hes back for good, he seems so damn self centered and drunk all the time. the things he talks about sometimes are things that have no importance like material things.

back to the liver part, when he told me his liver was hurting…i said “oh my gosh, are you serious?” a look of terror came over my face and i said “stop drinking….thats horrible” of course i know that wouldnt change anything but nothing else came to mind i just felt horrible and scared. then he just was a little annoyed but not mad and said “oh my God, you’re worse then my mom!” and i just looked at him and said “wouldn’t it be weird if I didn’t care?” and this look of perplexity came over his face.

anyway not sure i can do anything…..he doesnt care enough about me. he isn’t himself. he probably needs an intervention…..i dont know what to do…..i know my grammar and spelling is off, but i just had to get this story out as fast as i could. if you have anymore questions about this guy or whatever ask and i will answer you.

p.s I wrote this initially seeking help for myself because i feel let down, but there are other people who need more help then me…..like this soldier here.

Sorry if my question was not really a question, but it is an odd situation I am in and I need some advice!!

I was best friends with a girl since I was 10 years old. We hung out just about everyday until we turned 17 years old. At that point in time she was starting to hang out with the wrongs friends and got into drugs. Now I am 23 years old, married and live a happy life without any drama or craziness. It seems as though every time she gets on the right path again she calls me. (She has been on and off drugs since she was 17!) Well she keeps on losing my number or maybe just keeps getting hooked on drugs, but called me today after not speaking for over a year. She said that everyone she knows is a screw up but me and wants me to be the god parent of her soon to be son! As you know I didn’t talk to her for a whole year and had NO idea she was even pregnant! Well in shock that she found me again and completely overwhelmed I said I would get back to her. I have NO idea what to do. In a way I owe it to the baby to have a normal life if god forbid something happens to her (which there is a high chance of happening given her past) or I try again to keep her out of my life and close the door in her face which seems mean. So advice pleeaaaasssseeeeee!!!!
I think she pops into my life because I am the only thing that has ever been stable in her life. Well I am assuming this, she says even though we never speak I am still her best friend. Whenever we speak she brings up what we spoke about dealing with our future. Example when we were kids we dreamed of living together and having this perfect life, but that has obviously changed and she doesn’t see that! In a way I feel bad for the child, she is not a bad person, but should not have had a child. I think the longest she stood in one place was 3 months. She is constantly moving and her life is never together. Right now she has no heat or electric!!! If this is the case will I legally get the child???

Have you used Paxil? Has it helped you? Has it harmed you or someone you know? Is there a general consensus on the benefits/risks of this drug?

Recently I have discovered my friend, (well she’s slowly becoming the non-friend) is a pot head. I dont smoke, drink, or use and shes always telling me to go to a meeting, what is that all about anyway? She thinks she has the right to tell people how to live their lives as far as their sobriety, because she is all high and mighty now and went to jr. college to be a drug rehab counselor. She smoke pot and then goes to AA meetings and talks about how long shes been sober, its really quite pathetic. I understand shes a fraud and a hippacrit. She actually believes its ok to have her non chalant attitude toward her smoking pot daily. She also is fighting for custody of her son, which I’m wondering if i should call the dept. of child services on her, out of my concern for her son. It would give a wake up call and then maybe she will put her life in perspective and climb down from her soapbox and preaching to everyone about how they should be working the program, what a joke. All i want is to get some ideas on how to deal with this person, because she’s sick and needs help and is in total denial, please advise.
so far i think both of these answers are so off the track, i cant choose either one as best answer.

This is long.. please bear with me….
My best friend since I’ve know her drinks alcohol constantly. It used to be 5-7bottles of beer every evening. She had weight loss surgery, and slimmed way down. she was told she was to have no alcohol whatsoever. She fought the urge to not drink and beat it. 7 months into the year, at a meeting a few people asked if they could drink and the answer was NO. after the meeting a few other people said they have been drinking hard liquor which had much less to nearly no calories. my friend started experimenting with hard liquor and got rehooked quickly. she is now into 1 bottle of wine per night. Weekends, sometimes 2 bottles. She also smokes very heavily during the day as well.
I have known her for 14 years. since she has lost her weight, she started going out to bars and lounges and has met an incredible amount of new people of whom she sees as her extended family. these people are constantly drinking and every picture I see with them in it is usually in a bar. They go out to the lake and camping and it’s just a drinking frenzy.
My friend says she is a social drinker and it’s not a problem as she swears she doesn’t drive when she drinks, I know she has and her car is proof.
When she drank beer you’d never know she was drinking. She could walk a straight line in high heels. with the wine, I’ve noticed she doesn’t have that ability. If she isn’t at the bars, her house has 3-4 people of which bring some sort of booze.
I have tried to talk to my friend about her drinking and it becomes a huge verbal fight. At times when she’s sober and we talk, she’ll sometimes admit she needs to get her drinking under control and has admitted she’s an alcoholic, but refuses to do anything about it. I think she’s waiting for a pill or something to help her stop. she’s trying this pill to stop smoking but it isn’t working.

Several of us who know and love this lady want to help her. We have agreed that at least 1 of us at all times would accompany her to an AA type meeting for support and would be her support group.
We can’t do an intervention because her family drinks “socially” and constantly. Her brother brews his own beer because there’s nothing stronger that he can buy. Her family does not drink like my friend does, but she is always around alcohol of some sorts. her new found bar friends all drink, and I know she’s drinking more and more because of them, not to fit in, but probably because it’s there and “free flowing”.
Her skin used to be flawless, now she has wrinkles showing and her voice is choppy and sounds like she has phlem in her throat all the time. Her son who’s going to be 14 has asked her to stop drinking and he gets ignored as she says it’s only 1 glass. (it is.. that he sees).

I need advice on how I can help my friend. she’s a great person, and I only forsee things getting worse for her. I have been waiting for a chance to talk to her when she’s in that “vulnerable” state, but it hasn’t happened. and the times it has it’s very brief and I’m not able to get the dialogue started.
I have to find a place to go for an AA type meeting that will actually help.
She’s made several friends who were court ordered into a country AA type program. after they got out of the meeting they all went to the bars or went to her place & started drinking.
I’m afraid my friend will resort to this because she thinks she know the program and just has to follow the steps and she’ll do it when she’s ready.
I unfortunately have also been waiting for something severe to happen to where she has to face it. dents & scrapes on her car aren’t enough. she crashed into a curb & hit a small tree. she lied & said she avoided a dog. Well she got away with it. I don’t want anyone to get hurt, ever!
However something hard has to hit her that she has to face before I think she’ll have to acknowledge her actions.
I have ideas & plans.. but her silver tongue seems to always prevail.

Please.. any advice will help! Thank You.