How Do I Get My Son Off Drugs?

Oh where to begin… First, I just want to say I’ve already looked for advice from my mother and a bunch of other people… But I want to hear it from an outsider. So……

My son’s father and I had been together for almost 7 years. We got together when I was 14 going on 15 (I am now 21). When I turned 17, we moved in together, and had been living with each other up until this most recent March. June 2008, we had a son. We’ve had a colorful history, full of ups and downs, but we got through the good times and the hard times TOGETHER, always. We had a lot of problems… Mostly money and financial issues, and all the other problems were us fighting over his drinking habits and basically choosing alcohol and his friends over his family. Due to him not working for almost a year, we were evicted from our home back in March. We both agreed (while angry and fighting) that we couldnt wait to get away from each other, and not have to see each other’s faces anymore. So we broke up. I moved in with my mom, he moved in with his brother. We continued seeing each other, hanging out, all that fun stuff. We were UNOFFICIALLY “together”.

Then in June, I started talking to an old friend, whom I had known for quite a few years. We started dating. My mom kicked my son and I out, so after only a month of dating this new guy, I moved in with him. (Wow, right?)

Obviously, this almost killed my son’s father. He hates that I’m living in another household with another guy who gets to see his son more than he does. He says he’s changed… That he no longer drinks anymore, nor that he has the desire to. He finally got a job, got a car, got his license back, and is back in school for Criminal Justice. He seems to be making a step towards a better life, which is all I had been asking for from the beginning. He says he regrets the things he did to make him lose his family, and that when he goes to sleep at night, all he has to cry on and hold is a pillow, and that kills me.

Problem is, I’m scared. And I know this new guy Im with is different. He’s an amazing guy, he’s done nothing but try to make me happy, and I do nothing but try to push him away. But there’s half of me that’s telling me “Despite how great of a guy he is, relationships are ALWAYS great in the beginning”. They’re both fighting for me. And I dont know what to do. The new guy says we can have our own new family, and that just because my son’s father and I had a baby together, doesn’t make us a family. I disagree. I’m old fashioned when it comes to that, because I’ve always wanted and dreamt of a family with my son’s father… And then it happened, but our hearts were in two different places. I’m extremely defensive when it comes to people talking about my son’s father. So when the new guys says things like… “He doesn’t love you like I do, He’s selfish and only wants you because he doesn’t want anyone else to have you”… I flip out. And I basically tell him it’s none of his business, when in reality, it is lol. He IS my boyfriend after all.

So I guess my question is, Should I move out of my new boyfriends house, and try again with my son’s father? I’ll always love him, and I know deep down inside that I’m never going to get over him. I will always want my family with him… No matter how happy I am in this new relationship. I want to believe he’s changed, and a part of me does believe it. I know he wants to make me happy and have his family back together again, and I want that too. But I feel stuck. I feel like I can’t make a decision because I dont want to hurt anyone. And it’s driving me NUTS. I know I have to hurt someone, but I don’t want to hurt the wrong person so I’ve just been avoiding the issue… But I have to decide. I can’t keep wondering, and bouncing back and forth with my feelings. I have to hurt someone. I don’t know how though. :/

It’s like… I have to choose between a 3 MONTH relationship, and a 7 YEAR relationship. It should be a pretty easy choice lol.. But I cannot, for the life of me, decide. Only because I don’t want someone to get hurt. But EVERYONE in the situation is hurting now, Me, my son’s father, and the new boyfriend. So something needs to get done, and I am desperate for advice from an outsider.

Should I go back to my son’s father and make a fresh start? A new beginning? And do it right this time? Or should I take a chance with someone else who I have only been with for 3 months, and moved in with after only 1 month? :/ Help, for the love of God lol.
I can’t afford a place on my own just yet, which is why I had to move in with the new boyfriend. I do have elsewhere to go, but its with my son’s fathers brother & sister in law. (The same one HE lived with when we first got evicted). And I have noticed a change in my son’s father. My birthday was in July for example, and my son’s father just bought me a card and a gift, and it said “I’m sorry I missed your birthday. If you’ll let me, I’ll never miss another one again”.. Little things like that.. He’s changed from being an a-hole, to being sweet and caring and considerate.

I have a five year old son. His biological father died when he was barely a year old from an alcohol induced accident. His father was an alcoholic, didn’t do anything with him or for him and only pretended to be the model father in front of family and friends. He was also very verbally abusive. I have tried over the years to keep in contact with his side of the family and I get a Christmas card if I am lucky. His own Grandmother, who begged me to stay with her after he passed, makes no attempts to keep in touch with him. The last time I called all of them they all told me that they couldn’t afford the long distance phone bills, so I would have to call them if I wanted to talk to them. My current husband is the only father my son has known or even remembers. I have shown him pictures on regular occasions of his biological father, but he still says it’s Daddy and points to my husband. I understand it still may be too early for him to comprehend the situation, but this is where my dilemma comes in. My husband doesn’t want me to ever tell my son about his birth father. I don’t know if it’s because he is worried about him looking at him differently or one day walking away to try and be close to his biological family. I told my husband that one day I was going to explain to him what happened and talk to him about his biological father, even though he wasn’t the best person in the world. He is upset and thinks I should never bring it up to my son. I have always planned on telling my son because he is his birth father. Can a few people leave their thoughts for me, serious thoughts please, and let me know if they think I am wrong for my reasoning?

We were arguing about my drinking. He said I could drink all I want but hes not paying for his son to become an alcoholic. I’m not an alcoholic. I don’t drink on Mondays or Tuesdays. Besides, I clearly remember him saying to me that if I went to college he would pay for everything I needed so I wouldn’t need a job. (I did have a job working for him but he fired me).

Okay he pays for my apartment, car and other expenses, but he never told me alcohol money would be excluded from the deal. When he said he wouldn’t pay I was irritated because I had a great weekend planned. I told him I hated him and couldn’t wait for him to die because I’d get all his money.

He looked really upset but you must understand the cancer isn’t terminal. I feel hes being a little pathetic since hes unlikely to die. He refuses to speak to me now. Why is he acting so angry and hateful towards me?

Ok. This is going to be a long story and I’m not looking for any judgment. My husband and I started having a lot of problems when he was deployed the first time. We ended up separated and started going through the process of getting a divorce. In that time I started seeing someone who is Air Force National Guard-working on active duty orders. After some time I ended up getting pregnant. Long story short-he and I stopped seeing each other.

My husband came home and we ended up working things out after a very long time. My son is almost 2 years old now and my husband takes care of him and always has since before he was even born. My husband is the one that signed the birth certificate. The sperm donor has never paid a dime of child support or had contact with him other than a few pictures because I for some stupid reason almost felt sorry for him.

ANYWAYS! He has a no contact order against him that he has gotten in trouble for violating before. He sent me a message today telling me that he is saving money up to take me to court for rights to see the child and to change the name on the birth certificate. Like I said, he has never done anything for my son and is NOT the kind of person I want my son around. Hes an alcoholic with a lot of health issues. I’m not even sure how he is still military. Last I heard he was being taken off active duty orders. Is he still under military orders as far as the no contact order goes? If I get a restraining order can that keep him from coming after us for rights? I need some help here. My husband and I have a great family now and things are greater than they have EVER been. Him somehow weaseling back into my life is the very last thing I want right now. Sorry-I know I was rambling.

During our divorce 7 years ago, my brother committed suicide. This worsened my depression & my Ex used “depression” & “migraines” as debilitating factor. I kept my son where he attended Kindergarden in TN. He seemed to be in the principles office because he got bored & disrupted class due to his ADDHD. The judge then ordered his father to put him in school in AL. where he had moved without my consent & put him on medication for his ADDHD which helped in his conduct. My sons father married as soon as our divorce was final. I lived with a boyfriend during the time my son stayed in AL with his father due to financial obligations. I had my own place for me & my son thereafter. My ex was awarded custody of my child and I had to pay child support. The support was based on me having an income from 2 jobs & I could barely make it. The child support office wouldn’t rehear the case for at least 6 months. After 7 yrs of employment, I was laid off & the support office told me I shouldn’t have the case reheared until I found another job since it would be based on my what my ability to make income was rather than unemployment checks. I changed professions, & make half what I used to. My support was lowered, but based on a current job at that time where they took into consideration a commission that I didn’t make. I have now worked for the United States Postal Service for 2years. If my depression & migraines were so debilitating, then how have I always maintained a job? The judges words were that, my son didn’t need to be in an environment where he would be exposed to depression that lead my brother to suicide. My brother did not take medication for his depression. I feel like I have been hurt by seeking medical attention so I can be a better mother, sister, aunt, worker, daughter…etc. The judge stated that since my ex had intentions of remarriage that it would be a more stable environment for our son. No matter the reasons for our divorce, my ex and his wife abuse alcohol. My ex took everything I worked for after I paid off his debt. I wasn’t ordered anything I had before the divorce. My ex make 4 times as much money as I do. I even proved his inability to manage money by old credit reports then showed my credit report compared to his current one that enabled him to purchase a 275k home in AL. I have lived with my boyfriend because of financial reasons for the past 5 years. My ex has always allowed my son to come on weekends, all school breaks, and all summer. My son just turned 12 & wants to live with me. My son mentioned to his father & he was intimidated into thinking he should never ask to move back to TN again. My ex is now seeing someone else b4 his 4th wife has moved out. My son complained of his step-mom slinging him up against the wall & whipping him as well as verbal abuse. His father threatens him to keep quite & not tell me things. His father is 12 yrs older than me. His dad has been a good father, but now is preoccupied with another relationship that he has already exposed our son to. I feel his lack of commitment to a wife will affect our sons future outlook on stability. His father no longer has him in any sport activities which he is very good at. Two states are involved and my ex has a lot more financial ability to fight me in the custody case just like during our divorce. My ex prolonged the divorce for 2.5 years until I had NOTHING….no more funds to fight. I will just make it, if I need to move out & get my own place, but any child support that I would get from my ex would enable me to support my son & give him close to the same standard of living he has been used to with his father. I don’t know what to do since I have limited income to seek legal advice.
What state do I file for a motion for custody amendment. Do I need an attorney? What process do I go through if my son wants to tell the judge he wants to live with me. My son will testify of abuse his step-mother put him through. I am in no way “dis” ing another’s relationship, just trying to give all the details from both sides.

I am trying to locate my childrens father so I can have him served with court papers waiving him the rights to his children since he has a violent relationship with his pill popping girlfriend which caused him to loose his oldest son (from previuos relationship not my kid) to the state of Florida, he is an alcoholic, and he has warrants out for his arrest. He works but off the books so I cant even track him through employment. My fiance wants to marry me and adopt my children but I cant locate their dad because his p*ssy ass hides from the law. What can I do to track him or even his girlfriend (cause that will lead to him) so I can get him in court? I cant afford a private investigator so does anyone have a clue?

My husband and I currently have custody of his son. He is 15. His mother is in jail. I was wondering, what should happen should his father and I separate? His father is an alcoholic and his son is only with us because he has no other choice right now. If the father moved out, and I got the house, could his son choose to stay with me? I live in Indiana, and here I can fight for visitation, but can I get custody of a step child if he is old enough to make the decision?

My son’s dad has only seen him once in the past year and a half, he doesn’t pay child support or carry him on his insurance. He’s remarried and has a child with the new wife. He’s an alcoholic and I don’t think it’s good for my son to be around him. How can I get sole custody?

My son’s dad has only seen him once in the past year and a half, he doesn’t pay child support or carry him on his insurance. He’s remarried and has a child with the new wife. He’s an alcoholic and I don’t think it’s good for my son to be around him. How can I get sole custody?

My son Cody is in dire straits at present.His wife left him along with three babies ages 5, 3 and 1.Sunday about midnight she called him and wanted him to come to the place where she was staying so that they could talk.The door was to be opened and he was told not to wake the people up.I begged him not to go and tried to tell him that she was up to something, but he wouldn’t listen.He went into the house but she was not there. As he was walking out the man that lives there awoke.And saw him as he was leaving.He called my house the next day and said that he had called the police on Cody.My son now sets and crys, he wants to die and is drowning himself in alcohol.We haven’t heard a thing from the police about this incident and continue to pray that we do not.I imposed on some of your questions by asking for pray, I hope this was not an offence but I believe in pray and wanted to get the word out.Emailed many of you.I want to thank all of you for your prayers and ask that you continue to.
Thank You Bobby, and God Bless You!
Thank You Juiu,and God Bless You!
Thank You really true 101,and God Bless You!
Thank You raven futrell, and God Bless You!
Thank You queenof_tartz,and God Bless You!
Thank You Jennifer H,and God Bless You!
Thank You porkypine07,and God Bless You!
Thank You fairlady, and God Bless You!
Thank You truth6akathumbs…,and God Bless You!
Thank You Calebs Mom,and God Bless You!
Thank You Dr. G, and God Bless You!
Thank You dnttri2hrd, and God Bless You!
Thank You Jan P, and God Bless You!
Thank You teasergirl, and God Bless You!
Thank You God is love,and God Bless You!
Thank You deezee, and God Bless You!
Thank You mairzydoatz, and God Bless You!
Thank You BibleBeliever, and God Bless You Brother!
I am putting this question up for a vote. I will be able to let you know more the 9th. Thank You All Once again for your prayers and your wise advive. I love each of you, and you are more appreciatted than you realize.

My dad i used to get along and so did my mom and sister a long time ago but as the years wen’t on, he became a raging alcoholic freak and my mom has been trying to raise money recently and is gone to Missouri to help her sick mom and my sister is off to college. Before she wen’t off, my dad just started to dislike everyone, he drank like 20 cans everyday and still does, he verbally abused my sister and my mom and they hate each other now. Recently my dad has been calling me trash and i am a freak for crying just because i miss my mom a lot, then he calls me the worst things like “you f*cking b*astard”. It hurts soo much that i can’t stand it and i have a mental breakdown where i just let it all out on the phone with my mom or sister. He says that i was mistake for becoming this ungrateful child, but in reality, he made me “this” way for always leaving me home alone getting drunk and saying rude things to me. I’m only 14 what should i do? I’m sick of looking at him.
We ignore each other every day now too.

My boyfriend never wants to come to my parents house, and refuses to do things that are family related. (His excuse: “I work everyday and like my weekends to have time to myself” My parents are very welcoming and always ask where he is, they like him. (People always ask where he is and I feel sad that he is absent to everything.) I began to feel like I’ve had been making excuses for him and beginning to think he was selfish, when one day he decided he’d come to my grandmother’s birthday party. He put his laundry in the laundry mat next door and kept leaving to switch the laundry.. He admitted he was anxious during the birthday party–This issue has been going on since we met and is progressively getting worse and worse. I spoke to my mom who thinks that it may have to do with his dad being an alcoholic.. Can growing up with an alcoholic dad make you so anxious that you humiliate the ones you love? I’m humiliated and depressed that he doesn’t love me enough to tough it out and come to events that are very important to me. I don’t want to end our relationship over this one issue..

We broke up once before and got back together. now a year and a half later. I need to get away. He’s not a bad person just an alcoholic. Every night he becomes wasted, he pees on furniture, trashes the house, he’s also bi polar. I’ve asked him to leave, and he says that he’ll look for a place but he never does, he just manipulates the emotions and snakes back in. I’m emotional drained and I just want him gone. He won’t leave. He’s acting out of love and doing what he thinks is right, it just coming from a warped perception. The thing that sucks is that we just moved out of state, and just signed a year lease. I cannot afford it by myself. He already told me that he does not want to pay for anything. I thought about leaving, but all my furniture is mine. what do I do

We broke up once before and got back together. now a year and a half later. I need to get away. He’s not a bad person just an alcoholic. Every night he becomes wasted, he pees on furniture, trashes the house, he’s also bi polar. I’ve asked him to leave, and he says that he’ll look for a place but he never does, he just manipulates the emotions and snakes back in. I’m emotional drained and I just want him gone. He won’t leave. He’s acting out of love and doing what he thinks is right, it just coming from a warped perception. The thing that sucks is that we just moved out of state, and just signed a year lease. I cannot afford it by myself. He already told me that he does not want to pay for anything. I thought about leaving, but all my furniture is mine. what do I do

On the 12th I got a restraining order against my ex (which is my son’s bio father). I had to write an affidavit telling the judge he was a drug abuser, he was abusive towards me, he was an alcoholic, and he has tried to commit suicide numerous times. I forgot to put in he even had put welts on my son and that my son has a scar on his bottom lip from him!!! Now, I was wondering, he can try to fight the RO on the 23rd. If he is like “I wanna see my son”, will the judge let him? If I have any say, Im just gonna tell the judge I want him to file for it and stuff. But, my question is How can I tell the judge about the abuse towards my son and will the judge let him see him??
I got the restraining order in the 1st place because he threatened me over the phone by saying “Ill beat the fuck out of you & take Stephen & no one will see him!”
Also, the restraining order IS for me and my son. It protects us both. Plus, my ex hasnt seen my son for over a year. Last date was July 2nd 2006. Last time he did cocaine that I know about was January 4th or 5th.

My ex-husband is a chronic crack cocaine user and I have denied access to my child due to his addiction. My son is struggling terribly by not having his father in his life….how can I make this change/transition easier for him….it’s painful to watch his pain and he’s taking his anger/sadness out on me. I’m trying to deal with the resentment I feel towards the father’s abandonment of his son (amongst other things) and sometimes feel as though I am failing my son terribly. HELP
He is currently awaiting counselling….and there’s a 10 month waiting period…what do I do until that time?

He is a pot head and an alcoholic. I wont let him take our son at all, if he wants to be with him, i make him see him in my house. Is this wrong??? He sure acts like it but shoot Im not going to let anything happen to my son . Advise?

My sons father is a criminal, addicted to meth, and assaulted me in my home while I had the baby in my arms. I called the police they took him to jail for warrants out of another county. I didnt pursue the charges but did file a report…I know I was an idiot, but was just happy that he would be in jail for what I thought was a couple of years. Boy was I wrong, he only served 3 months in jail, he is due out next week. My son and I moved after the assault….will I be in trouble for moving? He doesnt know our address and frankly, Im worried if he knows where I am living he will come back and this time things will be worse. We have a case with the TX attorney General, he is 15 grand behind on child support, the papers state I have to give him my address and contact number for the baby…..What do I do? Attorney I spoke to is wanting a 3500.00 retainer fee, legal aid wont help because they claim I am above the income level….Im freaking out here! It’s too late to pick the assalt charge up….I’ve already checked….

i quit my bad habits when i learned i was pregnant and the babys father was suppose to too, but hasnt. he is a compulsive liar whose addicted to meth. i want my son to have the best upbringing, and in this world i believe that starts with a loving family, with both parents to guide him with unconditional love and stability.i dont want to raise my son without a father. ive always felt such a void growing up without one myself. watching my mom work constantly with very limited time to even get to know her kids. i regret being so naive. i dont want the babys father in my life and i refuse to let him be in my sons life. a man that will never love our son more than he loves meth. ive waited 7 months thru all his lies for him to get his life together and get off drugs, but now its getting close to my due date and i want to do whats best for my son. would like to find a loving couple that is interested in adopting my son. i need help. i dont know what steps to take

i quit my bad habits when i learned i was pregnant and the babys father was suppose to too, but hasnt. he is a compulsive liar whose addicted to meth. i want my son to have the best upbringing, and in this world i believe that starts with a loving family, with both parents to guide him with unconditional love and stability.i dont want to raise my son without a father. ive always felt such a void growing up without one myself. watching my mom work constantly with very limited time to even get to know her kids. i regret being so naive. i dont want the babys father in my life and i refuse to let him be in my sons life. a man that will never love our son more than he loves meth. ive waited 7 months thru all his lies for him to get his life together and get off drugs, but now its getting close to my due date and i want to do whats best for my son. would like to find a loving couple that is interested in adopting my son. i need help. i dont know what steps to take