How Do I Get My Son Off Drugs?

My boyfriend and I are taking my son (18) and my recently divorced brother (32) on a float trip this weekend. I’m concerned that my brother will drink too much and become angry and defensive as he often does when he drinks too much. We’re all sharing a hotel room. I’m not sure how to deal with him if he starts ranting and raving in a druken stupor (and then, of course, won’t remember it the next day).

I am asking more rhetorically, as a vent…

Was in an exclusive relationship with a man for 9 months.. even talked about him moving in with me and my kids…our future, getting married.. then one day he was supposed to come for dinner and tells me he was on his way… but instead two hours later I get this cryptic text (mind you this man is 40! not a kid) and he tells me, I have some work stresses happening and will not be coming… I try to call and he does not answer… so I text him back saying, can he give me at least a fast call about it?? But no response… instead, he just blew me off…I got a gut feel – a bad one… so I drove down to his place – texting him, well I will come to you and serve dinner there.. but no reply…

fI go to his place (he gave me key) and he was not home.. so I text him saying, are you sti,ll at work, I will drop off dinner for you (mind you this is a relationship I was not just some hook up or dating buddy)… no response… so I text him saying whats happening you are not at work or home… are you ok, upset, what is happening now I am worried.. and NOTHING…

So I go back to his place and wait.. I finally went home at like 2am – no sign of him… this was on Wednesday.. since then I have heard nothing from him.. but I KNOW he got my texts, etc.. because he has been on his video game (world of warcraft).. my 8 yr old plays it and saw him on there… at first my kid says hello to him and he blocks “ignores” my kid.. wtf? This is NOT the man I met 9 months ago and fell in love with…

Anyhow, that is about all, I did send him and angry text or email or two – because its not the idea if he wanted to break up, yes that would of course hurt.. but its the way he just goes from saying I love you… I have so much respect for you — to a total 360 turnaround… it would hurt less if he just said, I met someone or its not going to work, etc… so of course I felt no choice – then I texted him saying I am done 100% I can not deal with this.. next day my kid is on wow again.. and he tells my son he’ll always be his friend.. and he will always be mommy’s friend..

WTF this is screwed up… and on top of all this.. he was acting funny about 3 weeks ago, so I said, do you want to see others, we can just go back to dating and he flipped saying I am not going to date someone I am in love with… so why is this happening now.. it makes no sense at all.. like he is a completely different person or on drugs or something.. I can not make sense of it, it hurts and makes me angry at the same time.. we were best friends.. did not have any big issues happening our sex life was good and we genuinely liked one another – or so I thought… we were going to a premarital counseling this (his ide) before he moved in, etc.. but he was never good at dealing with conflict… it just makes no sense to me and I am confused.. of course all my girlfriends say hes a jerk and just move forward – and I am trying… but I liken it to the death of someone… just *poof* gone — so I guess I am just venting wondering if this is typical male behavior nowadays… I am divorced and not really big into the dating scene.. my friends say he is a commitment phobe – but he has had stable job for 8 years and he was married once before.. so I do not know much about if that would be it.. but things were going good and all of a sudden nothing.. makes no sense and is driving me nuts.
First I need to add in response to joe flee below.. I never rushed him into anything.. the whole idea of moving in with me came from HIM.. he moved from a rented condo to a rented townhouse I have a 5bdrm home I own.. he said had I asked him to move in, he would have.. that was a month ago… its the inconsistency in what he recently said he wanted compared to a complete blow off… . And yes, perhaps going down to see him and follow my gut was wrong, when I think about that YES I could still be with him living in ignorance is bliss mode… but where would that get me? The bottom line is he was caught in a lie and can not deal with it… he ran and hid (by not responding) because he does not know how to seal with confrontation… however, it ruined any ounce of trust I had in him… not every time we are hurt is it our own doing…

well my mum is an alcoholic and thank god she has not drank for 4 years,i am 24 she is 46. I have seen alot in my young age and i have not forgotten much of these so called “incedents” which i feel have scarred (as in left a scar)on me for life. Im basically saying the things i have seen are the things ADULTS SEE in pubs and clubs, DRUNK PEOPLE TALKING SH*T and being abusive. I also have had very bad experiences in my life from the random men my mum chose and bad choices she made, but its not her faullt because 24 years ago she knew nothing about alcoholism and with so she did not know what one of her binge drinking sessions” which meant she was drunk for litterally a whole week without sobering and keeping a bottle of wine on her bedside locker for when she eventually woke..and all of this was going on from the time i was about 6 months old until 4 years ago when i had my 1st son. As i said she is off it 4 years now. But the trauma of what happened to me will never leave me because her boyfriend that moved in with us when i was 12 sexually abused me. and i can never forget that, i scream inside myself every day and i feel like no counciler can help, they just listen and talk shit. I am now a mum of a 4 and 2 year old and going out with my now fiance 7 years and i am so uncomfortable having sex, sometimes its ok and most of the time i feel dirty, i cant shake this feeling even though my partner loves and respects me i hate the way i feel sexually. Is there any cure or am i just a statistic! i feel like my life is plumiting out of control because i can not controll my feelings, wen im up im up but when im down im DOWN

My oldest is 27,his brother 25. They both live away from me separately.I live 135 miles away .but visit the home town often because I have a daughter also,with a grand daughter I am very close to.I have given the boys so many chances to get their acts together since they were 17. Stood by them while in prison,homeless ,you name it.I had let them move back in so many times. Now the oldest has his own child,he has custody of her but does not do it well. It was a better choice than leaving the child with her mother who is more unstable than my son. My grand daughter appears to be Autistic,through everyone pushing him,he has done minimal things.But still denies that there is something wrong.He never raised a child,what does he know. I can’t be in his life and watch how he handles things and the child,who I hardly have any relationship with because he stayed away while he was with the mother. My 2nd son is an alcoholic.
He lives back with his father who has also been in prison due to his drinking,they have made nothing of their lives.They live with the grandmother who is disabled,treat her terrible,they have no respect for woman. I have no room in my life for alcohol abuse and I won’t tolerate it. BUTTTT…….it doesn’t stop it from hurting every day ,knowing the
relationship that I am missing out on. How can I cope with these daily feelings better? Thanks
In response to “I am Phoenix” ,I ahve done that route along time ago.That is how I made it through dealing with the father 10 years ago. All the actions are out of my hands now,they are grown and not even living in the same county near me. This is about me now.

My 6 year old daughter is stuck with her mother who is addicted to crack. My daughter isnt being taken care of properly, bathed, fed or anything else. My ex wifes mother, father, brother, 15 year old daughter and 21 year old son have all called the police and DCS for her addiction, child neglect and her trying to steal etc. I pay $140 a week for child support and the ex doesnt work. My daughter sees none of this money and not only do I not get to see her, but I also dont get to talk to her because my ex is homeless with my daughter and has no phone. I have been in court for 3 months with this and still havent gotten anything accomplished. I cant complain about my attorney because he is doing everything possible and I have spent thousands of dollars. She has done nothing the judge has ordered and hasnt even gotten an attorney. I work everyday and have a good stable job and Im not on drugs. I am out of ideas other than doing something that I will be in jail for. Any ideas on what to do?

I am a very high strung person who stresses over details. I have been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder years ago and am on a waiting list to see a psychiatrist to try some meds but I need to deal with life in the mean time. I would much rather not go the medication route but I feel I have no choice.
Not being able to deal with stress has fueled two addictions: Smoking and binge eating. I quit smoking but picked up binge eating and gained a massive 60 pounds. I’m trying to lose weight but when I don’t binge, I get withdrawal symptoms that only go away when I bing again or smoke. I want to quit both.
I went without both for 24 hours and was a total mess. I almost lost my job because I snapped at my boss. My job is very high stress (fast food). I also have a new baby at home with colic and a 2 year old in the throws of terrible twos. We are also moving and financially stressed.
I need to quit smoking ASAP due to increased SIDS risk for my baby and the fact that my son and husband are asthmatic.

How do I deal with all of this overwhelming stress without running to the fridge or lighting up?

Do you try to revive them…and if so, how do you know when “dream CPR” is an option…and how do you do it? Do you try to find new ones instead…and if so, where do you look?

Is it possible that dreams involving other people are ill-advised in the first place? After all, I may have had a dream of having someone special to share my life with, but I can’t make someone love me…I may have had a dream of seeing my son succeed in school, but I can’t force him to do the work…I may have had a dream of having a close relationship with my brother, but I can’t force him stop smoking crack and stealing from me and my son.

…and since this is R&S, I’m curious to know what people think about the death of a Christian’s dreams? I know that the bible says, “delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart?” Is the fact that all my dreams are dying mean that I’m not delighting myself in the Lord?…or is something else going on…perhaps my dreams aren’t really the dreams of my heart and their death will finally reveal my true dreams…the ones I forgot or altered over the years?
Thanks for all the wonderful answers so far…you’ve given me a lot to think and pray about…

Perhaps I should have provided more details to clarify a few points. I’m not young…I’ll turn 44 in December…and when it comes to “goals” (things I wanted for myself that I could pursue within my own means), my life is totally a blessing…I have a secure job, a nice house, a gifted and loving son…I have no financial worries (except the effect the stock market has had on my retirement savings…but I still have a long way to go to retirement so I’m not overly concerned about that yet). Most of the things I set out to achieve with my life have come true and I give God all the glory for that.

My last relationship actually ended two and a half years ago…and I made the difficult decision to cut my brother out of my life a few months later (about two years ago). This wasn’t the first broken relationship…and it wasn’t the first time I cut ties with my brother…
…and my dreams didn’t die as a result of those events…it is the events since that time that are causing my dreams to die. I hoped and prayed that my brother would finally straighten himself out if I stopped enabling him…and about a month ago I acquired some evidence that nothing has changed…except that he’s now had two years to convince my dad that I’m to blame for everything that happened between us! When my last relationship ended, I still had hope that he would come to his senses and our relationship would work out…or that God would allow me to meet someone else…then he got married to someone else a couple of months ago and no one else has even asked me for a date for more than two years.

As for my son, I have tried everything to motivate him…and while I’m aware that most of what we’re going through is quite normal for his age, I’m beginning to believe that the problem is the lack of a father…and I can’t solve that problem!

My ex-girlfriend drank and drugged during the entire 9 months she was pregnant with my son. I got so mad that she wouldn’t stop that I hit her when she was 7 months. i went to jail and now she has my son. i still hate her for poisoning my son. I had no prior history of violence in anyway so this was a shock to everyone. It was a bigger shock that I got involved with her in the first place but I cant go back and change it. She is the addict, and I am the straight one that can’t be with my son until next year. Any advice anyone??

My son lives with me and I found out he smokes marijuana, abuses cough syrup, and occasionally uses cocaine. I know he uses these drugs for sure and not sure about what other drugs he does that I do not know about.

He has dropped out of college and now is a bartender part-time and seems to have little motivation to do anything.

What is the best way to approach this situation?

and is often verbally abusive. We have a 4 month old son together. Things just keep getting worse and worse. He has been beaten up quite badly on 2 of his most recent binges. It’s hard for me to see him so hurt like this. He tells me he will quit drinking and then lies about going out to party with his friends. After one of his binges I will kick him out and he goes to stay with friends and then he will start calling and saying he misses me and wants to come home. It’s hard for me to say no, but every time he comes back nothing ever changes. He refuses to go to rehab or to couples counselling with me. How do I move on without making it seem like I’m abandoning him? I want him to know that I will be here for him but can no longer live this way??

I am 22 years old I am with a guy who is 32. We have been together for a year and we have went through hell. He is emotionally abusive and we both have been physically abusive. I have two kids. He is the father of my son. I was pregnant and he put his hands on me I got a restraining order against him. He has a problem with smoking crack when he is high and drunk he is dangerous. He is in prison now he left me pregnant and went to jail. Now that he is clean he wants to be a father to his 6 week old son. I dont know what to do I dont know how to deal with this. He promises that he will never touch another drug or drink that he just wants a normal life. I dont know if it is jail talk or is he serious… please help me

My son goes over there on weekend (court ordered). I found out in september that my son’s uncle is living there with him and he is recovering from meth. How can I get my son’s dad to realize that his brother in law is a meth addict and will always be one

I have a 23 year old son still living at home, doesn”t work, and if he does, it is only for a month. He has a cocaine problem, and thinks that he can just quit on his own, which he has tried, but he always falls back to it. I have kicked him out, of the house, but he stills bothers me on the phone with his problem. It is hard for me to deal with all this. I have tried to help him, but he just doesn’t want to help himself. By the way, he has been to rehab once, but only lasted 2 months clean.