How Do I Get My Son Off Drugs?

My daughter and son-in-law are alcoholic drug addicts. My daughter left her husband because she wanted to get “clean.” She has two boys, ages 3 and 6, who do not get along. They are toxic when they are together. My daughter came to live with me and my aging arthritic 80-year-old mother. My daughter stayed with us for several months and then went back 1800 miles to “patch” things up with her ex-husband who just got out of jail, and we don’t know when she will be back. These kids are the loves of our lives, but they beat each other up constantly. They fight over toys all the time. They don’t share. There is never a day that goes by without some kind of hysterics or crying. They will not listen to me or my mother. They are defiant. My mother and I both feel like we’re in HELL!!! We don’t know what to do with these boys, and neither does my daughter, obviously. We love them too much to put them up for adoption or send them to foster homes.

Any advice would be appreciated.
It seems the only way my mother and ever have any peace is if I take one away for a long ride (the idea is to separate them), but I can’t be driving around for hours on end every day! I work from home and I don’t have time to run my business anymore. It’s a huge strain on me because then I have to play “catch up.” We cannot separate them inside the home because our townhouse is not big enough. We have tried just about everything to help them get along, from talking to them, treating them with love and kindness, to downright old school spanking – NOTHING WORKS!!!!

HELP!!!!!
This house was a house of love and tranquility before they came, and we are trying so hard to keep it that way, but as much as it hurts me to admit it, these kids are little monsters. They have destroyed the walls, the carpet, furniture because they get physical with each other and throw each other around slamming into something. They run around the house like it was a playground and literally bounce off walls, and if we say anything, we might as well be talking to open space. It falls on deaf ears. We know these kids must feel abandoned, and we sympathize; but they are out of control. Even when my daughter was here, she couldn’t do anything with them, either; and in some ways, my mother and I both understand why my daughter would want to get away from them, because my mom and I are about ready to lose our minds and are at wit’s end.

ok so i was married for 6 years had a little boy during marriage we were fine everything was peachy king,, then we separated for like almost 2 months but he would still come around for our son pick him up do all the daddy & son things, well out of the blue he started being different he changed his# moved stop calling completely M.I.A for now 3 yrs… I found out he’s got a gf whom he smokes METH with… =( and I’m sad but I guess its life He doesn’t call for his son, doesn’t come around at all, My son asks about him constantly and I just say he’s been working in the Army i don’t know what to tell him, Finally the other day he said “Mommy Daddy isn’t coming back, He forgot about me, so can u just please go buy me a Daddy” U can only imagine how I felt, What should I do? He doesn’t want to come around when I got his new # recently his new gf said to stop calling and to find my son a father then next day changed #, I’m so hurt Its been 3 yrs, What’s next?? please help me explain to my son, Thank you SOO much!! could he have really stopped loving my son? I just don’t get it.. : (

Straight forward, I lost my daughter last year to a terrible birth defect, I had to sign DNR papers and never forgave myself. Shortly after, I was in the process of a nasty divorce that was pending for two years as me and my husband separated two years prior. During that time, my mother, whom I have a toxic relationship with started her drama and we ended up in court with me getting a restraining order against her. My fiance and I also found out that I was pregnant for the second time and I couldn’t leave my home state because I had two pending court cases. It was the most terrible experience of my life, to add to it, my oldest child from my previous relationship was upset not only that his dad and I were divorcing but that his baby sister had died and knowing I was pregnant with a baby brother. We all had our lives burnt to ashs and it’s been a very difficult time. Since then, the court cases have resolved, my ex-husband and I are on civil terms, my fiance and I live together, my son was born healthy and my eldest is the best big brother I could have hoped for. But now, after a year and half, those feeling of losing my daughter are just hitting me. I cry all the time, I get shaky, I think about her all the time. I see anything that reminds me of her, I lose it. I can’t work in the hospital anymore because the smell of the environment or seeing children hooked up just throws me right back, so I haven’t been working and staying at home with the children. My question is, is it possible to be so overwhelmed with stress that you can post pone bereavement? I felt like I didn’t have time to even mourn my daughter with everything that was going on, and now, she’s all I think about. Does she hate me for ending life support? I’ve sought therapy and I want to go drug free-is that possible for someone in my state?
I am starting therapy with my oldest son tomorrow in fact, just asking for some real world coping from anyone who has lost so deeply and had to keep the family together. I trust doctors-sometimes, people who have gone through the trauma understand better and have some ideas that helped them and their families.

My nephew is 3 1/2 and his mom left him 6 months ago. She is heavily involved in drugs. He has had no contact with her but occasionally speaks about her. He is in a stable environment and well taken care of although we are trying to find information on counseling or therapy for him. Because of his age and all he has been through we don’t know what would be a benefit to him. Any help is greatly appreciated! Thanks!!!