How Do I Get My Son Off Drugs?

my husband has custody of his 8 year old son and the boys granparents were awrded visitation because they raised him when he was younger but anyways the get him every other weekend and alternate holdays and they stay drunk and have parties around him every time he is there. they are truly alcoholics they even drive with him while drinking do u think we could take them back to court and take away their visitation if they cant stop any response helps!

my fiance has been taking care of his son alone since he was born and hes now 3. the mother who left him and didnt want any part of the child is now trying to take him away. she is accousing him of alcohol around the house. yes he does drink but not around his son. if hes drunk or even planning on drinking he takes him to his mothers house before he does. hes a great father and now all of a sudden the mother is trying to turn and pinpoint the wrong subjects. so can child services really take his son away? what can be done because i dont know much of this subject….

Our son started having emotional and behavioral problems about 12 years ago. My husband abandoned me last year for another woman whose children are raised. They are now married and living in another state. Our son continues to have problems. Looking back I have felt like a single Mom for all 12 years. As our son’s problems increased, my husband pulled farther away. His traveling increased. When he would return home from one of his frequent trips,I would take the blame for handling all the sitiuations with our son the wrong way, even though he didn’t want to get involved at the time it was happening. My ex is a “functioning alcoholic” so perhaps that’s why. I believe he loves our son, but couldn’t handle the problems. He continues to call our son every night and has since he left. He has also seen him. But he still doesn’t want to hear about the problems. He just tells me I’m a poor mother when I approach the subject. Has anybody else experienced something similar?
You can’t help an alcoholic if they won’t help themselves. Our son has been in counseling for 12 years. He suffers from several disorders. The divorce and alcoholism haven’t helped but weren’t the “causes”. Mental disorders run in my family. Our son has a predisposition for being an alcoholic due to problems in my ex’s family and has had trouble there too.
Sorry for the misunderstanding. I haven’t disconnected from my child and never will. He still lives with me. I was referring to my ex disconnecting from him. All my time is spent thinking of my son, not my ex. I was just wondering how anybody else handles this.

Basic Info:
My ex is in her late 20′s, she’s a recovering drug addict (cocaine). She’s a bit volatile and has some serious personal issues, including being sexually abused by a family member. She has two children. One of which is mine. Ever since our split where she attempted to take her life, she has been in the court, fighting for custody with myself and the other father. In addition to that she was living with her mother in a ranch out in the country.
At first she was able to keep the eldest as long as she wore an ankle bracelet and passed random drug/alcohol tests. And my lawyer negotiated alternating weeks with our child. One week me one week her.

The summer:
Her eldest went to vacation with his father and his family in may. As has happened every year before he spends the entire summer and then returns about a week before school starts.
In the meantime her goal was to get an apartment. The worst thing she ever could have done in my opinion. Soon she was asking me for money for daycare for our son, her youngest.
Because she had to pay for the week he wasn’t there. I gave it once that’s it. After all i had to pay for the week he wasn’t at the daycare he attended when he was with me.

Apartment Life:
I visited her apartment a couple times, hell i helped her move in. We had tried working it out off and on, but nothing solid ever materialized. In fact we were supposed to start going to counseling today. Anyway, she started hanging out with a pair of lesbians and taking my son with her. My son has told me that the one lesbian really hurt his feelings because she told him that he wasn’t cute. In addition to that, he has told me, of his own free will no coercion needed, that his mother routinely drinks with these women. Now that is a blatant violation of our temporary visiting agreement.(don’t remember the exact name for the document). In addition to that she’s been claiming that i’ve molested him. Which only brings back memories of when she was using. I’m worried. I’ve even found beer in her fridge and texts telling her to go to the bar. If anyone has ever done cocaine or know of people who have, drinking and cocaine often go hand in hand.

New information:
I wondered why it was that the eldest hadn’t returned one week before school started. She lied to me and told me that they were going to pick him up two days before school started. B.S. Turns out, two weeks earlier she failed three alcohol tests and the court demanded that she sign the child over to the father. I haven’t gotten my hands on this agreement and the only reason i know that it took place is because the grandmother of the eldest has a relationship with my mother. My mom called to see what happened. That’s what we found out. Not to mention

TRO:
In light of this new information and the evidence i’ve seen and my son has witnessed, i have asked my attorney to get a restraining order put on her. as this is my week. I’m not sure if I can get him to do it in time. But I hope so. And I’m going to push for me to be custodian.

My questions:
Due to the fact, that I don’t know the whole situation, am I doing the right thing? Could I be over reacting? Or is this just God telling me that something is going wrong and my child may be in danger? Does anyone have any thoughts or comments?
All great answers. First response, I agree with. However my attorney is always so damn busy. As far as my son being an “informer”, that’s not the case. I try my best not to ask him any questions about his mother. But he offers up information. It seems at least to me that he had his feelings hurt pretty badly when that woman told him that. I’m pretty sure he wasn’t being cute, but that’s just not right to say that to a child. I appreciate everyone’s comments/opinions here. I guess the main purpose for me was just to get the feeling that I wasn’t doing the wrong thing here.

Thanks.

I am a fully competent person. I have never been arrested. I have only gotten minor traffic tickets. I have never been an alcoholic or drug-addict. I raised by son from birth to six months old with no supervision but I do not have “proof” that I did. I took care of him unsupervised and did fine. I do not have any mental illnesses. She is saying I should pay an expert to supervise my visitation until the supervisor concludes I am capable of raising a child. I do not see why this is necessary because I am a fully competent person. In most cases I hear of a person is never required to have supervised visitation unless they were alcoholics, drug addicts, felons, etc.
Joe F: True, people who know me. But my son isn’t old enough to speak for me yet.
Well I do not actually have any records because I am not his legal father yet. So, I am not allowed access to his files. She was around. I watched my son in the evenings when I got off work until the next morning and dropped him off before work.

I know of a mopther who is providing pot to her 14 yr old son and smoking with him his older breother is a user as well.Not to mention they are all alcoholics What should I do.She just got her son back from state custody

Me and my husband are going thru a rough patch (his family has decided that im not a good wife or mother!!) and he has decided to agree with them. he says that he wants to seperate and for me to file for child support.

Does anyone know of any good Child Support websites for Texas or is all the same in every state?

i just want to know my rights, he and his family keep threating that they are going to take my daughter and my son (when he is born) away from me because of things i did in high school (6yrs ago, before kids and marriage). he smokes pot and so does him mother, his father is an alcoholic and has terrible anger problems.
he got so mad one time at my daughter for playing he threw a hammer and almost hit her in the head and all he could say was “she shouldnt have been in my Fu*king way”

Please i dont need any negative responses i get enough from him and his family i just want to know my rights?
Me and him have tried to talk and work on our problems but his MOTHER wont allow us to. If he is on his phone with me and she finds out. She will grab the phone and hang it up and not give back to him until he promises that he wont call me back.

he wont give up his rights unless child support is stopped which is okay with me the only problem is i get medicaid for my child. i was told that if child support is stopped the state will stop my medical coverage for my son; is this true. my son does not want to see his father because os alcohol/drug and domestic abuse issues.
to the person who called me a low life i would like you to know that i am a nurse and do work and probably make more than you. and the reason my son is on medicaid along with other ins. is because of his midecal problems so don’t be too quick to judge.

My son’s father (which I refer to as DNA Donor) has just recently threatened to get a lawyer in order to see my son who is now 14 months old. We split up (were never married) when I was around 3 months pregnant because he was an alcoholic and told me to have an abortion (which I do have witnesses). I was the one who asked (3 days ago) if he wanted some pics of his son and to know a little about him, and he said yes. (I know, I screwed up.) So, I sent him a few pics and some info about my wonderful son (all through phone/text) and he said he would like to see him and I told him I wasn’t ready for that because I did NOT want my son around an alcoholic. That is when he blew up and said let me see my son or you will be talking to my lawyer. This is the first contact we have had since I was 3 months pregnant. Child support is taken from his check/paternity was established. (Paternity was established a year ago). I do NOT want him in our lives, can I keep him out? I just thought I would be nice and wanted to keep things civil, at a distace! His name is not on the birth certificate. Can he get rights to see my son? How do I fight it if he tries? Help!
I do NOT call my sons father a DNA donor in front of him. I don’t even mention his father in front of him. He is 14 months old now, and that is what bothers me because he never wanted to see him before, why now?? His name is on the birth certificate due to the paternity test. I have always been a strong believer that a child should have both parents in his life, but his father drinks every night to the point of passing out and has been previously charged with attempted manslaughter (years ago) and doesn’t even have a license gue to DWI’s. My fear is that my son will like his father’s party life when he is older and decide that is who he wants to be with. He asked what he could do in order to see his son, and the only thing I asked of him was to get sober…and then he brought up the lawyer. If he can’t even get sober for his own son…it just scares me.

The parenting plan my child’s father filed with his petition has a lot of ‘rules for visitation’ that completely contradict his lifestyle. Is this something that can help if proven? For example, there is a rule about not drinking prior to or during visiting/custody time, thing is HE is an alcoholic. His family drinks all the time and I’ve no doubt he would be spending a lot of time with them when he has our son.

I live in Missouri, I have a 14 month old son with my ex. As of August we have a 50/50 custody arrangement. 3 days after we signed the agreement, my ex has started neglecting our son. He is a sociopathic alcoholic My son comes back from his care with dried food on his face and body, dirty and too small clothing,dog hair on his binkies and face, and smells horribly. My son also has asthma and he has refused to give him his medication as needed. He “self diagnosed” my son, and often realies on his brother who is an M.D. for medical advise rather than calling our sons pediatrician..I have a daily log I keep,pictures, video tape, clothes, and binkies with dog hair on it that I have saved. Most recently he attacked me at the police station with my son in his arms..they have that on tape, and our court date is next week. this is his 2nd assault towards me, both with my son present. first one was dropped, per my former lawyer, saying in order to presue child support i would need to drop it , and ask that the restaining order be lifted. DFS is currently doing an investigation on his father. He has left my son home alone while walking the dog in the front yard, has taken him out in the rain with no hat on to walk the dog..lives in a home with a 30 year old furnace and refuses to change the filter..all of which could be contributing to my sons breathing problems, i have asked and asked my ex what the hell is going on at his house, and all he says is “i deny your accusations”..he pays child support, and we share custody yet he feels i am responsible for new shoes and coats etc…he returns my son in the same clothes as dropped off in because he is tired of hearing me complain, yet those clothes are not washed and smell horribly. We have a pending Motion to Modify court date with a new lawyer I hired, also he is filing an emergency PDL next week. This is one horrible thing after another. I have refused to hand him over on his days on several occasions because he has refused to answer my questions as to how he is being cared for, or if he was sick etc. I have finally had it as of today, he shows up at the doctors office and lies to the doctor about the care he is giving our son…which i have proof of..hes more than happy to show up to appts but not pay for a copay, and more than happy to try to control everything, but when my son was in the hospital i couldnt get a hold of him for 48 hours because he was “out having a life”…he neglects my son, does not care about what it really means to be a parent and refuses to get his dirty house of to par. Why is my son to suffer , just so that i wont be held in contept of court,..how is that fair? If i refuse to hand over my son for the above reason, ie neglect etc…will i really be held in contempt? is handing over a child to someone who is an abusive alcholic and neglects my son really in the best interst of my child?…Yet i am going to be the “bad guy” for not handing him over..I want my child to have a father, however in the pdl it will state for my ex to undergo a psychological exam. SERIOUS ANSWERS ONLY PLEASE.

His mother was brought in and signed a statement admitting to marijuana use in the home and serving alcohol to a minor (her daughter not my step son) and child protective services told us we had to take him away pending investigation. Well, so far not charges have not been filed and CPS has yet to file a petition to have him removed from his mother…it’s been a week? No one will tell me how long before he can go home. He’s 16 and 1/2 years old and an honor student with finals coming up. I live in a different school district and it VERY difficult to keep running him back and forth. I’m worried his grade will suffer if he doesn’t get back to his routine. His mother isn’t a danger to him and I feel CPS is way overreacting…she has agreed to drug counseling beginning Tuesday but so far there is no legal paperwork preventing him from going home but we don’t want to make things worse. Everyone is in agreement that he needs to be home but CPS told me if we try to let him go home they will place him in foster care. His father and I find this entire situation stupid and it’s only harming my step son. He needs to sleep in his own bed at night and prepare for exams..why will nobody give us answers? How long does it take for charges to be filed against his mother? Why hasn’t a petition been filed…? How can they prevent my step son from seeing his own mother. If he was a baby and she was stoned that’s one thing but he’s 18 months away from18, doesn’t smoke,drink, A+ student, excels in sports and this is messing him up..even the officer doesn’t think he should be pulled from the home! doesn’t anyone have advice? A lawyer won’t help because charges and petitions haven’t been filed and CPS won’t answer my questions about the future?

My son is 9. He has been diagnosed: ADHD, ODD, Bipolar, Aspergers Autism, Reactive attatchment disorder, Conduct disorder, Mood disorder NOS, Disgraphia, Adjustment disorder, no Impulse control…………… As you can see he is a handful. And yes, t those of you who think a child needs to be beat to listen…………….I’ve even tried corpral punishments, they don’t help. He just becomes more aggressive. He has been kicked out of daycares, schools and all. He has been hospitalized on numerous occations for psych. treatment. I have tried so much. Does anyone have any info. that might be helpful. I am desperate to help him! And no I didnt use alcohol or drugs.

5 children, and he is the youngest. 2 of us are step, 3 are biological to my step mother. we are now all grown up, Late 20′s and early 30′s. in highschool me and him hung out and were like best friends. did some trouble which i grew out of. He just kept doing more and more illegal stuff and got deep into drugs. oldest sister has a family with 3 very nice boys, other sister has always held a GREAT paying job which takes time away from her children (parents look down on this), older brother does construction and lives with otherside of his family. does well for himself but is not very family oriented, comes around when he wants to (with my family i understand why), Me…I am in the military, served 5 tours, 4 to Iraq 1 to afghanistan, own my own home, live comfortably with new cars and 2 amazingly well behaved happy children (I seem to be blamed for most drama and problems of step mothes life).. youngest son DID drugs, he has receintly served 6 months in a bootcamp style court mandated rehab (mother says he picked it to get help, he didnt want jail), he has not held down job, lived off welfare, did drugs, had a meth-lab in his 1yr old son’s room, and now just broke parol and left state to got to a concert where he got busted selling drugs. 5 felony counts. mother still thinks he is a wonderful father and very noble taking the full sentance because he didnt turn in his supplier and get a deal. keeps his family safe that way. I know the problem is with the step mother.. common denominator in ALL drama, but why does the pride still maily remain with the child that has gone nowhere? she even has a count of days he has served thus far… its offensive.

I have legal custody of my sister’s 4 year old daughter. She was going to put her up for adoption at birth and I’ve had her since day one. I have been mommy to her all her life and my son and daughter have been her brother and sister from the beginning. My sister gave up all rights to her when she was 3 months old and the father is unknown. I would like to legally adopt, so that she may carry our last name and would like to do this before she starts school, so that she doesn’t have to learn a name she isn’t familiar with. (She has always called herself my my last name and doesn’t know any different.) We started our through DHR as my sister had a serious drug and alcohol problem. We have been discharged from the state when I was given legal custody of her at three months old. I wondered of there was a program that would assist in the cost of a legal adoption as I’ve heard it will cost around $2000 in legal fees. Any input on the subject would be greatly appreciated!

There are so many parents, both moms & dads, that just up and leave their children.. Or lose custody and don’t fight to get it back. My mother lost custody of me when I was 8 & my sisters were 1, and 4. She never attempted to get us back. She when on to develop a more extreme addiction to crystal meth, and never looked back.

My sons father never even attempted to get to know him. He left when I was 4 months pregnant. I don’t understand how someone could just flat out not care, not have guilt, and not want to have their children.

How could somebody do this? How can someone just NOT care? Call me crazy, but I freak out leaving my son overnight, more less just giving up on him & not caring.

Making things short as possible:

I have had full custody of my son since he was a year old. Father has not wanted much to do, has been abusive and neglectful in the past to both me and our son who is now 6. I had a restraining order against the father and then had him arrested again for violation of that restraining order. This was in the beginning of 2004. Father was then arrested twice in March 2004, once on cocaine charge and another for fleeing and eluding a police officer on a 1 ½ mile chase going 105 mph. He was arrested and charged, but was already on probation. Some how he only received house arrest for these things.

Anyway, even though the grandparents have always enabled their son, my sons father, they have always protected my son and put his best interest at heart. I agreed to let the supervised visitation be within the grandparents house under the supervision of the grandparents. Still his father didn’t want much to do with our son. Well, sometimes he did, sometimes he didn’t. He hasn’t ever gave him a bath, got him ready for bed, put him to bed or any of those things. Eventually, the order was changed allowing the father visitation rights without supervision from time to time as mutually agreed by me. He went on to sometimes spending time with him to all of a sudden spending time, then taking him to his girlfriends house to sleep over with her son behind my back. I didn’t make any issue out of it until my son told me that he wasn’t fed all day, daddy was bye bye and his girlfriend was sleeping. So, my son and this two year old were left unsupervised and unfed. I immediately contacted the grandparents and THEY told the father that my son would have to stay with them.

So, a long time went on now my son is six. Dad has all of a sudden been spending time with our son again. He has a new girlfriend again, so evey time he gets a new one, he tries to act like the all American dad. Anyway, I haven’t said anything to him. I have always encouraged a good healthy relationship. Well, the dad always seems to mess up. The past few times my son spent with his dad the following has happened:

My son has been saying the F word and a couple other swear words. He doesn’t hear it in our house. I think that I have respectfully done my best to raise him right so far and he is a great kid. My son informed me that his dad says those words all of the time and my son actually asked him if he would stop saying those bad words. Fathers response to that was, “I will say whatever the heck I want to” I don’t grill my son when he comes home. He and I have a wonderful relationship. A few other issues I have are: His dad told him that the cops have been following him and around eveywhere and my son has told me that a cop followed them to the store and daddy’s girlfriend yelled at the cop for harrassment. The last time my son was up there, I picked him up and he told me that daddy kicks girls. He said that his daddy and his girlfriend got into a huge fight and his girlfriend was crying and yelling not to kick her. This is not safe and not a happy environment that my son is used to. I hate to be mean, but no wonder my son calls me and says that he is home sick. I have always encouraged him to go up there but from now on I think I will let it up to my son and will tell the grandparents that dad is not to take my son by himself. Any suggestions??
Everything was always fine when the dad was not allowed to take him places, but then he wouldn’t spend time with him which I am starting to believe that is what’s best. I won’t leave it up to my son. I will do whats best. Thanks for the advice except for Spike. Yeah, very uncalled for. So, you blame the good parents instead of the bad parents that choose not to change? Sounds like my sons father. Yep, you are just like him. A LOSER!!!
Everything was always fine when the dad was not allowed to take him places, but then he wouldn’t spend time with him which I am starting to believe that is what’s best. I won’t leave it up to my son. I will do whats best. Thanks for the advice except for Spike. Yeah, very uncalled for. So, you blame the good parents instead of the bad parents that choose not to change? Sounds like my sons father. Yep, you are just like him. A LOSER!!!

My husband & I have custody of his child that resulted from an on-night-stand that happened just before we met. We didn’t know about her until about a year ago. I know she needs me (her biomom is a meth-head) and I will take care of her. The problem is, I’m having problems with treating her totally different than my daughter. My husband tries to understand but ultimately thinks it’s not fair. My take on this is…I don’t mind to take care of her but I’m going to make 100% sure my daughter does not suffer because of it in any way.

P.S. We also have my step-son every other weekend, holidays & summer. He’s awesome and we couldn’t have a better relationship.

My daughter is 12, Step-son is 11, new step-daughter is 10.

Looking for comments/advise. Thanks

I am a stay-at-home mom and am divorcing my alcoholic husband. At present, the alimony & child support I will receive won’t be enough to continue caring for my son full-time. I’ll have to put him in daycare 9 hours a day to make ends meet (I DON’T want to do that!).
Here is the question…My husband is being considered for a new job where he will make $50,000 more per year! If I wait to file for divorce until he starts this new job, will I receive more in child support and alimony? I wonder mainly because we’ve been separated for 4 months and I don’t know if the courts will look at his income at the time of separation or at the time the divorce is filed.
I know some nasty person is going to call me money grubbing, but this is ALL about avoiding putting my young son in daycare all day long when he’s used to being at home with me. I’ll be working full-time as soon as he’s in regular school.
Thanks!

I am a stay-at-home mom and am divorcing my alcoholic husband. At present, the alimony & child support I will receive won’t be enough to continue caring for my son full-time. I’ll have to put him in daycare 9 hours a day to make ends meet (I DON’T want to do that!).
Here is the question…My husband is being considered for a new job where he will make $50,000 more per year! If I wait to file for divorce until he starts this new job, will I receive more in child support and alimony? I wonder mainly because we’ve been separated for 4 months and I don’t know if the courts will look at his income at the time of separation or at the time the divorce is filed.
I know some nasty person is going to call me money grubbing, but this is ALL about avoiding putting my young son in daycare all day long when he’s used to being at home with me. I’ll be working full-time as soon as he’s in regular school.
Thanks!