I’m 18 and am at a college. As you can already assume, I live with my family under the one roof in a small house and due to its small measurements in feels crowdy for 5 people. But, this is not the space which drives us crazy. It’s us. We all differ at many points but the one characteristic stays common – we are nervous, very nervous and impulsive. This is why we argue a lot which may be still quite normal if not the fact that we bark at each other at the tiniest occassion. Even their presence in the same room makes me feel annoyed, like ‘what the hell do you want this time’ or ‘why do you pick on me again -,-…’. Father does not make any effort in making a closer contact with any of my siblings including me, so when he says something, he says very trivial things and repeats them over and over again, which is very annoying to answer 1000 times. Sister seem to be jealous of me as I always got what i wanted and she was always the one who did the ‘dirty work’ when i was a baby (like nappy changing and looking after) and loves to crack bitchy jokes on me and giggles when something with me goes wrong. I’m not an example of kindness and goodness too – I like to pick on my autistic brother, yell at him for the trivial reasons and throw bitchy remarks too. What’s frightening, I loose control over those reactions. Sometimes when my conscience has the voice, I feel very guilty and just cry, then go and try to play with him but I get rejected when I’m with him for too long. Everybody does that to him except mom who has the best connection with him. Father? He doesn’t care about him, or, in better words, doesn’t want to take any responsibility in his sons improvement. He likes to make awful notices about him and his illness (‘youre just an idiot, go to your room and play your console, nothing is going to grow out of you…’). His role is basically to earn money, watch tv, smoking 10 fags/hour, sleep and crack pathetic jokes no one wants to laugh at but everybody is bored and pissed off with. And he likes to point out that nobody understands and accepts him. And he’s fed uo of the ‘aggression’ and ‘hatred’ at this home.
Recently I start to reduce the number of ”hot’ situations in the house, e.g. ignoring sisters bitchy remarks, stopping myself from being rude to the bro and generally being more sympathetic and controlling. However, when she sees that I don’t react, she laughs and seems to have a great deal of satisfaction that i dont answer. Like she’s managed to insult me. This pushes the button inside me and all the shouting starts again.
How can I improve the situation? Because I dont think I’ll stand the next year before I go to uni with no drugs or a single meeting with a psychologist. The academic performance also hurts from this as I tend to keep every unpleasant situation in my head and feel horrible when hearing another sort of indirect insults. It seems like a situation with no exit, what do you think…? 
