How Do I Get My Son Off Drugs?

I don’t mind helping my boyfriend take care of the small things, but I’ve been thrown in to the mommy role over night. We’ve been together 5 months and his son calls me mommy. Sometimes I get overwhelmed, I am not used to being around a kid 24/7. also his son has emotional problems. his mother is a meth addict and he often freaks out screaming/crying/throwing a fit for no reason and is hard to control. I’m very patient with the boy and nice but I just feel like this is too much responsibility. any advice on how to cope? tips to make things smoother?
the child actually has emotional problems….We are supposed to get him in to counseling because he freaks out so bad. it’s not normal toddler fits, it’s a result of an unstable life

So this is a long and bizarre story.

I have known this guy for seventeen years an prior to our romantic involvement that started less than two years ago, I had no interest in him although he has always liked me.
We are in our thirties now. I have a 10 yr. old from a previous relationship. We have always been friends however had huge gaps in our correspondence because I had a child, he went away to college, worked nightshift and got married.
When we were 27(we are the same age) he got a seventeen yr. old girl pregnant and married her. It turned out to be a tumultous marriage. She physically abused him while he was in the military and living on base. She would hurt him and them call the police. She drank heavily, partied, cheated on him(even took out a loan for a lover putting up the family car for collateral). The biggest deal though was that she hid an entire pregnancy from him. They had already been married, had one child (who was 20 months old at siblings conception), and one abortion they both participated in. He was deployed part of the time. She didn’t even tell her identical twin or mother(with whom she is close) that she was pregnant even though she moved back home to live and work with him during part of the deployment. She sought no medical attention even though it was free. Her first baby had been born via emergency C-section. She told no one she was pregnancy and also did not seek alternative care. She also binge-drank vodka on several occasions. In fact she came back home w/him when she was seven and a half months, and attended a large party thrown by his parents for her older child, surrounded by multiple relatives and told nobody. Two months later he is in one of his training classes and is pulled out by a superior and told his wife is going into labor. He is not sure if this baby is his, she looks NOTHING like her sister but he raises her as his own.
She assumes he is involved with me one day(which he isn’t) and sends me multiple harassing and vulgar text messages.
Anyway, after the delivery, 14 months later he comes home for a three week leave on a fifteen month tour and she tells him she doesn’t love him anymore and wants a divorce. He is devastated but eventually relents. He and I are not involved at this point. She makes harassing phone calls to me. He asks her about it. She denies it.
They are now divorced. In 2008, they arranged a custody agreement for him to have the children five days a week. They come back from their mother’s home disheveled and often dirty. They look tacky(but she doesn’t), their hair is unbrushed and their nails overgrown with dirt underneath. This is amongst other neglectful behaviors.
His mother becomes very angry with the ex daughter in-law because she has taken them on weekends when he is in Iraq and witnesses their commonly unacceptable appearance and mannerisms. When son returns(after leaving military for good to be with his children), he and his mother have a huge falling out due to his renewed relationship w/his children now that he will no longer have to be away from them. His mother have previously hated his ex-wife due to the wife squandering thousands(of husband’s and mother-in-law’s money), hateful, disrespectful language from the ex-wife, and continued neglect of the children. His mother decided to have bad will against me because I was an emotionally supportive friend of his and as he spent more time with his children, she seemed to become angrier.
Well, I became pregnant. He and I now live together and have a child together. His ex-wife repeatedly calls her ex-husband for trivial matters even though she continues to neglect the children. She also repeatedly invited him for dinner. We reside in the old neighborhood in which I grew up. She invited him to go trick-or-treating with her(but didn’t invite me) and said to him she would love to go trick-or-treating in my neighborhood but didn’t want to run into me. He said nothing to her about this. She also has said disrespectful things about me to the children. He has said nothing about this. I have continually cared(meaning I take care of them)for her children by him in spite of the ugly way she has treated me. I have given them baths, have done their hair, dressed them, taken them to different activities, read to them. I don’t expect praise. I just know that all children need to feel loved. I also do not speak poorly about her to the children. It is clear she is emotionally unstable though.
The year where his mother stopped speaking to him, she then decided to like his ex-wife again.
I now have a baby with him(I know). I decided to let bygones be bygones and let her meet her grandchild. His mother trivializes the abuse the wife has enacted against her son and overlooks the neglect she enacts towards the grandchildren.
His ex-wife told him about the last time she had sex, how she was pregnant last year. It i
Blending a family is an investment, right? I have my problems with this guy(who I am planning on leaving). We have are own problems. However if he was hitting her, it would not be trivialized as just a “flaw”. When CPS, was called on her, the case was closed. People don’t like to think of women as abusers. I can see, as an abuse vitime, he appears to be relating to her the same way as in marriage-as a vitime-walking on eggshells. However I think he sends her mixed messages and he thinks he doesn’t. He spent Thanksgiving in her family’s home, he attended a birthday party with her, went to his child’s school event with her. I understand, that it is important to get along for the sake of the children, but she uses the children to have a relationship with her. She gets irritated that he doesn’t spend more time with her. How is telling him the last time she had sex have anything to do with the children? His mother abused him, so it isn’t surprising he stayed with a woman who did
I mean she uses the children to have a relationship with him. He doesn’t see it as inappropriate to text her at an odd hour or talk to her late at night, unrelated to the children. Also, he said when it comes to his mother offering her to spend the night, it is “none” of his business even though his Mom told him to tell it to her. Also, less than 1% of women conceal pregnancies to that degree, so it would appear to be more than just simply a “flaw”.
He has custody most days except she has them late afternoon Sunday through Tuesday morning.
He has custody most days except she has them late afternoon Sunday through Tuesday morning.

My bf 2 years ago overdoses on cocaine and now has been clean ever sence I have a 1 year old by my sons father and now me and my new bf are trying to concieve.we have tried for almost 7 months and nothing I haven’t got pregnant.could his over dose or cocaine use 2 years ago affect use now?
He has been clean for 2 years I’m not gonna judge his past like he don’t judge me.I help to keep him clean

Should i emigrate with boyfriend who cheated ?
So, its a long story and alot has happened but this is the shortened version, so sorry its very extreme and to the point – i need some real advice and guidance…. All thoughts greatly welcomed.

Me and my boyfriend have been together 2 years, (seeing each other for a year before that) and have been living together for a year. He works offshore so our relationship has always kept its excitement, ie, trying new things, still doing different activities etc. The last couple of months into the relationship we had sunken into a comfortable routine then he was hardly ever there. Prior to us moving in he had an extreme drug problem – ie waking up and snorting cocaine but he really turned himself around so we could be together. Things have gone from bad to worse, we hardly saw each other he was heavily back on the drugs – heavily smoking crack and drinking neat vodka until he could stand no more. He would do things and have no idea that he had done them the next day. I wanted to help him but couldn’t – i thought it was just a phase he was going thru (maybe a mid life crisis) For a few weeks i suspected he was either dealing drugs or cheating on me….he admitted to dealing drugs. Then a week before our anniversary (he was going to propose to me in a hot air balloon) 1 night out of the blue i found a letter on his laptop to his friend in prison explaining how he had a mad night on crack and slept with 2 prostitutes in a hotel….i knew that he wouldnt of admitted it so i packed my things and left. He is greatly remorseful, crying and begging everyday, Constantly calling and texting, and i believe him. I know what strange effects drugs have on people. I now feel sympathy for him because he tried to kill himself on 3 different occasions because he says he has lost the love of his life. (although he has a beautiful son from a previous relationship – why would he leave him?) He tried to OD, hang himself and slit his wrists. So i have now been going around to see him…on 1 occasion he wouldn’t let me leave the flat, head-butted me and smashed my phone then he cried and was sorry after. I still love him and want this to work but could i ever trust him not to hurt me again – physically or mentally…? he understands hes got drug problems and has been going to get himself sorted with counseling etc and has been straight for 3 days now. He wants me to move to Dubai with him for 3 months 2 his dads then he wants to travel the world together. (that was our plan) I dont want to be without him but what do i do…?! Is this all too much to overcome…weve got money so can pay for the best counseling but am i wasting my time…?

I still love him and dont want him to hurt anymore…but please help!

Thanks

Additional Details
Also, he is leaving in 2 weeks and wants me to go – so i need a decision quick…

And don’t know if this is any useful information but he also has ADHD…
Thanks for your answer below…But we had an extremely loving and very exciting relationship prior to his drug binge…why shouldnt i trust him again…? I havent already made my mind up but i know it sounds that way – i just dont want to regret my decision for letting him go –

He wont do rehab in the UK because he says he has tried – his theory for moving to Dubai is to come clean – ie no drug tollerance out there – please help! im completely lost!

Should i emigrate with boyfriend who cheated ?

So, its a long story and alot has happened but this is the shortened version, so sorry its very extreme and to the point – i need some real advice and guidance…. All thoughts greatly welcomed.

Me and my boyfriend have been together 2 years, (seeing each other for a year before that) and have been living together for a year. He works offshore so our relationship has always kept its excitement, ie, trying new things, still doing different activities etc. The last couple of months into the relationship we had sunken into a comfortable routine then he was hardly ever there. Prior to us moving in he had an extreme drug problem – ie waking up and snorting cocaine but he really turned himself around so we could be together. Things have gone from bad to worse, we hardly saw each other he was heavily back on the drugs – heavily smoking crack and drinking neat vodka until he could stand no more. He would do things and have no idea that he had done them the next day. I wanted to help him but couldn’t – i thought it was just a phase he was going thru (maybe a mid life crisis) For a few weeks i suspected he was either dealing drugs or cheating on me….he admitted to dealing drugs. Then a week before our anniversary (he was going to propose to me in a hot air balloon) 1 night out of the blue i found a letter on his laptop to his friend in prison explaining how he had a mad night on crack and slept with 2 prostitutes in a hotel….i knew that he wouldnt of admitted it so i packed my things and left. He is greatly remorseful, crying and begging everyday, Constantly calling and texting, and i believe him. I know what strange effects drugs have on people. I now feel sympathy for him because he tried to kill himself on 3 different occasions because he says he has lost the love of his life. (although he has a beautiful son from a previous relationship – why would he leave him?) He tried to OD, hang himself and slit his wrists. So i have now been going around to see him…on 1 occasion he wouldn’t let me leave the flat, head-butted me and smashed my phone then he cried and was sorry after. I still love him and want this to work but could i ever trust him not to hurt me again – physically or mentally…? he understands hes got drug problems and has been going to get himself sorted with counseling etc and has been straight for 3 days now. He wants me to move to Dubai with him for 3 months 2 his dads then he wants to travel the world together. (that was our plan) I dont want to be without him but what do i do…?! Is this all too much to overcome…weve got money so can pay for the best counseling but am i wasting my time…?

I still love him and dont want him to hurt anymore…but please help!

Thanks

Additional Details
Also, he is leaving in 2 weeks and wants me to go – so i need a decision quick…

And don’t know if this is any useful information but he also has ADHD…
Thanks for your answer below…But we had an extremely loving and very exciting relationship prior to his drug binge…why shouldnt i trust him again…? I havent already made my mind up but i know it sounds that way – i just dont want to regret my decision for letting him go – his theory for moving to Dubai is to come clean – ie no drug tollerance out there – please help! im completely lost!

Should i emigrate with boyfriend who cheated when F****d on drugs who is suicidally sorry?

So, its a long story and alot has happened but this is the shortened version, so sorry its very extreme and to the point – i need some real advice and guidance…. All thoughts greatly welcomed.

Me and my boyfriend have been together 2 years, (seeing each other for a year before that) and have been living together for a year. He works offshore so our relationship has always kept its excitement, ie, trying new things, still doing different activities etc. The last couple of months into the relationship we had sunken into a comfortable routine then he was hardly ever there. Prior to us moving in he had an extreme drug problem – ie waking up and snorting cocaine but he really turned himself around so we could be together. Things have gone from bad to worse, we hardly saw each other he was heavily back on the drugs – heavily smoking crack and drinking neat vodka until he could stand no more. He would do things and have no idea that he had done them the next day. I wanted to help him but couldn’t – i thought it was just a phase he was going thru (maybe a mid life crisis) For a few weeks i suspected he was either dealing drugs or cheating on me….he admitted to dealing drugs. Then a week before our anniversary (he was going to propose to me in a hot air balloon) 1 night out of the blue i found a letter on his laptop to his friend in prison explaining how he had a mad night on crack and slept with 2 prostitutes in a hotel….i knew that he wouldnt of admitted it so i packed my things and left. He is greatly remorseful, crying and begging everyday, Constantly calling and texting, and i believe him. I know what strange effects drugs have on people. I now feel sympathy for him because he tried to kill himself on 3 different occasions because he says he has lost the love of his life. (although he has a beautiful son from a previous relationship – why would he leave him?) He tried to OD, hang himself and slit his wrists. So i have now been going around to see him…on 1 occasion he wouldn’t let me leave the flat, head-butted me and smashed my phone then he cried and was sorry after. I still love him and want this to work but could i ever trust him not to hurt me again – physically or mentally…? he understands hes got drug problems and has been going to get himself sorted with counseling etc and has been straight for 3 days now. He wants me to move to Dubai with him for 3 months 2 his dads then he wants to travel the world together. (that was our plan) I dont want to be without him but what do i do…?! Is this all too much to overcome…weve got money so can pay for the best counseling but am i wasting my time…?

I still love him and dont want him to hurt anymore…but please help!

Thanks

Additional Details

Also, he is leaving in 2 weeks and wants me to go – so i need a decision quick…
And don’t know if this is any useful information but he also has ADHD…

We had an extremely loving and very exciting relationship prior to his drug binge…why shouldnt i trust him again…? I havent already made my mind up but i know it sounds that way – i just dont want to regret my decision for letting him go – his theory for moving to Dubai is to come clean – ie no drug tollerance out there – please help! im completely lost!

Almost every weekend, Carlos goes on a drinking binge after working a 12 hr shift at 3am, goes to his brother’s house and binge drinks all night, saying he’ll be home soon, i hate waking up to find out that, instead of calling he’s just went to his brothers after work. I know he is faithful, that is not an issue thank goodness, but he drinks. It bothers me, he’ll drink into the next day and sometimes until the next evening until he is so drunk he passes out and sleeps for what seems like forever. I have an 18 month old. (Not Carlos’) but he calls him Dad and he never drinks around him and treats him very well. But when he is older he’ll see Carlos coming home after 24 hours of drinking, stumbling, red eyed, and smeeling disgusting, he’ll catch on. I don’t want that for my son. His biological father is already a pothead. I repeatedly tell Carlos to please stop, or at least know when to. The few times he’s come home after just a few beers it’s fighting and all, because he didn’t get his way. He is always craving more after “just one”. I don’t know what to do. I’ve threatened breaking up, but he says he was the same when I met him. Okay but I didn’t know Ej would be so close with him. It’s a bigger deal now.

he has made it clear that just because he is going to see the beautiful face of our child (who is due in 2 weeks) that it is not going to change his views on alcohol. we don’t even sleep in the same room anymore because I lay awake every night crying about his attitude and the person he becomes when he is drinking…he says that if i can’t shut up and let him get some sleep before work, then to sleep in the living room, which is what I have started doing without him even saying anything anymore. I convince myself before I allow him to drink that it is going to be different on this particular night, but it never is. So I am aware that I am enabling him. However, I don’t work, so it’s not really my place to say what he can spend his money on. He supports me financially, because I have not been able to work throughout my entire pregnancy due to medical problems (extreme dehydration among other things). What can i do to get him to realize what he is doing is wrong? I can’t take the stress, it makes my blood pressure sky-rocket. and yes, i have tried talking to him, but he admits he is selfish but still doesn’t quit. He is always using the child against me saying “I paid for everything for him and all you have done is complain throughout this whole pregnancy, I’m the only one who has had to sacrifice anything” yet he claims that our child is his life. He just doesn’t act like this child is his life. I can’t exactly leave him, i am new to this area, i don’t know anyone yet except my doctor, and all my family lives a few hundred miles away at least. I can’t financially support myself and a baby right now until i can get my job back after i have the baby. please help?

i’m sorry know i am in the pregnancy section and this isn’t really a pregnancy question, but I am in this section a lot and i feel most comfortable with asking in this section.
wow…the mess i got myself into? my boyfriend and i were together for 2 years before we even started trying to have a baby. we both wanted this child. idiot
and just to be clear, the alcoholism didn’t start until i finally did get pregnant.
April- thank you for not attacking me. for the record, yes, I have a bachelor’s degree and My previous job is still secured for when I am able to return to the workplace. Your line > “The best thing to do is plan. Do not plan on him supporting you.” makes a lot of sense. I need to make a plan

Soon to be MIL….My boyfriends mom is not independant or very stable at all. She has had drugs problems in the past…weed isnt an issue which she does regular also – But he thinks she has started smoking crack again, She had stopped for 2 yrs. Since Ive been with my boyfriend..We have helped her move several times…She doesnt have a car…First she was with her sons baby mama helping raise the kids…She had an abusive boyfriend so MIL said he shouldnt be there or she will leave..MIL left…We moved her stuff into a friends house – Few months later kicked out…We moved her stuff with us for her to save money…She was with us a few months saved no money and then moved with the son ex again – This lasted not even a month!!!So this past week we’ve gotten one load of her stuff and moved her to her other sons house. She says to my boyfriend “I dont know what to do” He has told her to go to her moms, but she wont. She says she isnt smoking crack but we have serious doubts.
We guess she wont go to her moms, Cuz that will mean if she is smoking crack or anything – It wont happen there….They will straighten her out. My boyfriend is always worried about her, He said he is always suppose to taker care of her But he does realize he cant help her if she cant help herself…Its sad for me to watch, Im not familiar with a family that is like this.

I am 22 years old I am with a guy who is 32. We have been together for a year and we have went through hell. He is emotionally abusive and we both have been physically abusive. I have two kids. He is the father of my son. I was pregnant and he put his hands on me I got a restraining order against him. He has a problem with smoking crack when he is high and drunk he is dangerous. He is in prison now he left me pregnant and went to jail. Now that he is clean he wants to be a father to his 6 week old son. I dont know what to do I dont know how to deal with this. He promises that he will never touch another drug or drink that he just wants a normal life. I dont know if it is jail talk or is he serious… please help me

Hello.. this is all brand new to me.. i myself have never seen crack, let alone do it!

my boyfriend of near 7 months has begun to act VERYYYY weird last week… it ended for a lil while, by yesterday of all days! he started it up AGAIN!

what are the signs??? i am thinking he is doing it because before he was with me, he did it and quit cold turkey… during which time he wound up in jail for breaking into a house and stealing stuff…

well i’ve been with him for near 7 months now and i’ve NEVER seen him act the way he’s been acting yesterday/today/last week for a day or 2.

he has coughing fits and then spits up mucus, he cant sleep too well, when he is asleep, he is constantly twitching/tossing/turning.., he is paranoid (he actually went to his shrink a few days ago cuz he said he felt like everyone was out to get him),he looks pale to me, he talks with a stutter and like a weird way to his voice… like he is shaking when he talks, thats what i can best describe it as… also, he asks me the same questions 2 and 3 times within 5 minz of each other…. he is MEAN and telling me he likes other women, and might wanna break up with me, but when i tell him ok im going to pack my stuff and leave, he tells me “no no no, i dont want u to leave, i love u baby, i want u and u only, come here and shut up and kiss me… then he’ll say how he wants a family with me and my son and our own baby together 1 day… i dont get it!!!!

i had my sister pick me up for the night… i am at a lkoss of whats to come with him/what to do…. do u think he’ll come around and text/call me soon? is that how it works when ur doing crack???

someone PLZ inform me… i cant stop crying.. im a wreck… i just want a straight answer from me… weather or not he wants to end things or not… he still hasent told me for sure that we are done… he is toying with me and im going CRAZY!… also, when he first started acting weird, he was out with a few friends and i met up with him later that night and when i hugged him, he smelled like somnething burning, and like bug spray mixed in. i even asked if he was smokin crack, and he told me that i have his word that he’ll never do that again… but that smell was WEIRD! (the ppl he was hanging out with, the persons house they were at, she is a major crack head… i know her)

Me and my boyfriend have known each other for 7 years and have been together for 2 of them we have an 9 month old son as well. Now me and my boyfriend has had our arguments and have even fought but not like this night im about to tell u about.

Me and my boyfriend had been having problems for about 2 weeks i would stay gone n we would not sleep in the same bed when i got home.
Now on a saturday i left and later on that night at like 1 or 2 a.m. i get a phone call sayin that my boyfriend was super drunk had lost his phone and was tryin to drive so i went to go get him and told him to let me take him home he told me no and started yelling at me which turned to him pushing me hard to the ground in the parking lot and then we started fighting and i stopped and he kept coming at me dragging me by my hair banging my head to the ground stomping me punching me…everything and then he was sent to detox i did not press charges.

Now the next day i packed my shit and was ready to go but he got home early he tried to kiss me and i moved away he said whats wrong and i was like you dont know and he said that he did not remember i explained to him what had happened in detail of how he beat me and he could not believe it. I told him that me and his son was leaving and he started begging for me to stay and not to go and crying this went on for 2 hours he said that he promise never to do it again and that he made a huge mistake and that he would be better. Then he started talking about getting engaged and how much he love me and need me and for me to give him another chance i told him i already have several times he said that he knows but for me to please give him one more….

I know this is long but should i really stay?

I have a month and a half old son. The father of the baby isn’t on the birth certificate. He said he did want to be apart of his life, but I cut off all ties I had with him. I feel he is not responsible enough. He is an alcoholic and a drug user, I know bad judgment on my part.

My current boyfriend wants to adopt my son, but I know the process of adoption has the father of the baby gives up his rights, How would I go about it if the father wants to be in his life, but I feel he is unfit.