When I am not home she comes in with her son to snoop around(she once lived in the home)If I am not in the living room when she arrives she goes back to his bedroom following his father.I didn’t realize this was going on except I would come home at lunchtime and find our bedroom door locked on the days she was to come pickup him up. She finds excuses to come into the home.I had enough,so I called her and told her that when she comes inside my home she stays in the foyer. She got beligerent.This woman has tried suicide 4 x since I have known her and 8 x total. She admitted that she did it for attention,the last time she scratched her wrists. I have only been in her home twice and both times was to get the son out of the home because her 3rd husband and her were drinking and fighting.She is getting married again without divorcing the 3rd husband,she has an alcoholic and pill problem.I love the son as my own and he knows it. What should I do in the future?
Browsing Posts tagged boundaries
Hello. Anyone experienced with bipolar issues? I have a son who was recently diagnosed as bipolar. This explains some things. Now, I can see where some of his behavior comes from. However, I cannot excuse his behavior.
He’s had problems with the law, steals from us, and abuses drugs and alcohol. My wife and I gave him until the 9th to find a place to stay and/or enter rehab. On the ninth, we will take him to the steps of rehab, tell him we love him, and tell him that he cannot come home until he completes rehab. And then drive away.
I feel I need to do this. Nothing else has worked with him and he continues to cross boundaries, break the law, abuse drugs, and influence his siblings. He is a smart young man and if he makes the right choices then I think he will make it. However, the bipolar mental health issue still confuses me. Even though I think I am doing the right thing I would like to hear from an experienced person and professional.
Blessings
Yes, my wife and I both feel we need to do this.
My son has also been in a few rehabs the last few years i.e. In patient and out patient. He even has a drawer full of coins from NA and AA. He’s never completed treatment nor stuck with a sponsor long enough to honestly go through all 12 steps. Therefore, this is one reason why we are setting a boundary saying that he must complete treatment if he wants to come home. We are dropping him off at Salvation Army and the treatment plan is 6 months.
He still won’t admint that he has a problem even though he’s been in the emergency for OD’ing more than once.
Thank you for the feedback. Yes, this is BIPOLAR. I’ve spent the last hour talking to someone from http://www.dbsalliance.org/.
I would describe more symptoms but there isn’t enough space in here to go into detail.
People with Bipolar Disorder have periods of depression and/or mania. Deviant behavior can be a characteristic of a person who is in a mania state where they feel they can do anything. The BiPolar disorder must be treated before we can effectively treat behavior difficiencies.
Thanks for the feedback. The individial who recommend that I understand and research BiPolar will get my vote.
Just wondering if I am in the wrong here. My husband and I are expecting a baby, I am due in three months. Well I’m feeling concerned about how his mother is going to be once the baby is born. We need to set some serious boundaries, but I want to know if I am going too far?
To give you a little background, my MIL has a serious problem with alcohol, she has been an alcoholic since my husband was a baby. When my husband was young she was verbally abusive and he was even taken away from her to live in foster care for a period of time. And now, she is drunk every single night. She has come to our house completely unannounced when she is drunk, and every time it has happened it is always late at night, around 10-11 pm. Completely unacceptable. My husband and I have been together for 8 years and have been married for 3. This entire time she has either acted like I don’t exist when I am in the same room with her, or has said horrible things about me behind my back. But now that we have a baby on the way, she is finally wanting to get to know me. The problem is, I would rather just have a polite relationship where we are civil when we do see each other, but I really don’t want to get close to her because I have seen how she treats her son and other members of their family. She is very manipulative and delusional about reality (I am guessing due to her little drinking problem) and throws a fit if she can’t have her way. I have no idea how my husband turned out so normal.
These are the guidelines I am going to put in place when my son is born.. do these seem reasonable?
1. She will not be allowed to watch our son alone when he is at least a baby/toddler because I do not trust that she will keep him safe or that she will stay sober while he is with her.
2. She can come over to our house and visit my son as much as she wants DURING THE DAYTIME if she calls ahead and checks that we are able to have company. There will be no barging in unannounced, especially late at night.
3. We will not bring our son over to her house, even if we will be there with him, because it REEKS of smoke and is completely filthy (we are talking cat poop smashed into the carpets that she never cleans up and a thick layer of cat fur covering EVERYTHING).
