How Do I Get My Son Off Drugs?

Oh where to begin… First, I just want to say I’ve already looked for advice from my mother and a bunch of other people… But I want to hear it from an outsider. So……

My son’s father and I had been together for almost 7 years. We got together when I was 14 going on 15 (I am now 21). When I turned 17, we moved in together, and had been living with each other up until this most recent March. June 2008, we had a son. We’ve had a colorful history, full of ups and downs, but we got through the good times and the hard times TOGETHER, always. We had a lot of problems… Mostly money and financial issues, and all the other problems were us fighting over his drinking habits and basically choosing alcohol and his friends over his family. Due to him not working for almost a year, we were evicted from our home back in March. We both agreed (while angry and fighting) that we couldnt wait to get away from each other, and not have to see each other’s faces anymore. So we broke up. I moved in with my mom, he moved in with his brother. We continued seeing each other, hanging out, all that fun stuff. We were UNOFFICIALLY “together”.

Then in June, I started talking to an old friend, whom I had known for quite a few years. We started dating. My mom kicked my son and I out, so after only a month of dating this new guy, I moved in with him. (Wow, right?)

Obviously, this almost killed my son’s father. He hates that I’m living in another household with another guy who gets to see his son more than he does. He says he’s changed… That he no longer drinks anymore, nor that he has the desire to. He finally got a job, got a car, got his license back, and is back in school for Criminal Justice. He seems to be making a step towards a better life, which is all I had been asking for from the beginning. He says he regrets the things he did to make him lose his family, and that when he goes to sleep at night, all he has to cry on and hold is a pillow, and that kills me.

Problem is, I’m scared. And I know this new guy Im with is different. He’s an amazing guy, he’s done nothing but try to make me happy, and I do nothing but try to push him away. But there’s half of me that’s telling me “Despite how great of a guy he is, relationships are ALWAYS great in the beginning”. They’re both fighting for me. And I dont know what to do. The new guy says we can have our own new family, and that just because my son’s father and I had a baby together, doesn’t make us a family. I disagree. I’m old fashioned when it comes to that, because I’ve always wanted and dreamt of a family with my son’s father… And then it happened, but our hearts were in two different places. I’m extremely defensive when it comes to people talking about my son’s father. So when the new guys says things like… “He doesn’t love you like I do, He’s selfish and only wants you because he doesn’t want anyone else to have you”… I flip out. And I basically tell him it’s none of his business, when in reality, it is lol. He IS my boyfriend after all.

So I guess my question is, Should I move out of my new boyfriends house, and try again with my son’s father? I’ll always love him, and I know deep down inside that I’m never going to get over him. I will always want my family with him… No matter how happy I am in this new relationship. I want to believe he’s changed, and a part of me does believe it. I know he wants to make me happy and have his family back together again, and I want that too. But I feel stuck. I feel like I can’t make a decision because I dont want to hurt anyone. And it’s driving me NUTS. I know I have to hurt someone, but I don’t want to hurt the wrong person so I’ve just been avoiding the issue… But I have to decide. I can’t keep wondering, and bouncing back and forth with my feelings. I have to hurt someone. I don’t know how though. :/

It’s like… I have to choose between a 3 MONTH relationship, and a 7 YEAR relationship. It should be a pretty easy choice lol.. But I cannot, for the life of me, decide. Only because I don’t want someone to get hurt. But EVERYONE in the situation is hurting now, Me, my son’s father, and the new boyfriend. So something needs to get done, and I am desperate for advice from an outsider.

Should I go back to my son’s father and make a fresh start? A new beginning? And do it right this time? Or should I take a chance with someone else who I have only been with for 3 months, and moved in with after only 1 month? :/ Help, for the love of God lol.
I can’t afford a place on my own just yet, which is why I had to move in with the new boyfriend. I do have elsewhere to go, but its with my son’s fathers brother & sister in law. (The same one HE lived with when we first got evicted). And I have noticed a change in my son’s father. My birthday was in July for example, and my son’s father just bought me a card and a gift, and it said “I’m sorry I missed your birthday. If you’ll let me, I’ll never miss another one again”.. Little things like that.. He’s changed from being an a-hole, to being sweet and caring and considerate.

I was a good and loving mom,till drugs and alcohol became more and more important than doing the right thing for myself and my son.I had a loving husband,a new home,a car and:my freedom!I lost it all.Husband run away,CPS took my son a 2nd time,house went in foreclosure,car got impounded,I went to prison and got deported.In prison,I took advantage of every program there was,to get my son back.In prison I realized what I had done.Hell broke loose when CPS started talking about adoption.His grand mom in the States got denied after all,my parents in Germany got on it,on being approved,to get my son,to raise him in Germany.Everything was fine with my son (4 years old),til 4 weeks after he´s seen his Mamie for the last time,at the CPS office.He started to act out,would jell and cuss and cry,because his Mamie wasn’t´t there anymore,the one that he loves so much,and no one there,to let him know,that Mamie still loves him and she will come back to him,but right now, she is in “Timeout” for a little bit.That´s when I had gone to prison.I never hit my son,but I yelled at times a lot.I never ever backhanded him in his stomach,so hard,that he threw up.I never locked him in the closet for day´s and left the house!!!My son and I were together 24/7,ever since he was born and his dad went to prison when he was 3 mo old.He got sentenced to almost 12 years.All these story’s are from people,that didn’t know any better than talk BS and lies.My son had a habit of drinking warm chocolate milk and right after that,to play with the dogs or run arround,so that he made him self sick.And I know in my heart,that my ex neighbours were the once that said that I would lock him in the closet,because there was a situation,were the windows were open and I had to go somewere and my son wouldn´t listen,so I told him,that if he doesn´t wanna go,he can stay at home,but I have to lock him in the closet.I did,for a moment,to teach him a little lesson,and it worked.Now he is with my ex´s ex(they have a daughter together).After my son finally got my letters,4 mon. later,he started acting out again.I wonder why!?After all this time,just abuanding him,not wanting him anymore,of course he´s mad,he dosen´t wanna have anything to do with me,that´s how I would feel,if I were my son!!!!Instead of explaining him,what´s going on,they have him see a Psychologist.Posttraumatic stress disorder,with reactive attachment disorder,twice a month!And after only 2 weeks back in Germany,I got me a job,an apt.,got enrolled in a substance abuse program,classes,drugtesting etc..And now,my services with CPS got terminated,next hearing is in Nov.,I never had a fair chance,to see the Jugde,to justify myself.My son is 6 now,I haven´t seen him in 2 years,no contact what so ever…….How could I ever let this happen?????So,what do I do now????
Thank´s to everyboby who took the time to read my story and to coment on it.
Thank´s to everyboby who took the time to read my story and to coment on it.

basically im 15 with a 5 month old son. yesterday my mum left to go see her friend at around 12;00pm and she still isnt back and its 9:55am the next morning, my baby daddy left yesterday too so i got left here by myself! im still getting used to being alone with my baby and its hard. my mums kinda an alcoholic,
what do i do?

My son was honorably discharged from the USCG after a motorcycle accident involving alcohol. I know he was wrong but now they are doing an investigation a year after the fact and saying that due to his misconduct he should pay for his medical bills. He has not recovered mentally or physically and owns nothing. He connot afford an attorney and they will not provide him with one. I have two other sons that are Marines and they have never heard of anything like this. Can they reverse the honorable discharge? We just do not understand why they would do this. It seems like someone made a mistake a year ago and now they are trying to fix it. He was questioned initially, prior to discharge and signed away his right to an attorney eight weeks after severe head trauma. Is there anyone that can help us?
Navy Sailor, Thank you for your response. I fully understand that my son actions deserve punishment. The good thing is he knows also and expected to punished and or discharged but to be discharged and a year later have this issue come up. He never received counsel or rehab, those are the benefits our kids deserve when they sign up and put their lives on the line. I have two sons in Iraq and we are a very pro military. I am not a blind mother just think it should have been delt with prior to discharge.

My step-daughter moved out west to be near her family who is trying, one last time, to help her get on her feet. Her deadbeat husband followed her out here and is now living in a shelter and gets food stamps and offers no support or help to his wife or his 3 small children, yet expects to see them and she allows it. He knows how her entire family feels about him and he avoids us like the plague. He’s not supposed to stay with her but we suspect he does from time to time. She got into a house recently that the local housing authority is paying the rent on and she is expected to at least get a part time job. She’s an emotionally abused woman and can’t turn him away because she feels he needs to see his kids. We have tried too many times to make her see what a bad influence he is. He does nothing but manipulate her and the system to survive and get what he wants. When he gets cleaned up and is responsible and his contributing THEN his reward should be to see her and his kids. She won’t give him that ultimatum. That falls on deaf ears. Nothing we suggest or share with her is effective. His presence may cause her to get kicked out of her home. He has arrest records and is wanted in another state for burglary and shoplifting. He’s actually skipped out on his parole and the police here and back there do know of his where-abouts but I guess he’s not important enough to extradite. He’s a drug addict and alcoholic who was even caught trying to steal beer from a local supermarket recently. My step-daughter was doing fine until the deadbeat showed up and now she can’t seem to move forward because he keeps interfering in her life. She may be spiraling out of control and the next step could be to lose her house and be on the street and the state would step in and take the kids. She has burned her bridges with her family for so many years. They have tried and tried and tried, spending thousands of dollars trying to help her but she messes it up over and over. She’s VERY stubborn and never listens to advice and has to learn everything the hard way. She’s 40 now and has nothing to show for her life other than 3 small children, whom she car barely handle and a deadbeat husband who showed up one day and is wrecking everything. I don’t know…maybe we should just sit back and let the chips fall where they may? That’s the only thing we haven’t done yet. Maybe she truly has to reach rock bottom for her, losing her kids, to make her see how serious the situation is.

Everytime i start ignoring him he starts looking for me when he knows i love him he ignores me again im an alcoholic thats the reason he left me i think he met someone else but it did not work out he is not seeing anyone he says his scare of me drinking again i know i hurt him but its killing me that his insicure of what he wants

He said he didnt think to pour it out, and he hid it so noone would think it was his. My son also asked me why do I think he comes home chewing gum. its to get rid of the smell. My husband can’t smoke inside his work, so he says he chews gum when he can’t smoke. I asked him why come home chewing it when you can smoke, he said he guessed he liked chewing it. The part of me that believes he isnt drinking is because he was a very violent and aggressive drunk, and I’ve not seen that lately. We have had some arguments but not like before. And when he drinked, he never drinked whiskey or liquor, only beer. My son suspects he’s drinking stronger alcohol to get drunk quicker. My husband’s daughter and sister even suspect he’s drinking. I know I should believe my son also, but I have not found anything to suspect from my husband. What should I do? My son is his stepson. I thought my husband was going on 9 months sober. Please help me.

My friend is in her late 20′s she has 3 dui’s she has a parole violation. She is a bad person who only cares about her self. She has a major drinking problem too, her brother died from a drunk driver. She is currently dating a man who is pushing 40. He used to be an alcoholic he stoppted because he doesn’t want to lose his 10 year old son.

He is good and clean now he hates drinking and alcohol. My friend drinks behind his back. Because she is bored and she says needs to be bad once and a while. They live together the last time she got drunk. He told if she does it again it’s over. She said she won’t do it again but she has hit the bottle four times since then. She quit her job and is looking for a new one. So far she hasn’t been looking she just sitting around the house getting bored and wanting to drink. I told her to stop because he is a nice man. He is letting her live with him for free and he takes her out and everything. After all this she still drinks behind his back.

My friend is in her late 20′s she has 3 dui’s she has a parole violation. She is a bad person who only cares about her self. She has a major drinking problem too, her brother died from a drunk driver. She is currently dating a man who is pushing 40. He used to be an alcoholic he stoppted because he doesn’t want to lose his 10 year old son.

He is good and clean now he hates drinking and alcohol. My friend drinks behind his back. Because she is bored and she says needs to be bad once and a while. They live together the last time she got drunk. He told if she does it again it’s over. She said she won’t do it again but she has hit the bottle four times since then. She quit her job and is looking for a new one. So far she hasn’t been looking she just sitting around the house getting bored and wanting to drink. I told her to stop because he is a nice man. He is letting her live with him for free and he takes her out and everything. After all this she still drinks behind his back.

it is our problem. i mean when they tell us that they drink cause of us. cause they think they are in love with us and we dont want to be with them sort of like a controlling factor. will it help us with our feeling we are in bondage or quilty cause of their drinking. i mean all the emotional abuse that they put us through will it help with that? and also the physical abuse for all the years even though that stopped and it became mental abuse? will it help with that? and if so where can i get to one? and man why havent i known about this resource years ago i went through over 11yrs of physical to emotional to mental abuse the physical stopped when i put him in jail then the emotional rollerercoaster to mental torment. he maybe changing ,but i believe i have been damaged. well he tries not to drink when around me. he doesnt live with me, but when i take our son over there to him and his mom, who he stays with then he tries not to.i try to be nice so he wont give them hell. i am tired.

We’ve been separated now for almost 2 years. We spit up when she’s 8 months pregnant. I was always partying and she knew I was, especially with other women. I was into a variety of things, like alcohol, cigarettes, marijuana and other substances. When we first met, I was in a Drug Program. I have been working but not consistently. I just received a letter in the mail from Child Support Services about 4 weeks ago and haven’t responded. I admit that I lied to her many times, but times are different. I just applied as a United States Security Officer and its gonna take time until we get posted. Its takes 2 weeks for fingerprints results/verification and 1 week to get a guard card/uniforms and 1 week until I got a job. My mistake is, that I let my son’s mother know that I completed my “Powers to Arrest” exam and that I passed it successfully, and that I also when thru 40 hours of training. I am behind in my child support but she thinks that it was a paid training when it was wasn’t. I tole her it wasn’t and she made it seem like I was lying to her. I haven’t consumed any alcoholic beverage going on 4 months, nor had a cigarette going on 5 months. I have been clean on from all substances going on 5 months. I am assuming she is with someone else cause of the way she has been treating me. I used to be able to walk up to her door, now she doesn’t allow me to enter her gated community.

What should I do? Should I just let it go? Am I too late to save what we had before? HELP ME!…

We’ve been separated now for almost 2 years. We spit up when she’s 8 months pregnant. I was always partying and she knew I was, especially with other women. I was into a variety of things, like alcohol, cigarettes, marijuana and other substances. When we first met, I was in a Drug Program. I have been working but not consistently. I just received a letter in the mail from Child Support Services about 4 weeks ago and haven’t responded. I admit that I lied to her many times, but times are different. I just applied as a United States Security Officer and its gonna take time until we get posted. Its takes 2 weeks for fingerprints results/verification and 1 week to get a guard card/uniforms and 1 week until I got a job. My mistake is, that I let my son’s mother know that I completed my “Powers to Arrest” exam and that I passed it successfully, and that I also when thru 40 hours of training. I am behind in my child support but she thinks that it was a paid training when it was wasn’t. I tole her it wasn’t and she made it seem like I was lying to her. I haven’t consumed any alcoholic beverage going on 4 months, nor had a cigarette going on 5 months. I have been clean on from all substances going on 5 months. I am assuming she is with someone else cause of the way she has been treating me. I used to be able to walk up to her door, now she doesn’t allow me to enter her gated community.

What should I do? Should I just let it go? Am I too late to save what we had before? HELP ME!…

We’ve been separated now for almost 2 years. We spit up when she’s 8 months pregnant. I was always partying and she knew I was, especially with other women. I was into a variety of things, like alcohol, cigarettes, marijuana and other substances. When we first met, I was in a Drug Program. I have been working but not consistently. I just received a letter in the mail from Child Support Services about 4 weeks ago and haven’t responded. I admit that I lied to her many times, but times are different. I just applied as a United States Security Officer and its gonna take time until we get posted. Its takes 2 weeks for fingerprints results/verification and 1 week to get a guard card/uniforms and 1 week until I got a job. My mistake is, that I let my son’s mother know that I completed my “Powers to Arrest” exam and that I passed it successfully, and that I also when thru 40 hours of training. I am behind in my child support but she thinks that it was a paid training when it was wasn’t. I tole her it wasn’t and she made it seem like I was lying to her. I haven’t consumed any alcoholic beverage going on 4 months, nor had a cigarette going on 5 months. I have been clean on from all substances going on 5 months. I am assuming she is with someone else cause of the way she has been treating me. I used to be able to walk up to her door, now she doesn’t allow me to enter her gated community.

What should I do? Should I just let it go? Am I too late to save what we had before? HELP ME!…

We’ve been separated now for almost 2 years. We spit up when she’s 8 months pregnant. I was always partying and she knew I was, especially with other women. I was into a variety of things, like alcohol, cigarettes, marijuana and other substances. When we first met, I was in a Drug Program. I have been working but not consistently. I just received a letter in the mail from Child Support Services about 4 weeks ago and haven’t responded. I admit that I lied to her many times, but times are different. I just applied as a United States Security Officer and its gonna take time until we get posted. Its takes 2 weeks for fingerprints results/verification and 1 week to get a guard card/uniforms and 1 week until I got a job. My mistake is, that I let my son’s mother know that I completed my “Powers to Arrest” exam and that I passed it successfully, and that I also when thru 40 hours of training. I am behind in my child support but she thinks that it was a paid training when it was wasn’t. I tole her it wasn’t and she made it seem like I was lying to her. I haven’t consumed any alcoholic beverage going on 4 months, nor had a cigarette going on 5 months. I have been clean on from all substances going on 5 months. I am assuming she is with someone else cause of the way she has been treating me. I used to be able to walk up to her door, now she doesn’t allow me to enter her gated community.

What should I do? Should I just let it go? Am I too late to save what we had before? HELP ME!…

We had a serious relationship, at 10 wks pg, he literally vanished into thin air, he was agianst abortion, i found out he was doing cocaine, he also drives a semi,he is back in his homestate.( i only know where his parents live, he was staying there(going thru a divorce from his wife at the time we were together). He is in his 30′s,and has a son with another woman too. he knew i was pg. Now i have our daughter should i find him, what do i do write a letter, go to his state and try to talk to him, or just raise her alone? I dont know..

Back in April, he started calling in sick quite frequently and I noticed he has been doing cocaine, I have found two bags of cocaine in my bedroom, he has never paid me anything for his half of the rent or utilities and he thinks it is fair that I pay for everything. He is making my son and I very uncomfortable, i want to kick him out but I am scared, I am trying to find the right words, can you give me advice?

I am going through a child custody and divorce battle. When I was 5 months pregnant, I found out my husband was dating my step-sister behind my back. He was in Iraq when I found out. In emails I found he was saying that my step-sister was going to be the mother and not me and that he was gonna take my son away from me, make me cry for life, and that I was never going to forget him who he is. Well, I gave birth to our son on July 4, 2008 and my husband came back from Iraq in January 2009. At first we tried shared parenting (he would get my son one week and then I would get him the next) but then my son started coming back to me with very bad diaper rashes and one time came back with a cigarette burn on his big toe. I took him to the doctor and they called CPS. They didn’t do shit. Anyway, I kept him from his father cause I wanted to find out what was going on. I went to jail for traffic tickets in October. On October 14, I got served divorce and child custody papers. The court date was for October 15. I was still in jail and there was no way I was gonna make it. My husband didn’t tell the judge I was in jail so he got temporary child custody papers. I got out and got me a lawyer. My husband was pissed when he found out and told his lawyer that I am a drug addict, an alcoholic, that I have a criminal history, not a good job history (this part is true), and that I am a party girl. None of this is true except for the job history. Also he tried to say that every time he got Nathaniel back he had bad diaper rashes from me. Well, my lawyer said that I may not get my son back cause I don’t have a place of my own, I don’t have a car (my ex took it), since I live with my mom and she has a criminal history (which has an assault charge but it was like 3, 4 years ago) it will look bad on me. In the papers my ex put that he doesn’t want my mom around my son at all. What pisses me off is that when he would give me no money before my son was born for baby things, she bought everything for my son. When I was an overnight cashier at wal-mart she watched my son and he was well taken care of. My mom has never hit a child. Hell, she never spanked me or my brother. He hates her cause she caught him cheating before I did. Well, a couple of days ago my lawyer said that they are offering me final orders where we both have joint custody but he is primary and I will have supervised visits with my son. My lawyer said that he might get custody cause he has his own place, a steady job (Military although he is getting out in October), and a car. My lawyer said that if I agree to this, in a year I can go back and do a modification and get the orders chaged. My ex filed in Coryell County. I am in Williamson County. I don’t know what to do. It seems like my ex is getting everything he wants and I am not getting anything. I have nothing. He has witnesses and I don’t. He is making it seem like I am a violent person and I am not. Can anyone help me? I don’t know what to do.

In my whole life I have had this 3 time! I would not wish this pain on my worst enemy!
I get this pain in my legs and knees that make it hard for me to stand and when I sit and go back to stand up I cant! My back begins to tighten and there is so much pain it makes me scream!

The first time it was caused by a sneeze my aunt put smoke filled glass cups on my back and the pain went away but I was paralized for almost 3 days …

The second time I slipped out side and luckily I was at a doctors office and he cracked my back and pulled my legs and hurt me .. again I was paralized for 2 days with the 3rd day being able to walk slowly

The third time I went to a lady who is famous in town for being able to massage and it was a miracle!! I came into her house in pain and limping and 5 minutes later I came out running!

When I was giving birth to my son I asked the doctor about the epidural and told him about my back and how the lady was awesome! he got very mad and told me to just go to the doctor next time!

I have heard stories where people go to the ER and they are not helped! What should I do? I am feeling the pain coming in and this morning I had a charlie horse! Its not much time before I am in screaming agony!

I dont know what this pain is but anyone else have it?

I satisfied all the requirements to get my daughter back from
DCFS, yet they would not give her back. They told me I could raise one child but not two, which is bogus. My little girl has been stuck in the foster care system since age 7 and now she is 15. I had some health problems which were temporary and resolved, and they still would not return her to me. A few months ago I read in the paper that the public defender that I had was arrested for being part of a cocaine ring in the county where my case was held. Please let me know what I can do now to get her back. Can I get a new hearing?? I will also add that I have been good enough to raise a healthy and happy high functioning autistic son during this whole time and he is now 20. So for then to claim I am unfit is just bull. I know my daughter loves us and misses us terribly!! Help!! I live in Illinois.

I lost my son to dhs about a year ago i did parenting and drug and alcohol classes my case worker never got back to my messages and sometimes i didnt get to see my son because dhs failed to keep in contact with dhs in eugene im asking anyone for advice on how to fight dhs in court and win need more details here is my email feel free to message me thanks everyone! Ashley_Balkam@yahoo.com