I am about to file for divorce & NEED to prove my husband is an alcoholic & will put our 3-year-old’s safety at risk. I know most judges will rule the alcoholic can’t drive the child or have him overnight, but I have no proof that my husband is a drunk!
He drinks at his home & doesn’t drive much. He hides vodka in his laptop bag so he can drink at work, but hasn’t been caught yet. Strangely enough, he is a brilliant IT director & very respected!
I know for a fact that he drink around the clock because he has physical withdrawals if he goes without alcohol one day. He physically can’t avoid alcohol in order to have visitation since he gets violently ill, so I know he’ll drink while caring for my son (even if the jugde orders him not to).
Since he has no DUI offenses & hasn’t lost jobs due to driking, what else can I do to prove he is an alcoholic & that he will put our son’s safety in danger?
BTW, he has driven my son while drunk…I just don’t have evidence to show the court.
I’ve thought of calling the cops when he leaves here drunk, but I doubt they will locate him while he’s on the road. They’d have to respond within seconds to catch him driving away.
I’ve also considered hiring a private investigator to track him & get proof, but doubt I can afford it.
Wow, there are some very angry people attacking me! He wasn’t an alcoholic when I met him 10 years ago. The drinking has become a problem the last 2 years.
The reason I am divorcing him is so MY SON won’t have to suffer life with his alcoholic father in the home. I also can’t stop my husband from driving him while drunk!
How dare anyone say I’m the one who is hurting my child. Divorce is incredibly painful for all of us, but in the end I have to protect my child!
Browsing Posts tagged alcoholic
We have been married 3 years and i have finally know that i have to quit alcohol and save me my marriage and for our 22mo old son. She will not go to counseling because she thinks that my problem is the whole thing. I take accountabilty for my mistakes and trully want us to work.
I have a shocking true story could WYE ME about a boy that had a alcoholic mother with metal helf problems.
the boy is now 34 and happily married with 4 step kid and 2 of his own
He had cancer last year an has a 40% chance of dieing.
The family moved to a new home when the boy was 7 years old, and then the boys troubles started !
The boy had happy life until his mum became ill and started to drink heavily .
One day the boy came home from primary school to find his mum had taken a over dose she had try-ed to kill her self .
The boy panicked and did not now what to do as she lay motionless ,he tyred to wake her but she would not wake.up.
So he ran out in to the street crying and then knocked on a nab biers door for help .
The nubbier went with the boy to his house then the Lady rang 999 for a ambulance.and covert-ed the boy an till his father arrived.
When his dad got home he said to the boy she will be OK son ,as tears ran down his cheeks.
She in a special hospital ,meaning a mental hospital called Hill end, the boy did not under stand what was going on !
He felt scared and confused, all he wanted was his mum.
The next day the boy an his dad and big brother went to visit his mum at hill end mental hospital.
When the got there the the started to cry saying i don’t like this please daddy it was a old victor en building with scary people.
They went to reception and asked to see his mum ,so they waited until some one came to get them to take them to the ward.
They all went up along corridor it seamed to go on for ever and then up some stairs to to door with bars on the man unlocked the door and the first thing the boy saw was a old lady rocking and burping over and over and people walking up and down the ward talking to them self s.
The will never forget that day ,that day was start of the boys problems !
The mum has never recovered she is still very ill.
This has had a great impact on to boy life the family broke down and the boy started pulling his hair out .
his dad did not know what to do with the boy so he sent him to see a doctor and they did not know what was the mater with him.
At the age of nine the boy talk his first over does he talk his mum peels and ran away cry to the park thinking about his mum and wye is his life has got so bad now.
His father started to confide in the boy saying he dose not know what to do with mum, this was hard for the boy as he did not really understand or know what to say or do !
All the boy wanted was normal child hood and to be loved
.Things went wrong at school he could no think state and play up he was throne out
Things went from bad worst when he stated puberty, he started getting aggressive and fighting with his family ,he was fall off anger and his father could not cope with him and his mum ,so his father told him he has to go to boarding school .
Thing never worked out there and he was expelled age 13.
To cut along story short the boy left home age 14 he slept in a hag opiset his house for some time and a west Indian boy bro-rt him food this went on for some time an till the west Indian boys mum found out and talk him in .
the boy ended up in care not a nice please call Bridges he ran away to a place called farmstead and slept in a bus stop.
were he met Fred .
Fred lived in a foster home on a farm we became good Friends and i slept in the barn .
Fred had a hard life to so we got on well .
One day Fred and the boy started cutting there arms up, this felt good to them it realest all there stress an tent-ion.
(there so much more to tell about that time) they are still Friends to day
the boy ended up in hill end !!!! he was put to sleep for swearing again and again an-till he got Armand to the drug then he jumped throw the window and escaped
(so much more to tell)
some of
key points to cut to short
1 stabbed by father
2 flats he could not keep
4 first son
5 swots
6 drugs and self harming.
7 pub and club fighting
8 army
9 different home in different places
10 boxing with travellers and gasters and living on sites
11 Hill end
12 door man in London
13 lived with Fred’s mum she was hard work .had to look after her
14 went to lansaroty with tenner
15 drink mum
16 dads death
17 roses, Fred’s mums death the same week
18 inheritance from dad
19 marred the sister of Gail friend and had a baby boy could Tommy
20 now living with happily marred and and he has 40% of dieing from cancer
Yes that’s me, my Friends said it would make a good book can i have your expert pinyin please if poss .
be on-est
kind regards lee
lthotstuff2006@btinternet.com
A drinking alcoholic, not going to AA, and it has affected the children already… the 8 year old son doesn’t even like to go to restaurants that have bars, refers to people in movies as drunk (like if the character can’t remember something or acts strange), etc. The 12 year old girl says she doesn’t even want to get married and will never drink alcohol…these are just a couple of examples, but it is clear that these kids have been permanently affected. The dad “falls off the wagon” every few months and spends lots of the family’s money and sometimes doesn’t come home…or comes home and the family has to flee so that he won’t act crazy around the kids.
Would you look at it like, “the damage is already done” or “I need to prevent further damage” or what?
If you feel that the wife/mother in the situation should leave, but hasn’t, how if at all would you try to encourage her?
This is about my sister’s family and it breaks my heart. Her kids were two of the happiest people I’ve ever seen and they are being hurt by his actions.
She has been going to al-anon for years, even after he dropped out of AA, but she hasn’t been going as consistently the last year or so.
Oops–I forgot my niece just turned 13… and she is interested in boys and has chosen a guy her mom totally doesn’t approve of who her mom describes as “having issues.”
She has 3 kids, and a husband whom is an alcoholic, too. She got evicted for her alcohol addiction and is now living with my mom, so whenever I stop by to see the kids they are always hungry and I have to cook them something to eat. She receives foodstamps and social security every month but my nephew, her oldest son always tells me that she is always buying beer with it. I want to report on her but the last time I did all of her kids got taken away and she had a hard time getting them all back. I don’t want to take care of all her kids on my own, because they aren’t disciplined.
My boyfriend got a new job with my brother which is great. But my brother is an alcoholic and they have been hanging out together a lot lately. They drink everyday but during the days they don’t get drunk but the weekends they get totally trashed in our basement. Have beer pong party’s , beer bongs everything. He says he’s just trying to get it all out now before our son comes in 4 months., but i really don’t think that he is going to stop. I just don’t wanna be the nagging gf and him thinking that i’m telling him what to do. but being the babysitter till 4 in the morning for 6 or 7 drunk people is physically straining on me right now. I don’t know how to talk to him bout it without him going off or anything.
I need some tips on how to deal with an alcoholic.Is there anyone out there that has been to AA meetings or Alanon.He has been in and out of the hospital because of his liver. He gets scared and stops for a while then he drinks again. We love him but it is tearing us up inside. Especially my son he is only 11 and he is so hurt and tired. My husband needs help, he is killing himself and we want to help him but dont know how to anymore. Some advice or tips would greatly be appreciated.
He was not an alcoholic when I met him. He started a few years ago. If I can put him in a rehab I would.
I also told him that I would like a seperation. If he continues to drink to do it elsewhere, just so it is not in our face. He will not budge. He is not violent but he does act very childish when he drinks and it gets annoying very much so. We are so tired of the hospital visits. We feel so lost.
My husband doesn’t drink every day. He can even go weeks without alcohol. However, once he gets “the taste” of it, it’s hard for him to stop. He drinks until he passes out. He finds a “reason” to drink. It’s Monday night football, it’s Sunday Nascar, it’s been a long day, I need to relax. There’s always a reason to drink. If I question his drinking, he gets very defensive and says “Why can’t I enjoy some alcohol, I worked all day. He gets emotionally abusive…..never physical. Our daughters, ages 16 and 13 cant even stand to be around him…..sober or drunk…..We also have a 6 year old son who adores his dad. I just don’t know if I’m over-reacting. How do I know if my husband is truly an alcoholic?
@Grabitz, I’m going to forgive you for your stupid comments about my daughters since I didn’t give too many details about them and their relationship with their dad. What I get from your response is since he doesn’t kick my ass and he’s the one bringing home the money, then I shouldn’t trip on his drinking binges. Real smooth answer bud. You should feel really proud of yourself.
@Al B……thank you. I appreciate your links. I will look into them.
My wife has been telling me to get help for a few years now, I really don’t think I have a problem though. I drink about 5-7 beers a day and a couple shots of patron, do I have a problem? I haven’t gone a day without booze for years, I don’t want my son to see me drunk all the time. There have only been a couple occasions where I cheated on my wife and didn’t realize it the next day. I would just find random text messages on my phone like “take care baby, call me again”. What should I do? Please don’t call me an alcoholic because im not! Thanks, -Geoff
A study started in April with a man who for most part of his life has suffered as an alcoholic – when i first called on him he had been dry for 4 weeks & decided that instead of slamming the door in our faces (something he usually did) he thought he’d ask some questions a great discussion ensued & after a few rv’s a study was started. We were racing through the bible teach book with him asking loads about different things along the way. He attended meetings almost immediately too. He stopped his study in August due to pressure from his girlfriend – anyway, i kept in touch (as i knew he didn’t have alot of moral support with his alcoholism from friends or family) in November he turned up at the hall again just out of the blue decided his girlfriend was holding him back from drawing closer to Jehovah. We never saw him much in Dec, he had his sons b’day & Xmas etc., but i saw him today – in a complete mess – his son has been taken from him, he tried to kill himself not sure what to do?
He is completely heart broken – i am not sure exactly what has happened – i did not want to pry as i could clearly see that he was distraught with what’s happened – yes he has slipped up and i know that when he was sober he was a very kind and loving father to his son and that he was a good worker in his job and someone with great potential. My husband and I are going to call and see him on Saturday but i feel that i should pop over and see him sooner – tomorrow even? Was going to make him some soup so that he has something to eat? What else do you suggest i can do to help this man. He is so completely broken -he did say he was going to attend an AA meeting tonight but he has no transport should i have taken him? I really am at a loss.
Tootie – please have some sense – i don’t care if this man doesn’t want to be a Jehovah’s Witness – i just want to make sure he is not successful in trying to kill himself again – he has lost all that was important to him – clearly you have no idea – go and read a bedtime story!
If anyone else wants to be clever – he chose his girlfriend over his study because his girlfriend felt threatened by me – which was stupid because i am married and at the time i was studying with him was heavily pregnant with my third baby!!! – he was not emotionally strong enough to do both things that he wanted to do – i.e., continue seeing his girlfriend and continue learning about the bible truth!!!
Thanks debbie – i was going to give one of the elders a call who actually gave him a job when i first started the study with him.
my husband is a JW and he text him a few mins ago and he told us he managed his AA mtg which is great – an elder who is close to him too is going to go and see him tomorrow so that is good also. thanks to my fellow JW who have answered thus far.
A study started in April with a man who for most part of his life has suffered as an alcoholic – when i first called on him he had been dry for 4 weeks & decided that instead of slamming the door in our faces (something he usually did) he thought he’d ask some questions a great discussion ensued & after a few rv’s a study was started. We were racing through the bible teach book with him asking loads about different things along the way. He attended meetings almost immediately too. He stopped his study in August due to pressure from his girlfriend – anyway, i kept in touch (as i knew he didn’t have alot of moral support with his alcoholism from friends or family) in November he turned up at the hall again just out of the blue decided his girlfriend was holding him back from drawing closer to Jehovah. We never saw him much in Dec, he had his sons b’day & Xmas etc., but i saw him today – in a complete mess – his son has been taken from him, he tried to kill himself not sure what to do?
He is completely heart broken – i am not sure exactly what has happened – i did not want to pry as i could clearly see that he was distraught with what’s happened – yes he has slipped up and i know that when he was sober he was a very kind and loving father to his son and that he was a good worker in his job and someone with great potential. My husband and I are going to call and see him on Saturday but i feel that i should pop over and see him sooner – tomorrow even? Was going to make him some soup so that he has something to eat? What else do you suggest i can do to help this man. He is so completely broken -he did say he was going to attend an AA meeting tonight but he has no transport should i have taken him? I really am at a loss.
Tootie – please have some sense – i don’t care if this man doesn’t want to be a Jehovah’s Witness – i just want to make sure he is not successful in trying to kill himself again – he has lost all that was important to him – clearly you have no idea – go and read a bedtime story!
If anyone else wants to be clever – he chose his girlfriend over his study because his girlfriend felt threatened by me – which was stupid because i am married and at the time i was studying with him was heavily pregnant with my third baby!!! – he was not emotionally strong enough to do both things that he wanted to do – i.e., continue seeing his girlfriend and continue learning about the bible truth!!!
Thanks debbie – i was going to give one of the elders a call who actually gave him a job when i first started the study with him.
my husband is a JW and he text him a few mins ago and he told us he managed his AA mtg which is great – an elder who is close to him too is going to go and see him tomorrow so that is good also. thanks to my fellow JW who have answered thus far.
I’ve being married for 16 years and my husband drinking got worse. He drinks every night to the point that he doesn’t remember our conversation next day, lies about his drinking, hides the bottles that he is drinking, every conversation turns into a argument, bad influence for my son, I do not feel safe with him…etc. I tried everything to help him: assisted to AA meetings, read Alanon books, asked his family for help, went to the psychologist, prayed, asked people to pray for my relationship, talked to him, keep that house free of possible alcohol temptations, cried, beg him to stop, explained what his drinking is doing to our family, called the police asked to help me and do an drinking test…the police couldn’t help because drinking at home is not a crime, unless he is disturbing the community.
I’ve learned that smoking pot is a crime and they can show up at home and do something… but drinking is not a crime. And that is my point of my request, in reality SPOUSE THAT DRINK TOO MUCH AT HOME ARE DISTROYING THEIR FAMILY is like killing in a passive way.
I know if you are in this situation, you feel like me.
I want to bring this matter to the authorities for their support. “Alcoholic parent living with their children should be a persecuted as drug abuse do”
If you agree with me please respond with a “Yes”
My wife has been telling me to get help for a few years now, I really don’t think I have a problem though. I drink about 5-7 beers a day and a couple shots of patron, do I have a problem? I haven’t gone a day without booze for years, I don’t want my son to see me drunk all the time. There have only been a couple occasions where I cheated on my wife and didn’t realize it the next day. I would just find random text messages on my phone like “take care baby, call me again”. What should I do? Please don’t call me an alcoholic because im not! Thanks, -Geoff
A study started in April with a man who for most part of his life has suffered as an alcoholic – when i first called on him he had been dry for 4 weeks & decided that instead of slamming the door in our faces (something he usually did) he thought he’d ask some questions a great discussion ensued & after a few rv’s a study was started. We were racing through the bible teach book with him asking loads about different things along the way. He attended meetings almost immediately too. He stopped his study in August due to pressure from his girlfriend – anyway, i kept in touch (as i knew he didn’t have alot of moral support with his alcoholism from friends or family) in November he turned up at the hall again just out of the blue decided his girlfriend was holding him back from drawing closer to Jehovah. We never saw him much in Dec, he had his sons b’day & Xmas etc., but i saw him today – in a complete mess – his son has been taken from him, he tried to kill himself not sure what to do?
He is completely heart broken – i am not sure exactly what has happened – i did not want to pry as i could clearly see that he was distraught with what’s happened – yes he has slipped up and i know that when he was sober he was a very kind and loving father to his son and that he was a good worker in his job and someone with great potential. My husband and I are going to call and see him on Saturday but i feel that i should pop over and see him sooner – tomorrow even? Was going to make him some soup so that he has something to eat? What else do you suggest i can do to help this man. He is so completely broken -he did say he was going to attend an AA meeting tonight but he has no transport should i have taken him? I really am at a loss.
Tootie – please have some sense – i don’t care if this man doesn’t want to be a Jehovah’s Witness – i just want to make sure he is not successful in trying to kill himself again – he has lost all that was important to him – clearly you have no idea – go and read a bedtime story!
If anyone else wants to be clever – he chose his girlfriend over his study because his girlfriend felt threatened by me – which was stupid because i am married and at the time i was studying with him was heavily pregnant with my third baby!!! – he was not emotionally strong enough to do both things that he wanted to do – i.e., continue seeing his girlfriend and continue learning about the bible truth!!!
Thanks debbie – i was going to give one of the elders a call who actually gave him a job when i first started the study with him.
my husband is a JW and he text him a few mins ago and he told us he managed his AA mtg which is great – an elder who is close to him too is going to go and see him tomorrow so that is good also. thanks to my fellow JW who have answered thus far.
A study started in April with a man who for most part of his life has suffered as an alcoholic – when i first called on him he had been dry for 4 weeks & decided that instead of slamming the door in our faces (something he usually did) he thought he’d ask some questions a great discussion ensued & after a few rv’s a study was started. We were racing through the bible teach book with him asking loads about different things along the way. He attended meetings almost immediately too. He stopped his study in August due to pressure from his girlfriend – anyway, i kept in touch (as i knew he didn’t have alot of moral support with his alcoholism from friends or family) in November he turned up at the hall again just out of the blue decided his girlfriend was holding him back from drawing closer to Jehovah. We never saw him much in Dec, he had his sons b’day & Xmas etc., but i saw him today – in a complete mess – his son has been taken from him, he tried to kill himself not sure what to do?
He is completely heart broken – i am not sure exactly what has happened – i did not want to pry as i could clearly see that he was distraught with what’s happened – yes he has slipped up and i know that when he was sober he was a very kind and loving father to his son and that he was a good worker in his job and someone with great potential. My husband and I are going to call and see him on Saturday but i feel that i should pop over and see him sooner – tomorrow even? Was going to make him some soup so that he has something to eat? What else do you suggest i can do to help this man. He is so completely broken -he did say he was going to attend an AA meeting tonight but he has no transport should i have taken him? I really am at a loss.
Tootie – please have some sense – i don’t care if this man doesn’t want to be a Jehovah’s Witness – i just want to make sure he is not successful in trying to kill himself again – he has lost all that was important to him – clearly you have no idea – go and read a bedtime story!
If anyone else wants to be clever – he chose his girlfriend over his study because his girlfriend felt threatened by me – which was stupid because i am married and at the time i was studying with him was heavily pregnant with my third baby!!! – he was not emotionally strong enough to do both things that he wanted to do – i.e., continue seeing his girlfriend and continue learning about the bible truth!!!
Thanks debbie – i was going to give one of the elders a call who actually gave him a job when i first started the study with him.
my husband is a JW and he text him a few mins ago and he told us he managed his AA mtg which is great – an elder who is close to him too is going to go and see him tomorrow so that is good also. thanks to my fellow JW who have answered thus far.
My husband is an alcoholic, though firmly denies it. He is at the bar right now, blowing the money in our checking account. He has my car. He has 4 DUI’s. He hasn’t come home yet. My son kept asking me when dad was going to be home before he went to bed. I didn’t know what to say. I have threatened to leave unless he goes to rehab, and that has fallen through. He’s a stay at home dad, i’m active duty Navy, and have no childcare if he leaves. He has no money to go anywhere, and I honestly don’t want to just kick him out, because he has been homeless before and pretty much didn’t mind it. It’s almost as if he’s dragging across rock bottom and doesn’t care. Nothing has changed him. I need your advice. If you have been in a relationship with an alcoholic, please tell me how you changed things, and what works and doesn’t work. I’m at my wits end and my kids don’t need to be around this any longer!!!! Thank you!
Dawn- Your post made me tear up. The part about your mom taking you to look for your dad is about what I’m at right now, but at this point I refuse to take my kids out and let him learn his lesson.
I’m a functional alcoholic, as of right now, i haven’t drank in 10 days (which sux) but for me, that’s quite an accomplishment, I’m stressed like crazy, I’m a dad, just moved to a big city with my sister and her husband, I have an anxiety disorder, and I have been dumped, cheated on, my son’s mom is crazy, won’t let me barely even talk to my son over the phone, and I have found that when I drink, I just forget about the crap going on and it calms me down alot. I have never been late for work because of drinking, never drank on the job, I don’t carry a flask around, just when I have downtime, I love throwin them back, I brew beer, I know everything about it, I love alcohol…the way I look at it, what’s the problem? Everyone has their vices?? right? gimme input
i read the answers so far, I can’t get drunk, then wake up, drink water and go run a few miles…i’m a vegetarian, eat healthy, I just always seem to turn to the booze when stressed
sorry, I CAN get drunk, then run the next day
Ok, my Dad has been an alcoholic since I can remember. Due to his excessive drinking, he developed the disease Pancreatitis. Recently, we had a really bad scare. According to his wife, he got out of bed and had symptoms of a stroke. He went to the doctors after we forced him to by calling the police and his blood work came back really messed up. They made him come back for more testing and a full body scan (forgot what it’s called). We were all thinking the worst, cancer or something along those lines and my dad was very scared. When the results came back, surprisingly, everything was fine. He had slight liver damage but was told it could easily be repaired if he changed his lifestyle. Fast forward two weeks… Last night, my dad shows up at my place, where me and my 4 month old son live drunk. I was so pist, it was like a huge slap in the face. So i told his wife today and she said she knew he was drunk yesterday too, that she could tell. She went home on her lunch break and told him that if he doesn’t stop she’s going to leave and told him what I said about how he was drunk last night. He texts me an hour later and tells me “Thanks” (meaning thanks for telling his wife, what she already knew!) And i told him “Thank youself.” And then he went on to insult me and tell me to worry about my dead beat bf and blah blah blah. I simply told him he could insult me all he wants if it makes him feel better. I’m done caring about him because he obviously doesn’t. And he told me not to contact him anymore and I said Gladly.What would you do in this situation? I really want to disconnect from the dysfunction all together but feel like I have a responsibility as his daughter to help him. Keep in mind, we have tried everything and nothing seems to work. I am at a loss…
Aside from the fact that he’s killing himself with alcohol, he is completely abnoxious and inappropriate when he’s drunk and says things that make me really uncomfortable. Like last night he was talking about how his upstairs neighbors are gay guys and said “yea.. i heard one say, “ugh i got poop on my weiner.” He obviously didn’t hear them say that… but he says inappropriate stuff like this when he’s drunk ALL THE TIME.
Is there ANY hope for my husband and me? WE have gotten rid of his family, which is hurtful and cost us every penny we ever had,and our house, so we moved in with my emotional manipulator dad and now are living in his house that he refuses to leave and we are supporting him here (including new floors, new roof, etc. since I was hoping he would sell it), and we are renovating a house for ourselves (me , hubby, son) but I dont know how we can ever leave because my bozo dad won’t leave his house and can’t afford it, of course he took a mortgage out on it that he can’t pay and it is in his and my recovering alcoholic mother’s name (they divorced last month after 20 yrs of separation, he cries daily) , so she will be financially ruined if he defaults and then I will have two of them to support…… IS THERE ANY HOPE that my hubby and I can become normal and have normal kids? SHould we stop with one since we have so much baggage? WHAT DO WE DO?
It would be far cheeper to move out while we renovate. We have dropped 50,000 into his house to get it into selling condition, plus I pay all of his bill, including medical. I just don’t think I can afford to keep his lifestyle with two houses! He won’t leave, and I am afraid of what will happen when he is on his own.
my father stays in bed often 23 hours a day, sometimes for weeks. I have discussed this with doctors for 20 years. NObody does anything, I can’t fix him.
Is there ANY hope for my husband and me? WE have gotten rid of his family, which is hurtful and cost us every penny we ever had,and our house, so we moved in with my emotional manipulator dad and now are living in his house that he refuses to leave and we are supporting him here (including new floors, new roof, etc. since I was hoping he would sell it), and we are renovating a house for ourselves (me , hubby, son) but I dont know how we can ever leave because my bozo dad won’t leave his house and can’t afford it, of course he took a mortgage out on it that he can’t pay and it is in his and my recovering alcoholic mother’s name (they divorced last month after 20 yrs of separation, he cries daily) , so she will be financially ruined if he defaults and then I will have two of them to support…… IS THERE ANY HOPE that my hubby and I can become normal and have normal kids? SHould we stop with one since we have so much baggage? WHAT DO WE DO?
