How Do I Get My Son Off Drugs?

My son and I have written this together for advice…How pathetic I am 42 years old and seeking help “online” but I guess I feel a little desperate. My son, my husband and I all had a fight tonight, or should I say I completely blew up (in an immature way using the “F” word and nearly every other one as well) at my son and husband and then proceeded to leave the house leaving them both behind. My son has apologized but frankly often does and we wind up fighting again just 5 minutes later. I should add, I often apologize too. I am seriously am frustrated and self admittedly, not handling myself very well anymore. By my sons perception, I “freaked out because he has not handed in a homework assignment” and I over reacted by telling/screaming at him he makes Me angry every single Fing day of the week which lately is just a fact. I got angry with my husband because frankly, every single day as my son and I argue about EVERYTHING, he just sits there watching TV or ignoring the entire event, NEVER supporting me. To paint the picture, my son is an absolutely awesome kid and has great values but the truth is he is lazy and a procrastinantor and it is driving me crazy. He does not do drugs or alcohol and is very wholesome. Aside from that he talks back to me EVERYDAY and everytime I insist that he steps up to the plate. He is 18 years old and a senior and for the past 6-8 years he has missed homework assignments, made excuses, played video games, etc… Every single day I rode him to do his work and he would decieve me and pretend it was done. His grades were crappy enough that he will be going to a community college, he does not have grades to get into a four year school. Grades vary from a F-B average 2.0 GPA. I know academics are not everything but these are BAD habits not conducive to having a successful life. He sees my constant critism as “ragging” everyday and being “mean”. At 18 years old, never having a job and being lazy and talking back non stop, I feel like I am starting to crack. My husband, not his father, but in the picture since he was four offers ZERO support. That is a seperate issue I am completely disturbed about and his biological father does NOTHING and lives 2000 miles away…visits once a year for 5 days and leaves a hero. Might I add never a dime in child support.
This morning I got up at 600 am (up before my husband) ….got ready, went to work until 500pm as a nurse, picked my son up from the “gym”-which I paid for, brought him home, fed the dogs, changed, went for a walk and then grocery shopping for groceries(at 10 pm) since my son claims there is nothing to eat if he doesn;t have skim milk (can’t be 2%), low sugar bread, cold cuts, shredded wheat, honey, soups, snacks etc… I will also mention he does not have a drivers liscence yet as he has not shown the level of maturity necessary for me to trust he will make safe decisions behind the wheel. His room is a PIG STY, and he thinks I am just being a Bitch if I comment on any of these things. Frankly, it is getting old….I feel like I have a really good “12″ year old. I also feel like a failure because I feel resposnible for his being so ill prepared for the real world and lastly I am completely PISSED OFF that I have a husband who hasn’t stepped up to plate to help parent in 14 years and a deadbeat for an ex husband too. So maybe I am an angry bitter woman? Will someone give me a reality check? I don;t want to be mean to my son and husbnad but I feel like I am going crazy some days and it is not my hormones. It is my REAL feelings!! please give me feedback….

Thoughts from SON: Ok basically like she said my mom is the only real authority in life. As of right now I have C’s B’s and A’s last year I did fail chem and math so I know where she is coming from. Often Times I do talk back but often times my mom freaks out Curses at me which I never do to her and becomes so unresonible I cant even talk to her. Sometimes I think she gets mad at my step dad and takes it out on me or vice versa. I know she is stressed but I honestly think she has a problem. And maybe I do 2. I would go for support and would like outside views. Yes I didnt do my math homework. That just started it. She takes things and blows them to an extreme. Sometimes she is awesome, lovely and encouraging but when she snaps which is daily as do I 1. She will say make her angry everyday and stand the way. Which admit I do talk back alot but I instantly apoligize and am ALWAYS the first one 2 admit im wrong and try to make things better. But really how bad am i. I have a dirty room and get average grades. That isnt horrible. I dont do drugs and I am an eagle scout (with my moms support). Arent I just the average kid? Also she makes me clean my room every 2 days and it only takes about 10-20 mins so how bad can it be. The things she yells at me for are things like are things i do over and over like YOU DIDNT GET A TOWEL FOR YOUR SHOWER? THERES C

okay, heres some background: i was born into a family of alcoholics. my dad recently passed away due to his heavy drinking and liver problems caused by it. recently i have noticed that my sister has been drinking every night. she has a 8 year old son (my nephew) who when hanging out together told me that his mom “acts weird at night and then falls asleep” HOW SAD! but im not sure how to go about talking to her about this. i know she knows what it is like to grow up with an alcoholic parent, hell, both of ours were. dont you think that she would understand and want to keep that shit away from her son?

A 33 year old woman who I have met professionally 3 times is flirting with me. She is divorced and has two kids. She wants me to meet her son, is bringing me special sweets I like from her home town, and asked for my phone number, said “that’s great!” when I told her i was single, and she is a really hot looking scorpio gal and makes lots of sexual innuendo jokes and has a killer smile.

She got divorced recently (maybe within a year or two) and she doesnt allow the ex to se her kids cause he doesnt support them. She said she has gone through tough times emotionally, mentally &financially &her ex was alcoholic. her son told her 2remarry.

She lives with her kids & works full time. When we parted last she hugged and did a cheek kiss on me & was in 2much ecstasy while doing it.

I am single w/out kids. I find her attractive. I appreciate the interest.

Im a vegetarian & never drink/drugs. Shes been veg off on (but not presently).

I have hesitation due 2 kids?

COMMENTS? TY
Hesitation due to kids doesnt mean I wouldnt accept them (havent met them), but that I wouldnt want to start a relationship without their approval, but then I wouldnt make a commitment until I got to know her and them all better. So it is catch 22! Anyone with experience at this that had a positive experience? Very sticky situation. I am mostly concerned for the kids cause I also had this happen to me as a kid (parents divorced) and know that it caused me lots of hurt feelings that I didnt express at the time.

What should be the progression?
1. see her quietly
2. decide on her
3. meet the kids
4. decide on the package
???

Or kids first and then try and then decide?

No easy answer I see.

My son is 14 and he is a very good boy, but I worry because I know how young I was when temptations started. (to smoke pot, drink, etc.) He has ADD and things aren’t always a breeze for him, so I am afraid he will turn to drugs at some point. I tell him often (without nagging) to wait until he is 21 to decide whether or not to drink and he seems to listen. I heard that alcohol affects the development of the frontal lobe of the brain, so I remind him from time to time that he is just so much better off without it. I also don’t want to seem like I am preaching. I am a waitress and I have tended bar, so he knows I am not anti-alcohol. I just want him to make age-appropriate decisions. If anyone has any added incentive for kids to stay abstinate, please let me know. Thanks!

(I am in the U.K.)

My son works for a large company which he joined after dropping out of university because one of the subject areas was too difficicult. It is a menial task, stacking shelves, and staff morale is low. Last year, he and a colleague took some video of them doing stupid teenage things at the back of the warehouse, away from other members of staff and the public. This included such pranks as jumping in a pile of wrapped mattresses, racing in shopping trolleys (carts in the U.S.). These videos were posted on YouTube. No problem, until the Area Manager was told about them. He has now been suspended on full pay whilst an investigation is held. Apart from this incident he has never been late, never left early, worked hard, extra hours when requested. He does not take drugs or dring excess alcohol.

If you were HR, what would you do?

What is his best defence, if any?

As an aside, the company have a problem getting staff as the pay and conditions are poor.

so i became a mother at 15,and i didn’t realize what having child was at the moment i did it to please my boyfriend at the time who was 16 we had been together since i was12. after our son he became abusive and addicted to meth so i left him.he then moved t a diff rent state across the country.i then became a single mom at 15 i didn’t have help of my family,only my older sister who i lived with after i got kicked out by my parents when i became pregnant.yrs later my son is 3 and im only 18,and a month ago i got married to a man who i adore and who is wonderful to me and my son,me and my son now have a great life and home,ad i found out im expecting a child with my husband,i also barley graduated hschoolbut i wwasn’table to do what all the other seniors do and i wwasn’table to enjoy eeverything likeprom grad night graduation,,ETC, like my friends did.i now find myseld somewhat depressed i dont know what to do i feel like im going insane,i feel like i made horrible decisions i gave up everything for my son and i dont want to some how blame it on him later on although i know it was my choice to have him,because i love him more than anything.and i feel like escaping atleast for a day,what could i do??
for those who chose to be ride or judge me: i know it was my choice but i know my brain did not work likeit does now i never realized what having a child entitled as dumb as that may sound and of course i dont wwant my kid to follow in my footsteps,i only want advice on how to get my mind off of this or should i go to therapy??what is there to do??

Making things short as possible:

I have had full custody of my son since he was a year old. Father has not wanted much to do, has been abusive and neglectful in the past to both me and our son who is now 6. I had a restraining order against the father and then had him arrested again for violation of that restraining order. This was in the beginning of 2004. Father was then arrested twice in March 2004, once on cocaine charge and another for fleeing and eluding a police officer on a 1 ½ mile chase going 105 mph. He was arrested and charged, but was already on probation. Some how he only received house arrest for these things.

Anyway, even though the grandparents have always enabled their son, my sons father, they have always protected my son and put his best interest at heart. I agreed to let the supervised visitation be within the grandparents house under the supervision of the grandparents. Still his father didn’t want much to do with our son. Well, sometimes he did, sometimes he didn’t. He hasn’t ever gave him a bath, got him ready for bed, put him to bed or any of those things. Eventually, the order was changed allowing the father visitation rights without supervision from time to time as mutually agreed by me. He went on to sometimes spending time with him to all of a sudden spending time, then taking him to his girlfriends house to sleep over with her son behind my back. I didn’t make any issue out of it until my son told me that he wasn’t fed all day, daddy was bye bye and his girlfriend was sleeping. So, my son and this two year old were left unsupervised and unfed. I immediately contacted the grandparents and THEY told the father that my son would have to stay with them.

So, a long time went on now my son is six. Dad has all of a sudden been spending time with our son again. He has a new girlfriend again, so evey time he gets a new one, he tries to act like the all American dad. Anyway, I haven’t said anything to him. I have always encouraged a good healthy relationship. Well, the dad always seems to mess up. The past few times my son spent with his dad the following has happened:

My son has been saying the F word and a couple other swear words. He doesn’t hear it in our house. I think that I have respectfully done my best to raise him right so far and he is a great kid. My son informed me that his dad says those words all of the time and my son actually asked him if he would stop saying those bad words. Fathers response to that was, “I will say whatever the heck I want to” I don’t grill my son when he comes home. He and I have a wonderful relationship. A few other issues I have are: His dad told him that the cops have been following him and around eveywhere and my son has told me that a cop followed them to the store and daddy’s girlfriend yelled at the cop for harrassment. The last time my son was up there, I picked him up and he told me that daddy kicks girls. He said that his daddy and his girlfriend got into a huge fight and his girlfriend was crying and yelling not to kick her. This is not safe and not a happy environment that my son is used to. I hate to be mean, but no wonder my son calls me and says that he is home sick. I have always encouraged him to go up there but from now on I think I will let it up to my son and will tell the grandparents that dad is not to take my son by himself. Any suggestions??
Everything was always fine when the dad was not allowed to take him places, but then he wouldn’t spend time with him which I am starting to believe that is what’s best. I won’t leave it up to my son. I will do whats best. Thanks for the advice except for Spike. Yeah, very uncalled for. So, you blame the good parents instead of the bad parents that choose not to change? Sounds like my sons father. Yep, you are just like him. A LOSER!!!
Everything was always fine when the dad was not allowed to take him places, but then he wouldn’t spend time with him which I am starting to believe that is what’s best. I won’t leave it up to my son. I will do whats best. Thanks for the advice except for Spike. Yeah, very uncalled for. So, you blame the good parents instead of the bad parents that choose not to change? Sounds like my sons father. Yep, you are just like him. A LOSER!!!

Some people turn to alcohol to make them feel good. Others turn to nicotine. I, turn to caffeine (pop and chocolate). Somedays I just crave caffeine. Other days, I turn to it because I pitty myself. I have an addiction. Has anyone else had this same problem? I want out. I have a 5 month old son. I need to get out of this unhealthy eating habit. Any advice or tips?

This story is a little confusing so please try to bear with me. My husband and me were married over two years ago. He brought a daughter (who is now 15) who he has full custody of and I brought my two kids together and made a blended family. My husband’s ex-wife (my step daughter’s mom) had also remarried and had a six year old boy from her second marriage. One week before Christmas last years the ex-wife was arrested for manufacturing meth and DHS took her son an put him in an emergency shelter. Since my husband and me have full custody of his half sister and no one else wanted him the judge allowed us to become his foster parents and he lives with us. We found out this week (almost a year after this all started) that her rights have been terminated and DHS is starting the adoption process for him to be with us permanently. My question is how do you tell a seven year old boy that he will be grown before he sees his mom again and that he will be living with us from now on? He has not seen or spoke to her since she got arrested last December, she was out of jail till this past October when she was arrested again for falling to appear for her court dates. Thank you for any help you can provide.
He can’t see her, the judge said she is to have no contact with him period and that we would be held accountable if we let him see or talk to her.

This story is a little confusing so please try to bear with me. My husband and me were married over two years ago. He brought a daughter (who is now 15) who he has full custody of and I brought my two kids together and made a blended family. My husband’s ex-wife (my step daughter’s mom) had also remarried and had a six year old boy from her second marriage. One week before Christmas last years the ex-wife was arrested for manufacturing meth and DHS took her son an put him in an emergency shelter. Since my husband and me have full custody of his half sister and no one else wanted him the judge allowed us to become his foster parents and he lives with us. We found out this week (almost a year after this all started) that her rights have been terminated and DHS is starting the adoption process for him to be with us permanently. My question is how do you tell a seven year old boy that he will be grown before he sees his mom again and that he will be living with us from now on? He has not seen or spoke to her since she got arrested last December, she was out of jail till this past October when she was arrested again for falling to appear for her court dates. Thank you for any help you can provide.
He can’t see her, the judge said she is to have no contact with him period and that we would be held accountable if we let him see or talk to her.

This story is a little confusing so please try to bear with me. My husband and me were married over two years ago. He brought a daughter (who is now 15) who he has full custody of and I brought my two kids together and made a blended family. My husband’s ex-wife (my step daughter’s mom) had also remarried and had a six year old boy from her second marriage. One week before Christmas last years the ex-wife was arrested for manufacturing meth and DHS took her son an put him in an emergency shelter. Since my husband and me have full custody of his half sister and no one else wanted him the judge allowed us to become his foster parents and he lives with us. We found out this week (almost a year after this all started) that her rights have been terminated and DHS is starting the adoption process for him to be with us permanently. My question is how do you tell a seven year old boy that he will be grown before he sees his mom again and that he will be living with us from now on? He has not seen or spoke to her since she got arrested last December, she was out of jail till this past October when she was arrested again for falling to appear for her court dates. Thank you for any help you can provide.
He can’t see her, the judge said she is to have no contact with him period and that we would be held accountable if we let him see or talk to her.

This story is a little confusing so please try to bear with me. My husband and me were married over two years ago. He brought a daughter (who is now 15) who he has full custody of and I brought my two kids together and made a blended family. My husband’s ex-wife (my step daughter’s mom) had also remarried and had a six year old boy from her second marriage. One week before Christmas last years the ex-wife was arrested for manufacturing meth and DHS took her son an put him in an emergency shelter. Since my husband and me have full custody of his half sister and no one else wanted him the judge allowed us to become his foster parents and he lives with us. We found out this week (almost a year after this all started) that her rights have been terminated and DHS is starting the adoption process for him to be with us permanently. My question is how do you tell a seven year old boy that he will be grown before he sees his mom again and that he will be living with us from now on? He has not seen or spoke to her since she got arrested last December, she was out of jail till this past October when she was arrested again for falling to appear for her court dates. Thank you for any help you can provide.
He can’t see her, the judge said she is to have no contact with him period and that we would be held accountable if we let him see or talk to her.

Ok, I need to say this beginning. My husband & I divorced a lil over 4 years ago. He has been through so much. He is going to b 9 in September. Here is the problem. My children have seen their father abuse myself, his new wife, and other people. My ex is into drugs, guns, knives, etc. I do the best that I can to keep stuff put up- Knives are on top of the frig, NO GUNS OR DRUGS OR ALCOHOL in my house. My son was suspended last Wednesday for 2 1/2 days because he took a letter opener to school. I have found my kitchen knives in his room, under my couch, tucked into the furniture etc. I dont know what to do. I have tried grounding, spanking, everything. I dont know what to do. I am so scared that he is going to hurt himself or others. He has been seeing a counselor. He has been on medication since he was 5. (ADHD). Does anyone have any advice. He is fixing to spend 6 weeks with his father. I am terrified.

We have an adorable 9 month old baby, he went into rehab by choice 2 weeks before I had our son, after 10 years of heavy cocaine and alcohol usage. He came home a totally different person, he used to be my best friend and now he barely talks to me about anything personal, he won’t tell me how he feels, all we talk about is the baby and the weather. He is completely detached from me and it breaks my heart, I want so badly to be there for him but he won’t let me, the only person he will talk to is his mother. I can’t go on like this, I don’t understand why, I think maybe he doesn’t want me to be a trigger, or that he is following the 12 step program rule that you should not be in a relationship for the first year of sobriety. 3 months away from his 1 year sober and I don’t think I can do it anymore I feel like a roomate not an equal partner. Help.

We adopted our oldest son when he was 3. He had been in an abusive home, and then in several foster homes. He still had bruises on him when we took him home. He grew up with our other children, and left when he was 18, but kept in touch. He joined the Marines, and did 2 tours in Iraq. The experience drove him to drink heavily, and he ended his military carreer going to the on base AA meetings regularly. Since then he’s flunked out of college, and has begun taking crystal meth. He has no job,and he steals from us to support his habit. I still have a teenager at home, and I couldn’t expose him to his older brothers problems. I kicked him out, for a while he broke in and stole stuff including an ATM card which he stole about $250 bucks with until we found out and canceled the card. We secured the house enough that he doesn’t seem to be breaking in anymore. He’s living across the street with the jerk I suspect is furnishing him with the meth.
He’s still my son. Help. He’s 26
He’s been out of the Marines for almost a year now

She has 3 kids, and a husband whom is an alcoholic, too. She got evicted for her alcohol addiction and is now living with my mom, so whenever I stop by to see the kids they are always hungry and I have to cook them something to eat. She receives foodstamps and social security every month but my nephew, her oldest son always tells me that she is always buying beer with it. I want to report on her but the last time I did all of her kids got taken away and she had a hard time getting them all back. I don’t want to take care of all her kids on my own, because they aren’t disciplined.

I need some tips on how to deal with an alcoholic.Is there anyone out there that has been to AA meetings or Alanon.He has been in and out of the hospital because of his liver. He gets scared and stops for a while then he drinks again. We love him but it is tearing us up inside. Especially my son he is only 11 and he is so hurt and tired. My husband needs help, he is killing himself and we want to help him but dont know how to anymore. Some advice or tips would greatly be appreciated.
He was not an alcoholic when I met him. He started a few years ago. If I can put him in a rehab I would.
I also told him that I would like a seperation. If he continues to drink to do it elsewhere, just so it is not in our face. He will not budge. He is not violent but he does act very childish when he drinks and it gets annoying very much so. We are so tired of the hospital visits. We feel so lost.

Please before I start, only serious answers. I feel that I may need help and don’t need negative feedback.

I guess I’ll start by saying that I’ve been drinking since I was about 14. And when I say drinking, I mean drinking until I am drunk and beyond. Even though I am a small woman, I could easily down 6-8 shots and a 12 pack within a 6 hour period and make the stupid decision to drive myself home…thinking that I was ok. And I know that I could have killed innocent people and not only hurt other families but my own. I know how stupid that was and knew it every time I would wake up and wonder how I possibly made it home.

I have suffered from depression since I was a teenager and any medications my Dr. has prescribed to me has never helped. I have visited a counselor (my insurance said I had to visit her first and she would have to refer me to a psychiatrist if I needed it) and she said she felt I would be ok in life…which I don’t know how she determined with 3 – 1/2 hour visits. I feel useless, unloved and depressed about 99% of the time. Alcoholism runs in my father’s side of the family.

I have caused major problems between my husband and myself and missed out a lot on my daughter’s lives. I used the money my husband earned for us to pay bills to drink, causing us to lose our home and file bankruptcy. I was being selfish and stupid.

What I want to know is, how you are “diagnosed” as an alcoholic. My family and I both feel that I have a problem, in fact my health is starting to show effects. I have now been diagnosed with fatty liver. I have 4 daughter’s and our first son on the way, through the grace of God I have been able to remain sober through all of my pregnancies but everyday is a struggle. And as soon as I had my children, I was back at the bar standing in line for my drink. I’ve tried to tell myself and my family that I stay at home with the kids all week long so I deserve to enjoy myself on the weekend. When, in reality I’m hurting myself mentally, physically along with my family. I know it’s not the right choice to make but I feel like the alcohol has a hold on me that I can’t break.

What can I do to stop? I have 2 months until my baby is due and I’ve already been thinking about how that drink is going to taste. I don’t want to live my life this way. I want to be there for my children, sober.

Please help, any advice is appreciated.

I 1st met my boyfriend 2yrs ago, he had just stopped doing meth and had even been in jail months before because of it. he said he had quit because he realized how much it messed up his life and all the things he lost because of it. well here recently he has befriended this guy at work, he told me the guy has offered to get him meth and he told him no, but here lately he’s been acting odd. he’s been salting a big companys parking lot when it snows because its part of his job, well here lately he’s been licking his lips alot, saying his whole body hurts, and one night he had to stay up all night scraping and salting this companys parking lot, he worked for over 24hrs straight without sleep, he slept when he got home. but i looked at his phone last night cause him and his new “friend” have been texting and calling each other alot. one of the texts he asks his friend “is there anymore of that good around?” and another one he asks “whens the snow coming?”. i confronted him about this and he denied it all. he said i should trust him more than that, and that i dont understand how him and his friend text each other so i shouldn’t accuse him. he said he licks his lips cause they are staying chapped because he works out in the cold weather so much. but just tonight we were having dinner at his moms house and he was talking alot, she said “son, your hyper as hell” and he just made the excuse that he was happy to be able to spend time with us cause he’s been working so much. he still eats and sleeps, but i remember him telling me a long time ago that he had learned to do that when he use to smoke it cause his mom and boss was onto him, so he started eating while he was on it. do you think he’s on it? how can i tell? i’m sure he will be sure to keep any texts that refer to drugs deleted. i want so badly to think he’s not lying, but i have a very bad feeling about this. what are the signs that he’s on any kind of upper at all? like coke, meth or crack? please dont leave me smart@ss replies. i told him to begin with if he ever did meth again i would leave him in a second and never speak to him again.
another thing i forgot to put is that he’s been sweating like crazy, even when its not hot in the house, he blames it on being out in the cold weather so much that his body temp is messed up.

Im looking 4 a way 4 my husbands father 2 stop his wife from accessing money & credit. For years, shes been a binge spender (her latest is $80K+ over 14 mo’s on an internet clothing business thats sold $0), depleting all except for a $40K 401(k) (b4 paying off $60K+ in CCard debt). My father-in-laws 74, & wont b able 2 work much longer 2 pay 4 her spending. Its begun 2 affect his health since he cant afford 2 have any elective medical procedures b/c they have no money. She always finds a way 2 get more money/credit: shes stolen her husbands computer passwords so she can transfer funds & even stolen her sons identity 2 obtain 3 CCards when he was in college! If she doesnt stop, they will lose their home. After my husbands father dies, it’ll be our responsibility 2 ensure she doesnt go homeless (& it’ll also give her motive 2 try 2 steal the savings weve accumulated). Shes not incompetent, just stupid & selfish! Is there a specific field or law (non-criminal) that would help with this???