We have three kids 9,3,11/2. We separated 4 yrs ago because I used her mistake as an excuse for my leaving. We both have made many mistakes and have very deep issues but we are willing to work on and aware of many of our faults. She was honest about her mistake. But I used the painful feelings as another excuse run away and to go on a pity driven drug binge for 6 months. After 6 months she drove me to the V.A. (Desert storm disabled vet) because I was really close to death or homicide or both. After 9 months inpatient psych-ward ( 8weeks lockdown 7 mo. inpatient program) and 4 months transition house. She took me back. (Diagnoses bi-polar..lots o meds) I’ve made many changes and reversions “good months bad months” but stopped meds a yr after I left transition (felt they were masking/ hindering getting to the deep real issues) I put my wife through incredible emotional abuse and neglect every month of every year of our relationship. My eldest son as well.
Well I found a civilian psychotherapist 9 months ago. 4 months ago I started having some really enlightening realizations of the true pain and scars I’ve caused. 2 months ago my wife said something I perceived as a horrific hurt and I reacted as I usually do when hurt (perceived or real) with scary rage and horrible words the worst blow up ever (only 2 minutes long but 119 seconds toooo long) and I cant express in strong enough words the feelings of guilt and shame I feel. Well after that my wife wants to separate for a while so she can get herself in order. I understand and can’t blame her for a nana second. Well since then my therapist and I have gotten even deeper…scary deep but I asked him for a no bull-shit evaluation of my personality. Last week he gave it and I’ve researched and nervously agree. I have NPD (narcissistic personality disorder).My question..Long overdo I know) T he research and most people agree there is no cure but I truly want to change… for myself..Ha ha.
.alittle irony there. But I also want to save the love of a beautiful, smart truly incredible woman who never deserved an ass like me. I want to change. Is it possible and how the hell can I ever make up for the mountains of crap I’ve piled on my wife.
Browsing Posts tagged 13yrs.
We have three kids 9,3,11/2. We separated 4 yrs ago because I used her mistake as an excuse for my leaving. We both have made many mistakes and have very deep issues but we are willing to work on and aware of many of our faults. She was honest about her mistake. But I used the painful feelings as another excuse run away and to go on a pity driven drug binge for 6 months. After 6 months she drove me to the V.A. (Desert storm disabled vet) because I was really close to death or homicide or both. After 9 months inpatient psych-ward ( 8weeks lockdown 7 mo. inpatient program) and 4 months transition house. She took me back. (Diagnoses bi-polar..lots o meds) I’ve made many changes and reversions “good months bad months” but stopped meds a yr after I left transition (felt they were masking/ hindering getting to the deep real issues) I put my wife through incredible emotional abuse and neglect every month of every year of our relationship. My eldest son as well.
Well I found a civilian psychotherapist 9 months ago. 4 months ago I started having some really enlightening realizations of the true pain and scars I’ve caused. 2 months ago my wife said something I perceived as a horrific hurt and I reacted as I usually do when hurt (perceived or real) with scary rage and horrible words the worst blow up ever (only 2 minutes long but 119 seconds toooo long) and I cant express in strong enough words the feelings of guilt and shame I feel. Well after that my wife wants to separate for a while so she can get herself in order. I understand and can’t blame her for a nana second. Well since then my therapist and I have gotten even deeper…scary deep but I asked him for a no bull-shit evaluation of my personality. Last week he gave it and I’ve researched and nervously agree. I have NPD (narcissistic personality disorder).My question..Long overdo I know) T he research and most people agree there is no cure but I truly want to change… for myself..Ha ha.
.alittle irony there. But I also want to save the love of a beautiful, smart truly incredible woman who never deserved an ass like me. I want to change. Is it possible and how the hell can I ever make up for the mountains of crap I’ve piled on my wife.
We have three kids 9,3,11/2. We separated 4 yrs ago because I used her mistake as an excuse for my leaving. We both have made many mistakes and have very deep issues but we are willing to work on and aware of many of our faults. She was honest about her mistake. But I used the painful feelings as another excuse run away and to go on a pity driven drug binge for 6 months. After 6 months she drove me to the V.A. (Desert storm disabled vet) because I was really close to death or homicide or both. After 9 months inpatient psych-ward ( 8weeks lockdown 7 mo. inpatient program) and 4 months transition house. She took me back. (Diagnoses bi-polar..lots o meds) I’ve made many changes and reversions “good months bad months” but stopped meds a yr after I left transition (felt they were masking/ hindering getting to the deep real issues) I put my wife through incredible emotional abuse and neglect every month of every year of our relationship. My eldest son as well.
Well I found a civilian psychotherapist 9 months ago. 4 months ago I started having some really enlightening realizations of the true pain and scars I’ve caused. 2 months ago my wife said something I perceived as a horrific hurt and I reacted as I usually do when hurt (perceived or real) with scary rage and horrible words the worst blow up ever (only 2 minutes long but 119 seconds toooo long) and I cant express in strong enough words the feelings of guilt and shame I feel. Well after that my wife wants to separate for a while so she can get herself in order. I understand and can’t blame her for a nana second. Well since then my therapist and I have gotten even deeper…scary deep but I asked him for a no bull-shit evaluation of my personality. Last week he gave it and I’ve researched and nervously agree. I have NPD (narcissistic personality disorder).My question..Long overdo I know) T he research and most people agree there is no cure but I truly want to change… for myself..Ha ha.
.alittle irony there. But I also want to save the love of a beautiful, smart truly incredible woman who never deserved an ass like me. I want to change. Is it possible and how the hell can I ever make up for the mountains of crap I’ve piled on my wife.
. We have three kids 9,3,11/2. We separated 4 yrs ago because I used her mistake as an excuse for my leaving. We both have made many mistakes and have very deep issues but we are willing to work on and aware of many of our faults. She was honest about her mistake. But I used the painful feelings as another excuse run away and to go on a pity driven drug binge for 6 months. After 6 months she drove me to the V.A. (Desert storm disabled vet) because I was really close to death or homicide or both. After 9 months inpatient psych-ward ( 8weeks lockdown 7 mo. inpatient program) and 4 months transition house. She took me back. (Diagnoses bi-polar..lots o meds) I’ve made many changes and reversions “good months bad months” but stopped meds a yr after I left transition (felt they were masking/ hindering getting to the deep real issues) I put my wife through incredible emotional abuse and neglect every month of every year of our relationship. My eldest son as well.
Well I found a civilian psychotherapist 9 months ago. 4 months ago I started having some really enlightening realizations of the true pain and scars I’ve caused. 2 months ago my wife said something I perceived as a horrific hurt and I reacted as I usually do when hurt (perceived or real) with scary rage and horrible words the worst blow up ever (only 2 minutes long but 119 seconds toooo long) and I cant express in strong enough words the feelings of guilt and shame I feel. Well after that my wife wants to separate for a while so she can get herself in order. I understand and can’t blame her for a nana second. Well since then my therapist and I have gotten even deeper…scary deep but I asked him for a no bull-shit evaluation of my personality. Last week he gave it and I’ve researched and nervously agree. I have NPD (narcissistic personality disorder).My question..Long overdo I know) T he research and most people agree there is no cure but I truly want to change… for myself..Ha ha.
alittle irony there. But I also want to save the love of a beautiful, smart truly incredible woman who never deserved an ass like me. I want to change. Is it possible and how the hell can I ever make up for the mountains of crap I’ve piled on my wife.
