Should I let my step son see his biological mom?

02/10/2011 admin 7 comments

I have a seven year old son (stepson) who I love very much and have always looked at him as my own. To me, he’s my son and will always be. My husband and I have a four year old daugter together and honestly if you asked me to choose one I never could. I’ve been in his life since the baby days and my husband and I have full custody. He’s my little man and he grew up calling me “mommy”. We have been open about the fact that I am not his biological mom since early on and he seems to understand. He hardly asks about his biological mother, but he is aware that she is not in a good situation. The biological mom never wanted him. My husband and her were never married, just dating. She made it clear that she had no interest in being involved with the baby. She’s really gotten herself in a huge mess, drugs and alcohol and so many children that she has no rights to! Occasionally we hear from her (usually about her troubles), I’ve tried to get her to care for her children and offer a little love… Never worked. I do not understand how she cannot love her own son, he is an amzing, loving child who’s the sweetest.

Now, the biological mom is sick. Very ill and is on her last days. She has never seen my son (her son), when he was born she refuses to hold him. Part of me wants my son to go see her because it’s important to see and accept your lines of family. I want him to at least know who his biological mother is. I’ve never talked bad about her, I’ve always been honest. We have tried to encourage him to see her here and there. He’s only seven and I don’t want him to ever think in the future I took away his mother’s spot and never gave him the opportunity to know her. I don’t know if it’s a good idea to let him see her or not. Will it scare him? Confuse him? She’s not the best person and I’m scared she’ll hurt him or say something to crush a seven year old. My husband isn’t too comfortable with the idea. I just think this will be her only chance, she should have some decency.

ALCOHOLISM TREATMENT biological, should, step

Comments

Written by נєѕѕ about 8 months ago.

It depends, do you think your son will be able to handle basically seeing a woman dying? He’s only seven, so I don’t think he would be able to handle it, and I think it would be awkward, since he doesn’t know her and she doesn’t want anything to do with him. I believe it would make him feel very uncomfortable, so it would be best to just stay away from her.
Written by Rebecca about 8 months ago.

Explain the situation to him. If he wants to go see her i would recommend that you and or your husband go with him and even possibly go in before he does to test out her mood. It may be scary for him but in the future i think it will benifit him.
Written by ιναηα about 8 months ago.

Well, ask him if he wants to see her. If he says no, don’t, if he says yes,..i guess go see her. He’s only 7, I think it woud be too much to handle..does he know that his biological mother never wanted him? Seeing her, and knowing that might be really awkward. Maybe just send her a card or maybe a gift?

And i’m happy your son (step son ) has a mom to grow up with some kids dont have that.
Written by rocker freak about 8 months ago.

Thats a big disision to make. she is his mother but a bad 1. she didnt want to see him when he was born why would she want 2 now? i think you shouldnt take him to see her. it would scare him as u said. just leave things as it is. you as his mom. also his dad dosnt think its a good idea. just dnt. hope this helped.
Written by Vera Gabriele about 8 months ago.

I don’t think this is a good idea. This is a 7 year old child and he never met the mother and she showed no interest in him. She has so many children. I am sure she will not die alone if she is that ill. It is not a good idea in my opinion to let a 7 year old get to know his biological mother if she is about to die, because there are no ties that can be developed to bind them together. If she will die soon then nothing is gained for the boy and not for her either. Maybe if he was 15 years old the situation would be different but I would not expose a 7 year old child to such trauma of meeting someone who he then knows is his biological mother who did not want him and who is now dying and if she says something bad to him now, that is a thousand times worse for the little boy as she can’t take it back, she will take it to her grave and she can be bitter about having to die so young, so she may not feel that she owes the boy anything if she never saw fit to at least wish him well before. If she had reached out for him and showed him that she cared but that she just had too many mouths to feed and for that reason she thought he would be better off with you and his biological father, then I could think it might be a good idea but she did not ask to see him and I would protect this child with everything it takes to not cause him emotional scars that last a lifetime. I would not let him see her now…x That is much too traumatic for a 7 year old!!!
Written by notmonday about 8 months ago.

I don’t think so, not if he’s only seven. Seeing anybody dying is hard for somebody, especially for a seven-year-old to see his mom for the first time while she’s dying. Has he ever really asked about her? If he hasn’t, I think it’s better not to. She might get really angry because he’s there, and who knows what could happen. Make sure you have a couple pictures of her so that when your stepson is older he can at least know what his biological mom looked like.
Written by Morgan about 8 months ago.

Honestly, I think you should let him see her. You and your husband can stay in the room with him, so if his mom says anything bad you can leave. I’m never been in his situation, but if I was, I think I would like to at least meet my real mother, even if it’s just for a few minutes. At age 7, he’ll most likely be able to remember her when he’s older, and I think it’s important that he sees her in person. He may not realize it now, but in a few years, he’ll realize how good it was to meet her. Plus, since she’s dying, it’s not like she’ll try to meddle in his life or fight for custody or anything like that. While it may not seem like the best idea now, I truly think you’ll all regret not giving him the chance to meet his mother.

How Do I Get My Son Off Drugs?

Should I let my step son see his biological mom?

Comments

Recent Posts

Categories

Tags