My boyfriend and I have been together off and on for 3 years and we continue to struggle both because of his depression and alcohol abuse and because of my difficult son. I can say that I love him completely and he loves me. He wants to stop drinking and to be happy but doesn’t know how to get there. He has asked me to support him and stay by his side because that is what people who love eachother do. The difficulty with my son is apt to not get better any time soon as he is 13 and is emotionally disabled. I want him to approach the situation with empathy and understanding but he often thinks my son just needs a good whooping. I just wonder if people should stay together because they love eachother or if it is better to have goodness of fit rather than passionate love.
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Written by Allison C about 1 year ago.
If he’s willing to get help, and you’re willing to help him, then see to it that he goes under a rehab program. Get him a therapist for his depression.
He’s willing to do his part, and now, it’s a question of whether you will guide him and get him the help that he needs.
Good luck
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Written by Sara about 1 year ago.
If you love him you need to stand by him and help him.. get some counceling for both of you and for him for his drinking, and depression. If he doesnt do anything to get help then i think it would be best for you to leave him for you and your child.
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Written by Nena S about 1 year ago.
Sorry to say this, but it looks like you will have to choose.
Your son needs you; your boyfriend is an adult.
You cannot change your boyfriend or make him stop drinking. HE has to want to do this, and HE should seek help.Sometimes love is not enough. I understand you love him; but many times unhealthy relationships like yours- which involve an addiction- are too hard to handle. You have to think about your future and what is best for you and your kid.
Have you seen other YA posts where women have spent 10 or 20 years in situations like yours, hoping their men would change? That is sad…don’t waste precious time. You will regret it later!
Good luck. Seek support for yourself and do what is best for you now.
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Written by esteefyou about 1 year ago.
Having love does not always mean having happiness. You can have one without the other. It is definitely better to be happy with a situation. If you think your boyfriend can be helped, get him involved in a program like Alcoholics Anonymous or, in any case, something that requires a commitment. He says he wants to stop, then he ought to be open to treatment or at least trying. If, in the end, you have to walk away, it will be hard but ultimately it could be best for you and your son.
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Written by renee about 1 year ago.
Well this may sound negative…but the stats show that 85% of people with an addiction keep relapsing over the years and life with them is a total mess. Maybe he can truly change…but usually only for a while then it escalates. Since you have a son thats vulnerable my advice would be to cut your losses and move on to something more stable. The off and on for 3 years is s tell tale sign of whats to come…..
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Written by patches about 1 year ago.
It sounds that you have too much to handle. Your son is your responsibility. You need to take care of him, guide him, discipline him, and love him. My first step would be to get help for my child. First take him to my doctor and then go from there. If they suggest that I enter into therapy with my son to better understand him and his condition…than that is what I certainly would do. You boyfriend is using you. He wants to lean on you. He wants you to take care of him. I doubt that he will enter therapy to get over his drinking. The proof would be that he gets there today not a year from now. You feel you are in love with your boyfriend. Are you really? Even if you are…how long can you put up with him? He has to go if you are going to get on with you life. Don’t worry about him and don’t take care of him because it’s not your job. He should be taking care of you and your son if love really exists between the two of you. Can’t you see that? Please take a close look now before you get in even deeper.
I’m sorry I sound harsh, but it is reality. I have been through this. Usually the man never changes. Just keeps playing on your emotions…I love you and I need you…I’ll quick drinking. Blah blah blah. They know what they are doing even if they are sober. Find yourself a better life and a better man. -
Written by sue about 1 year ago.
no, i don’t think you should leave him.. he has swallowed his pride and opened up to you that he needs you and needs your support.. keep in-mind that he has depression!! I don’t want to alarm you but one of the symptoms of depression is suicidal thoughts in some cases so if you left him there’s a possibility it could tip him over the edge. and as far as your son goes explain to your boyfriend that giving someone a good whooping only serves them to feel worse regardless of their age and especially if their already sensitive emotionally.you could be just doing further damage.point out to your boyfriend that imagine if someone suggested that all HE needed was a good whooping.. it would make him see that,that’s not an option.perhaps that’s how he was raised so thats all he knows how to sort through things in life.I would say you yourself need support in accomplishing helping your son AND your boyfriend don’t go this alone your not qualified to know how to cope with a child or adult with mental health issues. I admire your courage and understanding that you DO have though. all the best : )
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