Rude, self-centered teenager?

13/11/2010 admin 9 comments

My nephew, “Joe”, is 14. He is an only child, and my sister and her husband have always been very indulgent with him. They are very wealthy, and have always just given him everything he could possibly want. He has literally never done a chore – not even something as simple as vacuuming or unloading the dishwasher or even putting his own stuff away – nor has he ever had any discipline whatsoever. His mother will go over his homework and correct any mistakes for him, so he’s gotten to be very sloppy in his schoolwork because he knows she’ll fix it for him. They are not negligent parents, if anything they hover and coddle too much, but they do love him. He is not a delinquent or a drug addict or anything, but he incredibly spoiled, entitled, self-centered, and rude – he will call his mother a b*tch and she’ll say something like “don’t say that, baby, you know it’s not nice”. He will throw honest-to-God tantrums until he gets what he wants. It’s disgusting, to be honest.
I’m sure you’re wondering how this is any of my business. Well: I’m more or less the only person Joe shows any respect at all for (still not much, but more than he has for his mothers or teachers). I run a working ranch, and I’ve talked to his parents and they asked me if I’d be willing to help. He will come live with me and my family for a while until he straightens out and stops acting like a particularly tall toddler. He starts high school in the fall. I am about 2 hours away, so he would still get to visit his parents and friends sometime.
So I have some questions. I have 2 kids but they are 7 and 4, so I’ve never parented a teenager before. What are some good ground rules to set? And what chores would be good to start him off with? When I was 14 I was doing all the chores of a grown man, but I also grew up working hard and like I said he hasn’t ever lifted a finger. Any advice at all is helpful. He is not a bad person but he sure is turning into an unlikeable one.
Well you see, where we come from we feel we have a duty to help our family. He is family as well, as is my sister. I am sorry that you apparently don’t share this feeling.
Jomama: I don’t mind, so I don’t see why should. If your sister ever asks you to take in your nephew, you have every right to turn her down. I knew a lot of kids who went and lived and worked for a year away from their family in their teens, so none of this “nowadays” bullcrap.
thing: no, I agree with you. He was made this way by his parents…but he’s nearly a man and it needs to be taken care of now.

SON'S DRUG ABUSE QUESTIONS Rude, selfcentered, teenager

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Written by John C about 2 years ago.

Work his ass off from sunrise to sunset with little or no food or water! That’s what they do in prison, because that is where he is headed as long as his parents allow him to act the way he does!
Written by Doodlestuff about 2 years ago.

You are foolish to put your family through dealing with this kid. Why do they deserve this? His parents need to get counseling to learn how to stop being such idiots. You aren’t fixing the problem because he’ll just return to the same coddling.

edited to add: Yep, we help family too. However, I’m dealing with mental illness, not parents that refuse to be parents. You need them to get counseling too or most of what you might accomplish with the teenager will just go up in smoke when he returns home.
Written by No Bull! about 2 years ago.

well you don’t have to parent him, he already has 2. just make him do whatever chores you want, feed him and give him a place to sleep. if he wants to talk to you, be there and listen but don’t accept any backtalk.
Written by Jane Doe about 2 years ago.

Putt his butt to breaking horses. It will give him something to be proud of and will instill respect and kindness while working with horses. He probably doesn’t know a thing about them. Show him how to saddle one, and send him on his way….

Have him load and unload square bales, feed your animals, take him fishing, go horseback riding. Work his butt from dawn until 9pm…

We run a ranch and thats the way we have done our 11 yr. old nephew and he has turned into one hell of a young man.

Show no sympathy, and tell him to take it like a man. Also, limit contact with his mommy…..
Written by Oliver about 2 years ago.

maybe you should try limiting freedom (oh that sounds kinda mean…)
as in, if he doesn’t do a chore, he won’t get to go out that day, etc etc.
what my parents did to keep me in line was take my phone away if i didn’t turn it in to them at the curfew they set.
or, i couldn’t watch TV or use the internet if my room wasn’t clean.
i’m not sure if i’m really helping, but thats what i’ve got.
Written by Jomama about 2 years ago.

Tell his parents to deal with it…….I love how nowadays parents send their kids off with relatives or to programs instead of raising them themselves…..As soon as he goes back home, they’re just gonna coddle him like they always did..and hes gonna look at you like the mean uncle while they play the good guys….
Written by dakota about 2 years ago.

omg wtf!!
am 14 to and am nothing like that.
you see we teens we play mind games
we always want to see if we can go past the border line
sometimes when you give us an inch we take a small country…!

First his phone that’s his live
she can only have it when he does his work
for every test he gets less than a see phone gets taken aways for a week..

Secondly the internet can only be used for homework
or if hes been good he can.

Swearing saying words like bitch more chores no phone,internet,games.ipod..etc..

I hope this works
you such a nice person taking in this brat..
God bless you!
Written by pdooma about 2 years ago.

There’s nothing like a full day of hard physical work to kick the brat out of a kid. Start him at 6 and work him until he just falls into bed at night. Just be sure to feed him well and let him work out his own issues without stepping in to do more than show him how to do something and then let him have at it. Remember he’ll probably fail a lot in the beginning, but conquering something is probably something he’s never done in his life.

Mean? Maybe.

Character building? Definitely.
Written by thing about 2 years ago.

Poor kid. I know, that sounds crazy, but if he’s never been disciplined then what do you expect?

Ground rules- curfew, no disrespectful language (you to him or him to you- gives a better impression when it goes both ways), ask permission before going out with friends, let you know where he is when he’s out, do all chores of the day before bed, do homework before dinner (and you don’t correct it), sit and wait until everyone’s finished dinner. If he really wants to break a rule, or to get an extra privelige, then he does chores for it. For example, if he wants to stay out late on Saturday he has all his chores done, plus an extra one, on Friday or he doesn’t get to do it.

Give him different chores each day. Putting away his stuff is to be mentioned as a given. Start off with just 2 or 3 chores a day but make it clear this will increase, and explain at the start of the day (or even the week) what his chores will be. He could empty bins, sweep the floor, empty and fill the dishwasher, wash saucepans, weed the garden, wash the floor, simple things like that for starters. Pick out 2 or 3 per day and explain step-by-step how to do them, exactly what you want done, and when he has to have them done by. Spoonfeed him for the first while, some kids genuinely don’t know how to wash a floor.

While you do have to punish him for what he does wrong, it’s also a good idea to praise him for what he does right, and reward him (eg when he puts in a very good, hard day in the garden let him take the night off and watch tv). He might start to take pride in his work when he knows he does a good job of one particular thing.

Just make clear what you expect from him, set clear boundaries.

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Rude, self-centered teenager?

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