please help me with this complicated situation with my friend of 14 years?

19/11/2010 admin 10 comments

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Very very fusterated with my friend.. advice please..?
i have no one to talk to about this. my best friend of like 14 years makes me very angry!! she is 25. she has 3 kids. a 5 year old and twin 5 month olds by two different dads that she is no longer with. one is in prison and the other is in another state and doesn’t pay child support. she hasn’t had a job in two years. she isn’t disabled and can work if she would take the time to look for a job. she lives off what the government and others give her. gets good stamps and a medical card.

two years ago her mom and her long term boyfriend split up. her mom moved out of town. so she decided to stay and live with her moms boyfriend. that’s when all her problems started. now there living in a tiny two bedroom apartment above a bread factory. the apartment isn’t even considered rental property. there are holes and cracks all over the walls and windows. its in a very unsafe neighborhood. right after she first moved in, i stopped over, i kid you not, there was a dirty needle of some sort sitting on the front steps of there apartment!! there are homeless people walking around everywhere. when they did have a car, people always broke into it. they cant even leave a grill on the front steps without it being stolen..

for the past two years, mike, his friend, tosha, and now 3 kids live in this apartment!! only one of them has a part time job. no car, no nothing. there is always heavy smoking, pot smoking, and drinking going on over there. this morning when i went to pick her son up from school, this guy was sitting on the couch drinking a beer at 8am!! they openly smoke pot around the children! there are bongs laying around.. overfilled ashtrays.. this place is nasty!!

i feel so guilty that the kids have to live through this!! tosha never complains about it!! i keep trying to push her and talk to her about it, but she doesnt seem bothered by it. i offer to take her to look for jobs and do things to improve her life. she just wont!! i cant take her in my house. she lived with me before. she quit her job and stuck me with rent and a cellphone bill. i cant trust her.

i dont want to betray her.. but she needs a serious reality check!! those kids dont need to live like that!! if she were trying to better herself and was just there for the time being, i could see that.. i am seriously considering reporting her to dcfs.. would i be right in doing that? i feel guilty letting them live like that. but then i would feel guilty reporting her too?

grrr!! any advice is appreciated!!

i just found out last night that they now dont have hot water and have to boil water just to take baths.
i feel much better after posting this. i have asked for advice from a couple other close friends and they actually told me it wasnt my place to get involved. the last thing i want is kids being taken away from there mother. but if she isnt going to help herself to help these kids.. i have to live with the guilt that they are in the situation there in. unless i do something, it may never change. and i know she could change which is hard. i think i am going to report her. but im going to be there to help her along the way too.

SON'S DRUG ABUSE QUESTIONS complicated, friend, Help, please., situation., this, years

Comments

Written by monyistbitu14 about 2 years ago.

hahahhaha that family is fvcked up
Written by lost about 2 years ago.

I understand what you are feeling for your friend but if you love those kids and these kids need help I would call child welfare and do it now these kids need food water and shelter and they dont need this druggie enviroment so do the right thing and call child welfare and the sooner the better your friend is no kind of mom letting her kids live in this terrible enviroment these people are lazy
Written by mandymustmoo about 2 years ago.

You’ve got to report that. No children should have to live around drugs, alcohol and crime to such degree… To tell the truth, your friend sounds like a pretty negligent parent
Written by lisa_swarn about 2 years ago.

OMG i feel for you. I hate people who have kids and don’t want to do anything with thier lives but sit around and feed off the government. It depends on where you wanna take this. I suggest you sit down with Tosha and explain to her why this is an unsuitable environment for her children. Tell her if she does not get her act together, you will report her to DFYS. Give her a few months and if nothing happens…..report her. I know it may seem harsh but that is the only thing i can think of.
Written by emschick638 about 2 years ago.

First off report it to the right people… regardless of how you feel about your friend, she knows better and those kids are suffering… no child should have to go through that. If there mother is not willing to stand up for them, then who is…. those babies are more important than any friendship… to me you knowing about the situation makes you equally responsible by not reporting… you not reporting is the same as you doing the abuse and neglect.
Written by Isabella C about 2 years ago.

speak to her mother, maybe she can help.

And maybe your right in reporting her, young kids need help and attention. No offense, but maybe she is on drugs..=/. She needs help, try your best to help her and get her to a therapist before you report her. Having your kids taken away is no easy thing.

Hope I was able to help. =/ Good luck with your friend.
Written by Ashlyn F about 2 years ago.

OK> fist of all you need to get those kids out of there the five year old and twins could get addicted and that is NOT good! maybe take her kids to daycare/ school so you can help her find a job! or contact the dad! or tell her mom how her daughter is doing d she should do something about it. its just not right to see your children suffer and your best friends kids too ;D
Written by yaushi about 2 years ago.

i know u say u will feel guilty but after u do whats best for the kids u want and if you think reporting is the best for them kids then do it
and as for tasha let her grow up on her on .she is 25 and to old to act like that .and she needs to get up and take care of them kids .so yes reporting is the the thing to do.when the kids are being taken care of u want feel guilty.have any more questions message me at -glamourchick92@hotmail.com
Written by Kristina about 2 years ago.

‘I just found out last night that they now dont have hot water and have to boil water just to take baths.’??????!!!!!!!Don’t have hot water and must boil to bathe???Thats horrible.Try to talk her into moving into a better environment and talk about the mouth-watering things that could urge her into moving in into a better envionment.Try not to let her orry about moneyyy…..

Hope that helps…
Written by Netanya about 2 years ago.

I can understand how you are feeling and will feel depending on what you decide do, but I seriously think that something has to be done for these children, you may feel guilty if you report her, but how much more guilty will you feel if something happens to one of those kids or all of them knowing that maybe you could have prevented it from happening if you had called the authorities.

Tosha is messed up and it won’t be long befor something bad happens then it will be too late.

In your heart Im sure you know that her children would be better off not being in her care at the present time and current location.

You have said yourself that she does not want to better her life or the lives of her children, you need to do the right thing and contact the proper authorities about this situation and you need to do it NOW, this is no way for any child to have to live.

How Do I Get My Son Off Drugs?

please help me with this complicated situation with my friend of 14 years?

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