I have a 7 yr old son from a deadbeat. He was court ordered to pay child support in 2000 and w/ the exception of a check here and there, he has never really paid. With very little if any help from him I still allowed him to see his son. However I stopped my son from visiting him because my son was learning negative things and taking it to school with him. I am teaching him right and his dad and his family is teaching him bad. My son has a slight learning disability, and Instead of his father helping him to do better in school he is subjected to an environment of dirty rap lyrics, bad language,drugs and alcohol which he shares with everyone at school.Though I never bad talk his father to him, his father and his family talk bad about ME to him, because I keep him away. I want the best for my son, and I know its hard to raise a little boy the right way, especially if his own father and family is the negative culprit. Am I wrong for keeping my son away from him? What can I do?
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Written by JT G about 1 year ago.
You are not wrong at all, you have to keep your sons best interest in mind. If his dad is teaching him wrong and not helping then he shouldn’t see his son.
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Written by leslie about 1 year ago.
Consult with an attorney to see what your options are. You can get free advice from some. Look for a “legal category” on this site if you have to.
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Written by harley about 1 year ago.
follow your instincts!! you are right in protecting your son from the negative environment his dad provides. if the dad is persistent in seeing your son, have him take you to court. the judge can order him to take parenting after separation classes, of require the visits be supervised.
i have a 13 year old son with learning disabilities that affect his social skills, and being around his dad caused more harm than good. i stuck to my guns and told him exactly what he could do and say around my son, and if he didn’t follow my “rules”, he wasn’t allowed to see him.as for explaining why he cant see his dad, tell him that his dad is just making some bad choices right now, so he needs to make right choices so your son can be safe with him. this will avoid hard feelings your son may have towards you.
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Written by VCJ about 1 year ago.
NO, you are not wrong to keep your son away from his father. It is your job as his mother to keep him safe and point him in the right direction. If his father can’t get it together to take care of his son (including paying) then he doesn’t have a right to see him. If I was in a situation that was the same I would stop my child from seeing it’s father to.
You gave your ex a chance to prove he is mature enough to be a good parent and he proved you wrong. So he should not be able to see him.
You should be proud of yourself for taking care of your child on your own. Don’t let some deadbeat ruin what you’ve worked hard to do. You should also be proud of yourself for giving the man a chance even though he never paid you. It’s more than what I would’ve done.
You have done the right thing!
Anyone can be a father, but it takes someone special to be a dad.
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Written by DAGIM about 1 year ago.
This ma n is no father! He’s merely a sperm donor.He’s a bad influence for your son and a poor role model. Try to get a court order forbidding visitations at his house and without you also being present. Also,if he doesn’t pay the support,he should be denied any rights to see your son. Try to move ,far away from him,and make that permitted by the court. Don’t allow your son to read any letter from him before you read it first. Monitor,but allow,phone calls (listen in on a second phone). Teach your son by example. You must always behave decently,and morally good. Don’t let him watch garbage on TV. If you have a good influence on your son,he will develop his own sense of goodness and reject his “father’s” evil ways.
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Written by kingskid1961 about 1 year ago.
What I think is your a caring mom who cares what her son learns and cares about his future. I would ask the court to order supervised visits with his dad from now on within the confines of the CPS or Sheriffs office or someplace public. Never again would I take him or allow his father to take him to his home. Tell him the only way you will allow that in the distant future is if you see he has changed. This man clearly don’t care about anyone but himself. A real man would care about how his children are doing and how they are raised. I work in the ministry with Men’s groups around the state and one thing i tell each group is that any man can donate sperm, but a real man is a daddy who raises his children to be responsible caring individuals. I praise you for caring and for loving your son enough to set limits. God Bless,
Rev. G
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Written by {wé ∂øñ† ƒîgh† ƒåî®} about 1 year ago.
go to the court and order full custody with no visitation rights…. explain your case… say that he is negitivlely (omg srry i cant spell) affecting your son with a learning disability and is providing an unsafe enviroment for a child. well that sounds a bit extreme to you … you can always talk to the guy (or give him a full on yell-fest if you feel that its nessicary)…and order him to stop exposing your son to this… and then say that if he doesnt, then you will go straight to court and get his visitation rights taken away.
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Written by momof2 about 1 year ago.
no if it’s best for him then no but tell him that what daddy says and does is not good for him to do and that daddy still loves him no matter wat
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Written by Sandy about 1 year ago.
I have a similar situation to yours right now. I have a 4 year old that I had when I was married to my ex and my ex has visitation every other weekend court ordered and my son is terrible everytime he comes home from his father. My sons father swears around my son, talks to him about sex, teaches him to call me a B****. My son also doesnt get disciplined there so he thinks he doesnt have to do anything at home either. And the worst is when my ex’s family is around and they bad talk me to my son and my son comes home and tells me everything. What I did is gave my ex an untimadum. I told him that either things change drastically or he will lose all visitation with his son. I talked to my attorney and if what is happening at my son’s father is bad for my son and I think that it could affec this growing up then there is nothing my ex can do. I would talk to an attorney but most likely you would win especially since your son is taking the stuff to school with him.
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Written by surferpres about 1 year ago.
My experince, depending what court is to get a family mediator involved with your ex to negotiate the best environment for your son.
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Written by hsm5grls about 1 year ago.
consult with an attorney about supervised visitation. then he’ll have to behave. A social worker will be watching. That way your son will still be able to see his dad and the environment will be safe.
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