not to sound harsh but it sounds like he is a bit spoiled. If she keeps giving in to him-he will never stop.
As fas as the vomiting, my daughter used to do that when she was 2 or 3. One night..I know it sounds gross and mean but I didn’t clean it up fo about 45 minutes…she never did it again.
as far as the sleeping, she needs to let him cry it out.
she may spoil him because she feels bad about his father.

Talk to her-tell her your feelings-hopefully she will listen

This really sounds like a fun situation you’ve entered into.

1) She doesn’t discipline her child and you can’t do it for her. I would worry about the possibility of having a child with her as you’ve already seen the results of her parenting skills. Just imagine what he’s going to be like in 10 years…20 years? He will probably always be a drain on your relationship if she doesn’t get him under control.

2) She ok with leaving the child with an mentally unstable, alcoholic father when she needs someone to watch him. This is a serious red flag. Can she not hire a sitter for the afternoon? Why is it ok to leave him with an alcholic father with mental problems?

Tell her how you feel? If she’s so wonderful, she needs to take your feeling into consideration. If she does nothing to deal with the issues, I would seriously consider whether or not this is someone you want to stay with.

The kid is probably doing this for attention and lacks some discipline, try to spend some time with the kid and try to look like you’re genuinely enjoying it. But when he gets out of line, you have to be sure to tell him whoes boss.

And make sure you reward him for good behavior (dont let it go unnoticed!) and make sure he gets time out (or something he really hates lol) when he misbehaves. Dont let him out of the “time out space” until he is calm and willing to appologize. (It can be tough at first, but wait it out, and dont give in before he does).

But other than that, I think you guys should give him lots of attention when he is not misbehaving (he might be throwing fits and all just to get some attention).

I think it is normal for a 4 year old to want his mom for bed time. Maybe you can try to be there too so he is used to you (in a good way).

I think if you want to spend some time with your gf, maybe leave him with your parents or her parents or a babysitter you can trust. Leaving him with his dad is not a good idea (since he is a drunk and mentally unstable). That cant be good for the kid.

Hi, I feel for you. What the child is doing is caused by better negative attention the positive..He lacks proper discipline as well as proper stimulation from the parent. He is old enough to understand. He maybe a little late bloomer on how to express his feelings. Routine is best.. Get a Time out area for him and as well as to remember that time out is for both the mom and dad. The Father can be stopped from seeing the child but that is a whole different subject all together.
Make it a game for him to do some chores and praise him for it. Respond more to the positive things and icnore his tantrums. He does not know how to express himself it sounds.

Don’t just give him toys teach him how to play with the toys and with you. Build a bond at his level.

Time out was designed to give you as the parent a second to breath collect your thoughts so you do not become abusive to that child or yell at the child. Remain calm and let him know..

The mom needs to commit to the child as well as you. Get on the same page. First the child needs to be put on a very strict schedule and given a Chart so he can see he is a good boy.
He needs to be awake at the same time everyday.Get dressed before he starts his day.
Cut back on his sugar intake.
Here is a great scheadule to have becasue soon he will be starting school..He needs to adapt to this or he will be a nightmnare for the teacher as well..
Monday -Sunday

8:00 Breakfest time

8:10 Good Morning playtime

9:00 Music

9:45 play with squishy things.. play doe (watch the carpet)

10:30 Reading time

11:00 Snack

11:15 Outdoor Play/Inside Play (due to weather)

11:45 Lunch

12:15 Nap / quite time coloring,reading more books,doing
something that he can do all by himself so you can
… get some peace of mind for the rest of your day..

1:30 Coloring Practice/Name Printing Practice

2:00 Play a game that leads to him using his imagination
Dress up time..so he can be a firefighter,
policeman,super hero who ever that super hero is to
him

2:45 Last passable snack time

3:00 Back to HIS favorite activity

4;00 Clean up time allow him to have some toys he can
play with and not make a big mess. Maybe
hot wheels great for a boy..

4:30 Let him play with that toy while mom makes dinner

5:30 should be his absolute latest time for dinner

6:00 is the time again were he should be allowed to excert his energy..

6;30 Bath time
7:00 Story time at this age he should really love story time
7:45 bed time..
He should be asleep no later then 8:00.

Now he also should be given a chart for a Big Boy..It is time he learns that he is a big boy. Its okay if he still needs mommy. But mommy should not give in. And it is going to be a battle but you will win. Make a bid deal of his bed time.. REMEMBER NEVER SEND A CHILD TO HIS ROOM FOR PUNISHMENT… why because then they will see bed time as a punishment and will be less likely to go to bed..
Mom need to make a huge deal that he is a bid boy now..Shop on line for some new Big Boy Sheets. If you have done so.. Make sure that you let him know it is bed time now. Put him in the bed say Good night, have a good sleep and see you in the morning. He will get up and try to get you to give in..Say aww I understand you want up but it is sleepytime for you. put him back in bed. he gets up no matter how many times you put him back in that bed. Get him a special night time baby animal to cuddle. Always be sure to give that to him as well.

For what you have going on it sounds pretty extreme but it can be done. Or mom can sit ON THE FLOOR next to the bed not in the bed. No conversation should be given to him.. sounds harsh and I know it does but you are not hurting him you are helping him. really you are.. if he gets up she needs to put him back in the bed and not say a word. Continue this prossess and he will soon understand the rules.
Make sure that you make a SUPER BIG DEAL that he did it.How very proud you are of him. Praise Praise Praise your child..

When acts up during the day sometimes a child of his age is tired and those are the times of the day he really needs to be at home.

Try to run your errands shopping ext. in the morning when they are perky and happy.. The afternoon time is always hard on a child to be happy.

When he is starting his signs of a tantrum and throwing a fit..Get him on that time out area. A designated throw rug..Not a big one just one he can lay down on if he wishes. Or a time out box that is taped on the floor if money is tight.. do not make it to confining for him make sure you make it again so he has room to move during his tantrum.. sitting feet out,laying down ext…

Let him know what you expect..You are a becoming a big boy now. you need to learn that something are a big no no. Do not tell him right off what they are will be to long of an explanation for him..But you can say. the things or the behavior in short explanations.. such as
No screaming,No hitting, No throwing things in the house.
When he breaks the rule.. Ut ohh… you need to go on time out. he will kick scream and fuss maybe even toss his cookies.. Oh yeah make sure he has a bucket to do this in.. he has found away to get the mom to really react and get what he wants..No HOLDS bared here.. Eventually the bounds you set are firm.

His age the max time he should spend on time out is 4 min..But start it off with 3.. when he gets the idea of time out make it age appropriate. If he gets up out of that square say oops no your on time out.When you as the parent finally get him to go on time out..again Praise him.. Good job you did it. Do you know why you were on time out? if he says yes.. then ask him.. he will most likely not really know… just afirm it by saying you were on time out for screaming..You do not like time out I know.But I love you and you can not act that way. I am proud that you were a big boy and took a time out.. This can also be used for a child during tantrums..You do not act that way it is wrong.. Time out..But make sure you try to listen to the child and what he is trying to express. He just doesn’t know how to talk about it..Start teaching him how to talk.. instead of wine.. When you act this way it make me feel angry buddie.. I do not like feeling angry..please try to tell me what it is you want with out talking like that.. when he gets the drift he may try to do it once and agian.. but you just say ..ahahah with out whinnying talk to me..

He does not know how to get his point across.. You are on along road ahead of you. Something you will see improved in a week others maybe two weeks..
Feel free to contact me if you need to I will be more then happy to help..