My son’s father is a drunk and it’s affecting our lives in a miserable way. What can I do?

23/08/2010 admin 16 comments

My 2 year old son’s dad and I have never have been married. We’ve lived together for 4 years, even after breaking up, thinking that parenting & money would be easier living together. As of this past weekend, I made a decision to move out in September. This is something dad agrees with, & supports. We both know the fighting has gone on too long.The problem is that dad is a drunk. He lives for alcohol & doesn’t care who his lifestyle affects. He comes home drunk from work (or anywhere, really) on a regular basis, even when he promises each night not to. He can get physical & violent (not in front of our son, this always happens after midnight, so he’s in bed). I want out of this sooner, but I can’t move before my new roommate is free of her lease in Sept. Is there something I can do legally? I’m tired of his alcoholic lifestyle & he doesn’t recognize his problem. And I know he’ll lie if accused of anything. He’s even threatened to lie if in court. I need help. I need to protect my son
We have no shared bank accounts, and I have a house full of my belongings and a situation that doesn’t allow for a “transition home” or anything like that. I have parents that will help, if needed. But I have to maintain my life while making this change. I have an awesome job and I can’t neglect that either.
I can’t just “leave”. Til September, I have nowhere to go, and a “shelter” won’t be happening. His mother is visiting this weekend and I don’t think she has a clue that his drinking is this out of hand, but I’m sure as heck going to tell her.
I appreciate all the advice so far, but I can’t see anything that would work yet. Isn’t there sometime I can do to force HIM out? If I leave, I’m leaving him with all my stuff and I can’t do that. My family is in another state, so this could get complicated, I don’t have local family to help me out. I just thought maybe I could get some sort of order for him to move out or something, and then I could maybe get some assistance to help pay the $900 rent for the next 2 months, or ask my parents.
The lease is in both nof our names. And as of June 1, we’re not on a lease, come to think of it. So I’m not sure what that means.

I’m not “tattling” to his mom, I just need for her to stop seeing me as the whiney, annoying party and him as a drunk. He never does it in front of her, she lives 400 miles away, we barely ever see her.

And I can’t just move. I know it’s hard to understand, it’s even harder to explain. But this is 2 levels of a home ful of my stuff, and everything is unorganized. All my picture proof of anything is on a broken laptop, etc etc. It’s a sticky situation.

ALCOHOLISM TREATMENT affecting, drunk, father., it's, lives, miserable, sons, way.

Comments

Written by KathyB about 1 year ago.

run away.. check into a transition home…
clean out the bank account (if there is one)
take whatever you can…
protect yourself and of your child.
Written by dwaynebrighouse about 1 year ago.

leave, and tell him to get help. protect yourself and your child. why subject yourself to this madness?
Written by Ron T about 1 year ago.

First of all I feel sorry for you, obviously he has a very serious problem with alcohol, the best thing for you to do is to move out and get away as soon as possible! If he has already shown violence towards you, it may escalate even more. Move in with a relative or close friend as soon as possible.
Written by cherrybc032000 about 1 year ago.

try a transition home, unwed mothers home, or family/friends place. I just had my son 3weeks ago, and my fiance and I fight alot, but we work things out, or at least try. we try not to fight infront our son. but u need to protect ur son, i know its more than hard, but try and make it through this tough time in ur life.

cherrybc032000@yahoo.com
Written by firedup about 1 year ago.

Protecting your son is the most important thing in the world. And your son needs his mother. So protect yourself as well.Many, many women have been killed by their abusive drunken men, the same men who cry when its all over, and promise never to do it again, and swear they will change. He will not see the problem until the problem is too huge to ignore. There are organizations that will help you. They can give you a safe place to stay until you are able to get one yourself. If you have no friends or family to stay with temporarily you must look into this! Don’t be a victim! You may think that your son is not being subjected to this, but you are wrong. And these are the most impressionable years for a boy. You can still maintain a life if you get out of there. and as for your things, to hell with all that. They are only material things. They can be replaced if need be. You and your son can not be . It is not about you any more, it is about your baby. oh, and don’t go tattling to his mom, let her see first hand. Then ask her for help.
Written by july about 1 year ago.

If the house/apartment you are living in is in your name than he can be forced to leave by law. If not than I am not too sure where you can go but there are other steps to take in protecting your son. You should obtain a restraining order when you get out and have an officer stand by the day you leave in case he comes home or becomes violent, most police depts only need a 10-30min warning for “stand-by assistance the problem is they can’t stay long so be prepared to move fast. If you get joint custody w/ your child the paperwork will state times and days where the transfer should be made, if he doesn’t show more than twice you contact the lawyer and his rights can be taken away through the courts, so if he drinks that much, he might not show make sure you report it and he might be out of your life for good.
Written by bears54 about 1 year ago.

call the police
Written by KingOfTheInternet about 1 year ago.

contact the human rights guys in your area!!!!
Written by di05712 about 1 year ago.

you have the baby, he should get out. get a restraining order on him and keep him away from you and the baby.
sorry about your hard times, things will get better.
stay strong, you are on the right path
Written by C R about 1 year ago.

I’m confused. It sounds like you are living with your child’s father with plans to move out three months from now. It also sounds like you are subjecting your son and yourself to some rather extreme treatment while you wait for a place to move.

There is a term called codependence, which is a catch all phrase for the changes that happen in our thought process when we live with, love or are otherwise involved with an alcohol or drug abuser.

You might want to contact a local Alanon affiliate. You can probably find a listing on line. They are the support group for those affected by alcoholism. They have meetings where they share lots of good information and strategies on examining and handling your problems and leaving the alcoholic to his own. They follow the same twelve steps as Alcoholics Anonymous.

It is important that you find some sort of support group. In dealing with an alcoholic, you may develop many adverse coping strategies that you might carry with you for life.
Written by Kirratan_(Tanya) about 1 year ago.

There is something you can do you can get a restraining order from the court, have the police assist him out of the resident even when he collects his belongings. You do not have to leave even if the lease is in both names, he has to still pay you maintenance for your son.

If you go and see a legal advocate, the police, women rescue, they can help you as that is their job. When your sons father receives the restraining order his is not allowed near your residence, not allowed to see his son without your permission, not allowed to approach you or else he will go straight to goal.

There is help out there, you are not alone, and if you are not happy then think about your son, if your relationship is not changing and you are not happy get out of it stay strong its not the end as it is for the better a positive direction.
Written by kat4use about 1 year ago.

Sometimes the best answers are cruel– spousal abuse is against the law! Go to domestic violence clinic in your state’s court & file a restraiining order against him & request he leave immediately., If you have bruises, document them with pictures & hospital visits. And lastly, these “reasons” you can’t leave right away are just excuses- doesn’t sound like you really want to leave, but that you want him to change his lifestyle & his mom think you are the “good” one. NOT GOING TO HAPPEN girl so wake up! get your son out of there for his safety (and don’t hink for a minute he doesn’t hear the agruing & gfighting even though he is supposed to be asleep) You need pyschological counseling & so does your sone.
Written by donaldo about 1 year ago.

go to a church group temp shelter..now a two year old will face too many scarring consequences if you dont,think of the child,,or get a restraining order now
Written by valkyria about 1 year ago.

This is beyond my realm of knowledge, but couldn’t you get child protective services involved?
Written by M.C. about 1 year ago.

You need to contact Child Protective Services and Adult Protective Services immediately. They will outline a well defined action plan that will remove him from the home. This will be a painful process for all of you. Forget about the lease. There are specific provisions contained in the lease that nullify the lease when things of this nature are happening. CPS and APS have plenty of experience in this. They will have him removed. You’ll change the locks and implement a restraining order. There is a full complement of people who can provide affidavits of his drinking, liquor purchases, etc. Alcoholics leave a traceable and provable trail of evidence that will hold up in any court that no lie can stop.
The memory in the broken laptop is retrievable. Save it. A skilled technician wont have much trouble retrieving it.
Find a trusted friend who can support you in this, it’ll be a bumpy road. The best of luck. Protect the child.
Written by beardsrgreat about 1 year ago.

If he his as good as you say when his mother is there, ask her to stay until you are able to move out. He won’t do anything while she is there.

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My son’s father is a drunk and it’s affecting our lives in a miserable way. What can I do?

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