my son”s ex-wife was a violent, adulterous woman. she left to live with another man,?

24/07/2011 admin 11 comments

even though she was the abuser and adulterer, for the last three years she has still mentally abused my son, driving him almost to suicide. He is a dedicated father who has access to his children EVERY weekend and two days during the week – in fact almost more than she sees them. She poisons them calling him names and although they have now their own views, they are frightened and loyal to her as they love her, which is expected, but the courts never believe my son, they always believe her even though she tells blatant lies which the children could verify if they dared. Because their son who is 8 has been staying constantly with his father for the last week and didn’t want to return to his Mother, even though my son has tried to persuade him, probably because he is frightened as his Mother is constantly threatening to take his father to court. Today, without any warning he has been served an injunction with threat of arrest if a breech occurs, he has no right to reply. She says that he is verbally abusive and does not comply with his access rights – the majority of times he fails to return them on time it is because she is NOT at home, however, no-one apart from family knows this and naturally our word does not mean anything. She is still not happy in her new relationship and is also violent, in fact the police have been called to her house on four occasions in the last year to break up violent arguments obviously this proves that it was not just my son that caused her problems – she is the one with problems of control but unfortunately she always presents herself well at court and she is more than half way there with her claims as the MOTHER is always right !!!! Any advice on how to deal with such a woman would be very much appreciated, I would add that she has a problem with alcohol which plays a big part of her life, hence her allowing my son access EVERY weekend, which NO-ONE seems to find unusual. The children NEVER see their Mother on a weekend. Children are 10, 8 and 5yrs.

ALCOHOLISM TREATMENT adulterous, another, exwife, left, live, sons, Violent, woman

Comments

Written by sueby40 about 10 months ago.

Your son needs to go for custody of these poor children as not only does the mental abuse affect your son but it will cause long term damage to those poor innocent children. No children should be exposed to physical and mental abuse – there’s no excuses for that sort of behaviour.
Written by Schadenfreudian about 10 months ago.

I feel your pain and frustration. If this is what’s meant by “it’s a man’s world,” no wonder why men are avoiding marriage like the disastrous losing proposition it is. Both of my brothers went through something similar. They each thought they knew their wives, and that they were loved…but then, for both, right around the 10-year point…disaster.
Written by Arthur W about 10 months ago.

First, calm down here and Ill see if I can help. Dad need not be afraid to contact Child services if he feels the kids are in danger while with Mom or whoever. Now the custody/visitation decree should state that the kids be turned over to Mom and be with her on non visitation weekends. She cannot just turn the kids over to anybody. dad needs to obtain copies of the police reports showing a violent nature with the new guy and any current or past records of history of alcohol dependency. What dad wants to do here is to catch her in a big mistake. Although hard to prove if he could show the kids were coached to lie in court would help him tremendously. But without any records of violence or alcohol problems with your son, he doesnt have much to stand on and most of what you wrote above unfortunately is hearsay at best. Dad just needs to get ready to get down in the trenches, dirty and willing to fight for those kids no matter what it takes. Good luck and Happy Holidays
Written by Donna about 10 months ago.

My dear heart when I hear of such things being done to a father it is so awful but have your son try to find legal advice and help with a lawyer that has experience in such cases where the father`s were abuse because it is going on everywhere the courts are always willing to side with the mother but it takes a cool head and patience and know your rights and the law to deal with all this your kids are of age to speak for them selves and tell them that if they find themselves in any situation that may bring them harm they should speak up call the police on their mom if have to it may be the wake up call she needs to get it together the only reason I say this is because I heard it on tv or read it somewhere and the children were eventually given to the father so please do some research online for what a father can do and the options available
Written by Nancy M about 10 months ago.

Your son needs to hire an attorney and get custody of his children. The children shouldn’t be living with a woman who is abusing them and that can affect them for years to come. He needs to have the children talk to the lawyer for proof of their abuse and the children will not lie when it comes to being abused. Your son needs to let the attorney know everything that the mother has done to him and to the children. If he has no money for an attorney he can try Legal Aide.
Written by Just Me about 10 months ago.

I have a few suggestions. Please excuse me for rambling….

I would highly recommend calling Social Services. She is trying to put your son in a bad light, and unfortunately, it seems to be working in her favor. Though people are afraid to call Social Services, I think you have plenty of reason to. You need to let them know that you are concerned for the children’s welfare.

I would also recommend that your son starts documenting EVERYTHING! Text messages are admissable in court, as are voicemails. He should start documenting when she’s not there for drop-off by sending a text that says something like ‘I am here to drop off the kids, but you are not home. When will you be back?’ If she calls back, let it go to voicemail. Judges will listen to it! If text messages just won’t work, then maybe he can call the local police dispatch to explain what is going on, so it is documented. I’m not sure if they’ll get that involved, but it couldn’t hurt to try.

The most important thing is that your son complies with any orders that are in place and documents everything he can. He needs to show that he wants to be compliant with the orders. Any straying outside orders should be documented in a journal – dates, times, reasons, etc.

Oooo… another thought – what about a video camera??? He should carry one around with him while he’s taking care of drop-off and pick-up. As necessary, he can record the time and her late arrival on film. Also, he can video tape her bringing the kids and explaining on tape that she is dropping them off by her own wanting.

….the documentation of the police calls to her house should really help his cause here. Those children’s lives are so important, that it may be in everyone’s best interest to get a top-notch lawyer and file for custody. Don’t be intimidated by Mother’s rights – this is about the kids. No expense should be spared!!
Written by Earl about 10 months ago.

i think your son should go to social services and find someone to help him get full custody
Written by Melissa about 10 months ago.

Anytime your son has a problem with the ex he either needs to file a police report (like if she’s not home for him to return the child) or he needs to take her back to court (like file for full custody if cops are being called to her house for a domestic disturbance). Your son needs to be a torn in the courts side. Squeaky wheel gets the grease.
Written by T about 10 months ago.

There should be police reports filed that are a matter of public record and should be available at the police department. If you call the non-emergency services line, you should be able to find out how to get copies. If they seem reluctant, you can get a lawyer to get them. The police reports show a pattern of domestic discord and maybe a pattern of alcoholism and violence.

Your son could secretly audio record the phone and in-person conversations they have, but check with a lawyer on your state’s laws first. Get a video, if you can without her knowing about it. Get unrelated people to witness the crazy.

If your son is returning the kids, he should be on her doorstep, maybe taking a small video and saying the date, time, and giving a picture of the front porch, the doorbell being rung and not answered and a view of the empty driveway. If he does this multiple times and downloads it all onto a tape or cd, that would all be good evidence of what really goes on. If any of the children are physically abused, take pictures. If they went to the hospital because of her abuse or neglect, get the x-rays and other records.

Make sure your son does not say anything mean or hateful or argumentative toward the ex, especially in any recorded material! He needs to stay calm and reasonable at ALL times.

The reason for the above is that judges hear allegations all the time between parents. Many are false. They don’t know who to believe. If you give them hard evidence of her voice, her image, letters in her handwriting, video of her absence at drop-off time, etc., a judge can have something real to go on.

Get a good lawyer. Get evidence and non-relative witnesses. Give the judge every reason to believe you by collecting cold hard evidence that tells your story. Anything that can tell your story in the form of evidence is what you want.

What judges hate is when two parents bicker constantly without proof and put their children in the middle of a horrible situation.

I hope this helps you–good luck with helping the children.
Written by alialoggi about 10 months ago.

Your son needs to document on a calendar, when he tries to drop off the kids, and she isn’t there. He needs to text her, “I’m waiting in your driveway….I’ve been waiting for you for 20 minutes, 40 minutes, 3 hrs., etc.” He needs to call her to prove that he made calls. All of these things can be verified by phone records. You need to be careful that you don’t paint her out to be a horrible mother, for inconsequential things like never taking them on weekends (it doesn’t make her a bad mother). No court will take her custody away from her, for not choosing parenting time on the weekends. He needs to be smart, and document, and the courts will hear him. My mother in law wrote a 6 pg letter about me, and submitted it as evidence, during our divorce arbitration. Basically, the courts expect the mother in law to side with her son. Be careful of your opinions of abuse, in this situation. Establish a paper trail, not an opinion trail. It will just make you look over bearing, so don’t do it!
Written by regjoeschmo about 10 months ago.

Document document document….. the courts routinely ignore the DV against men because it woult interfere with the billions of dollars funneled through VAWA… This makes it that much harder to prove when a woman is violent or even verbally abusive, the state does not like to part with its funding. She also sounds like an alienator… It would do him well to look into this and find some local support groups via yahoo groups…..

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my son”s ex-wife was a violent, adulterous woman. she left to live with another man,?

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