My son is 18 and I feel helpless?

27/01/2011 admin 13 comments

To make a long story short, my son has been drinking and smoking pot since 8th grade. I’ve tried everything. He’s been in “juvey” three times but nothing seems to have an affect. He started college but quit and now works usually from 4-10. By the time he gets home at night I’m ready for bed and that’s when the party starts. I find empty bottles and cans and paraphernalia all over my garage almost every morning. He can’t afford to get his own place and his father, my ex-husband, has little part in his life. He, too, is an alcoholic and pot user. Short of involving the police and legally having him removed from my house, what else can I do? I also have a 15 year old son who is bound to be next!

ALCOHOLISM TREATMENT feel, helpless

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Written by Thank You about 1 year ago.

Military
Written by Little miss can't be wrong. about 1 year ago.

involve the police, if he is still behaving this way then you have not been consistent enough in your discipline. the simple answer here is it is your house so DO NOT ALLOW it ever.. I know you do not want him in jail but better in jail than dead from careless behavior.

it’s called tough love and it is never easy.
Written by Revin about 1 year ago.

It sounds as if u’d b to nic.

Kik his but a lil.
Written by Ricky M about 1 year ago.

I used to party all the time, too, until one day my dad threw me out and said he didn’t want to help anymore. I tried the usual whining that I couldn’t afford to live on my own and he said he just didn’t care. He asked how I couldn’t afford rent yet I could afford dope and alcohol.

I lived on couches for a few weeks, then had to get a crappy apartment. There was little money to party with so l had little choice except to grow up.

My dad told me it was very difficult for him and my mom to kick me out, but in the end it was the best thing they ever did. I eventually went to college and now I am a Certified Public Accountant.
Written by Terry about 1 year ago.

Tough one, if your sincere pleading does not get his attention, you’ll have to go outside for help. He’s been to juvey 3 times and that’s not changed him, he’s 18 a hitch on the “pea farm” will change him, for either the better or worse. Sorry for your predicament.
Written by tim m about 1 year ago.

talk to him and ask him to start thinking about getting his own place. that will plant the seeds of responsibility.
Written by frnd chet about 1 year ago.

deal with him with a calm situation .
being helpless is not the answer.
talk to some relative of yours who can make your son behave in proper way.
if this does not work then take help of police ’cause your younger son might follow his footsteps as brothers have profound influence over each other than parents do.
before this also try to make his stay inconvenient in your house so that he will automatically be tempted to go away from your house.
Written by Shristee about 1 year ago.

wow thats so much like my boyfriends brothers.
Well one- whys he doing all this? could it really be teenage life? maybe his having so manny troubles and pain in life that the only way he can escape it is using pot and drinking.
or his point of view in life has changed. he might like it more becos his dad does it, and i feel bad for your younger one becos his going to start doing it too if you dont handle him.
Talking to your son probably wont work, but main thing is finding out why he does it so much and fixing that.

i really hope it gets better soon.
Written by iliana about 1 year ago.

we know letting go hurts but you have to for the sake of you and your younger son
start by cutting him off easy and give your younger son more attention cause eventually your older son will reach rock bottom and you ca not help him unless his willing to help himself you have to let him fall(hard) and keep going until he decides to start off by helping himself get up. try to involve your younger son in extra curricular activities so that he will not fall in the same path.
Good luck and have faith!
Written by Seth C about 1 year ago.

Your story is my story with a few exceptions:
1) My son spent a night in prison. It scared him so badly he started going to AA, which has helped him a lot.
2) In spite of the fact he is better, he was still stealing from us, so we kicked him out. We helped set him up in an apartment with a sober roommate. So far, so good.

One thing that you need to get to is Al Anon.For over 55 years, Al-Anon has been offering strength and hope for friends and families of problem drinkers. It is an astoundingly great program of parents just like you who meet together and strengthen one another.
Written by dman63 about 1 year ago.

He’s an adult. Tell him the party’s over, and he has one hour to move his stuff out. Then you’re changing the locks.
Written by Lola about 1 year ago.

Let them do whatever they want to their lifes.
If they know they are going to die from smoking and drinking then ok.
they can learn from their mistakes!!!
I have a 14 yrs old daughter that is free to do watever she wants with no punishes or things like that.
She is not a s l u t and never going to be one.
Written by Mitch about 1 year ago.

Your attention needs to be on you 15 yr old. The 18 yr old you need to lay down the law & if he doesnt go by it—HES OUT!! & stick to it. Hes an adult HELLO!!! So the “party” starts when you go to bed, then don’t go to bed & take his Sh*t & throw it away, you have got to get a back bone, you could end up loosing your 15 yr old if someone finds out you are allowing this to happen @ your house, you can get in trouble also. Is it worth it? He needs some tough love BIG time. You are condonning his behavior, what is that teaching your 15 yr old. He will walk all over you to you’ll see. Wheres the respect? Please stop allowing him to get away w/it. Get some advice from alanon & AAA. You need to talk w/someone that can help you & be a good support system for you. Your 15 yr old could probably use some one to talk w/too. I know you feel hopeless but what are you gonna feel like when both kids are doing the same thing, & not respecting you & walking all over you, it will feel worse then, right? Getting the cops involved might be your only option??? And it might be a good wake up call for your 18 yr old. But if hes truly addicted then he will have to hit rock bottom on his own before he will see it & you need to prepare yourself that he might never hit that rock bottom???

Take care of YOU & YOUR 15 yr old!!!!

God Bless

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