My roommate situation?

12/11/2010 admin 11 comments

I moved in with my best friend on September 21st. I fell behind on my rent and had to move out of my apartment and she had just broken up with her girlfriend and had thrown her out. I live with my fiance and my 3 year old son. She has a large 2 bedroom and had never lived alone before. So, it seemed like a good situation.

Well, the day we were moving in she starting talking to her girlfriend again and they were trying to work things out and she said that the girlfriend would move in on October 16th and we had until then to find a place. That was fine with me, the situation was only going to be temp. at any rate. Then the girlfriend started coming over all the time about the same day we moved in and on that Sunday the girlfriend moved back in. I was never close with her girlfriend and don’t really like her since she has a drug problem and stays sober for about 2 months then goes on wild binges and causes my friend a lot of grief. But, I was always kind to her and never gave her any attitude.

Any way my friend set down a lot of rules, saying she didn’t like a mess in her house (which is fine). And that everything should always be in its place. I bought groceries for the house, made sure that all household things (laundry soap, toilet paper, trash bags, etc.) were taken care of and paid her $100 a week. And we clean up every day. Mostly I stayed in the bedroom. And of course my son goes to sleep around 8 every day. So through the week they didn’t see much of us.

One Saturday she came to me and said that her girlfriend feels crowded and rattled off a list of offenses we had done: My fiance watching tv in the living room a lot-apparently they didn’t want to ask him to leave the room (I’m at work and don’t get home until 6 or 7 most days and leave at 7 in the morning-so I don’t see what he’s doing when I’m not there). Another was my cooking every night. I felt that one was stupid. Of course I cook, everyone who knows me (she’s been my best friend for 10 years) knows I love to cook-but I always cooked for everyone and they were always eating what I cooked. Plus, we are saving up for our own apartment so how the heck should would we be getting fast food or eating out often-that’s too expensive. And the other was my leaving my lunchbag on the kitchen table (I take my breakfast and lunch to work and pack the bag at night) I don’t want to leave it in our room because I don’t like having food in a bedroom.

I got upset because I don’t want to stay anywhere I’m not welcome. Plus, I felt like she was the one who changed everything by getting back with her girlfriend. I understand couples work things out most of the time. But, she was basically saying that we were impossible to live with because of those ‘bad’ things we did. And that wasn’t fair.

During this time I also got my car towed away and it’s been crazy getting myself to work and my son to daycare. My friend has let me use her car about 4 times-which was very nice. The other times I found my own way to work.

I told my roommate we’d be out by the end of this week. Which is going to put me in a bind because this week was the week I could finally get my car back. It’s not her problem, but I think she’s not a true friend and I have no interest in talking to her after we move. To say the past few weeks have been stressful is an understatement.

I just feel like she should have been upfront with me and said, “hey, this is too much for me, I’m not able to help out anymore” Instead of, you guys are impossible to live with because you cook, your fiance is watching tv and you leave you lunchbag on the kitchen table. Because if those were the real reasons she’s incredibly petty.

My sister tells me to look at it from my friends point of view. No one wants their mate upset in their own home. But I’ve seen my bestfriend through a lof of relationships and I don’t think this girl will last. And I feel like she’s putting her before our friendship. When this girl goes on binges I’m the one my friend calls to complain to. And I’ve seen my friend through some rough times AND I gave her a place to stay when her last girlfriend kicked her out. And I feel like that was VERY cool of me since we had stopped talking because she was always ditching plans with me to be with her girlfriend. (I don’t care if you want to be with your mate, just don’t make plans with me and then not show or answer your phone-that’s disrespectful of my time and not what good friends do).

So, basically I just want other mature opinions. I’m the type of friend and relative were if someone needs me, I’m right there, right away.

Thank you for your time.
Yes, my fiance has a job. The crazy thing is that his job takes him on the road some weeks and last week he was gone from Monday until Thursday night. So he wasn’t even there at all most of last week.

ALCOHOLISM TREATMENT roommate, situation.

Comments

Written by mrs_rosene about 2 years ago.

Your friend is obviously in the wrong here….But, since it’s her place, there’s nothing you can do about it, unfortunately.
It’s too bad she had to get petty, but that’s what often happens when you move in with someone. It’s like you see another side of them, one that doesn’t really make sense to you.
As for putting her girlfriend before you…I’m sorry dear, but that’s normal.
You’re going to be better off not living with her anyway.
Good luck to you, and remember that things always work out in the end.
Written by Jm e about 2 years ago.

Well, although it was very petty of her, it is her place and you are doing the right thing getting out of there as soon as you can. You are going to need to decide if this is the type of friendship you want to have. It seems rather one sided. But I doubt your friend is going to change.
Good luck.
Written by mangomuslei about 2 years ago.

Your “friend” is not being fair to you. I am very sorry. It seems like you are doing nothing wrong. That is so silly that she is upset about your lunchbag and finace watching TV. I think it is best to cut off contact with her after you move. She seems like she has way too much drama in her life….plus, your son doesn’t need to be around all that craziness and drugs. You and your fiance should move and try to start your own life. I am sorry about your friend, but she just seems like her life is full of unneeded drama
Written by greeneyedgirl<3 about 2 years ago.

I’ve been in your situation and it’s tough. I advise all of my friends to be careful because it really is difficult to live with friends. Sometimes it seems everything they do can get on your nerves. And 9 time out of 10 it ruins the relationship which really is a shame. I say just realize your friend is being petty. Get your own place you’ll be much happier. And let the relationship cool for a few weeks then let her know how much she hurt you. Hopefully she will appoligize! GOODLUCK!
Written by mary k about 2 years ago.

Sorry to hear that. I would move out of that house. If this girl leaves her again-as hard is it is gonna be try to stay out of it. I would think to myself is she even a friend anymore after saying all those things-which is totally cause of the girlfriend. Good luck!
Written by Dre' #24 about 2 years ago.

Here’s my opinion on the thing:

I think your friend isn’t being exactly a good friend. I think she wants to look for reasons to kick you out. I think i remember reading, that she hardly sees your family so its seems you wouldn’t be a burden. If she wants you gone then she needs to sit down with you and say something about it. Not try to come up with excuses such as “Oh you cook, your fiance watches tv, and you leave a bag on my counter”
Its not like your destroying her house, or not contributing to anything in the house.
You should go up to your friend and ask her directly “Do you have a problem with me?” you shouldn’t lose a friend over something that could be fixed.
You on the otherhand, have done nothing wrong nor you should feel like you have. You have great character
Written by Here to helppp . about 2 years ago.

woww .
i say get your own place
Written by monmichka about 2 years ago.

Sounds like you need to find some different friends. There’s too much going on with this girl. You may be well served to distance yourself from her as much as possible.
Written by Jennifer about 2 years ago.

It sounds like your friend is going to have to find out for herself that this girlfriend of hers is nothing but trouble. No use reasoning with her, and telling her NOW will only make her think you are mad because she wants you out. Sorry to say, but it may be time to bump this girl down a few notches on the friends list. She is only using you when the going gets tough, but she seems to be unable to hold up her end of the bargain when YOUR going gets tough.

I think your sister is making sure you are seeing things from her side, but your sister probably doesn’t know your “best” friend like you do.

Get out of there and worry about yourself. Distance yourself from this girl. She has obviously changed since you became best friends.

By the way, sounds like you are engaged. I suggest making your sister the maid of honor since this friend seems to be so disorganized. If the relationship gets worse, don’t even bother inviting her to the wedding. Don’t need whatever new druggy fling she has coming along. It is YOUR wedding. You should have a pleasant day.
Written by Holly about 2 years ago.

Your friend is what she is—nothing you can do about someone whose head is so far up someone else’s a$$ that she can’t see what she is doing. Chalk this one up to her feeling overcrowded and behaving like a junior high school girl.

You seem calm and thoughtful—just do what you have to do and leave. You had some time to regroup while you stayed with her. But since it has obviously become stressful for everyone, it’s time to leave.

And now you know your friend better, don’t you?

p.s. does your fiance have a job?
Written by tetlitea about 2 years ago.

You are completely in the right. From what you said she gave you 3 weeks and then decided since the girl came back that you had to go now. I think you’re better off struggling a bit and leaving now just like you said. When things go wrong for her again just remind her of how she treated you when she comes back, and she will come back if you were as good a friend to her as you say, pity she could not reciprocate. You don’t need friends like that. Good luck to you.

How Do I Get My Son Off Drugs?

My roommate situation?

Comments

Recent Posts

Categories

Tags