My fiance blames me for killing my son that I lost to SIDS. Why?

07/01/2011 admin 12 comments

I lost a baby boy 5 years ago to SIDS. It has been a struggle for me. I am now engaged to a different girl. There seems to be a serious problem with her but I don’t know how to put my finger on it to fix things. Our relationship was great for a couple months. Then she suddenly started getting angry, aggressive, violent, and insisting that I was a meth addict. Everytime she came back home we were okay for a couple days, and then suddenly I would say something that would make her angry, and she would start accusing me of smothering my baby, sleeping while my baby died, using my dead child as an excuse. She says I don’t care about him because I am sad that he died, she says that if I really gave a **** I’d talk about his life, even though that is hard because of trauma. She tells me that my son died purposely because he couldn’t stand to live with me. Just like my fiance claims she feels, and that’s why she needs to leave me. Someone please, what is going on? Am I really as messed up as she says?

DRUG REHABILITATION blames, fiance, killing, lost, SIDS.

Comments

Written by MC about 1 year ago.

I doubt it, this sounds like a very toxic relationship. Anyone that is capable of being that cruel to you is not worth your time. Violence is NEVER okay whether it is a male or a female doing the abuse(emotional abuse counts too)
Written by Jay-Cub about 1 year ago.

The only thing happening here is you, your upsetting yourself and sometimes we all need a little reassurrance, you lost your baby to sids you didn’t do anything wrong buddy, dont beat yourself up about it! your fiance is very manipulative from what I can understand, you didn’t kill your baby, your not a messed up person, don’t worry my friend!
Written by -J- about 1 year ago.

Kick that bitch out! WHat the hell is her problem? You had a traumatic experience and don’t deserve to be tormented for it. She doesn’t deserve a person like you, it was a son, and it was only 5 years ago. She can either learn to live with it and be sympathetic or get the fuck out.

If this is how she behaves, you shouldn’t want to marry her.

Good luck.
Written by мegan about 1 year ago.

Well, being someone who was a SIDS baby, I think your fiance has some issues that she needs to work out on her own. She obviously has no idea what the heck SIDS is and the various ways it can happen. For example, a baby can die from SIDS without anyone being in the room, which is basically how I almost died, five times, when I was a baby. I had severe acid reflux & it was to the point that I’d stop breathing just so it’d stop hurting. Annd I’d stop breathing long enough that my heart would stop & I came close to death several times. I was put on a heart monitor till I was a little over a year old.

Anyway, try to do some research on SIDS babies and find some cases that talk about how the baby had passed on. Show it to her and try to get it into her (seemingly narrow) brain that SIDS can take place in the most loving of families, and not even touching the baby. And if she is too set into her ways and assumptions, personally I’d leave her if I were you. She has absolutely no respect for a grieving parent and she is narrow minded and quite immature. I know you love her, but potentially she has some issues of her own that she needs to get checked out before she settles down into marriage.

Good luck!
Written by mommy of twin girls about 1 year ago.

I realize that she may be going through a grieving process but it is no excuse to put you through this! Pack up and leave that part of your life behind, it’s the only way you will ever be able to move on. So sorry about your loss.
Written by ~*~AsHiEs~*~AuNt~*~ about 1 year ago.

wow, shes crazy and sounds like she needs serious help. and you need to get the hell away from her. she does not need to bring your child into this. and Im so sorry about what happened. it was not your fault. sids cant be prevented. really your fiance, sounds like she could be using drugs. everything you are saying she does is a big sign of drug abuse. leave her
Written by Evan's mom is due again on 12/24! about 1 year ago.

I think that it is a sad situation, if she cannot understand your way of mourning, she needs to go. Its not fair for her to treat you as disgusting as she is. What she is doing is traumatizing and abusive. I hope you are able to feel better and hope you are able to find a more healthy loving relationship like you deserve.
Written by Hannah's Mommy about 1 year ago.

personally i don’t know you so i can’t say if your messed up or not. sids happens to anybody & its nobodys fault!! don’t let her blame you!! i say if shes treats you like that now maybe she’ll be worse when ya’ll get married & thats something to think about! you don’t wanna be stuck with somebody who is constantly going to be throwing the death of your son in your face!!
Written by Kelsey about 1 year ago.

because she’s mad at you. it sounds like you are mad at her too. maybe you two should f*** the s*** out of each other and release that anger
Written by Mz Manz about 1 year ago.

i wouldn’t marry her.
If she loved you she wouldn’t say things like that and she would understand its to painful to talk about your son.
Written by Kim about 1 year ago.

Why are you still with this person? She is very emotionally abusive. If she really believes what she is saying then I would think she would have left you ages ago. I can’t imagine marrying someone that I thought killed their child.

It sounds like she has some real issues and I would get out.

I am so sorry for the loss of your baby. I can’t imagine how you feel. If you think you aren’t dealing with it very well then I suggest you go and find someone to talk to.

Good Luck,

Kim
Written by ♥☺Austin: I'll never stop writing about 1 year ago.

I’m so sorry to hear about your son. That has to be rough. I think that’s pretty immature of her to say things like that. That’s too toxic of a relationship. I mean, if you smothered your son, you wouldn’t be feeling the way you are. And it might be hard to talk about his life, but it could be therapeutic. I honestly think that she’s just not the girl for you. And no, you’re not messed up like she says. You’re grieving over your son. That’s completely normal. Again I’m so sorry to hear about your situation.

How Do I Get My Son Off Drugs?

My fiance blames me for killing my son that I lost to SIDS. Why?

Comments

Recent Posts

Categories

Tags