Moral Question Child Involved Alcohol (not given to child) FEEDBACK PLEASE!!?

11/08/2011 admin 9 comments

Basic Info:
My ex is in her late 20′s, she’s a recovering drug addict (cocaine). She’s a bit volatile and has some serious personal issues, including being sexually abused by a family member. She has two children. One of which is mine. Ever since our split where she attempted to take her life, she has been in the court, fighting for custody with myself and the other father. In addition to that she was living with her mother in a ranch out in the country.
At first she was able to keep the eldest as long as she wore an ankle bracelet and passed random drug/alcohol tests. And my lawyer negotiated alternating weeks with our child. One week me one week her.

The summer:
Her eldest went to vacation with his father and his family in may. As has happened every year before he spends the entire summer and then returns about a week before school starts.
In the meantime her goal was to get an apartment. The worst thing she ever could have done in my opinion. Soon she was asking me for money for daycare for our son, her youngest.
Because she had to pay for the week he wasn’t there. I gave it once that’s it. After all i had to pay for the week he wasn’t at the daycare he attended when he was with me.

Apartment Life:
I visited her apartment a couple times, hell i helped her move in. We had tried working it out off and on, but nothing solid ever materialized. In fact we were supposed to start going to counseling today. Anyway, she started hanging out with a pair of lesbians and taking my son with her. My son has told me that the one lesbian really hurt his feelings because she told him that he wasn’t cute. In addition to that, he has told me, of his own free will no coercion needed, that his mother routinely drinks with these women. Now that is a blatant violation of our temporary visiting agreement.(don’t remember the exact name for the document). In addition to that she’s been claiming that i’ve molested him. Which only brings back memories of when she was using. I’m worried. I’ve even found beer in her fridge and texts telling her to go to the bar. If anyone has ever done cocaine or know of people who have, drinking and cocaine often go hand in hand.

New information:
I wondered why it was that the eldest hadn’t returned one week before school started. She lied to me and told me that they were going to pick him up two days before school started. B.S. Turns out, two weeks earlier she failed three alcohol tests and the court demanded that she sign the child over to the father. I haven’t gotten my hands on this agreement and the only reason i know that it took place is because the grandmother of the eldest has a relationship with my mother. My mom called to see what happened. That’s what we found out. Not to mention

TRO:
In light of this new information and the evidence i’ve seen and my son has witnessed, i have asked my attorney to get a restraining order put on her. as this is my week. I’m not sure if I can get him to do it in time. But I hope so. And I’m going to push for me to be custodian.

My questions:
Due to the fact, that I don’t know the whole situation, am I doing the right thing? Could I be over reacting? Or is this just God telling me that something is going wrong and my child may be in danger? Does anyone have any thoughts or comments?
All great answers. First response, I agree with. However my attorney is always so damn busy. As far as my son being an “informer”, that’s not the case. I try my best not to ask him any questions about his mother. But he offers up information. It seems at least to me that he had his feelings hurt pretty badly when that woman told him that. I’m pretty sure he wasn’t being cute, but that’s just not right to say that to a child. I appreciate everyone’s comments/opinions here. I guess the main purpose for me was just to get the feeling that I wasn’t doing the wrong thing here.

Thanks.

ALCOHOLISM TREATMENT alcohol, child, feedback, given, involved., moral, please., question

Comments

Written by Tino about 9 months ago.

You should ask your lawyer. Not strangers on the internet
Written by Rebecca about 9 months ago.

I am sorry you had a child with this woman. You are doing the right thing, she didn’t pass the alcohol test – and who knows what else – she is not capable to have her older child, so why should she have her younger one? You need to take full custody. She seems to have priorities over motherhood. I think she was fighting for her kids for financial reasons, so she can get free money from the tax payers to pour down her throat.
Written by Tanya about 9 months ago.

Wow, that is a really crappy situation for your son, and for her older son as well. I think you are doing the right thing for your child. She will get irate about it, but you cannot consider her feelings right now, your main concern is your son, and what is best for him. Good luck, I hope your situation works out for the best. Maybe if she lost them both it would push her into rehab, which is what she probably needs.
Written by Hisamazingwife about 9 months ago.

Your child has been in danger since the day he was born from this woman.

You need your attorny to try EVERYTHING he can to have this child in your custody asap.

Have you considered an emergency protection order? calling the cops?

do you call your son when he’s with his mother?
I’d cal each night just to say goodnight and make sure he’s ok. If anything makes you worried, you have every right to call the cops.

do what you can to get this child into your home for good.
Written by Whitney about 9 months ago.

First, I agree with the first response: ask a lawyer if you want accurate legal advice. But, for the sake of giving an opinion, I’d say that based on your wife’s history with drug abuse and her current habits, your son seems like he would be much safer with you as guardian than your wife. And it seems as though you would not have much issue in court getting full custody either, given all that information. If you want what’s best for your son, and you can afford to care for him, you should seek total custody. If your ex goes to rehab and appears to be making a valid effort to turn her life around, then reconsider the agreement at that time.
Written by Messykatt about 9 months ago.

Not only are you doing the right thing, it’s way overdue. I’ve been a substance abuse counselor and there’s no way an addict should be drinking (from a substance standpoint). Add in the legal ramifications and it’s a no brainer that you get that kid out of there now.

The one criticism I have is that it sounds like your son has been the “informer” and this needs to end. The info on the drinking may be helpful in a legal sense, but he’s got enough problems without being a pawn in this mess.

For these reasons, make sure your attorney gets this done for you by the next visitation. Don’t pose it as a question – place it as an order, or even an ultimatum if you have to. Restraining orders don’t take a week.
Written by spinner about 9 months ago.

if there is any way in the world you can get your son away from her DO IT. I’ve known alcoholics personally, I quit alcohol in 1983 and haven’t had a drink since. I know a lot of people don’t believe in church but if you could get your child away from her try to find some one who at least would be willing to take him to Sunday School. I don’t know any cocaine user but do I need to I’ve seen what it can do. and the lesbian situation is another thing, especially if they don’t like him. Your son is in grave danger and you have to be his lifeboat. If money is the problem there sould be a place nearby that will supply you with an attorney based on your income. But I would start right now. And don’t give up until a judge rules against you. You have an obligation to your son.
Written by April about 9 months ago.

when it comes to my son, i do whatever i have to do to keep him safe. if i was in ur situation i would be raising hell, she would probably never see her son again. i no u think he needs to see his mom and be around her, but not if shes doing the things u say, especially infront of him. keep ur child away from her.
Written by Dave about 9 months ago.

Eh. You can always make another one.

How Do I Get My Son Off Drugs?

Moral Question Child Involved Alcohol (not given to child) FEEDBACK PLEASE!!?

Comments

Recent Posts

Categories

Tags