My boyfriend that I have a child with has a drinking problem, and he won’t change his ways. We have a 14 month old son together and I don’t trust him to watch the baby by himself. We recently had an argument (about his drinking) and he decided to move out because he thinks we “won’t be together forever”. The only thing that I have a problem with is his exsessive drinking, other than that he’s really great. Is he leaving us because he is choosing alcohol over us, or because he wants an easy out? Any thoughts would be helpfull!
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Written by ♥ about 10 months ago.
He seems like an a*shole that is not worth your time. He will never quit drinking unless he truely wants to—which he obviously doesnt. I cant tell you why he is leaving—maybe a mixture of the two? I couldnt tell you for sure because I dont know the man. He isnt worth it tho, im sure you can find better!
Good luck!
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Written by maxine about 10 months ago.
both wants his alcohol and hes sick of you
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Written by Beefy Cheeks about 10 months ago.
“he decided to move out because he thinks we “won’t be together forever”.”
Well, lets see here… you had his baby and never got married to him.
Obviously he has no plans of marrying you and doesn’t think you will be together forever, so perhaps you should try investing yourself into a man that makes a life committment to you BEFORE you have their baby.
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Written by Becky W about 10 months ago.
It’s the relationship that he’s leaving for, not the alcohol, sometimes breaking up is the hard way out not the easy.
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Written by nobodys home about 10 months ago.
my bf has a drinking promblem and it comes first.he has lost a lot of gf because of it..the last had 2 kids with him..you and the baby come last..as for my self..i don’t i come last because he comes last on my list .diff not the marrying type
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Written by MR.GPH about 10 months ago.
He may stop drinking if he leave!….did you think about that?
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Written by Katie M about 10 months ago.
You SHOULD have a problem with his excessive drinking if he’s taking care or even being around your baby while drinking.
My daughter’s ex was a stay at home dad. She came home for lunch on day and smelled alcohol on his breath. There was spilled wine on some of the baby’s clothing so there was no doubt it was being consumed around the baby. She called work and stayed home the rest of the day checking out day care facilities. She was not about to leave her infant with a drunk. And she’s my hero for doing what she did. -
Written by nicepuddin about 10 months ago.
Probably both. You can’t fix him if he is an alcoholic and he is doing you and your child a huge favour by moving out. I think you should try to move on and leave him to his own devices. He has said he sees no future with you so let him go. Don’t try to build something with an alcoholic who doesn’t even want you. If you feel you want to be with him you need to seriously ask yourself why you have chosen this person and why you are clinging to someone so emotionally unstable and unavailable. Don’t put yourself and your child through years of unhappiness: Get out now.
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Written by letterstoheather about 10 months ago.
He has an illness. It’s called alcoholism.
Until he admits to the problem and realizes he needs to quit drinking to get his life together, he won’t get along with anyone… believe me i know. I’m a recovering alcoholic. Skewed thinking is part of the package, and it doesn’t just affect the alcoholic, it affects everyone in his life.
The best thing you can do is take care of YOU and that child… and try Alanon — a support group for those of us whose lives have been affected by someone else’s drinking. Alanon holds meetings in most communities in the united states. You can also find them online.. they have a website, and there are some online chats as well. i’ll post links.
I’m sorry – i know what a struggle it is to be on your side of the fence, and his.
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Written by nobody about 10 months ago.
Alcohol addiction is a sickness. It is not necessarily his choice to beat it, but it is in a way. He has to decide to get help, because nobody can beat it by themself.
Unfortunately, it usually takes something traumatic to happen for an alcoholic to realize they need help.
If he’s the one who already chose to leave you and his son for the booze, something really bad may have to happen for him to change his ways.
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Written by Metagrobolized about 10 months ago.
He is addicted to alcohol–it is a disease. He is choosing the easy way out by denying that he has a problem. Honestly, there is nothing you can do about it. The best option for you would be to tell him how you feel in a calm rational way and see what he does.
If he still wants to leave, let him. There is nothing you can do about it (I know it’s hard, but it is what you have to do for your SON–it’s not about you anymore). The next step is to establish custody rights and make sure he only gets supervised visitation (a judge will agree with you on that if he has a drinking problem; particularly if he has a past with legal trouble, i.e. DUI or anything else.)
I hope he turns himself around, but don’t take it personally if he doesn’t.
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Written by jalapenos about 10 months ago.
good luck sweetie ive been battling this with ny husband for 6 years he is getting better but then he starts again and goes on for days but my husband is mexican and i truly believe its in their blood but you might threaten him with AA and see if hes willing if not and you love him then try to ride it out as i have and it gets easier but its ALWAYS THERE waiting to reemerge good luck
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Written by Amanda about 10 months ago.
alcoholics can’t just quit drinking. well some can but most can’t. most need help to stop. he needs AA meetings and maybe rehab. i’m speaking from experience. after my husband was killed in iraq a little over 2 years ago i started taking prescription pain pills to try and numb the pain and got addicted. i couldn’t have quit without rehab even if someone i loved asked me to. it’s a very hard thing to do. it’s not that he chose alcohol over you and your baby, it’s that he doesn’t have a choice. try finding him some help. if he won’t go, he’ll just have to hit rock bottom and then he’ll find help. i’m not saying wait around for him forever, but give him a chance to get help before you give up on him. good luck!
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Written by Mary Lou about 10 months ago.
Please follow LetterstoHeather’s advice. Al-Anon is the place you need to be. Your boyfriend/father of your child is an alcoholic and he needs to get sober before he should be any kind of influence on your child’s life. And if you know anything about alcoholism, all he needs is an excuse any excuse to drink. So he’s not ready to be a father, or a boyfriend.
When/if he becomes sober, be prepared to find out that the man is not the one you knew. Sobriety changes people and if he finds it, his personality will not be the same as the one induced by alcohol. Good luck! And please try Al-Anon.
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Written by a.mcmillan2008 about 10 months ago.
omg!!just wondering if beefy cheeks is doctor phil?wow hey doc.yeah go with his answer for me 2
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Written by Kristin S about 10 months ago.
You know I think this is the perfect place to turn to for this sort of help. No better place for serious life questions than yahoo answers. You were right to come here and not some quack psychologist. What would some trained relationship professional know? But enough of my congratulations, here is the answer you were waiting for. He probably left you for the drinking, but here’s the kicker. He probably drinks because he’s with someone who thinks total strangers will provide insite into how to solve relationship problems. Quite the conundrum I know. And a word of advise. If your child, whom you’re know the soul caregiver for, begins to choke, dial 911. Don’t come here for the solution.
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Written by Rina about 10 months ago.
Kristin S is a real jerk! I’m sure you just came here for some friendly suggestions! That’s why this site exists! BTW Kristin, it’s not “soul” caregiver… go back to college! I agree with most of the ppl, that he needs to find help for himself first, you can’t make him change.
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Written by Barb Outhere about 10 months ago.
Answer – YES he is choosing the Alcohol over the chance of a relationship and a family. YES, it is the easy way out. Unless he changes, this is the best you will get.
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