My son’s father has a cocaine problem, it was never brought into my house or done around my son or me, I told him he had to stop or would lose his family. He seemed to really want to kick it, he left for work one day and I haven’t heard from him since. I don’t know if he is alive or in jail or if he decided to get clean and needed time away or what. I am confused as to what to do about it. If he is and has been in jail should I take him back if he is clean? Or should I just let it go…we have been together for 6 years so it is hard to just turn those feelings off. He was a good boyfriend and a good father. I know when you are addicted to something so bad that your judgement and priorities are all out of whack, but I am just wondering what to do…I love him more then he knows and want my son to have his father, but only if that is what he wants too, he doesn’t have to be in his life but my son loves his daddy…any advice would be good!
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Written by Fancygal about 1 year ago.
If you truly loved him you would have turned him in so that he could get the help that he needs. Whether or not he would hate you for it depends on how much he truly loved you! As for finding him, I would check with all his friends 1st then go to the places he normaly would hang out. If you don’t find him and nobody has heard from him, call the cops and get a missing persons report. He may have gotten bad drugs or made a bad “Deal” and is hurt somewhere. Be honest with yourself and don’t let you or your child suffer for his mistakes. Move on if you find him and he won’t quit or get help. He is killing himself , don’t help him dig the grave!
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Written by Ron T about 1 year ago.
I’m sorry to hear about your problem, but once someone is involved with drugs its very hard for them to kick the habit, you may need to file a missing person report with the police, I can’t imagine anyone just leaving love ones, and not contacting them. When he’s found, or come back make a ultilmatium with him….family, or rehab! Good luck.
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Written by Carol R about 1 year ago.
You are a co dependent, or you wouldn’t even be attracted to him. There are many 12 step programs that can help you. Look up cocaine anonymous in the phone book. Attend some open meetings, learn about drug addicts and addiction and find some co dependent meetings or counciling. You will be better prepared to answer your own questions.
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Written by quietman about 1 year ago.
Addiction is a life long battle. If you really love this man, you are going to be hurt repeatedly if you stay w/ him. Cocaine is one of the easiest to kick, but without physical withdrawal symptoms it’s not as frightening to pick up again. You need to set boundaries for your sons sake. He is the one who needs protection.
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Written by Courtney A about 1 year ago.
if your b/f is willing to get help and beat his addiction and you want to be with him then work it out. drugs make a person something they are not. it totally changes them and makes there brains work in a destructive way. if you need to talk just email me @ courtney_armer21@yahoo.com i know how it is and how horrible you feel
my husband had a meth addiction and did so many stupid things. we lost everything and had to move in with my parents. 4 months he didnt have a job and just did crank. finally he hit me and i called the cops. that was 2 months ago and he hasnt touched it since.
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Written by fiona s about 1 year ago.
If he wants to continue being a good father he’ll get back in touch some time. Perhaps he is trying to get off drugs. Do you think that that is a possibility? Has he talked about that?How long has he been missing? Do you know his relatives or friends? Some body should be able to tell you.Even if you just ask them if they know if he is ok( they may have been told to deny any knowledge)
You told him he had to stop or he would lose his family. Perhaps you need to be tough with yourself now and get on with life without him. If he is on cocaine it will only be a matter of time before he is on something stronger. Do you really want your son to be involved with that??
More questions than answers I’m afraid. Your best hope is that he is trying to get himself clean. In the meantime try to get on with life. Good luck! -
Written by Frost about 1 year ago.
if you love him, and he does show up again…try to get him into detox! if he doesn’t agree to that..honey, you need to pull away from him. DONT enable him to continue being selfish…addiction IS selfishness, yes its a disease..but its a disease with a treatment out there and he needs it!
he needs to know its either the cocaine or his family, he can’t have both.
you need to prepare yourself for the fact that his addiction may be VERY strong, and that it may take years for him to bottom out and want help. but you CAN’T be his friend/wife and continue to ignore his problems…its VERY hard.
but your child deserves to grow up without that “ugliness” in his life. i would hope that he could have a clean and sober dad in his life, but if he cant…then your bf needs to stay away! kids pay attention to what their parents are up to. do you want your boy to get hooked on that stuff…because he wants be be like dad, or get dad to be in this life even if it means he has to do cocaine with him just to get his attention? I’ve seen this happen over and over again. addiction is a horrible cycle.
i know you love this man, i hope to god he cleans up for his son’s sake. but if he doesn’t…protect your son from the ugliness that has taken your bf hostage! -
Written by just me about 1 year ago.
This is a very difficult situation you’re in. First, you need to find out where he is. Is he in jail, at a friends house, in a hospital? For yours and your sons sake, find him first.
Of course you love him. But, what good will come out of this when he decides to not quit? You need to be the adult here. You need to think about your son’s welfare. If your son’s father is under investigation and he has the stuff on him, in your home, without you knowing, you could be in trouble with CPS. Your life will be a mess. Your son’s life will be a mess. It’s hard to compete with this department. They’ll be in your life for quite a long time.
I’m not saying leave your man, but do give it time for recovery. You need to be strong for you, him, and your son. Tell your man that you’ll back him all the way and help him get healthy, but he can’t be around you or your son while he’s still doping. Be firm. You’re doing this because you love him.
I wish you the best of luck in this journey. It takes a very strong person to travel this road and I commend you.Good luck
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Written by Jeffrey R about 1 year ago.
He’s most likely on a binge. Try to support him if he returns. IT absolutely the worst addiction other than heroin.I swear its the devils drug. Been clean for 14 years now, and have to live with what I did to myself. Get him to see it’s just a feeling that’s all and you don’t need that when your sober. The love of you and the boy is the only help. Try to tell him it was just a mistake you can forgive him for, and hope you can turn him around. My thoughts go out to you !!
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Written by praitul about 1 year ago.
He was not a good boyfriend or father. His cocaine was more important to him than you or your child, can’t you see this? Your son is only going to learn that drugs are acceptable, and that it isn’t important to make a comitment for a family. You should forget this guy, and find a real man that is going to look out for his family, not an addiction. I was once like this guy, only with alcohol. He is not going to change because you or your son want him to, he will only change when he wants to. This is not good for you or your son, please move on.
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Written by futurebtmfdr about 1 year ago.
There are a few of the previous posters that, quite obviously, have never felt the pull of addiction. I have. To say that, if your boy’s father is on cocaine, it’s only a matter of time before he’s on to something stronger- is premature, and naive. That depends upon the addict. While it is true that addiction changes the way the user thinks, with cocaine, that change can be reversed. I know from experience. (I’m soon-to-be a law student, and I’ve been SQUEAKY clean for over 10 years, now.) My advice: Go on with your life. If he shows up again, tell him he can see his son, but only if he stays “clean”. If he is clean, and you want him back, it IS possible for the two of you to have a happy life (the other circumstances of your relationship, notwithstanding). That is your call and I’m not qualified to advise you, there. However, either way, watch yourself. Your son deserves the very best you can give him. If you have questions as to whether you can trust his father, it is better that you move on with your life and find a man your son CAN trust. Good luck to you. If I can be of further help to you, you can e-mail me by adding “@yahoo.com” to my nickname.
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Written by melissa_froggies about 1 year ago.
Tell him you have been there for six yrs and its not fair to you or your son to have to live with his addiction also.Tell him he needs to check into a clinic and stay away from all the people he used to hang with so temptation is not soo great.Most of all pray for him,i will pray for your family God will help you if you let him.Know from experience,thats how my husband was able to stay clean,he got involved in church,and people that helped him.Good luck God bless:O)
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