I’m 19 and my boyfriend has a 3 year old son. He expects me to help him take care of his kid a lot…?

19/10/2010 admin 9 comments

I don’t mind helping my boyfriend take care of the small things, but I’ve been thrown in to the mommy role over night. We’ve been together 5 months and his son calls me mommy. Sometimes I get overwhelmed, I am not used to being around a kid 24/7. also his son has emotional problems. his mother is a meth addict and he often freaks out screaming/crying/throwing a fit for no reason and is hard to control. I’m very patient with the boy and nice but I just feel like this is too much responsibility. any advice on how to cope? tips to make things smoother?
the child actually has emotional problems….We are supposed to get him in to counseling because he freaks out so bad. it’s not normal toddler fits, it’s a result of an unstable life

DRUG REHABILITATION boyfriend, care, expects, Help, lot..., son., take, year

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Written by Mark J about 2 years ago.

And what did you expect? Your BF comes with a son. It’s a package deal. Don’t expect that to ever change. If you are not ready – and understandably so – to take on that role, then you have no choice but to end the relationship.
Written by 8r!d9!+ about 2 years ago.

Your boyfriend should understand that it is not your place to take care of his son if you don’t want to. You’ve only been together a short time, and you’re not his sons mother. Try telling the boyfriend that you don’t mind helping but you’re not sure if you want to raise him per say? That it’s a bit overwhelming right now.
Written by claygal about 2 years ago.

You have to think long and hard about being with this guy. You are only 19 and should be having fun with guys who don’t have families. Don’t try to be this child’s Mom if he calls you mom remind the little boy of your name. You are not this little boys parent and shouldn’t try to be.
Written by diamondgirl8216 about 2 years ago.

You are not his mommy, and there is no reason why you should be having ANY responsibility for this kid, you didn’t help make him! It’s nice that you are helping him, but of course you feel overwhelmed, you are too young to be having children of your own, let alone someone elses. I dated a guy when I was 21 who had a 3 year old girl and he had full custody of her. We eventually split up because I didn’t want the responsibility of raising a child that young, even though he barely ever asked for my help, we couldn’t go out and do the normal things that couples do at that age. I was purposely waiting to have kids until I was older so that I COULD go out and have fun when I was young. I’m not telling you to break up with him, but if he’s already being like this, like you are the built in mommy, what’s gonna happen in 2 years from now when you are stuck at home with a troubled 5 year old and all your friends are out partying? Let him deal with his responsibility.
Written by Farty McFly about 2 years ago.

It’s inappropriate for him to call you mommy. Your boyfriend should have nipped that in the bud by saying, “No, thats JENNY.” I think the fact that he didn’t is manipulative towards you…to make you feel responsible and guilty. Also, he’s willing to hurt his kid to do that to you. (As in if you two break up the pain the kid will feel at losing his “mommy”.) That is very irresponsible parenting.
If you two are engaged, then I would say that you would be expected to start co-parenting then. Not before. Otherwise your boyfriend is totally taking advantage of you for free babysitting.
You need to talk to your boyfriend and tell him in general how you’re feeling…about being expected to be a primary caregiver and the mommy thing. Then set parameters of what you are and aren’t willing to do, and stick to them. Personally, I would only go on dates with him when he has gotten a babysitter and came to my house to pick me up without his son. Then maybe once a month the kid could come on an afternoon outing with the two of you. Dating (whatever you want to call the period hopefully leading up to engagement) is about you and him getting to know each other, not about him getting a free nanny. Honestly if I was in your situation I would break up with him. He doesn’t sound like a good person (although I know everyone has good points).
Written by Jillian about 2 years ago.

screaming crying and throwing a fit sounds like almost any 3 years old at times. he deffinately shouldn’t be asking you to do the major roll as he is not your child, you’ve only been together for 5 months and it might just push you away from him. also the kid might get attached which isn’t good if the relationship ends. if he wants you to do all these things just tell him no. if he becomes single again he needs to be able to do it himself. i wouldn’t mind heloping with some thing but at 19 i wouldn’t be made to play the parenting role with someone else’s kid for them
Written by M2S about 2 years ago.

I think you should either adjust or rethink your relationship with your boyfriend.
Written by Ivy G about 2 years ago.

It is understandable that you don’t want to take care of a 3 year old at 19 years old, but if this isn’t something you want to deal with at this point in your life you should do both of you a favor and break off the relationship.

So the real question is do you want to learn to cope, or do you want to be somewhere else at this point in your life? You do not owe this to your boyfriend of 5 months. It is not your child and you can still leave.
Written by saxcat about 2 years ago.

Honestly, you have to make a hard decision. Your BF has a son. That’s not going to change. And thank goodness he is an active part of his son’s life, because it sounds like this poor little boy’s mom is a mess. You need to decide if this is something you can handle. If you love him, then stick with him and get used to playing mommy. If this is too much for you, you need to bail now.

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