Hi, this is really complicated. Umm, let me start from the beginning of the relationship. So when I was 15 years old I was told that I had PCOS and that I most likely wouldn’t be able to have babies. When I was 17 I was getting out of an emotionally abusive relationship and one of my co workers offered to let me stay at her house for a weekend (cause my ex wasn’t leaving me alone). I ended up hooking up with her son who was 24 when I was 17, we were like friends with benefits and then a month later I found out that I was pregnant. We quickly then changed to boyfriend and girlfriend. Needless to say I was never in love with him, I have been with him for 3 years now. I am now 20 and he is turning 28 in June, I really want to leave and I have attempted to a couple times but every time I do I get guilt trips and lectures from my family and his family saying that the only reason I should ever break up with him is if 1) he’s heavily addicted to something like drugs or alcohol 2) if he is abusive physically or mentally or 3) if he cheats on me. Which none he has done. He is your typical nice guy, he is a very good father and bread winner. I just am not in love with him at all. I am one of those kind of girls that HATE to hurt people, so when I tried in the past and he would start crying and crying and get really depressed and then that would make his family even more mad at me so I would end up coming back to him. And also people would tell me its not about what I want anymore its about my son, and I love my son more than anything and so I would totally live my whole life with his dad if thats what was best for him. I just don’t know what to do. I know couples counseling wouldn’t work cause I know that I’m not in love with him. This might be TMI but when he wants to make love I never kiss him through it, I always turn my head and try to think of something else and usually I am on the verge of crying the whole time. Now he doesn’t know any of this, as far as he knows we are a happy and in love couple. What should I do? Stay with him for the sake of my son or leave? and if you say leave, what should I tell both sides of my family without getting the “your only thinking of yourself and not your son or Jeremy”……PLEASE help me cause I feel like I have no one I can go to cause my family and his family immediately go to his defense. And whats the best way to break it to him so he will understand more and not be so hurt. Also, he is my best friend I want him to be in me and my sons life I’m just not romantically in love with him, so either way its going to be really hard for me…..Thanks for all your input and support.
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Written by H R about 1 year ago.
my gut feeling is that you have a fixation on NOT being in love, and feel emotionally trapped, and that is stopping you from objectively looking at the life you have and the family that you have and the positive aspects of these. Have you considered what it would be like to be without these things and indeed would you be better or worse for this? There may indeed be a freedom if you left but would your life better? Sorry more questions than answers, and indeed you do affect the lives of more than yourself in staying or going – please think carefuly and objectively. I hope that you find your happiness again.
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Written by sunshine! about 1 year ago.
okay
what i tell you, you wont like.
you need to end it. it isnt about him or your family, its about you. it is noones fault but things will just get harder trust me.
my mum didnt like my dad for years. she hasnt been in love with him since my sister was born and she is 14 now.
we are gonig through a very hard time because my mum had decided to leave my dad
this isnt going to turn out good either way but the sooner you leave him the better it will be for everyone
it will probably be the hardest thing you have ever done but you need to be strong.
as you and your child gets older things will get more complicated.
you can email me if you want to chat
xoxo.nadine.xoxo@hotmail.com
i have msn too
xx -
Written by Bunny7 about 1 year ago.
I married a man I wasn’t in love with…but with time I deeply fell in love with him. I am a little confused because you said you two were “best friends” and from that beginning is where most special loves come. Starting as friends is a pretty good insurance policy that you have what it takes to build a good marriage. So what is it exactly that keeps you from being romantically in love with him? There are millions of examples of good and powerful marriages that did not begin with romantic or “love at first sight” bells ringing! Actually our ancestors (many of them anyway) would laugh at our new day definition of “love” because they chose who they were going to marry based on “other” things, NOT butterflies in the stomach. But you can research family history or history itself, and it leaves you with no doubt these people LOVED each other. Love has a lot of branches that compose the tree!
You need to think about this seriously, because if he is THAT GOOD, you have something millions of women would LOVE to take off of your hands!
Don’t JUMP OUT…not quickly anyway. Something ELSE is going on here…I know it. Life gives us a lot of twists and turns before we become settled. Are you wishing for a kind of love that may not really exist? Are you restless with dreams you think you cannot have while married? Is the age difference making you uncomfortable? I guess you have to dig deep and find your answer as to what is preventing you from feeling love enough to MAKE love happily with this “winner.” Surely you have lived long enough to SEE PAST any physical things that might “turn you off” because having someone who is good, kind and caring should be able to create enough “warm feelings” to fuel the fire!
I think you must do some work on YOURSELF and your feelings and evaluate them well to make sure you aren’t going to make the biggest mistake of your life, because it sounds like that is VERY POSSIBLE. You are still very young and can be led astray by thoughts that are not based on reality, but on fantasy. I am 99.9% sure if you take some time and work on your inner self to find some answers, there will be a day you can make love with happiness and with THIS MAN!
Ride out the storm and instead of thinking about bailing, find out WHAT CAN MAKE YOU WANT TO STAY…then do the work to make IT WORK. It sounds like a winning propostion to me.
Give love a fighting chance!
Bunny7
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