I spent two weeks with my son earlier this Summer. Of course, I pay my child support each month and all that stuff. Still, I live about five hours North of him, and I don’t see him every day or even every week. I was homeless for four years, and now I’m not homeless any longer. I can’t seem to get my driver’s license, because I don’t have the money to pay the $800 fine. I’m sort of in a tight right now, and I don’t know what to do. My son is ten years old, and I’m afraid we’ll end up copying what happened between my Dad and I. I never spent a lot of time with my Dad either. I love him and all, but he’s past 70 now, and I feel we lost a lot of time. I know it wasn’t my fault, but I’m afraid I’ve become my Dad. My son lives with his mother, and I don’t have the financial means to move back down south of the State. I just don’t want him to think I don’t love him. I mean, I feel like we don’t even know each other much. I bought him a big computer for his birthday in June, but I know money doesn’t buy love. I use to be an alcoholic and drug addict. Then I got saved–Born Again–and I never drank again or did drugs. I just feel like I’ve lost a lot of time. What should I do? It doesn’t seem like I can be the Dad I want to be. It’s like we have separate lives. I just feel like I’ve failed with my son. I just hope he knows I love him. I hugged him when he was here, and he hugged me back. His Mom is a Liberal, and she runs an entirely different type of household. She’s a California girl, and I was a Georgia boy. I just hope things work out where maybe my son and I can one day have some sort of constant communication. Life is tough, you know? Right now, I’m just trying to get situated financially, you know? Maybe get a real life–right? Just wondering if anyone is going through the same thing, and how they cope with being so far away from their child. Makes you feel guilty, ya know?
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Written by Marley Paige is Due 1/27/09! about 1 year ago.
One thing you can do to stay in your son’s life is consistent phone calls. Make sure you call him enough to check up on school and life in general. One question I have is, if you were able to afford a big new computer, how can you not afford a $800 fine to get your license and visit your son? When it comes to loving a child anything is possible.
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Written by Jennathom about 1 year ago.
I can answer this with a different perspective – being a girl who’s father wasn’t in her life cause drugs and alcohol were more important to him. I saw him when I was 14, and even though the visit went ok, I held so much anger that a continued relationship wasn’t possible. He has continued to get off and on drugs for the last 15 or so years. That amongst other things keeps me from having any relationship with him.
However, you seem to come across totally different – you have stopped and seem to be trying to do better and do right. The idea of phone calls is nice, and I would do that when you can. My other suggestion – write letters – write what comes from your heart and let them be however long you want them to be. Tell him about you, your childhood, your hopes and dreams. Your hopes and dreams for him. Being ten, and about to enter teen hood soon – he may not be receptive or respond much, but honestly – don’t stop. I can almost guarantee you that he will save every letter, and cherish them – maybe more when he is older, then he will now. But it definitely will show you care and that you are trying to reach out. That’s all I remember wanting. My dad was never there for my childhood and what I remember wishing when we talked when I was older was for him to ask me what my childhood was like – what did I do, who were my friends? etc… Ask these questions to him in the letter. Pens and paper don’t cost much either. And there is something about a written letter that sadly is missing from email. These are things from you he will always have that are personal and with your personal touch.
Do not give up – even when, or if, he resists. As teenagers we try to push away, but it means more to us than you realize to not stop pushing.
Good Luck
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