I married a greedy selfish and lazy alcoholic, we had a teenager and I think I am hurting my son with this?

07/09/2010 admin 6 comments

I have been “married” for 16 years, I never loved this man, I hardly had sex with him after signing the “marriage license”, I was pregnant when we signed it.
After leaving him and comming back trying to make the situation worked for several ocasions, the only affected has been my teenager son.
Now, that I had spent all my savings trying to save, house, cars, bills, and even him from jail for having 3 dui’s and suspended Drivers license, he is treating us worst and worst and worst. I have no means to get divorce, since I am unemployed ( he is too)
We hate each other and I notice that he does not love my son, he never never never never talk to him, just mumbres Hi and bye.
He is his son, but neighbors and classmates think that my son has a step-father because the way he treats him: he ignores his son completely, unless he wants some of what my son is eating, my husband even dares to ask for it).
please help me
I am desperate, he stole my life because of my weakeness, my compassion towards him, my stupidity, my fears,
please let me know if there is a posibility
thank you

QUESTIONS ABOUT SON'S ALCOHOLISM alcoholic, greedy, hurting, lazy, married, selfish, teenager, think, this

Comments

Written by Seosamh Pádraig (Joe) about 1 year ago.

Get a job — any job, and get the feck out of there.
Written by Jazzmin27 about 1 year ago.

Yes, you are hurting your son by still living with this man. Just move out and get a job, your son deserves your protection and your love.
Written by Steph about 1 year ago.

There is always a possibility. Marriage counseling for starters, maybe have him attend A.A. meetings to get his drinking under control. You didn’t just get pregnant and marry him because you couldn’t stand him. Im sure at some point you had strong feelings of love for him. You just need to remember that. Communication is a big part of marriage also.
Written by mellie about 1 year ago.

This is kind of rambling, which means you are very emotional right now. The thing is not to use the term “ever” or “never”. You must have loved this man at some point – because otherwise why would you stay with him for so long?

Kid or no kid, you guys need to talk. If he won’t, it’s time for an intervention. But you have to calm down. I know you’ve had enough, and it might very well be time to walk away. But times are tough, so be sure you have a job and a plan before getting out.

You need to talk to someone in AA about this – it’s pretty bad. It’s destroyed your family and is making you hate him. He can accept the help or not, but at least you’ve done what you can. The rest is up to him.

But don’t waste any more time blaming him. He won’t change unless he wants to, ultimately. In the meantime, get your $hit together.
Written by CBoniqua about 1 year ago.

After 16 years, you really must be a special person! And no, you are not stupid.

I keep hearing that you don’t want to hurt your son, but that is exactly what you are doing, and so is his father. I’m not going to say that the divorce isn’t going to have an impact on him in some way. I think more has to be done so that there is not a doubt in the world, in your mind or your son’s that you did all you could do.

I am an alcoholic, I have a disease. That is what you have to know about your husband, and know that there is nothing you or your son can do anything about it. Your husband has to be the one to do it, and unless he is willing, you might as well call it quits now. Before you do, just know that there are things that can help him. Rehab and AA are my suggestions.

Now to the fact that he has to want to do it. Believe it or not, your husband hates himself more than you could ever hate him. We do things not because we want to, but because we are sick. We lie, manipulate, cheat, steal, whatever it takes to get that next drink, not so much that we like it, but because it helps us to forget how miserable we are. And the cycle just gets worse and worse. Your husband has issues that he has never been able to face. But take my word for it, when the drinks are gone, the issues are still there! I hated my life and myself so much, but yet could not stop drinking no matter what. I finally decided that I needed to do something, or just go a head and kill myself. That’s basically what I was doing. I went to rehab, and then started going to AA meetings. They have shown me that is wasn’t my fault, I was born that way. Remember it is a disease, just the same as cancer is a disease. Their steps have been around since 1935, and every major addictive program uses the steps. From over eaters to sex addicts. It does work for anyone who is willing to admit they have a problem and is willing to try.

In the mean time, whither you decide to stay or not, there is Al-Anon. It is for the family members of alcoholics. You and your son would greatly benefit from the meetings.

I hope this helps. I know it’s hard, but give your husband an ultimatum to either go seek help or he will lose his family. Be firm. At this point you have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

I’ll think positive thoughts for you and your family.
Written by Nana Butterfly about 1 year ago.

You have no foundation in your life, no work, and no family as a support safety net.

To solve your crises, your going to need to seek AA and look for some other family member ( sister, brother etc. ) to lean on for support and possibly move in together. Many bury them selves in their work in situations like this, and your going to just need to find work to solve your lives nightmares.

Good luck!

How Do I Get My Son Off Drugs?

I married a greedy selfish and lazy alcoholic, we had a teenager and I think I am hurting my son with this?

Comments

Recent Posts

Categories

Tags